Ronilion to Eon, "Are you sure this is what you want to do?"
Eon on the roof of the building peers down over the side. "Absolutely. It's fun. JoAnne is keeping score and Luddington offered to bring up the bricks." She drops one over the side carefully. Screams and yells are heard.
Ronilion looks over the side and sees Krass dimly spread eagle and tied down over a bullseye target. His scrotum is on the center mark. Several bricks are laying around him.
JoAnne looks up and yells, "Up just a little bit more."
Ronilion shakes his head, "The party games get harder every year."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 00:51:11 (CST)
Krass to GM, "While Eon is bent over and handing presents from under the tree I grab her ass. When she looks I'll point at Luddington who is standing next to me."
OOC: Ronilion, disgusted, "Yeah. like she will really believe THAT!"
OOC: Krass, "Screw it, I do it anyway."
Fatman, "Eon, you feel someone grab your posterior, affectionately."
Eon, enraged, "I turn around an backfist Krass."
OOC: Fatman, "Which way do you turn and which hand?"
Eon, "I spin right and use my right hand of course."
Fatman, "Well it was fifty/fifty, unfortunately you just backhanded Luddington who is standing to Krass's right. "
Krass, trying to keep a straight face is not succeeding, "Hey Padre, you should have asked if this seat was taken first. I'll bet he thought Eon's Dad was a baker because she has nice buns."
Eon, glares at Krass as Luddington gets knocked back wards, "So you think your God's Gift to woman? Let's send you back to him." She stuffs Krass head first into a trash can.
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 00:49:08 (CST)
Fatman, "Welcome back from vacation ladies and gentlemen, this first Game of 2006 is guaranteed to be a hot one. In fact, I plan to cremate every player that dies here today."
Ronilion, "You know it's January when you've returned all your Christmas gifts, signed up for Weight Watchers, and put the fruitcake away for another year. Where's Krass?"
Eon, "Krass is already here. He's in the bathroom -- combing his legs. It seems he had a hot date last night and when he woke up the next morning he thought it was Richard Simmons. He says he feels a little queasy."
Ronilion, "It's so cold, skinheads are wearing toupees. I think the wind chill factor is 20 degrees below Minnesota. I see the Energizer Bunny is on. He may keep going and going, but it'll be so cold tonight I'll bet the Fatman will be singing that old favorite "Don't It Make Your Pink Ears Turn Blue?"
Drassel, "We're waiting on Krass to get back. He must be in the building. I haven't seen him yet, but Eon just took out her can of industrial strength mace. So what's the game tonight?"
Fatman, "Bubba, The Vampire Slayer," the new Fox show about a Waco teenager who drives a tractor to school, has seven of his own teeth, and can’t get a date because he’s too busy killing the undead. Starring Jeff Foxworthy as Bubba and the Oakridge Boys as the vampires. It starts with Krass in a Winnebago going over Niagara Falls."
JoAnne, "Fatman? Lay off the holiday eggnog."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 00:45:11 (CST)
From the Shadowrun Proboards"
OOC: Ronilion, "Hey Krass!"
OOC: Krass, "Yeah?"
OOC: Ronilion, "I've always wondered. Are you a Republican or Democrat in Game? I'm not sure what political parties exist in SR."
OOC: Krass, "Well if we equate it with this time, I would be a Democrat. For instance: To support my December rate-increase request, the Seattle utility, 'Seattle Gas Services', said it needs more money because too many of its customers have lowered their bills by heeding calls to conserve energy. And a November report commissioned by the U.C.A.S. Chamber of Commerce included the proposal that the U.C.A.S. Congress replenish the Highway Trust Fund by imposing a special tax on gas-saving hybrid cars (in that those cars consume less fuel than regular cars and therefore pay less in gasoline tax). See I berate people for not doing enough and then I penalize the ones that do try. That's Democratic!"
Krondax, "ROTF! Krass, i think i love you........in a non gay way i mean....ermm...yuou know what i mean. anyway, i dont think that i could have said it any better."
Fatman, "Ronilion should have known the answer to that question already, Because you've never heard of getting a good piece of elephant."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 00:22:57 (CST)
Krass with a public service message on the holo, "Today's safety tip for parents. Remember, when your kids go out on New Year's Eve, make sure they have glow-in-the-dark reflective strips on their guns."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 29, 2005 at 06:39:16 (CST)
Eon, "Krass you are so full of drek I'll bet a troll pounds it in with a hammer!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 29, 2005 at 06:38:30 (CST)
OOC: Krass, "Hey Fatman, what did you get for Christmas?"
OOC: Fatman, "Low Fat aftershave."
The Great Krass
- Monday, December 26, 2005 at 00:27:33 (CST)
The Fatman saw this posted on the Proboards by a guy named "Wart?" I think we should all read it.
Congratulations!
The above posts show me the normal Christmas attitudes. Stressed out people one upping each other in an attempt to show everyone what a terrible Holiday Christmas is, and what a terrible time they are having.
What did I get out of this?
1.) I don't have time or money for presents to make anyone else happy. I'm so miserable myself that I am just so helpless that I'll let everyone KNOW just how hopeless I am and make them feel the same way.
2.) Everyone complains about the Holiday even though many don't have to work. They give you the Holiday but don't pay you? Big deal, there are many seasonal jobs if you just have to work that you can do some part time or even volunteer work and some volunteers do get paid if you look in the right places. You think you have it tough check out MIGRANT workers! They slave dudes and dudettes but they have some pretty good attitudes. You a Migrant worker or less? If you ain't then your at least one level up on the food chain of arrogance. Ever heard of temp help anyone?
3.) Many are not Christians. Big deal. Depends on your outlook. The big deal here is you don't have to like it but why spoil someone else's fun? Why be such a bummer to everyone and everything that you just have to make them as miserable as you are?
4.) Everything is doom or gloom. For some of you, that is probably true because you can't say one good thing about your life. So change your life unless you want to wallow in despair, in that case though don't share it with me.
NO ONE except maybe the Fat-man in the HUMOR SECTION seems to say much that is positive and he and the Retros occasionally come up with situations that are funny. Maybe he's right. You people need to be like that Fat OLD Man who brings a ray of laughter to others lives and offers us interesting lessons in how people behave. So eat some chocolate and stop being miserable all the time. He could have something there.
Now why not count some blessings and really TRY to understand what this season is REALLY about and not buy into the marketing and TV strategy so much.
It's about a guy who some think is the Son of God, who SACRIFICED his life to save the world. Whether you BELIEVE it or not, that is a pretty awesome concept that someone would be whipped, tortured and hideously killed to save such an ungrateful bunch. The fact they believe he is a part of God and just didn't take the easy way out and destroy the world is pretty laid back.
Now this 'guy' supposedly healed the sick and raised the dead, helped the poor and did a lot of pretty interesting and mostly nice things. Whether we BELIEVE that or not, or think that our GREAT GREAT etc Grandparents were conned, or it's a fantasy, or a story, still it is a pretty good story about HOW we should treat each other. Even those of you who follow OTHER religions will tend to agree that it is something those other religions mostly try to teach. Mercy, Kindness, Love, Compassion, Attitude, etc. The main theme is: BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER. Now that is a pretty nice deal. Sure Bibles can be written and changed by people as Krass and Drassel have demonstrated but we can pretty well figure out where now can't we.
So Yes, Christmas is considered a Christian Holiday, because this country was founded on Christian principles, (Well Duh! Christ Mass is a religious holiday what else should it be called? Hatred Day? Misery Day?) but still EVERY COUNTRY in the world celebrates this Holiday in one form or another! Maybe not the same days but usually with a similar attitude and you don't see them whining and moaning about it. Want to bet that Eon gets a RED Envelope from the Fat-man, or if she doesn't I'll still bet he offered! I'm guessing it happens.
So why rain on the parade? What makes anyone feel so elite that they just feel they have to make someone else miserable? Does it make them feel better? They looking for sympathy?
Life isn't fair, but it doesn't have to be all bad. I recall the Fat-man saying in one of the posts. "Don't take life too serious, you'll never get out alive!" He's right you know.
I am thankful for Good Friends. Whatever food I can get. I am Thankful for my patient and good wife who tries hard to understand me. I am thankful and blessed by my children. I am thankful and grateful for whatever I have. I am thankful for this web-page which I discovered and I am thankful for a chance to express my opinion that may help others to get there head out of the clouds of doom and gloom and actually into a little light and fresh air. Maybe they will see a little clearer then. Some people try to make the world a little better, some don't want them to but have NOTHING better to offer.
So I say to you. Merry Christmas and may you be richly BLESSED by whatever God watches over you. For those who say they BELIEVE in nothing. I offer words of thanks for what you do have and believe you have earned and hold out a thought that you might want to be a little friendlier to those who are here NOW! Why make their lives more miserable just because you chose to be? You may not believe in God but if your not a Krass then you definitely believe in some morals or you would be Old Chuck Manson sitting in jail. Are any of you miserable Jeffrey Dahlmers, child molesters, or serial killers? I think not. So you do have some belief's that equate to a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or whatever view. The belief like mine, that we should try to be good to one another.
It's all about choices and attitude. So what is your attitude teaching those around you? Your Family, your friends, your fellow workers and most importantly your kids? Your life is miserable and so theirs should be too?
I think I'll get off now and spend time with MY family and friends and make this a time they can remember in the future for however long it lasts. I want to leave people with GOOD memories. Merry Christams and I mean it.
The Great Krass
- Saturday, December 24, 2005 at 07:06:23 (CST)
Mod, a burnt out street samurai, HD, a paranoid decker and Crypts, a troll combat mage are sitting in a bar after a run in New Orleans that ended up costing them twice what they made.
Crypts: What I don't understand is how Knight Errant got there so fast, I mean frag, I got bruises in places I didn't know I had...
HD: But atleast we're alive, any day above ground is a good day, I say.
Mod: Frag that, I'm finding that smarmy elf and kicking his hoop all the way to the Tir.
Mod
- Friday, December 23, 2005 at 10:48:52 (CST)
Krass, "Hey Fatman is there an echo in here?"
Ronilion, "an echo in here?"
Eon, "in here?"
Drassel, "here?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:17:33 (CST)
JoAnne to Krass, "You are a first class 'thick head'. Did you ever get an education? Can you spell antidisestablishmentarianism???
Krass, smiling, "I can now, dumb-ass!
JoAnne, pauses, "drek."
Drassel, "Never let anger cloud your judgment my young apprentice or you will be worthless to the dark side."
Luddington, "What happens then?"
Drassel, "We make her a telemarketer."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:16:34 (CST)
Krass is chasing the escaping Eon down the road in his car. She has managed to give the dragon the slip. Suddenly he is pulled over by a Knight Errant Squad car.
Officer, "May I see your driver's license, registration and proof of insurance."
Krass, "I'll bet you stopped me because you're going to sell me a ticket to the highway cops ball."
Officer, "The highway police don't have balls. You're thinking of the local police."
Krass, "I thought they didn't have balls either."
OOC: Fatman, "Definitely Karma for this one. Next stop, Redneck prison."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:15:30 (CST)
JoAnne to Drassel after leaving court, "You really skinned that prosecutor today. Where did you go to law school?"
Drassel, "Harvard. Did you know that Harvard's libraries contain at least four books bound in human skin, including a treatise on Spanish law with an inscription calling the binding "all that remains" of a fellow named Jonas Wright? It's nice to know that I am continuing in a long line of professionals. It's almost a tradition." Holds up prosecutors skin. I really should donate this to Harvard's library, for a fee of coarse."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:13:45 (CST)
JoAnne, "OK, I give up."
Fatman, "I don't. Here are two really good ones I've been saving."
Today, Mayor Krass was charged with indecent exposure in Sioux Falls, S.D., when he was discovered partially undressed, in a store, fooling around with a semi-nude female mannequin. Said Will U. Blowmee, a police officer, "There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin. That's the only way I know how to put it."
Registered sex-offender Devlin Krass, was arrested in Milwaukee shortly afterward on suspicion of reckless endangerment for his role in pressuring a woman to drink concentrated drain cleaner, allegedly because he gets excited by making women vomit. He was convicted in 2054 in a similar incident.
Ronilion, "So the dragon's home is either in South Dakota or Milwaukee?"
Fatman, "Can you think of a better place for HELL?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:12:38 (CST)
OOC: JoAnne, "Right then, one more test Fatman. Give me two reports back to back. If you can do that I'll surrender."
OOC: Fatman, "I have hopes. When a woman surrenders it usually means something special. What would my wife say. probably something with a bullet. Guess I better leave that one laying dead on the ground so I'm not laying dead Under the ground. Here you go."
Standard Talking head reporter by satellite link, "Albania's Gen. Pellumb Qazimi told UCAS Reuters in October that the military is scrapping its fleet of obsolete Chinese-made MIG fighter jets, which the country never used in battle but in which 35 Albanian pilots died over the years in operational mishaps."
Female Reporter, projecting a tough business look, "The Hindustan Times revealed in September that the local New Delhi government's ninety-seven paid rat-catchers have not caught a single rodent since 1994 and the residents complain that devil rats are not difficult to find in New Delhi. In further news Mayor Krass wants to hire the New Delhi rat catchers to work in Seattle on the cities devil rat problem. He states you should always go with cheap and experienced."
JoAnne, "How the heck does he do this?"
