Liber Ptooie-Pting-Ptang

1)  Hear these words o' Charlatan followers of Those-Who-Claim-They-Are-
    Dieties-But-Are-Really-Just-Marsupials-Out-For-A-Night-On-The-Town-Who-
    Dress-In-frilly-Underthingies-And-Dance-The-Wee-Hours-Away-To-Disco-B-Sides
    for they are the words of the unbelieving bent on drawing the
    righteous away.
2)  Anyone who's anyone knows that the Beaver is the God of All.  Here,
    the history is just.
3)  In the Days of creation there was a great muck.  
4)  And from this muck rose a dam.  
5)  And in this dam there lived the Beaver.
6)  The Beaver was wise in the ways of the world (even at so early a state 
    as though it was) and ruled the other species in relative peace.
7)  Then came the squirrels and chipmunks, their legions dropping upon 
    the Beaver great nuts of various sizes and weights.
8)  The Beaver in his Grace and Exhalted State bit down the trees and
    plunged the squirrels into the muck.  
9)  The Dam grew.
10) Then from the north came the shrews with malign tendencies and beady 
    eyes.  
11) They worked their wiles on the Beaver's troops of Otters and 
    "waterkin."  
12) And Yea, the Beaver was not to be thwarted by such whoringly 
    conduct, and cast the shrews into exile, blinding them during the 
    daylight hours and forcing them into service as his harem.
13) More trees were toppled to account for the extra shrew harem.
14) The Dam grew.
15) Then, on the seventh festival of the Beaver and the Bear (an age-old 
    kinship rooted from the easy fishing from Beaver ponds), a badger 
    nailed the Animalist Papers to the Beaver's Sacred Shrine, 
    proclaiming that all animals had the right to believe "whatever the 
    hell they wanted" (Animist Papers  33320:28,9).
15) The Dam was split.
16) The Clawsades ensued.
17) Though holy, it was the bloodiest war fought among the legions of 
    the world.  
18) The Beaver fought valiantly, and many converts were made from the
    heathen badger-mongers.  
19) The one great downfall was the Betrayal of the Bear.
20) The Dam bear.
21) The bear, always an ally of the Beaver, was the leader of the mole 
    footbeasts and the otter marine troops.  
22) Upon Bear Mountain, the bear turned his troops against themselves,
    otter killing mole and mole killing otter until their numbers were so  
    diminished that there was no hope when the bear attacked.  
23) The bear had always secretly scorned the Beaver, 
24) And lo this was the bear's way of destroying the Beaver faction.  
25) That is also the reason that the bear is, even today, a 
    ridiculed beast in the Beaver world.
26) The Dam prevails.
27) The Beaver beat the bear in the Stream of the Beaver, and humiliated 
    the bear in front of the badgers.  
28) And Yea, knowing that there was no hope for Its own animals, the
    Beaver made a pact with the badgers that allowed them to freely
    practice their own beliefs 
29) Just so long as they didn't hanker in the affairs of the Beaver.
30) Thus the badgers, knowing the judgement of the Beaver was sound,
    allowed this concession.
31) The Beaver, having saved Its animals from more death, went on to rule
    freely until... 
32) The Dam outsiders.
33) The Wombat and the Chinchilla, dancing merrily in the mists came to 
    the Valley of the Beaver.
34) They, under the concession of the Proclamation of the Badger, had the  
    right to create a new religion.  
35) And lo it was not long before this religion began to spread and grow
    like many of the earlier polecat cults, though with much more
    persistence.
36) And to this day it is thus
37) Revel in the following of the Beaver.  
38) Do not follow false divinity.  
39) He with the Teeth will lead us to salvation.  
40) Each of us must find the Dam, for the Dam is the protector of us all.

1)  Oh foul creature of darkness!  
2)  Thou darest to slander the Most Holy Wombat and then thou art quick to  
    follow it up with blasphemy
3)  Thy claims that there is another greater and more fair than the Most
    Holy Wombat.  Pray that He is more merciful than I when your final
    judgement approaches. 
4)  The beaver's mistreatment of his brother squirrels and chipmunks was a 
    sin in the eyes of the Most Holy Wombat.  
5)  And lo a punishment was needed for the beaver's transgressions
6)  Thus it was that the Children of Wombat were blessed with nuts, so
    that they might rain down upon the evil beaver.
7)  The beaver was jealous of the 'waterkin' and lusted after the
    Daughters of Wombat.  
8)  Using his powers of deceit he lured many of them away, corrupting them 
    with his sin.  
9)  This perversion of his Daughters angered the Most Holy Wombat, but in
    his wisdom he did not strike down the beaver.  
10) From the wilds did come a prophet
11) A rather hairy and ferocious prophet
12) Sent to teach the children of thier wrong-doing and lead them back
    unto the light that is the Wombat.
13) This badger was a most humble creature and cared not for the teachings
    of the beaver and the bear.  
14) The Most Holy Wombat looked down upon him and was glad.  
15) Appearing before him, the Most Holy Wombat charged the badger 
    with bringing the light of the Most Holy Wombat back to his wayward 
    children.  
16) And lo the badger was a bit creative and a free thinker
17) Thus he posted the Animalist Papers so that the Children of Wombat
    could be shown the error of thier ways.
18) Lo the battles of the Clawsades brought death and suffering to many
    of the Children of Wombat 
19) The bear grew weary of such horrible sights
20) For surely this was not the way of the Most Holy Wombat, to kill ones  
    brothers and sisters with such impunity.  
21) Yea and then the light of the Most Holy Wombat shone upon the soul of the 
    bear and he understood the error of his ways.
22) And yea there was much dancing
23) And the dancing was of such exquisite beauty that only the most worthy
    of servants can bear to see it and live.
24) For the lands of dreamtime are full of such beauty 
25) And yea, those who are not worthy of the vision find that living here
    is too difficult 
26) Thus many are desirous to return to the arms of the Most Holy Wombat
27) Listen not to the words of the heretic beaver
28) For he wishes only to lead you from the light that is the Most Holy  
    Wombat
29) Yea only pain and misery lie on the path of the beaver
30) For he is desirous that others will join him in the murks that are his  
    life so that he may make others as miserable as he
31) It is only through the pockets of our bretheren that we may one day
    return to the lands of dreamtime and bask in the glory of the Most
    Holy Wombat.

1)  And lo the Most Holy Wombat did look down upon our world 
2)  Yea and he did see the many enhancements that women had made unto
    thier bodies
3)  And he did say <DWEEFLE!>
4)  For the Most Holy Wombat doth appreciate the niceties of female bodies  
5)  And lo it had been many seasons since he had observed them in detail  
6)  And thus it came as a surprise to him that so many had opted for 
    upgrades.  
7)  For yea it is written somewhere
8)  In the eyes of the Most Holy Wombat natural beauty is more pleasing,
    but there is no sin in choosing to improve that which you have been
    given.