1.  And lo, the Wombat was wroth.

2.  Odd, because he looketh not Jewish.

3.  Speaketh he in short sentences.

4.  Yea, short.

5.  And the heavens did part.

6.  Seest thou Dick run?

7.  And a voice did come from the sky.

8.  And it did say exactly what is in the next line.

9.  Verbatim, even.

10. "Lo, I am GOD, thy FISHSTICK.

11. Thou shalt eat no other prepacked food but me.

12. Thou shalt dippest thy FISHSTICKS in tartar sauce.

13. Thy Swedish Meatballs shalt thou pitchest.

14. If thy Enchiladas Suizas offend thee, throw them out.

15. If thy shoes are too small, take them back.

16. Walk softly, but carriest thou a big FISHSTICK."

17. And the Children of the Wombat were perplexed,

18. For they combined stripes and plaids in their garments

19. Which the Wombat hath said is a fashion no-no.

20. And lo, the Children takest off their clothing

21. And they did stand about naked.

22. And one among them, named Elzaflingle, did speak up.

23. "Kisseth my lowest regions, thou Wombat,

24. Kisseth you them even that doth smile vertically."

25. And she walketh away, and nothing interesting came to pass.

26. And the Wombat heard her not, but continueth to sleep in his lair.

27. And the mountains did not quake, nor did the waters boil.

28. There were no reports of large numbers of insects

29. The first born did not die.

30. The number of frogs was proclaimed nominal by the experts.

31. And there were .65 inches of rain, which was normal for the season

32. Lo, it did rain for 40 minutes and 40 seconds.

33. But no-one among the Children buildeth an ark,

34. Which certainly was not of wood and pitch, nor  900 cubits long.

35. And so the world was not destroyed, nor was anyone punished.

36. Very little mana fell from the sky.

37. The Wombat didst not descend unto hell, for he was napping.

38. Really, I say unto thee, nothing much went on.

39. And the Children of the Wombat did look bored and somewhat silly.

40. And the Sage Thwack found them, bringing with him a blanket and a box
of HoHos.

41. Thus spake Thwack unto the Children of the Wombat:

42. "Coverest thyselves up before thou catchest pneumonia, thou drunken
laggarts!  I needeth not to view thy genitalia, nor to see thy greasy wide
buttocks!"

43. Lo, a miracle did occur, and the one blanket became many.

44. And Thwack gave the blankets unto the Children, saying:

45. "Thou art an idiot.  What didst thou expect to happen?  There were no
frogs or locusts or rivers of blood or dead babies or bowling balls raining
from the heavens and bonking thou on thy noggin.  Here, takest thou one of
my HoHos and rejoice."

46. And the Children cleaveth unto the HoHos of Thwack, and ate of them.

47. But none of them had milk.

48. And lo, the Children were sloppy eaters.

49. Many a HoHo was needlessly smeared about.

50. Some of the Children did things contrary to the laws given by the
Wombat with their HoHos, and thus came to be known as the "creamy center
freaks".

51. Others nailed their HoHos to nearby trees and proclaimed them idols

52. And this was called "The Hostess Heresy".

53. And many found creative uses for the chocolate cake and fudgy icing.

54. And the Thwack did speak again, for Thwack speakest often in this Holy
Book.

55. I bet you're wondering what Thwack said.

56. Lo, I shalt not telleth thee this.

57. So there.

Holy Works