Krass, "Insanity of course. I like that devil rat idea though Fatman. Let's run with that a bit when I get back to Seattle. Now can I go see if Eon is still in her tree yet? If she is maybe she won't WANT to be a virgin any longer. How cold is it outside Fatman?"
Fatman, "Zero Celsius or thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit."
Krass, rubbing his hands and smiling, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:10:31 (CST)
OOC: JoAnne, "Surprise Fatman! You just came out with the holo and I want another report. I'll bet you haven't got another one. If you don't I want Karma fro catching the GM off guard!"
OOC: Ronilion, "Won't work JoAnne."
OOC: Fatman, "As you wish."
Highbrow lady artist announcer in tie dye Zoe business suit and Reebok sneakers:
"Performance artist Tomoko Takahashi, 39, working on a British government grant of the equivalent of about 8,600 NuYen, gave an exhibition of inebriation in October at the Chapter arts center in Cardiff, Wales. Dressed in tres chic business suit and high heels, Takahashi drank a large amount of beer over a three-hour period, periodically checking to see how far she could walk across a narrow beam about two feet off the floor without falling. A Chapter spokesman called the demonstration a "powerful piece of art."
JoAnne, "Drat! How many of these does he prepare each game?"
Ronilion, "We're not sure, Krass did query him up to 25 one night and then gave up. Twenty Five in a night takes up to much game time. As for the artist mentioned above, I'd like to meet her. Anyone woman who can drink beer for three hours, walk a beam and NOT go to the can is a woman worth meeting."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:08:43 (CST)
Luddington, "Time to look at the holo." OOC: "You know Fatman, it's nice to be able to come into the game and have a sense of order and pride in accomplishing something useful for the group. I wonder why they have me watching the holo's each day?"
OOC: Fatman, "Well it's an important job, Padre. Gathering information and keeping an eye on the pulse of the people is very important to Krass and the corporation. It takes honesty, integrity and dedication so they don't think anyone else could do it as well as you. Now for the show."
" Grave looking announcer, "While UCAS "global warming" protesters express alarm at the dwindling outdoor hockey season (fewer months with ice, fewer days cold enough for hard ice), a growing number of "hockey" players are taking the game underwater, according to a WPKA story. With six breath-holding players per team, passing a puck with sticks at the bottom of a pool, and players surfacing for air as seldom as possible, dozens of club teams worldwide play (nearly 50 in the Indian Nations.), with a championship tournament scheduled next year for Sheffield, England. Jack Mehoff a Seattle high school player of the respiratory challenge, "When you're close to the goal, you're like, 'Do I want to score a goal or breathe?' Most of the time I say, 'Score."
Patterson, "This does tend to explain the decrease in intelligence tests over the past ten years. I just KNEW it had to do with global warming."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:06:54 (CST)
Krass is staring at Eon with tongue hanging out. She is dressed for the Christmas as a Santa's Helper. He looks at Ronilion, "Hey scientist, if I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?"
Ronilion, "I think you would be more successful if you walk up to Eon, hand her the coin and say, I know I can't have your cherry, but can I get the box it came in?"
OOC:Krass, "Man Ronilion, that was great, but it would have been funnier if it had come from Luddington."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 02:00:45 (CST)
Luddington looking sternly at Krass. "That woman you just rutted with in your office is married. Have you never heard the commandment,'Thou shalt not commit adultery!"
Krass, "I'm NOT married so technically I didn't commit adultery, she did. Besides it doesn't say that in my Bible. It says, 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood."
The Great Krass
- Monday, December 19, 2005 at 04:04:19 (CST)
Patterson to Krass, "Hey Pervert, did you know that Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either."
Krass, "Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. The word DOC has the same problem."
The Great Krass
- Monday, December 19, 2005 at 04:01:05 (CST)
JoAnne, "Krass, you and your stupid lifestyle make everyone else feel like fried dog's balls on toast."
Krass, "For you, that would be an improved look, Mary."
Ronilion, "Don't forget the Fatman. It's a compliment for him too. He's BIG on Ugly."
Patterson, "With his lard butt, he's big on almost everything."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 18, 2005 at 03:21:18 (CST)
Luddington, "Anything new on the holo, Fatguy?"
GM: Serious Announcer, nice suit, really bad tie, "The elite Krass/Drassel and Associates law firm in Seattle has recently been awarded almost 100,000,000 NuYen in fee reimbursement after putting a partner and three other lawyers to work representing a prison inmate upset mainly at being restricted in his use of the prison law library and being prevented from receiving "sexually explicit" photos in the mail. The complainant, Daniel LaPlante, murdered a pregnant woman and her two children, reportedly smirked at the jury, and was described by his trial judge as so detestable that the judge would have "no problem" personally executing him."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 18, 2005 at 02:59:10 (CST)
Fatman, "As you all will recall, I flushed the last cell phone I had down the toilet."
Krass, "You really did?"
Fatman, "Of course. Anyway, the office insisted that I should carry the new one they gave me. It's smaller. Pretty soon, the damn phones will be so small that the air movement from your speech will also power the phone."
Krass, "A real bummer because then you couldn't talk to your girlfriend, because you'd never get the chance to talk, so your phone would die from lack of power."
Patterson, "It works on wives and daughters too. Fatman, you're a GENIUS!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 18, 2005 at 00:17:49 (CST)
Krass, "YES! The people LOVE me."
Eon, "Correction. The perverts and lowlifes love you. Everyone else hates and loathes your corrupt hoop."
Krass, "Eon, did you know that you can go through life without being a BITCH every single day?"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 18, 2005 at 00:11:43 (CST)
Krass, "Fatman, you're a fat slimy weasel that has tainted the world's opinion of me! How's that?"
OOC: Fatman, "C'mon you can do better than that for your fans...try to say something
intelligent and nasty, they expect it."
Eon, "Krass, that's old stuff. Can't you come up with something more "original"?"
Krass, "Anyway, my girlfriend and I we're doing it 'Vampire' style last night..."
Patterson, "Vampire style?"
Drassel, "WTF is 'Vampire style'?"
Krass, All of you shut up and let me tell you the story ..."
Patterson, "Hell No! First you tell us what the F***ING HELL 'vampire style' is!"
Krass, "Look guys, it's not that important."
JoAnne, "Crickey! Pervert!"
Patterson, "I have to say I'm with JoAnne on this one."
Ronilion, "I tend to agree."
Luddington, "I don't really want to be around to hear this."
Krass, "I guess its just you and me then Fatman."
Fatman, "No way pervert. Vampire Style, that's just too sick."
Krass, "Sheesh! You come up with something 'original' and no one wants to hear it."
The Great Krass
- Saturday, December 17, 2005 at 23:59:13 (CST)
Forget Governor, that's small time. Go for Presidency!
Trax
- Friday, December 16, 2005 at 23:51:47 (CST)
Luddington, "I can't believe we all just are supposed to walk off and leave Eon freezing in the tree. Ronilion, you're her partner. Shouldn't you be doing something to help?"
Ronilion, "Well sure I could go talk to the Dragon Lady and get her to intervene and so could Krass, but that would negate the training test."
Luddington, "Training Test?"
Drassel, "Of course. How do you think members of the corporation move up to better jobs? Do you truly believe we look at what the person does on a Resume? Are you that naive? Now Eon has been a member of the corporation for sometime. Her work has been good and she handles herself well. Her talents may be wasted as a mid level corp exec dealing with runners. She may be due for a promotion but how do we know she can handle the tough stuff on her own?"
Luddington, "So this is all a rigged test?"
Krass, "Of COURSE IT IS, and don't worry about a cold. After all I've seen some cold fish in the sea and none can compare to Eon."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 01:14:50 (CST)
Eon to the group, "I Found this written on the Quotefile:
KRASS FOR GOVENOR!!! KRASS FOR GOVENOR!!!!
AzzoFire
- Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 13:49:38 (CST)
"Some people just can't get hoop fragged enough. Krass is King of the Perverts. Maybe I should run for govenor against him? I wonder if the votes would be there though?"
Krass, "I have my fans. People who appreciate my candor and honesty."
Luddington, "Honesty? Where in God's name do you get HONESTY out of anything you're involved in?"
Krass, "For your information, sky pilot, an HONEST politician is one that STAYS bought. I DELIVER! is my motto."
Ronilion, "Yes but WHAT you deliver is not what most people want."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 00:52:56 (CST)
KRASS FOR GOVENOR!!! KRASS FOR GOVENOR!!!!
AzzoFire
- Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 13:49:38 (CST)
Drassel, at the Shadowrunners School, "Never, ever, ever pass gas while wearing a full body rubber wetsuit."
The Great Krass
- Monday, December 12, 2005 at 06:12:07 (CST)
JoAnne to Drassel, " I think we're getting our Christmas bonuses today. Krass just came into the office carrying rolls of quarter NuYen cred sticks."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 06:11:57 (CST)
Drassel to Patterson, "When they harvest mistletoe, what do they do with the mistlefoot?"
Patterson, "Doctors usually remove it from lawyer's mouths or hoops? Why do you ask?"
Drassel, "Hoops? Then maybe I don't have hemorrhoids, I have mistlehoop?"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 06:01:30 (CST)
Luddington, "While Eon's stuck in the tree and Krass is trying to get a good look up her mini-skirt, I guess I'll check out the holo."
GM: Announcer is a dripping with a homey-atmosphere voice, "Tonight's holo movie is a remake of "It's A Wonderful Life," starring Mayor Krass as Mayor Krass. The city government finds out what it would be like if Devlin was never born, and decides to keep it that way. The movie also stars the famous porn star Jade Lei as Eon and Rita Revakic as JoAnne."
Luddington, "Disgusting."
Patterson, "Better not tell anyone right now or Eon will come down out of that tree and kill the dragon and Krass."
Luddington suddenly smiles, "Hey EON! Guess what's on the holo tonight!"
Patterson turns and runs, "OH DREK!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 03:37:22 (CST)
Krass, "I see London I see France, I see Eon's ...."
Eon, "Don't finish it slime-ball!" I pull out my gun and take aim at Krass. I might just as well have some target practice. Cyber Link is active and I draw a bead on his favorite part.
Ronilion, "I wouldn't do that if I were you partner."
Eon, "Why not?"
Ronilion, "Dragon's are very protective of territory and things. Krass qualifies as a 'thing' that a dragon son might protect. It is likely he will move to protect 'daddy' and if you hit him, mom is going to probably burn down the whole tree with you in it."
Eon, frustrated, puts the gun away, "So how long do I have to stay in this tree?"
OOC: Fatman, "Well Ms. Eon, dragons ARE very patient and they have been known to sleep guarding things for YEARS. They seem to sleep lightly too and only require occasional food that wanders by to rescue you."
Eon, angrily, "Krass if you put this dragon up to this, I'll get you. I don't know how yet, but I'll find a way."
Drassel, thoughtfully, "She is very determined, Krass. If you did put the dragon on her tail, so to speak, maybe you better stop it now."
OOC: GM, "Krass didn't do it."
OOC: Luddington, "Then why is the dragon so intense on catching Eon?"
OOC: GM, "He thinks she is air freshener and likes the way she smells."
OOC: Eon, "WHAT!????"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 02:44:15 (CST)
OOC: Krass, "Sheesh Fatman, I feel like I've been gang-raped by a whole herd of camels after the stunt you pulled in the game last night."
OOC: GM: "Well you did manage to rescue Eon. I'm still patting myself on the back for my EXCELLENT strategy. It was just the affect I was trying to achieve. Nothing like the Christmas Holidays to get you in the mood for feeling the love by screwing everyone in the game. Rahvin is so busy wondering if Krass is part dragon that I am splitting my sides answering. We know he is not but I am not giving Rahvin a straight answer. I just tell him to look for clues."
OOC: Krass, "HA HAH HAH! You can be a real bastard. Rahvin will kill you when he finally figures it out. Well I don't think it was love but it was close enough for me. I almost enjoyed it in spite of you. The situation is still bizarre and I am curious where you plan to take this. Now that I've rescued Eon from the tree does she have to award her HERO & KNIGHT by putting out? That's the part I'm waiting for."
OOC: Eon, "You haven't rescued me yet, Rust BOY and you get nothing but a foot in your face when I get out of this mess, on the other hand, I enjoyed every moment of your humiliation. Still, I have some reservations in the direction the Fatman is going."
OOC: Krass, "Foot in face? Kinky."
OOC: GM, "I am surprised Ms. Eon. I would have thought you would be the last one to voice a complaint in this matter."
OOC: Eon, "Not a complaint, Fatman, a comment. According to your view Dragons like young female virgins because they smell nice, so they capture and keep woman to use as room air fresheners?"
OOC: GM, "How else would you explain why unicorns and dragons are attracted to teen girl virgins. I gave considerable thought on the subject. They wouldn't be attracted to them sexually because most young dragons are not old enough to shape change yet and they certainly wouldn't go for them because of attitude. teenage girls are so self centered and insufferable that if the hormones weren't raging guys would have killed them off long ago. besides you seldom hear of an older dragon capturing one, it's usually the younger ones, adolescents if you will."
OOC: JoAnne, "That is a really nasty attitude."
OOC: GM, "Don't take it personal now even mothers have a hard time relating to teenage girls and they've been there. Did you ever see a Dragon guarding an older woman even if she was a virgin? The older virgins get too bitter and then all you can do is eat them. Still they make a tasty roast when prepared correctly."
