In the first new breakthrough in months, researchers at the Institute have translated another fragment of Liber Nonsequitoria, the Holy Bibble of the Children of the Wombat. This breakthrough came only through months of intense efforts and hard drinking - it is estimated that taxpayers in the US alone funded the purchase and consumption of nearly $30,000 in tequila. Yet these costs pale in the light of the importance of this new development.

Here now, for the first time ever, is Liber Twiggle vel G'dawful. It has much to teach us all. 

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1.  And lo, the Wombat came forth out of the lands of Splut.
2.  He ridest upon the sacred VW Microbus and eateth many Fritos, and spake
    not
3.  For who can speak with a mouthful of Fritos?
4.  And he removeth his (...) and his (...) shineth in the sun, for he
    hath worn sunblock.
5.  And the road was unpaved, yea, unto the point of bumpiness
6.  It maketh his bladder ache.
7.  (...)
8.  And they sayeth, "Oh no, surely he hath soiled our upholstery."
9.  And here they stoppeth the Microbus, and did eject the Wombat with great
    force.
10. He tumbleth forth and landeth upon his fuzzy arse, yea, his fuzzy arse.
11. And they driveth away, leaving him without his Fritos, for they smoketh
    (...) and (...) munchies.
12. And the Wombat grew cross, and did twiggle upon a nearby fig tree.
13. Behold, the tree droppeth over, scattering its fruit nigh unto 
    Poughkeepsie.
14. And here the Wombat did say [dweefle].
15. And many sages heard him, and came rushing forth to transcribe his
    squealings.
16. "What saith thou, oh Lord of the Burrow?  How goest it?", and the sages
    did (chortle bodaciously?) unto one another.
17. Again the Wombat saith [dweefle].
18. "What meanest thou?", (...) the sages, "Speakest thou up.  We are old and
    hard of hearing, and thou hast fallen and cannot gettest thyself up, yea,
    though thou knowest where lieth the beef, and thou hast 3 minute eggs
    and 8 minute abs and buns of steel."
19. And the Wombat grew (...) and did twiggle upon the sages.
20. And lo, fluffy towels did fall from the sky, and slew them the the
    saccharin bear that ridest them.
21. And there was great joy, and (maple syrup?) was poured forth liberally.
22. The Wombat partaketh not of the maple syrup, for who amongst thee would
    take unto himself maple syrup with the taste of Fritos still in thy
    mouth?
23. Nay, thou shalt not eat thy Fritos with the sap of trees, nor with
    the Sauce of Soy, nor (...) in a bucket.
24. Art thou mad?  Perhaps thou art pregnant, for if thou followest not this
    law, most holy unto The Wombat, thou shalt arouse suspicion in thy 
    fellows.
25. They shall look upon thee and sayest unto one another, "Behold!  George
    is knocked up!  Yea, he hath been taking it (...), verily."
26. Thou carest not?  Fine.  Don't listen.  Just saith not unto The Wombat
    later that ye were not warned!
27. But back to our story.
28. Having twiggled upon the sages who cometh of (...), the face of The
    Wombat betrayed serenity and relief.
29. The sages saith unto him, "Thou hast twiggled upon us, and we liketh it
    not.  Thou hast some nerve.  Art thou so (...) that thou thinkest ye can
    twiggle upon us and we shall not beateth thee most grievously with
    blunt instruments?"
30. And lo, the sages did pick up the branches of the fig tree and maketh
    The Wombat take flight.
31. Alas, The Wombat is not a fast runner, and they bludgeon him repeatedly,
    and also give unto him many splinters in embarassing places.
32. And The Wombat saith unto them in a (...) [dweefle]
33. Lo, he falleth down, and slippeth he into a mild coma.
34. And the sages did look one at another and wipest the blood from their 
    hands with the aforementioned fluffy towels.
35. And they pondereth the meaning of the last [dweefle] that came from The
    Wombat before he lost consciousness.
36. And they did write the words upon a shred of (pelt)
37. And so it was written:
38. Take unto thyself a condominium, and dungest it about with motors of fun.
39. Takest four such condos and invest thou wisely in a timeshare that thou
    may move from place to place upon thy stumpy little legs.
40. For in my Father's housing development he hath many condos, yet he hath
    decorated them the same that he may confuse the (...).
41. And thou shalt fill thy bedroom with cold spaghetti, and wear gelatin
    upon thy head, that thou shalt remember thy covenant with me.
42. Ventureth not into the lands of the Sacred Lazy Susan, for it might spin
    and maketh thy children to vomit and waste all the Fritos they hath 
    consumed.
43. And thou shalt place in thy condo an altar, made of shittim wood (wipeth
    thy grin from thy face.  Shittim is perfectly good wood.).
44. And its measures shall be 3 cubits by 4 inches by 12 yards, and it shall
    have within it a juicy potato.
45. When thou worship me, take thy potato and fling it about, and scream
    incoherently until thy neighbors complain unto the authorities.
46. Only then shall ye droppest thy potato in thy bathtub, and thou shalt
    call after the potato a name.
47. And I shall givest unto thee this secret Name of the Potato.
48. Have patience; don't rush me.
49. Just one more minute... I have another call coming in.
50. Lo, I must call thee back, for it is long distance.
51. 
52. The above line hath been left intentionally blank to symbolize unto all
    the wait of the sages, who entertained themselves by reciting verse
    and playing with their (Game) Boys.
64. 
53. Lo, it is me again, The Wombat.
54. Now, where left I off?
55. Ah, yes, The Secret Name of the Potato.
56. Proclaim unto all My children that the Name of the Potato is (...)

Holy Works