OOC: Patterson, "He does have a point. I have two teen daughters and I love them but sometimes...."
OOC: Eon, "That's my complaint, according to you, all I am to this dragon is an Air-wick and future dinner! Where's the love in that?"
OOC: Ronilion, "Hey it worked for King Kong and we are not sure she was even a virgin. The ape gets killed chasing around the girl in that story so this time the shoe is on the other foot."
OOC: Eon, "So WHY doesn't this work with virgin boys?"
OOC: Krass, "Do you know how rare that is? A good looking guy is seduced by a teacher BEFORE he gets out of puberty these days. At least the Fatman is realistic. If you want a boy virgin you better change your college major to Education."
OOC: Eon, "I swear I'm going to kill you, Krass."
OOC: Krass, "If I have to have sex with a female dragon in dragon form ever again just to rescue you, you are going to have to beat the Fatman to it. You have to admit though he is a descriptive bastard, I haven't heard a sex act described in such detail in my life. I think JoAnne and Lud were so red they forgot to take notes."
OOC: Ronilion curiously, "Which makes you wonder where HE learned it?"
OOC: Fatman, smiles but says...nothing.
The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 06:13:48 (CST)
Eon in a tall tree is looking down at Krass and the mid sized Krass Jr. Dragon.
Eon to Krass, "Pervert!"
Krass to Eon, "Shrew!"
Eon, "Farkin Bastiage!"
Krass, "Teaser!"
Eon, "Idiot!"
Krass, "VIRGIN!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 01:39:31 (CST)
OOC: Fatman, "Good morning, all of you wonderfully weird people. How is everything out there in the real world? Is Elvis still president?"
Ronilion, " Not getting out as much as you used to I see. I can’t believe it’s almost winter. I’m still trying to get my armpits adjusted."
JoAnne, "You don't have be a stark raving lunatic to participate on this channel, but many times it appears that our personnel director is Norman Bates Jr."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 01:38:59 (CST)
Rahvin from the Shadowteam, 'Four Aces', "I'd like to talk with Mr Krass about some logistics for a run we are doing."
GM, Secretary Miss Chief, "I'm sorry Mr Rahvin but Mr Krass is not available in fine stores anywhere, or even in neighborhoods with good zoning regulations."
Rahvin, "Are any of the other retro's around? How about Eon?"
Miss Chief, "No I'm afraid they are all out visiting relatives of Mr Krass for the holiday. Is this a critical emergency? I could have them paged."
Rahvin, "Yea, it's an emergency, go ahead and page them but try to get Eon first. Krass actually has relatives, I'm surprised. The closest I could picture a relative to him is something in the reptile family."
Miss Chief, "I've contacted where Mr Krass is staying and have set up a three way for you."
Rahvin looks and sees a VERY LARGE dragon in his viewer and blanches. "Is Eon there?"
Dragon amused, "Yes but my son and Krass have her treed. You know how men of our species like virgins."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 01:37:27 (CST)
Characters: Chun Lu (physad), Chun Li (decker) Warhead (paranoid street sam) and SNAFU (Coyote shaman)
Scene: Warhead's apartment. Warhead is so paranoid that he places shaped charges on EVERY doorway and window in the apartment. He neglects to inform his fellow runners of this.
Situation: SNAFU is driving Warhead crazy in his bedroom (no sex, apologies to the perverts) and his anguished screams are heard by the Chun twins in the living room. Chun Lu tries the door, but finds it locked. So he decides to kick it in.
Think the exploding door sequence in THE MATRIX, only less flames and a flying physad about five feet ahead of the flying door. Lu hits the wall, door hits him, both fall to the floor.
Another runner (name forgotten) runs into the room and yells, "WHAT HAPPENED???"
Chun Li looks to him and says in a relaxed, conversational voice, "Lu kick door. Door kick back."
For two minutes, the GM is unable to restore order.
Badger
- Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 12:47:16 (CST)
Krass, complaining "Why should I risk my life getting Eon down from that tree? She's been nothing but a bitch and a whore ever since I tried to give her some money to sleep with me. At least I offered her more than my trouser TITAN."
Drassel, in disgust, "You have obviously never checked a dictionary and your lack of education is appalling. A whore is a girl who sleeps with everyone but a bitch is a girl who sleeps with everyone but you. As far as I know Eon has never slept with anyone. You need a new term to describe her because the BEST insults are ones that have a basis in reality."
Krass, thinking carefully, "You may have a point. Let's see now, she's an overbearing, self-righteous, bully who hides behind her philosophy and holier than thou attitude as an excuse to treat other people like crap. So what does that make her?"
Ronilion dryly, "A Paladin of course."
Luddington, Krass and Drassel are shocked.
OOC: GM: laughing, "You guys never thought of Eon THAT way have you. It makes Krass's attempts at corruption so much more interesting."
The Great Krass
- Monday, December 05, 2005 at 01:11:28 (CST)
Luddington to JoAnne, "I asked Krass, if there was one irritating quality about me, what would it be? He said, "Asking stupid questions?"JoAnne smiles and pats the priest on the shoulder, "Now he is a fine one to talk about STUPID. If I was trying to decide what Krass's most irritating quality was I wouldn't have a good answer because he is such a total package."
Luddington, "That raises a good question. When Krass stands under the mistletoe, how does any girl know which face to kiss?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, December 05, 2005 at 01:10:12 (CST)
JoAnne to Krass, "The only difference between you and a bag of excrement is the bag."
Luddington, "What's excrement?"
Krass, "drek."
Luddington, "I didn't ask for profanity, I just want a definition."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 04, 2005 at 03:23:04 (CST)
Saul (Hob street sam) Was in the trunk of a Ferrari. His group had just hit drek, and had to get away.
Gm: Ok, saul, What do you do?
Saul ooc: Wait, there is c4 in here isnt there?
Gm ooc: Oh Drek, 20 kilos.
Saul: I arm it
Gm: roll demolitions.
Saul: What do I roll if i dont have that.
Gm: Inteligence, with a +2 tn. Are you really going to try to arm 20 kilos of C4 in the trunk of a moving car with no light?
Saul: um, yea. why not?
Gm: ok Roll it.
Saul(6....6....6....6...6...5) intel of 4.. Thats 35, no 1's.
Gm: What the hell.. Ok, you do it. barely.
Saul:wo0t.
After performing this Stunt, Saul procedes to throw the armed C4 out of the trunk at the enemies. Missing them all. The group gets away, 40 pounds lighter.
Saul
- Thursday, December 01, 2005 at 16:02:36 (CST)
Dragon Lady, "Let me introduce you to the kids. They have been real eager to meet you." She leads Krass to a heavy door and removes several large bars, The heavy door opens outward and several hundred gems spill out.
Krass, "Is this your hoard?"
Dragon Lady, "Land Sakes, NO! This is just the nursery." She calls into the room. "Children! Daddies Home!"
Several large roars seemed to shake the building and several thousand more jewels and gold spill out. The lady laughs, "The maid hates it when they do that."
Krass, "Wow, talk about primal! That sounded like the entire Hollywood Tabernacle Choir simultaneously getting their ears tummy-tucked."
The Great Krass
- Monday, November 28, 2005 at 02:17:31 (CST)
Dragon Lady, "I am curious about your upbringing. How did you come to be the way you are?"
Krass to the tall platinum haired dragon lady, "I was an obscene baby. I was born naked and my mother never forgave me."
The Great Krass
- Monday, November 28, 2005 at 01:35:03 (CST)
Lady Dragon, "You may find Krass odious but he is the funniest mate I have ever had. For instance I watched him in an interview on the holo recently. Have you noticed? Every Thanksgiving Krass tells us to be thankful for everything we have. And the rest of the year he quickly tries to take everything we do have. I have met dragons who are less greedy."
Eon nodding, "I see your point. Krass WAS born to be in big business and politics. He took to being the CEO and a Mayor in the same way birds take to hanging around the car wash."
Krass, snidely, "I don't even have to turn around to make my point. I can form a fist out of my Technicolor butt!"
Ronilion, "I haven’t had so much fun listening to a conversation since Krass accidentally sat on the electric pencil sharpener. He is living proof that sometimes even evolution has a bad day."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 27, 2005 at 04:08:20 (CST)
OOC: Krass, "Hey Fatman, are you working on the game for the Holidays?"
OOC: GM, "Of course, I have a fairly long game planned for the next segment. It has been in the planning stage for the past six months."
OOC: Krass, "This game has a name?"
OOC: GM, "All my games have titles, This one is called, Chew Toy or Sex Toy?"
OOC: Ronilion, "That sounds ominous. "Any helpful or strategic hints before we go into this game."
OOC: GM, ""Yes, try to avoid the sword of soul-sucking that the Druidic Combat mage is wielding."
OOC: Drassel, "How did that get in this game? If that's the sword I THINK it is, may I suggest that you go stick your sword up your anus!"
OOC: Krass, "Doesn't work stupid, I tried that in a previous game, That's how I lost one of my lives. The upshot was that I was judged to have committed suicide by natural causes."
OOC: Eon, "Has anyone ever told you that you are really weird? You have the most flexible set of ethics and morals that I've ever seen especially when it comes to sex."
OOC: Luddington, "Uhm, guys do you want clues or do you want to continue down the Krass trip through Hell?"
OOC: GM, "Don't worry Padre, you folks will be clearly going through there as well, See this map? There is a space clearly marked as 'Hell. Also Krass if you meet any of the old time God's on your trip I suggest strongly that you stop asking the greater gods to kiss your ass."
OOC: Eon, "What is the object of this trip? It appears to make little sense."
OOC: GM, "You're all going to meet a lady dragon, do you realize how rare that is? Anyway Krass has fathered several of her children, all without knowing it of course and she wants him to come for a visit."
OOC: Krass, "DREK!"
OOC: Drassel, "Tell her if she gives you some of the jewels, you won't file for custody."
OOC: Krass, thoughtfully, "Sometimes I'm really glad you're my partner. At least now though we know why the title. I assume it could go either way."
OOC: GM, "Of course it is a female dragon."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, November 23, 2005 at 18:09:01 (CST)
frag this drek, I'm taking my cannon and going home.
Tester
- Tuesday, November 22, 2005 at 09:54:57 (CST)
JoAnne, "Eon you have a lovely singing voice. Do you do it professionally?"
Eon, "No. Many of the woman in my family have been musically inclined though."
Krass, "When Eon hits a high note, I'll bet her underwear vibrates."
Eon, "Krass, Thanksgiving is coming. Go stuff yourself!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, November 21, 2005 at 03:54:14 (CST)
Krass to Ronilion, "Hey do you know the four types of female orgasms?"
Ronilion, "This sounds suspiciously like a lead in line to me and it's probably something stupid so OK what are they?"
Krass, "Well, the first, is the Religious or Spiritual orgasm and it goes something like this:"Oh GOD! oh GOD! OH OH OH GOD!" The second, is the positive orgasm---" OH YES! OH YES! OH YES!" Then the third is the negative orgasm... "OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!" Then finally there's the fake orgasm."
Eon, "Which goes exactly like this? OH Krass! OH Krass! OH OH Krass!"
Ronilion, (ROFL)
Krass, "Bitch."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 23:41:07 (CST)
Krass, "For my move I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING." Then hurl it through the window of Eon's office and run like hell itself is one my tail."
OOC: GM, "Which it probably will be. Make your roll."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 23:38:12 (CST)
GM: "OK Krass, you're testing out your new Lincoln/Cadillac/Hummer. You come to a red light and stop and a hobo comes up and starts washing the windows with dirty water and a ragged brush. He then sticks his hat with quite a bit of NuYen in change in it out to you."
Krass, "I roll down the window, showing a 50 NuYen bill and when he sticks his hat in through the window I raise the window up quick and take the money. I then tell him he did such a piss poor job that I am using it to get my new car washed and to get his scruffy hoop out of here. I then take off."
OOC: GM, "Did you roll down the window before you dashed off?"
Krass, smiling, "OOOPS! OK, I am not cruel, when I get to 50 km per hour I'll let him go."
OOC: GM, "Krass that's about 30 mph, the fastest man in the world (uncybered) only runs at 25 mph last I heard. I don't think a hobo could afford a lot of cyber gear."
Krass, smiling, "OOOPS! OK, I'll try to find something nice and soft for him to land in."
OOC: GM, "On a city street? Let's see now it doesn't take long for your souped up car to get to 50 KPH so you are dragging the poor bastard down the road, after robbing him and you are looking for a soft spot to dump him in. Now are you dumping him at 50 or waiting?"
Krass, "This is getting complex. I'll get back to you after I get to city hall."
OOC: GM, "I'm glad your not a cruel man."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 06:23:43 (CST)
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 01:50:27 (CST)
Sheesh Doc, that old wheeze of a joke? It's almost OLDER than the Fatman. You ought to lay off all those goofy designer drinks at Starbucks. The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. Each day you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet, then guess what? You're STILL a huge asshole."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 01:40:52 (CST)
The CMC deactivated as it assertained that it was safe to do so. Or rather, safe from close intimate brushes with the ground, with whom it had once had a trist with and never bother to returned its call, and for this it was all the happier.
-A description from the perspective of the Ares TR-55 that the rigger Chase was piloting, Shadowrun: Wages of Sin.
B4UTRUST
- Tuesday, November 15, 2005 at 03:48:41 (CST)
Krass, "The elections are coming down to the wire. Now what has my PR flack been doing to get me elected?"
GM: PR Flack in flashy suit and weasel smile, turns on the holo news.
GM: Holo news girl with mega-watt smile and mega WHAT THE Fark! frontal enhancement, "Candidate and incumbent Mayor Krass released a news bulletin today that stated that he will use his personal fortune to buy a cow for every home in downtown Seattle if he is elected. Every downtown Seattle home will be gifted with a high milk-yielding cow from the Indian state of Kerala which could be expected to yield 10 liters or 2.5 gallons or up to 16 liters or four gallons of farm fresh milk every day."
Bruno Sagrella the publicity man for Mayor Krass was quoted as saying on Friday. "Even families who live in flats, who could make suitable arrangements to look after a cow, will receive the gift of a cow,"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, November 08, 2005 at 06:32:59 (CST)
Krass makes a campaign speech to his (adoring?) public.
Krass, "I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man. A Vote for Krass is a Vote."
Eon, "BARF ALERT! Shall we all start singing Hail to the Thief?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, November 08, 2005 at 02:22:06 (CST)
Eon is getting ready to shop at the mall. As she goes to get cred a nitice pops up on the screen.
"401-K Savings not Found."
Krass back at the office is decked in watching the look on her face as he is tied into the Security Cam. He laughs.
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, November 08, 2005 at 02:05:28 (CST)
Krass to Eon, "C'mon, hot lips -- melt my dentures!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 01:57:21 (CST)
Luddington has left the Gym to order Krass a coffin. He's not dead yet, but Luddington has hopes. He notices the holo is on as he dials.
GM: "Several of the new mid-season TV series replacements are environmentally friendly. Here's an example of what you could be watching on KPOG this winter.
Singing In The Rain Forest, an EPA approved musical set in Brazil and starring Paula Abdul and the Jolly Green Giant.
The Twilight Ozone, an environmental drama set in Iceland starring Martin Sheen, Charlie Sheen, Emilio Estevez, Ramone Estevez, Fred Sheen, Benny Estevez, Gladys Sheen, Irving Estevez, Bishop Sheen, Beulah Estevez, and Keifer Sutherland.
Saturday Night Toxic Waste, a Bob Barker approved comedy starring the Smothers Brothers, Dentist-to-the-Stars Dr. Weird Al Yankitout, and Tipper Gore as Sister Oprah.
The Love Canal Boat, an environmental dramedy with different guest stars every week and starring Regis Philbin as the captain. "
Luddington with a serious face, "Now that looks like an improvement."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 01:10:47 (CST)
Ronilion, as Krass's face is starting to turn green as he passes out, looks at the girls. They show no signs of stopping. "Dear Ladies, may I inquire why you are soiling your lovely hands with such a disreputable oaf?"
JoAnne, "He gave us both a case of Lyle Lovett Hairspray because he told us we should improve our looks. I found a picture of Lyle Lovett and showed it to Eon. We are in perfect accord on the proper response."
Ronilion nods and walks away, "Some people just deserve what they get."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 01:01:24 (CST)
The Fatman Game: "The Great Brain Hobby"
Luddington is in the groups Gym on the track working out when Ronilion arrives. "What's going on with you these days?"
Ronilion, "I was going to take a stroll downtown in the crisp polluted autumn air, but my Uzi's in the shop. So I decided to come here instead. "
Luddington, "A wise choice, my son. What is that God awful racket?" Krass bursts into the room and races past the Priest and Mage.
Krass, "HALP! Whore Attack! There is entirely too much sex and violence in the world today." Looking back he notices that Eon and JoAnne are ruthlessly closing the gap and leaving him no where to run. "I meant to say that I respect you girls thoughts and opinions as members of the human race." The girls start beating him down ruthlessly.
Luddington shakes his head sadly, "Some people have a second language but Krass barely has a first one."
Ronilion, "You go Girl's!"
Krass, looks blearily at the guys as Eon has one leg and JoAnne has the other and they are playing wishbone. "Don't encourage them. This reminds me of the year my high school sweetheart brought tears to my eyes by stuffing her bra with Vidalia onions." Eon kicks him in the privates and then JoAnne kicks. They continue taking turns for some time.
Luddington starts giving Krass last rites.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 00:48:44 (CST)
Krass to Luddington, "I told Eon, I'd marry her in the morning but I wanted the honeymoon tonight. She pitched me into a dumpster."
Luddington to Krass, "We in the Church know sins can be forgiven but stupid is forever, Krass.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 00:46:53 (CST)
JoAnne, "Krass is like the snap of a bra strap upon a sun burnt back."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, November 03, 2005 at 04:49:26 (CST)
OOC: GM, to Ronilion, "AHHHHH! KILL HER! KILL HIM! KILL YOU! KILL THEM! KILL IT! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL Everyone, everything, everywhere. Then a little air freshener and I'll have done my job with PERFECTION. Then a parade, medals and next!"
OOC: Ronilion, "Sheesh! What crawled up your hoop and died? Maybe you better switch to decaf."
OOC: Krass, "He just hates it when we pull off a game where we avoid his really nasty trap by doing something completely, totally and unpredictably STUPID, and then come out smelling like roses and rolling in the NU-YEN! It's moments like this that remind me of my favorite things. Like nailing the Fatman's HOOP to the wall and looking at Eon's HOOP."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, November 03, 2005 at 01:32:40 (CST)
From the Game Treasure of the Seattle Mothers.
Krass is still lost in the woods with Drassel.
Krass, "I hate this farking place. When I get back I'm going to buy this dump and have it all paved."
Drassel, "I admit, I too am getting concerned. I haven't seen a McBeast's in hours. I wonder if they are even looking for us?"
Krass, "I know how to find out." He yells at the top of his voice, " Now, today's great outdoors question: Which is worse, rattlesnakes or Eon? Eon is worse. A rattlesnake only bites in self-defense. Eon bites the big one because she enjoys it!"
Eon drops from a tree and starts pounding Krass. "Saved", he gasps in pain a smile on his face.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 30, 2005 at 00:12:57 (CDT)
Krass to Drassel, Luddington and Patterson, "Now, today's dating tip for men. Remember, guys, it's okay to disagree with your date's T-shirt, but never laugh at her tattoo."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 30, 2005 at 00:07:02 (CDT)
Luddington, "Fatman? What's on the holo today?"
GM: Announcer, standard face, good voice: "This week on HOLO "60 Minutes" interviews Mayor Krass a reformed politician who used to tell lies half the time, but now says he tells the truth half the time."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, October 26, 2005 at 05:22:12 (CDT)
Krass, "And now, THE GREAT KRASS, a man who was born to be on something. Unfortunately, it hasn't been Eon, yet."
Eon, "We interrupt this stupidity to shove Krass's hoop into a home pasta machine. [Sfx: buzzzz/scream!] We now return you to whatever it was we interrupted."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, October 26, 2005 at 04:59:45 (CDT)
Krass to Eon, "Another wonderful day of conversing with Little Miss Stick Up Her Butt! Hey Babe, When It Comes to Drinkin' Alone, I'm in a Glass by Myself."
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 01:31:50 (CDT)
From the Shadowrun Pro Boards where people get to talk to the Retro's:
D: A Guest, "Something I've always wanted to know, but now I can ask,if the Fatman will allow it. Have Krass and Eon always been bitter rivals? Does it go beyond the game as well?
I also think Krass doesn't do it all to himself so he's convinced at least one person. No one could possibly screw themselves *THAT MUCH!* and repeatedly.
I'm underestimating him I'm sure. Somehow I still think he's a little innocent just not much."
Eon: "Yes, Krass has always been a completed macho pig-butt, D. He has more pork than a congressional bill and his talk rival's the sewage treatment plant for a major metropolitan city. When we FIRST met on the Fatman's server and he saw me through my web cam he wanted to know if I would 'put-out' for $15. Not only is he cheap, he's stupid as well. When JoAnne came on he wanted to know if she 'put-out'. Does this sound like a guy with a lot of tact, or class to you? Krass is an Ice-hole gone Insane."
Krass, "Don't believe that Biatch Eon. Yes D, I am almost completely innocent. I've died more times than a cat with nine lives. They make up lies about me. By the way, got any money? How about a sister or a good-looking mother...a girlfriend? Does she put-out?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 01:22:00 (CDT)
From the Shadowrun Pro-boards,
Braddoc, "If you can't have a guy to nail you once in a while, don't blame that on us."
Eon, "This is the time of year for jack-o-lanterns. You see those smiling, empty-headed faces everywhere: on porches ... on window sills ... on Braddoc. Considering his attitude on woman who do not jump into bed with every fat-headed, village idiot that crosses her path his major thought in life is that he thinks a sand-wedge is what you get when you sit on the beach in a thong."
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 01:09:18 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, "Hey Fatman, what do you think is the BEST joke you ever pulled on the spur of the moment?"
OOC, Fatman, "I was at an anime con in California and I was dressed as a big devil, which even considering my size then was smaller it was still a HUGE costume. It had eight foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head and I carried a large papermache pitchfork. I was looking incredibly ugly. The interesting thing was that the hotel I was staying in was double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel. So there I am riding the elevator down to the con space with the doors opening on every darn floor with no one there until I get to number 13, there stands a little old baptist woman. She looks at me in shock. I know I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't resist I just say in my best evil voice, 'Going Down?' "
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:56:53 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, "I should bomb something."
OOC: Ronilion, "...and it's off the cuff remarks like that are the reason I don't log chats. Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me."
OOC: JoAnne, "I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats."
*** FBI has joined #retrosexuals
OOC: FBI, "We saw it anyway."
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )
OOC: Krass, "Fatman? That was you wasn't it?"
OOC: GM, "Scary isn't it. Those guys have no sense of humor."
OOC: Krass, "You are a bastiage."
OOC: GM, "The bastiagest."
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:55:48 (CDT)
OOC: Luddington, "The Fatman recommended a game to me for my old computer. I finally got a version of Civilization II."
OOC: GM, "Lud, I recommended that about ten years ago."
OOC: Luddington, "Yes, it took me a while. Now can anyone help me install it?"
OOC: Krass, "Sure. First, shut down all programs you aren't using."
Luddington has quit IRC. (Quit)
OOC: Krass, "That farking MORON!"
OOC: Fatman, "(ROFL) I wonder how long before he figures out that he has to stay on the IRC channel to get the info he needs?"
OOC: Ronilion, "A pool? I bet $10 on ten years."
OOC: Krass, "My $10 says that I'll bet he will think I did it to him as a joke and will never ask us again. He'll get Drassel to do it."
OOC: GM, "I suspect Krass is right. I guess I'll get him on the telephone and try to straighten this out. See you guys tomorrow night."
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:54:35 (CDT)
Eon looking at the holo as the boys of Lonestar are taking down another criminal, "So many criminals, its a terrible world we live in."
Luddington, "Maybe we should suggest to Krass that we export all our criminals to some empty continent and just leave them there to die and then show up 50 years later to see what happens. What do you think they'd say?"
Ronilion shaking his head in despair, "Oh, something along the lines of, "G`Day mate" would be my guess."
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:53:14 (CDT)
Krass, "Hey Mary Poppins, If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your hoop would you tell anybody?"
JoAnne, "Krass that is an insulting question. The answer though if you must have it, is; I don't think so."
Krass smiling, "Want to go camping?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:52:23 (CDT)
Krass to Ronilion from the Fatman Game "Treasure of the Seattle Mothers"
"Morons, these people who live in my part of the plex are connected to my wireless and they must think they're super-cool deckers by breaking into my completely unsecure wireless network but unfortunately for them, the connection works both ways so to make a long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their decks."
Drassel, "Good. I'll drop a quarter on them as a tip to Lone Star, so when they want advice on a good lawyer send them to me. We might just as well make some NuYen on this."
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:51:25 (CDT)
OOC: Drassel, "Yesterday evening at about 7:00 pm, so many people on my street were burning leaves--the neighborhood smelled like a Used Odor Eater Disposal Facility"
Doc Patterson, "Why is it that when dealing with Drassel I get the feeling that If you record what he says and play it back wards, many times it'll make more sense?"
Krass, "That's OK partner, you never sounded better in your life, whenever that was." He looks at Patterson, "At least I have a partner that makes sense sometimes, you on the other hand are paired with Moron's R' Us."
Patterson, "Yeah Right, Looking for signs of intelligence of any kind around here, especially from you, is like looking for tan lines on a nun."
Drassel to Patterson, "Your previous comment has been rated as "Exceptional" by the National Association of People Who Take Exception to Nearly Everything. Patterson's jokes this evening were provided by archaeologist Fern Leakey, who discovered them while unearthing an ancient Aztec funny bone."
Patterson glares at Luddington, "Well? Don't just sit there like a deer caught in the headlights of a slow steam roller. Say something!"
Luddington, "Well, I'm a terrible singer. Every time I sing in church, everybody starts praying for me. That was why I became a preacher. It's a natural talent."
OOC: GM, "Krass laughs, Drassel smiles, Doc looks exasperated and Luddington? Well we all know what Luddington looks like."
OOC:,THE WHOLE GROUP, "LIKE A DEER CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS OF A STEAM ROLLER! MOVE PADRE MOVE!"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 02:44:15 (CDT)
/join #Retrosexuals: OOC: Krass, "Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to be exposed to The GREAT Krass. Please be prepared to take the usual precautions. First I want you all to know that I'm really thin. It’s just that The Fatman's server makes me look ten pounds heavier."
OOC: Ronilion, "I know what you mean, last night I had a terrible nightmare. I dreamed I was adrift in a life raft with the Fatman and there was only one Twinkie left."
OOC: GM, "Sorry, I was in the midst of a monumental decision. I was trying to decide which flavor Slurpee goes with fig newtons. So was it a chocolate twinkie? If so I got dibs."
OOC: Eon, "Do you realize millions of people in India, Tibet, and Indonesia will go to bed tonight without hearing from any of you guys? Think about that. We in this country are so very cursed, while they are so blessed."
OOC: Drassel, "I hate to say this but she is right."
OOC: Luddington, "It's the curse of money."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 02:42:31 (CDT)
Krass to Doc Patterson, “Hey Doc, I'm really depressed. When I jumped into the car this morning, I crushed my 32-ounce Terminator glass.”
Doc Patterson, hands Krass some large pink pills “Take two of these and don’t call me in the morning. Some side effects may occur, some possible back effects, and certainly a lot of front effects. If burning, itching, or a rash develops, don’t scratch it will spread.”
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 00:20:52 (CDT)
Banded?!?! Shit, those guys have guns...and...and armor....and... and intellect....and...they're flammable!!
ChaosEsper
- Monday, October 17, 2005 at 18:53:40 (CDT)
GM, serious face holo announcer, "Today a modular house (being transported by a truck) accidentally smacked into investigative reporter Tab Lloyd knocking him into a lesbian bar that caters to blondes. Mr. Lloyd died on the scene and funeral arrangements will be held at St. Patricks next week."
Krass smiling, "Those Chamkichi Brothers do good work, I'll have to send them a bonus."
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 17, 2005 at 06:51:03 (CDT)
Ronilion, "Hey Eon, remember this? :
Ronilion to Luddington, "Krass just hit a new low."
Luddington, "How is that possible? We all know what a wanker he is?"
Ronilion, "Well he is paying street gangs a bounty to send in their youngest members to work in the Zoo."
Luddington, "Why is that so bad, if he can get the youngest members to work that might be a good thing?"
Ronilion, "You don't get it, he has them dressed in monkey suits and put in cages and advertises them as rare Sumatran Orangutans!"
Eon, "how could anyone forget?"
Ronilion, "Well catch this latest.:
GM, " We now join investigative reporter Tab Lloyd At the Seattle Zoo, where Phoebe the chimp and two others managed to climb out of their compound, and armed security guards had to come round them up. In an effort to frighten the animals into submission, they fired shots into the air, and according to the reporter for The Guardian newspaper, the chimps not only became docile at the sound of gunfire, but they put their hands up."
Ronilion, "I think that reporter might be getting closer to Krass. Do you think he suspects?"
Eon, laughing, "I certainly hope so."
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 17, 2005 at 06:49:41 (CDT)
Krass to Dr. Patterson, "I have proof that Luddington is two bubbles short of a bath."
Patterson, "Oh? How so?"
Krass, "I asked him if his truck had four wheel drive. He gave me that deer-in-the-headlights stare and said he had five if you count the spare tire."
Patterson, "Everyone is picking up the 'Drassel Disease'."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 16, 2005 at 06:36:06 (CDT)
Shrew, a rigger, was on a mission to obtain a key card on the top floor of a UCAS building. His partner Orion, a Street sam, came running up the stairs. Shrew just returned from the middle floor, where he planted C4.
they opened the door, and found thousands of Keycards, filling the room. Shrew and Orion tossed Grinades into the room. They both heard the drones comeing up the stairs.
orion and shrew walked into the room with the keys, and shrew blew the C4.
As luck would have it, the middle floor of the 3 story building exploded, only, it just made it 2 story building. The drones were smushed, and the mirrors in the room broke, they now saw the only keycard.
Shrew *stood and brushed off his shoulders and shrugs* meh..
Orion: *Shrugs as well* works for me
Shrew smiles
Norm Al
- Sunday, October 16, 2005 at 00:38:55 (CDT)
OOC: Luddington, "Have you been working on the next game Fatman?"
OOC: GM, "Oh yes, but you guys shouldn't rush me. It takes time and a lot of work to develop new games each week."
OOC: Luddington, "Well everyone is curious what kind of insanity you will come up with next."
OOC: GM, "I feel like I am writing for TV and not getting paid for it. How is this for a hint? 'This just in. A sadistic, deranged, slasher serial killer today was sentenced to seven successive 99-year prison terms. This means he could be eligible for parole in eight months."
Krass, "Eon will like this one."
The Great Krass
- Saturday, October 15, 2005 at 23:53:23 (CDT)
Ronilion to Eon, "Technology is everywhere. These days--when you lead a horse to water--Mitsubishi has a device that WILL make him drink."
Eon, "Still not good enough, partner, they still haven't invented a 'KRASS Repellant' that works."
The Great Krass
- Saturday, October 15, 2005 at 23:45:18 (CDT)
Krass to Drassel, "This time, when I asked the Eon for a date, at least she gave me a straight answer. She said she'd rather cuddle with an alligator -- in a dumpster."
The Great Krass
- Saturday, October 15, 2005 at 23:41:32 (CDT)
Krass, "I want real loyalty. I want someone who will kiss my ass in Macy's window, and say it smells like roses. "
Doc Patterson, "Well, I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 02:30:28 (CDT)
Krass to JoAnne, "Why don't you go clean house or something and get out of my face Mary Poppins?"
JoAnne smiling, "I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
Krass does a double take, "I have GOT to get you away from Drassel. Are you sure you aren't him in woman's clothes."
JoAnne smiles.
Krass, "SHYTE!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 02:29:07 (CDT)
Luddington to Krass, "If you would keep your mind on the word of GOD, you degenerate sinner, it might be possible to save your soul before you roast in Hell's fiery realm!"
Krass, thoughtfully, "God IS in my head, but the devil is in my pants. Want to see?"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 02:28:18 (CDT)
Eon to Krass, "I'll bet you go out nights as a female impersonator."
Krass, "Jealous?"
Ronilion, "She's right you know, I've seen you do it. How many women do you know who march around in 7-inch heels, 3-foot wigs and skin-tight outfits? Women don't wear that, drag queens wear that!"
Krass, "Hey Drek head, I wore that when I was doing that job at the lesbian bar. I got propositioned sixteen times in twelve minutes. Even as a drag queen I'm so sexy it scares me. Just remember though it was a JOB."
Drassel, "Yeah just like you Eon, It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. You beat people up."
Eon, "I never set out to hurt anybody deliberately unless it was, you know, important."
Krass "I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults. There's just something about me that makes a lot of people want to kill me. Everyone envies me. It's a curse. I have to look beautiful so that the poor will have a star to look up at and worship from their slums."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 00:26:26 (CDT)
Krass, "YEAH! Griffjon added AD'S. Anyone who would run this page this long deserves some money! Nothing like GOOD business and a little MONKEY Business on the side. By the way whatever happened to the Militant Flowers?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 10, 2005 at 06:07:51 (CDT)
GM: "Today, my friends, we'll try to answer some of life's more intriguing questions: Is there life after death? Is there life after marriage? Is there life after high school? Is there life during a presidential campaign?"
Krass, "You forgot one Fatboy."
GM: "I don't pretend to be infallible Mr. Krass, what did I overlook?"
Krass looking at Eon, "Eon has such a sexy voice That I wonder if I should listen to her without a parent or guardian present?"
Eon responds quickly, "Or why Krass resembles so many newborn babies? They even drool the same way."
Ronilion, "OR what's the scariest thing you can think of? How about an alarm clock that sounds like Yoko Ono?"
Drassel, "OR when are we going to get some rain? I'm tired of watering my ragweed."
Dr Patterson, "All good questions I'm sure. Well, gang, I've got to rush home. I just bought a new digital video camera and I'm gonna spend the rest of the day editing myself into the new Jennifer Lopez porn movie. If you figure out the answers clue me later.
Krass, "Holy Shyte! I want to go with him!"
Luddinton to Patterson, "Better show him your tattoo, the one on your hoop. The one that reads, 'If your close enough to read this their better be a wedding ring in your pocket!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, October 10, 2005 at 06:00:22 (CDT)
Eon to Drassel, "The thing about Krass is his persistence. He had a vision as a child and he has stuck with it to this day. That's right, he still wants to be an Oscar Meyer Weiner!"
JoAnne, "Then perhaps we should do a holo on Krass's life? 'This is PBS, the Preposterous Broadcasting System. Up next, a man who's done it all. But we've never been able to come up with enough proof to press charges. "
OOC: GM: "Very Good JoAnne, you are fitting into the group nicely. I can even add to that for Luddington when he comes on and asks for the standard holo report. How about this one? 'Today on "The Young and The Tasteless," Sin City’s infamous investigative reporter Tab Lloyd examines the lives, loves, and miscellaneous parts of 17 Calvin Klein underwear models.' That will get Krass's and Luddington's attention and then we can follow with your part as an add-on advertising next weeks broadcast. Let's test it and have it ready.
GM, holo announcer, serious face, "Later Today on 'Investigative Reports' Sin City’s infamous investigative reporter Tab Lloyd examines the lives, loves, and miscellaneous parts of seventeen Calvin Klein underwear models.' Also be sure you don't miss his hard hitting documentary on PBS, the Preposterous Broadcasting System, on Mayor Krass, a man who's done it all, but no one has ever been able to come up with enough proof to press charges."
OOC: Eon, "You're going to put a rag reporter on Krass? This should be good."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 23:29:32 (CDT)
Eon to Patterson, "If I find Krass I'm going to run him headfirst into a trash compactor."
Patterson, "You really should not pick on Krass so much. He is the way he is due to a serious medical condition. He can't help it and we are doing everything we can to find him a cure to make him normal."
Eon curious, "What medical condition are you talking about?"
Patterson, " Krass had a terrible childhood. He is probably the only guy in history who was once bitten by the Tooth Fairy."
Eon grimly eyes the doctor, "That's because he most likely tried to molest her."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:09:07 (CDT)
Luddington to Drassel, "Mr Drassel, you have in your career told some pretty big lies. What is the biggest lie you have ever made?"
Drassel, "It was at a ceremony for Krass after he first became Mayor. I said, Journalism is an Honorable profession, attracting some of the most talented and thoughtful minds in the world. Its aim is to inform, elucidate and uplift the human spirit."
Luddington, "Yep, that's a big one all right."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:08:14 (CDT)
JoAnne, "Greg, I have to go bail Krass out of jail again."
Drassel, "Anything you need me for?"
JoAnne, "No, It appears that Krass got ripped off at the fair."
Drassel, looks up intrigued, "That seems unusual enough."
JoAnne smiling, "Not as unusual as all that It appears the guards had to rip him right off of Miss Sweet Corn of 2064."
Drassel, nods silently and goes back to his work.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:07:00 (CDT)
Ronilion to Krass, "I don't know where you get your delusion that Eon will ever like you, fat-head."
Krass, "As soon as I find the right small group of very young girls, along with the seven or eight women who are just right for me, my wandering days are OVER buddy, until then chasing Eon will do fine."
Ronilion, "I guess you live by the proverb that it's better to live one hour as a tiger, than a whole life time as a worm."
Krass, "Of course, whoever heard of a worm skin rug?"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:05:27 (CDT)
Luddington, "I check the holo to see if there is anything of interest on."
GM, "Tonight on the 'Star Trek' rerun: Kirk suddenly realizes it's the year 2064 -- and surely somebody has invented a realistic looking toupee by now."
Luddington, "Is there nothing sacred these days? He pulls out his pistol and shoots the holo unit. Nobody runs down Star Trek while I'm around!"
GM, "GAH! I'm smoking here. Someone call a Holo Repairman. OH the AGONY."
OOC: GM, "Darn some imbecile is ringing my cell phone. I'll bet it's work. Did you folks know that six in eight Americans now carry a cell phone. One in ten carries a cell phone over to the toilet and flushes it. Bon Voyage you annoying piece of technical garbage. Now where were we?"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:04:36 (CDT)
OOC: Eon, "FATMAN! Slow down! I had 63 messages in my email. The group is going nuts again!
OOC: GM, "Well after the summer everyone seems ready to get in some extra time on the game. I have been having fun with Krass about his so-called innocence and that everyone just does it to him. He will never be able to convince anyone that Krass is innocent and just picked on. there are over 21 pages of Krass action since May 2005 on the Proboards and the Quotefile posts go back to 2004."
OOC: Eon, "That is a long time back."
OOC: GM, "Yep, even when you all get lazy, I'm an energizer bunny." :)
OOC: Ronilion, "Bunny? Not the vermin I would have normally associated you with but I can go with that."
OOC: GM, "That's OK... I didn't tell them on the proboards that your one of those fragging elves."
OOC: Ronilion, "We prefer the term "God's Perfect Creations" but I can understand why a bunny wouldn't understand that."
OOC: Eon, "Touche!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:02:32 (CDT)
Krass, remarking on Eon's change of hair style, " Personally, even with her new image, to me, Eon and her chest, will always be the kid you just knew could yodel under water."
Eon, yanks out a taser and let's Krass have it. She continues to push the button. "Anything else you want to stay Lord of Scum? I've decided to train you like a the dog you are."
Krass, "Oh, I'm hurting. You hammered me. Are you turned on yet?"
Eon grimly pushes the button again and again.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:01:02 (CDT)
Dr Patterson to JoAnne, "Where's Krass? I have some new requirements for equipment for that killer cyber enhanced dog I'm making him. It will be so nasty it could chew plastocrete like marshmellow."
JoAnne, "Krass may not be here today. After Eon's taser ran out of charge he was so sexually excited he ran out of here looking for some action. While out last night he saw a foxy lady and sucked his gut in so hard he threw his back out. He did leave a message though for everyone."
Krass message, "Now, finally, the blockbuster news that’ll make your day. I not only will be back the day after tomorrow, but I will be glibber, profounder, adorabler, and more charismaticker than ever."
Dr Patterson, "She could have hooked that taser to Three Mile Island and it would have made just as much difference."
JoAnne, "You have to say this about Krass, no one and I mean no one can take a pounding like him."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 02:59:50 (CDT)
"Okay, we have the gimp mask, bondage gear, and a sack full of yogurt. Shadowrun is the best game ever."
-Kevin, in response to the team's preparation for kidnapping a mage.
Prosper
- Friday, October 07, 2005 at 15:26:17 (CDT)
Scenario: After gaining control over the Enterprise, threatening the UN, and managing to cut California off from North America using the phasers, the group is tired and the session is drawing to a close.
Serenity: Okay, the UN has decided to send it's reply. In the form of nuclear missiles.
Obscura Maxima: That's nice. I jack out of the game. Time to meet the real versions of my friends.
Daystar: Wait... That run we just did was just a game? And we were characters in it?
Serenity: Yeah. It was Ob's idea.
*sound of collective groans of realization*
Obscura Maxima: Told you they'd fall for it.
Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 10:11:30 (CDT)
Scenario: Obscura Maxima has just managed to kill the bridge crew of the Enterprise and is trying to keep security out while Daystar is trying to unlock controls.
Daystar: Okay, I'm just going to hack the computer.
Serenity: You better roll like a god.
Daystar: *rolls first die* Will a 23 do?
Serenity: Nope. Keep trying.
Daystar: *rolls second die* How about a 31?
Serenity: *thumps head on desk*
Daystar: Yay! I just hacked the computer of the Enterprise!
Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 10:01:12 (CDT)
Serenity: Okay, since you guys seem to not like my runs, I've decided to do a special run. You get to meet the crew of the Enterprise.
Obscura Maxima: WOOHOO! WE GET TO STEAL THE ENTERPRISE!
Serenity: There is no fragging way in Hell you are going to steal the Enterprise.
Daystar: Give it up. He may not be as smart as you, but he rolls better.
Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 09:54:24 (CDT)
Why Dumpshock is now banned from our group.
Reason #1:
Serenity: Okay, let me see your character sheets. Good... Good... What? What in the frag is SwordFish Mustardball?
Obscura Maxima: It's a skill I found on Dumpshock?
Serenity: You and Mr. Surprise Lightning Bolt are going to have a long conversation.
Reason #2:
Serenity: Okay, why did you build your Adept this way?
Obscura Maxima: I saw it on Dumpshock?
Serenity: Okay, remember Mr. Surprise Lightning Bolt? His friend, Mrs. Large Falling Anvil, would like to continue the conversation.
Reason #3:
Serenity: Okay, the ally spirit approaches...
Obscura Maxima: Is it dikoted?
Serenity: Where the hell did you get such an idea? Nevermind, I already know. Rocks fall, you all die.
Obscura Maxima: But...
Serenity: ROCKS FALL, YOU ALL DIE.
Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 06:48:32 (CDT)
Questions from a new GM.
1) Serenity: Why do they call you Sabosect?
Sabosect: It's short for Sabotage Section. My old DnD group used to accidentally blow up cities, and thus earned the nickname.
Serenity: And how does that affect us?
Sabosect: Ya know Arkham Crater, in the Barrens? In a previous game, that was the Seattle Waste Processing Center. My sammie, named Arkham, got too friendly with a missile launcher there.
Serenity: Okay, you're no longer allowed to play street sams. I hear deckers are a good choice this year.
Sabosect: Well, I have an interesting story about that...
Serenity: Please stop before I make you play a face.
2) Serenity: Why do you have a table of weights? And why does it list how much a chandelier can hold?
Obscura Maxima: We sometimes like to get a little drunk.
Serenity: A little? Your summaries from six months ago read like an advertisement for Alcoholics Anonymous.
3) Serenity: Sab, what is wrong with your notes? I can't figure out these strange symbols.
Sabosect: Oh, that's D'ni. Just numbers. I find it easier to use that system.
Serenity: I can read D'ni. I meant the rest of the notes.
Sabosect: Oh, that's Klingon. The previous GM taught it to me.
Serenity: What kind of idiot writes notes in two fictional languages?
Sabosect: The kind of idiot in charge of tonight's run.
Serenity: I'll shut up now.
4) Serenity: Sab, why are your Dumpshock posts so unlike the real you?
Sabosect: Because I let Ob feed me ideas on what to post.
Serenity: Why?
Sabosect: Imagine the look on people's faces when they realize the Village Idiot may actually be smarter than they are.
Serenity: You are a cruel, cruel person.
Sabosect: I work very hard at it.
Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 06:29:28 (CDT)
Krass, "I had lots of sex when I was in highschool and under 18. Man, I miss those days. I wish I would have realized what I had, when I had it."
Ronilion, "You probably still have 'IT'. Better get check by Doc Patterson. Make sure your mind is fully rested, Go to the Doc and your nads Tested."
Krass, "You sound like a fragging infomercial."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 02:10:54 (CDT)
Krass, "Is it weird if you recognize a girl in your inbox porn from your highschool?"
Ronilion, "I think the most comedic answer would be, "It depends what part you recognized."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 02:06:37 (CDT)
Info News Babe brightly smiling, "Mayor Krass, declared today that May 9 will be set aside as "Orgasm Day," pointing out that orgasms seem to make people happier and more productive. Mayor Krass declared as well during the same interview that female workers should not wear revealing skirts to work unless they have "completely perfect legs," nor crop tops unless they have "well-trained bellies."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 02:05:13 (CDT)
Krass to Eon, "Hey Baby, you are looking so fine this weekend, how about some wine?"
Eon, "Get lost creep."
Krass, "Lots of girls have told me that lots of times at first. This is Krass though baby, and, Yes, I am every bit as wonderful as I know you think I am. So if that won’t melt your ear wax, you may need to call Roto-Rooter."
Eon, "And now, here are the results of the latest Krass Stink-O-Meter rating concerning his last comment. Is it? Yes, it is, ladies and gentlemen, that last comment gets a Stink-O-Meter rating of -- three sweatsocks and a backed up sewer!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 01:22:37 (CDT)
Krass to Ronilion, "I’m glad summer's over. Maybe now Eon will stop complaining about her swim fins ruining her power pedicure."
Ronilion, "Yeah I noticed. You can tell the weather is changing. The local skinheads have stopped wearing their open-toed combat boots."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 01:21:50 (CDT)
Luddington, "I'm looking at the news. Anything interesting Fatman?"
GM: weaselly looking dude on the holo today, loud shirt, louder voice, bad hairstyle. COULD be a HOLO Evangelist but isn't dumb enough and he is yelling; "Don’t let that word "fraud" fool you. Hi, neighbors, I’m Claude Fraud, owner of Fraud’s Furniture and Bail Bonds, 1439 Trashbag; where today only you can buy this exquisite 56-piece dinette set for only $119.99. Yes, you can own this beautiful and only slightly damaged turquoise day-glo table top with four chairs, four legs, four napkins, four beer coasters, two salt shakers, two salt-shaker tops, a sugar bowl, 33 sugar lumps, and a brand new 3-by-5 index card perfect for folding and sticking under one or more table legs. Hurry, this is a $99.95 value and it won’t last long!"
OOC: GM, "Luddington is looking like a dear caught in the headlights."
OOC: Krass, "He ALWAYS looks like that."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 01:21:18 (CDT)
OOC: GM, "Yechh! Right now I have morning breath in three time zones."
OOC: Drassel, "Did you know that in New England, a law firm hands out attorney trading cards. Each lawyer's stats are on the back-- showing how many clients he's handled, how many cases he's won, etc."
OOC: JoAnne, "There's two things that stink this morning, now all we need is for Krass to show up."
/join #Retrosexuals: OOC: Krass, "Well I see Fatboy is up and about because the server works again. Did you flay Ronilion yet, Fatman? I want to watch."
OOC: JoAnne, "The stink of the world is complete."
OOC: Krass, "Rats I missed it!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 01:20:07 (CDT)
Drassel to Luddington, "The Catholic Church is opposed to same sex marriages. Is your church opposed as well?"
Luddington, "Most assuredly, the bible states it is a sin. While we do not hate the sinner we dislike the sin."
Drassel, "Then how come the bible shows a sex act between two men?"
Luddington confused, "I've never heard or read of that, where is it?"
Drassel not smiling, "It says that King Herod once got head from John the Baptist."
Luddington looks at Drassel in surprise, "NO, NO, NO, It says he got 'THE' head of John the Baptist."
Drassel, smiling, "Not in Krass's version."
Luddington, to self, "Hate the sin, not the sinner....hate the sin not sinner, I will not shoot this fragging sinner in the kneecaps."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 20, 2005 at 03:30:14 (CDT)
Krass is having an adjustment made to the ProKrasstinator 2000 becuase it keeps giving him micro-shocks at the most inconveinent times. The Doctor is making adjustments but the shocks keep coming. "Today on "Generally Empty Headed Hospital," the hospital review board will be severely reprimanding Dr. Putz for leaving his 7-11 mug inside a cardiac patient. OW!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 01:01:52 (CDT)
Drassel to JoAnne, "Krass must have a really heavy date this evening. He's wearing his Lion King T-shirt."
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:59:34 (CDT)
Krass learing at Eon, "This is the best day of the month to stand naked between two full-length mirrors and count your moles. Need some help?"
Eon looks steadily at Krass for a moment, "I'm studying a new college course. Funeral Director, right now we are doing Embalming, and I need a test subject." Krass hastily departs.
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:57:57 (CDT)
Ronilion to Eon, "1984. I’ll never forget 1984. That’s the year I won first place at the science fair for installing a computerized radar missile detection system in my brother. He still hiccups a lot but he feels very secure."
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:54:46 (CDT)
JoAnne to Krass, "Is this going to be another one of those days when you could be declared legally stupid?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:50:56 (CDT)
"Now, The Great Krass presents another one of its continuing series of assaults on common sense and good taste. Brace yourselves, folks, it's time for me!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:48:47 (CDT)
Drassel, "Where's Krass? I think we are going to be getting the next run soon."
Luddington, "He said something about the Victoria Secrets Models. I think he mentioned a concert."
Drassel, "Ahh, the Sodom and Gomorrah concert! Yes, he mentioned it earlier."
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:45:58 (CDT)
Krass, "This portion of the Krass program is brought to you by 'Whiff', the exciting new super long-lasting underarm deodorant. And by 'Zip-Strip', the paint remover that's perfect for getting Whiff off your underarms."
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:41:59 (CDT)
JoAnne, "You know Krass, if you keep on putting our stuff all over the place you'r name could become a household word, like Saniflush!"
Krass, "Gee Mary, summers almost over, I only have a few more days to laugh at you before Octoberfest when the smell of sauerkraut pollution will be in the air."
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:37:43 (CDT)
Ronilion to Eon, " I find it truly amazing sometimes what you can get away with by just batting your eyelashes and taking a deep breath."
Krass leers, "Raped?"
Ronilion looks at Krass, "You know what? You don't even know the basics of 'cool' do you."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 23:17:38 (CDT)
[Privmsg] OOC: GM: "Oriental Hatchet Harridan of Hate? OHH oH? Cute Krass."
[Privmsg] OOC: Krass: "You were the only one that caught it so far."
[Privmsg] OOC: GM: "By the way wasn't Sheryl Crow married to 'Kid Rock' at one time?"
[Privmsg] OOC: Krass: "You keep leading with some great lines. Maybe he gave her too much 'rock' and didn't 'eat' enough Crow! (ROFL) You going to share this?"
[Privmsg] OOC: GM: "I think not."
[Privmsg] OOC: Krass: "I want to put it on the proboards."
[Privmsg] OOC: GM: sighs, "If you must."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 23:16:31 (CDT)
OOC: GM: "I see an article where Sheryl Crow is going to get married. Shall we start a pool on how long that marriage will last while we are waiting for everyone to join?"
OOC: Krass, "I guess that gives new meaning to the phrase, 'Her husband will have to 'eat' Crow for the rest of his marriage."
OOC: Patterson, "All men have to eat Crow when they get married, it's the natural order of things. At least he is getting an honest up-front warning. That's more than most of the rest of us got."
OOC: JoAnne, "You're all such 'naughty' boys tonight."
OOC: Krass, "Oh LOOK! It's Mary Poppins! If I say the word 'shit' will you feel filthy?"
/join #Retrosexuals: OOC: Drassel, "Huh? Where? Krass you shouldn't say such things to Mary Poppins. When did she come on?"
OOC: JoAnne, "Krass, if you don't mind your tongue, I'm going to have Eon give you a lifetime of lumps tonight."
OOC: Krass, "Don't threaten me with the 'Oriental Hatchet Harridan of Hate', you saucy blimey-limey wench."
OOC: GM: "Krass...."
OOC: Krass, "Don't worry Fatman, just getting in the mood, with Ms. Mary Poppins here."
OOC: Drassel, "I don't see Mary Poppins on here. So far I only see the Fatman, Patterson, Krass and JoAnne. Who is Mary Poppins or did she leave already?"
OOC: Patterson, "Someone, ANYONE! Shoot HIM, PLEASE! He is just too stupid to live!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 23:15:48 (CDT)
Krass advertising:
"Krass/Drassel and Associates is offering a year's supply of Woebegone®, "The All-natural Penis-enhancing Herbal Supplement for Men to the 10,000th customer to graduate from the Shadow-runners school."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 03:04:55 (CDT)
OOC: GM, "I went out and bought some new gaming dice yesterday. They were very expensive though. I looked the long-haired teen straight in the eye and smiled and asked if I could roll the die 20 to haggle double or nothing?"
OOC: Krass, "Fatman, you are a trip. I can picture a fat old dude with almost no hair pulling that on a kid, NOT! So what did he do weasel out?"
OOC: GM, "Nope, he was game. He told me to go for it and pulled out a D20 and said if I beat his roll I could have them for free. He rolled first and got a ten. Then I rolled and got a NATURAL ONE! I ended up paying double. Such is my luck. He did say though that it made his day and he would have great story for other customers, all I got was dice that roll like DREK!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 03:04:21 (CDT)
Drassel, "Eon has nice hands. Have you ever noticed how soft and gentle they are? She has the hands of a fifteen year old Chinese girl."
Krass thoughtfully, "I wish I had hands like that too, wrapped around something."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 03:03:04 (CDT)
Drassel to Krass and JoAnne, "you two should try to get along."
Krass, "Why should we moron? Men and Woman have always been natural enemies and I won't even go into the whole Revolution and War of 1812."
JoAnne, "1812, Now there's a memory. We kicked your posterior."
Drassel, "Come now you have much in common as far as culture, history and even present alliances."
Krass, "Name one."
Drassel, "Iraq and Qatar both adopted their present names in direct defiance of the British and Americans, who attempted to impose the English rule that the letter Q must always be followed by the letter U."
JoAnne, laughing "You had to ask. I'll bet you had some smart answer all lined up and he hit you with something TOTALLY off the wall."
Krass glares stymied for a moment, then smiles. "mary Poppins and Q'BERT!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:35:50 (CDT)
OOC: JoAnne, "Krass, if the American President went to prison, would Secret Service agents go with him?"
OOC: Krass shruggs, "Sure someone's got to wipe his mouth and butt."
OOC: JoAnne, "So like you, the American President has the same problem with shit dribbling from both ends?"
OOC: Krass, "It's the nature of all politicians Mary Poppins. We do have a system of checks and balances though, Remember, this is America, and just because you're an idiot is no guarantee you'll be elected. Hey Mary Poppins, you said shit. Does that mean you're getting angry at me?"
OOC: JoAnne, smiling, "You wish. I'm practicing in dealing with a rude wanker like you."
OOC: Krass, "OK, I just thought maybe you were a friend of that idiot Osama and I wanted you to deliver a message for me, As for you, Osama, may 88,000 camel flies attack your saddle sore!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:26:26 (CDT)
Drassel and JoAnne are having a quick working lunch at the Seattle Taco Bell. Drassel looks at the clerk behind the cash register and asks, "How many Chihuahuas does it take to make a burrito?"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:11:54 (CDT)
Eon to Ronilion, "I don't care if it is the holo sweeps, I do not want to see Devlin Krass in a Speedo with the Victoria Secrets models in a Rollerjam!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:09:18 (CDT)
Krass to the media on the energy problems facing the city, "A big city freeway is merely a test track for those trying to break the sound barrier in an SUV."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:05:58 (CDT)
OOC: GM, "Mr Krass, will you PLEASE stop calling JoAnne, Mary Poppins, to this date you have antagonized almost every person in the world."
OOC: Krass, "Hey, I'm an American, and I'm exercising my inalienable right not to care."
OOC: GM, sighs, "I must admit you do it well. Sometimes I am truly envious of your ability not to give a shit about anything."
OOC: Krass, "It comes from my education."
OOC: GM, "Like you, when I was young I knew everything, but then I got an education and forgot it all."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:04:17 (CDT)
Drassel, "I made sure Ambassador Longstocking made it to the orbital all right. She looked refreshed and happy."
Krass, "Not me, I got so wet, I have diaper rash."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 02:27:03 (CDT)
Eon to Dr Patterson, "Krass's hair is not naturally curly. It’s more like naturally crooked."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 02:24:21 (CDT)
Drassel to Luddington, "Krass may be a little late today. He was arrested last night for running through the Seattle Super Mall ripping sleeves off people's shirts. He kept screaming, "You can't arrest me! I have a constitutional right to bare arms!"
Luddington, "I suspect Lone Star was NOT amused."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 02:16:05 (CDT)
Krass to the group, "AND NOW, here he is, the hair on your soap, the sand in your swimsuit, and the squirrel in your attic, Shyster Drassel!"
Drassel, "You're just put out because I interrupted your good time with Queenie Quicklips."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 02:12:20 (CDT)
Ronilion to JoAnne, "I take it Krass is back from vacation?"
JoAnne, "Not yet."
Ronilion, "Krass is a greedy bastiage and a workaholic. It doesn't seem natural for him to be gone this long."
JoAnne, "He's mixing work with pleasure."
Ronilion, curiously, "How so?"
JoAnne, "He's been real busy 'stuffing' chickens."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 01:29:22 (CDT)
"I don't want a haircut, I just need an outboard motor" -Ben Fairyfire to a rather large hairstylist in the Renraku Arcology when he was looking to get supplies for his chummers hunting awakened beasties in the sewers beneath Seattle.
Daikuma
- Wednesday, September 14, 2005 at 13:52:09 (CDT)
OOC: GM: "Interesting Krass, that you did a (This Day in History.) I want in as well! Did you know that on this day in History, nice guy Milton Hershey was born on this date in 1857. He built a chocolate empire, then gave it to an orphanage and a school. He also gave us Hugs and Kisses and a city in Pennsylvania that makes my mouth water. I can drink his chocolate syrup right out of the squeeze bottle."
OOC: Krass, "Fatboy you need to lay off the chocolate. That stuff is going to kill you someday."
OOC: GM: "Obviously it's the LACK of chocolate that kills you. I'm still alive and so many health nuts are dead. Take Bruce Lee for example."
OOC: JoAnne, "There are worse things than chocolate, Fatman. On this day in 1989 Britain’s biggest ever computer banking error gave customers an extra two-billion pounds. To put it into perspective, that’s almost as many extra pounds as McDonald’s special sauce is responsible for. That stuff WILL kill you."
OOC: Fatman, "But what a way to go."
OOC: Dr. Patterson, "Judith "Miss Manners" Martin is 67 today. She’s the foremost expert on questions of etiquette: like, how long to wait before raiding the office supplies of the guy they just laid off or dies from eating Chocolate McDonalds hamburgers."
OOC: Ronilion, "A rhinoceros was first seen in New York City on this day in 1926. To most people, a rhinoceros would be a fearsome creature. Not to New Yorkers. The rhino wasn't there 15 minutes before someone tried to steal his hubcaps and they weren't covered in 'special sauce' or chocolate."
OOC: Drassel, "That's New Yorkers for you. Did you know that the first auto accident in the U.S. occurred on this date in 1896 when a car collided with a bicycle in New York City. The driver was jailed overnight pending a hospital report on the injured cyclist. The cyclist recovered quickly, however, despite the advice of several attorneys. McDonalds wasn't around at the time but chocolate was."
OOC: GM: "See I've been vindicated, by ... Uhm... New Yorkers? Uhm... time to shut up."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 03:54:53 (CDT)
Luddington, 'Krass, pain, if patiently endured, and sanctified to us, is a great purifier of our corrupted nature.'
Krass, "The British won the French & Indian War in Quebec on this day in 1759. Thus all American Indians became British instead of French, except those who later became Yankees or learned Spanish. You can see why the Indians didn't like what was going on. In fact, some Indians still have reservations. So I guess they weren't "purified" enough?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 03:34:23 (CDT)
Ronilion to Luddington, "Nowadays sex is big business. Not like in the old days -- when it was strictly a Mom and Pop operation."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 03:18:25 (CDT)
Drassel, "So how is the vacation?"
Krass, "This morning was a big improvement over yesterday morning. This morning Pippi woke me up by blowing in my ear. Yesterday morning she did something really nasty with a shop vac."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 03:16:50 (CDT)
Krass on vacation to "test" out his new and improved 'equipment', marches into the most expensive hotel he can find.
“Hi baby!” stated Krass happily. “I'm the Great Krass. I'm sure you've read all about me and my exploits in the government, business and scientific community. I want you to know that I'm here incognito and I don’t want a lot of fans crashing the doors. This is a vacation.” He winked at the girl. The concierge approached quietly and nodded to Devlin.
“Of course Mr. Krass, you have been expected. The instructions have been quite clear from your people to ours. We have reserved the top floor suite of rooms in your name. The Security Force you require is already on hand. The Hotel tailor is already working on a suitable wardrobe. The barber and masseuses are also present. The newspapers, television, holographic units have been warned that you will grant interviews as you see fit but that you are to be undisturbed. The governor sent his greetings and has requested that you have lunch with him at your convenience.”
“You didn’t forget the Hot Tub did you? It has to be large enough to hold at least twelve people.” Krass stated irritated as he looked closely at the concierge. The man never even flinched. “You will find that the facilities in your suite have the hot tub you requested and it will hold more than 50 people let alone a dozen. However, there is a smaller one in your suite as well that will accommodate a dozen people. As for the ‘Entertainers’ you have requested as part of your entourage, they are awaiting your screening after you are rested.” Krass nodded happily.
At least they hadn't forgotten the Joy Girls.
“I have been instructed by the management that your stay with us will be complimentary of course. It is not everyday that we have someone of your stature and fame visiting with us. If there is anything you require please let us know immediately. We have also reserved a Daily reservation in your name for meals at the famous Chez Michael and at the local Playboy and Hooters clubs. You will find also a complete line of credit, identity cards, and several major credit cards for your use. We hope you enjoy your stay at the Hotel Xanadu Mr. Krass.” Krass smiled, this was more like it!
OOC: Krass, "Fatman you cut off my nuts. When you're bad you're very bad, but I have to admit that when you're good you're very good."
OOC: GM, "Things do have a tendendency to even out, Devlin. Enjoy the vacation, after the last game you appear to have earned it. I believe Miss Longstocking will be paying a surprise visit as well, to console you on your recent loss and recovery."
OOC: Krass, "No chicken feathers now."
OOC: GM, "I promise no chicken feathers."
OOC: Eon, "Just sheep in heat."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 02:44:48 (CDT)
Nappy(Decker) and Shrew(rigger) walk in to N&N(nappyscompany) giggling uncontrollably after being told to ger a car. Thamior( new char street sam) is the first to speak:
Thamior "whats so funny"
Shrew smiles "Nothing"
Thamior pulls a gun "Tell me"
Nappy" Oh a gun. Watch out,itll squirt us"
Shrew "he has ONE gun"
Thamior "You have more than one gun?"
Shrew "Yea..."
Norm" How many?"
Nappy "I have 10"
Shrew"I have 14"
Shrew "That makes20...
Nappy "...1"
they laugh
Thamior "Where go you keep so many guns?"
Shrew" Our tank"
Thamior "you have a tank?"
Shrew "you think we walked here?"
Thamior, "Where did you get a tank?"
Nappy" Wal-mart"
Thamior 'oh'
Norm Al
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 00:23:19 (CDT)
/join #Retrosexuals: OOC: Drassel, "Sorry everyone, I was almost late. I had to take my car in for emergency service. Somebody got sick in my airbag."
OOC: Krass, "I don't even want to know this story."
OOC: Eon, "Krass is the dumbest thing on Earth but in this case I have to agree."
OOC: GM: "I don't want to know either."
OOC: Drassel, "OK then, but Thank goodness the weather is turning cooler. I ran out of sweat three weeks ago."
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 12, 2005 at 01:00:59 (CDT)
Xtreme to Krass, "If you pour chocolate on the Turducken would the Fatman think it was the Ultimate?"
Krass, "Not in my book. Let me ask Her Royal TITness what she thinks."
OOC: GM: "Hello again and welcome to "The Krass Program." And remember, immediately following the show our crack attorney Drassel will be here to retract everything I've said."
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 12, 2005 at 00:45:21 (CDT)
Ronilion: "Today’s soap opera update. Today on "Search for Sanity," Sabosect worries about Krass’s strange relationship with a frozen pot pie."
OOC: Ronilion to Sabosect: There is absolutely nothing you can say about Krass that would embarrass him. He likes the attention no matter how he gets it. Still he does have a 'shocking' effect, we just never thought to use him as a room quieter."
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 12, 2005 at 00:38:13 (CDT)
From the Shadowrun ProBoards:
Krass, you have actually made it into my games. And not in a way you may like.
Basically, it started off similar to normal. The group was chatting away about recent events, I was double checking my notes. What was different was that I made the call for attention and they continued chatting. I called two more times and was ignored. So I decided to play evil. I stood up and announced, "I'm THINKING of KRASS in a BRA and a SKIRT in the BACK ROOM of a butcher shop CAVORTING SENSUALLY with a GIRAFFE. And if you all don't shut up, I'll describe how!"
The horrified silence was enough for me to regain my composure and start the game.
The Great Krass
- Monday, September 12, 2005 at 00:35:32 (CDT)
Krass to Drassel, "I ordered Eon, Luddington and you news state of the art decks today to replace the ones we lost through normal wear and tear."
Drassel, owlishly peering at the order form, "It says these items are on back order. That means they don't have it, but will ship it to you once they get it."
Krass disgusted, "I know what back order means, moron. I didn't see that with all the fine print on this order form. DREK, that means all I'm getting is two fans, a heatsink, and my free shirt and ballcap."
Drassel shrugs, "Well, that will allow you to Look cool, and Be cool."
Krass glares, "Frag Off!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 08, 2005 at 02:11:31 (CDT)
Krass is checking out his new camera for espionage work. He shows it to the group.
Luddington, "It looks like an ordinary camera to me, what makes it so special?"
Krass, "It has such a fast shutter speed that when I take a picture of Eon or JoAnne I can catch them with their mouths shut."
Dr Patterson, "Now that's fast."
The girls glare.
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 08, 2005 at 01:41:08 (CDT)
OOC: JoAnne, "I've been feeding Krass egg salad sandwiches and baked beans. By now he should be as capable of flight as the Goodyear blimp."
OOC: Ronilion, "Hey Fatman, I want to sell tickets."
OOC: GM: "Expound on your idea, Mr. Ronilion."
OOC: Ronilion, "I want to turn it into a kids show. Considering that most kids have the genetic pre-disposition toward grossology, it seems like it could be the seasons hit on a number of channels if handled right. "
OOC: GM: "Hmm, you could be right. I recall a recent article that says; "What you're seeing now is more and more places are willing to do bodily noises," said Andy Simmons, who edits the humor pages for Reader's Digest. "Look at Nickelodeon and 'Rugrats.' They're doing gas jokes as a promo for one of their cable shows. You never saw that before. Things are looser now. Fred Flintstone didn't do flatulence jokes when we were growing up."
OOC: JoAnne, "To a kid, what passes for funny is usually gas."
OOC: Ronilion, "Humerously put, think of it, with gas prices going up so fast we are going to be RICH."
OOC: JoAnne, "We are already rich."
OOC: Ronilion, "No one is ever rich enough just poor enough."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:12:17 (CDT)
City Hall Flunky to Mayor Krass, "Sir, the people are demanding that you do something about fuel prices. "
Krass, "Doesn't anyone out there think besides me? Tell them I have shut down all city transportation. If anyone wants to get anywhere tell them to use the C.J.S.P."
Flunky, "Sir, I have never heard of that plan."
Krass, "Idiot! The Car Jacking Service Plan. Jack a car and take it where you want to go! Think of it, you don't pay for the gas, or insurance or registration, you don't even have to worry about fender benders. You don't own it so if they come looking for the owner, it won't BE YOU! I've used it alot myself and I KNOW it works."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:11:12 (CDT)
Krass to Xtreme:
Maybe I can get this subcontracted and have Ares tech market it. After all it is a 'lethal' weapon. Most people will need a license for this and as Mayor, this could be useful.
The name will have to undergo some revision. Krasstinator - PRO3K, because I refuse to accept anything LESS than TOP billing. I like the vibrator idea build in though. I think when Patterson is putting in the clone replacement I'll have him add it as a cyber enhancement. By the way I 'stole' your idea and Drassel patented it. It's "OUR" idea now, thanks chummer. Next time you have a flash of your bulb, come to us and sign a fragging contract. You might get some NuYen out of it. as it is you've taken this one up the KAZOO.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:09:19 (CDT)
Xtreme on the Shadowrun Proboards:
sigh... I hate it when my mind wanders at work... this could possibly get me into trouble, but.. hey, its me
ProKrasstinator 3K:
Announcer: we interrupt your radio broadcast to bring you this advertisement live...
"Are you tired of being tiny? not enough? or non-existent? then you need the ProKrasstinator 3K, modeled after our beloved Mayer Krass. the ProKrasstinator 3K is the greatest penile replacement technology to exist. Built out of Titanium, it provides full protection and full satisfaction... the "Pro" stands for its ability, the "Krass" stands for well.. you know (snicker) EH-EM, I'm sorry.. stands as a monument that says the company's logo, 'when you thing of Penis, think ProKrasstinator 3K' and the "tinator" means its one of a kind ten speed vibrator system that changes functions as quick as a thought... and there you have it... the ProKrasstinator 3K... now back to your.. you know what.. speaking of procrastination Mayor Krass... who in the hell do you think you ar...
( different ) announcer: now back to your radio station
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:08:27 (CDT)
OOC: GM: "You know, after a long life, I have learned one major truth, everything tastes more or less like chicken. Ask anyone about anything you have never eaten and the response is, it taste's a little like chicken. So when my wife sticks something new in front of me I just say, Chicken Again?"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:06:54 (CDT)
Father Luddington has come to offer spiritual comfort after returning from Z-IC. He spies Krass reading a book. "What are you reading, my son."
Krass spitefully, "I'm not your damn 'son'. This book, if you must know is called 'Advice to a Young Man on choosing a Mistress'.
Luddington, "Even having lost so much you still have the sinful urges to continue to race headlong to Hell and Damnation. Who would write such a book? Cassanova, Bill Clinton, or perhaps Martha Stewart?"
Krass, smiles, "Benjamin Franklin. Now don't you feel like a complete horse's ass?"
Luddington, "No, sin is everywhere." He pulls out his gun and shoots a huge hole in the book. Pages scatter everywhere and some catch on fire. "See the book died, it's evil, and will 'son' no more."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:05:09 (CDT)
OOC: Eon, "Just so that everyone here is fully aware of my opinion, Krass is a steaming pile of SHIT!"
OOC: Ronilion bored, "OK what did he do now?"
OOC: Eon, "He was born, hatched, created, or something like that."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:03:30 (CDT)
JoAnne to Krass and Drassel, "Mr Krass, I got the license plate renewed on your company limo. The new number is YAG-10B."
Krass, "It's about time, now go back to the office before I bitch-slap you."
Drassel and JoAnne leave and JoAnne starts laughing quietly.
Drassel, "What's so funny? Krass was pretty rude to you but I must admit you took it well. Just like a lawyer."
JoAnne, smiles and holds up a mirror to Krass's new license plate. It reads: BOI-GAY.
Drassel, "Everyone that looks in a rearview mirror is going to see that plate. I see a lot of accidents in the future."
JoAnne, "Now all I have to do is wait. Think of the litigation possibilities."
Drassel smiles, , "I think you're ready to be raised to full partner status. I'll get started on the paperwork. We're going to need a new office assistant."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:03:02 (CDT)
Drassel is visiting Krass at the Hospital not because he wants to offer sympathy but to bring up a business idea. Isn't it so nice to have people who care?
Drassel, "I did some research on Turducken."
Krass smiling, "....and?
Drassel, "It is a real dish!"
Krass, "You're a fragging genius it only took you half a farking year to figure it out."
Drassel, "I have subcontracted with Acme Foods to start a new fast food business and corporation where we will be the sole owners and parent corporation."
Krass looking interested, "The fast food business is risky. We may have to wait 5-7 years to see a profit. What's the advertising look like."
Drassel, "Not just Turducken, Cajun Baked Turducken. It goes like this: {The Turducken isn't a meal - it's an experience. Our Turducken is a semi-boneless turkey (we leave only the wings and legs) stuffed with boneless duck, boneless chicken, cornbread dressing, and mouth-watering Cajun-style pork sausage. The Turduckens weigh an average of 14-15 lbs and provide approximately 20-25 servings (depending on your eaters of course). We will also offer Boneless Breast of Turducken, and Turducken on a sesame roll. For the Turducken Breast, we follow the same procedure as the Turducken, except we use only the boneless breast of each bird. Our Turducken Breast is a boneless turkey breast stuffed with a boneless duck breast, boneless chicken breast and mouth-watering Cajun-style pork sausage. The breasts average 4.5 lbs and provide approximately 7-9 servings. The dinner comes with the Turducken Breast plus all the trimmings including cornbread dressing, sweet potato and praline casserole, corn maque choux and green bean casserole. Bring the taste of Cajun country at its finest to your dinner table. The Turducken, seasoned to authentic perfection, makes it easy to prepare a spectacular feast that your family and friends are sure to remember."
Krass, interested, "So you envision something like a Kentucky Fried Chicken where we sell the whole meal?"
Drassel, smiles, "Exactly. We make our selling places look like Cajun River Boats and instead of a barrel we use a boat carry case. The sales people will be dressed as Cajun women."
Krass, "OK I like it. Go with it."
Drassel, "I already have. I brought you a Turducken sandwich, you owe me 10 NuYen."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:01:41 (CDT)
Eon nods, "The Star made a mistake with Krass, he's all dick and they only took a bump off him."
Dr Patterson thoughtfully, "That explains it. You just can't keep a bad dick down."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:00:24 (CDT)
Dr Patterson to Krass, "Krass you need to keep your political roadshow OUT of my hospital and stop trying to make out with the nurses. You don't have the tool for it until I complete the operation."
Krass, "What the hell do you know about tools? I can satisfy any woman just by looking at them."
Dr Patterson," I saw a forty foot wrench once. It was the biggest 'tool' I had ever seen until I met you."
Krass, "Thats weird because one time I saw this forty foot tall wench, and that was the biggest whore I ever saw till I met Eon. She was your mother, perhaps?"
Dr. Patterson glares, "That does it, you get all male nurses and it's going to take an extra month to get your replacement. I'll tack it onto your bill. Who's laughing now dickless." He leaves.
Krass, to himself with a smile, "It was worth it just to see the look on his face."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:59:46 (CDT)
Krass to Eon and Ronilion, You know that a lot of people take their dogs car shopping?"
Ronilion, looking bored, "So are you suggesting that you should make cars for dogs now so you can get the tax revenue?
Krass looking at Eon smiles, "Sure, there are already plenty of bitches on the roads."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:54:48 (CDT)
Drassel, "We have defined the speed of sex. but what about a codicil, What is the Speed of Sexual Sound?"
Krass, "Easy nitwit, the speed of sexual sound is defined by the distance from the door to the computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom or wife shouts "OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:53:52 (CDT)
Info news Babe:
"Fuji executives continued to insist today that whoever hacked into their computer system did not gain access to the source codes of its major products. However, Seattle officials conceded they may never learn the identity of the culprit or culprits.
In an unrelated note, Krass/Drassel & Associates surprised industry observers this morning by releasing Krass Office, Krass NT, and three operating systems called Krass 2000, Krass XP and Krass Longhorn."
"Word is that after a strange accident our very own Mayor has been very bored in the hospital but he insists he is working hard for the taxpayers. Get Well soon, Mr Mayor, the city needs people like you."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:53:01 (CDT)
Eon to JoAnne, "Krass only has two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, he expects you to make him a sandwich!"
JoAnne, laughing, "About all he is going to get for a while is a lot of sandwiches. I'll make his dinners baked beans and egg salad sandwiches."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:52:15 (CDT)
Braddoc on the Shadowrun Proboards says to Krass;
First guess the only way not to get on her (Eon's) bad side (though from what I saw until now there's only that side), is not being a stupid dick, or you'll lose yours.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:50:35 (CDT)
Krass angrily, "Where was my protection? How could you let the Star do this to me? We're you afraid they would 'WHUP' the skirt off you?"
Eon laughs throatily, "Not at all. I told you I would be there when you screwed the pooch. After you got nailed Rahvin and Harpin nailed the idiots who got you. Then I made a deal with the Star. Part of the payment THEY demanded was that they be allowed to teach YOU not to try to blackmail them. Since it lowered my price to them by a million I considered it worthwhile. Imagine they paid me back a million in the bribe money just so they could castrate you. I used that million to pay off the Aces for guarding mine and Ronilion's back."
Krass considering, "I have to admit, you made a good deal. So they got the guys who did the cutting?"
Eon, "No, I said they got the guys that knocked you out. We sent the guys who did the cutting a new set of bolt cutters, 55,000 Nu/Yen and we asked them to frame the cutters they used and send them to us. They're on a wall in your office waiting for you with a suitable picture of your nuts underneath."
Krass, "Corporate Bitch!"
Eon smiling, "You can't be to thin, to rich or to big of a Bitch! Especially when I have to deal with you."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:49:07 (CDT)
Krass in a meeting, "Today I have instituted a new "employee-bitch-slapping" policy, allowing managers to slap workers pretty much whenever they damn well please. I've got over 26,000 employees, and theoretically, I can bitch- slap every one of them, but whose got the time? What I've learned, and this is a good lesson for prospective managers out there: delegate."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:46:48 (CDT)
Ronilion is talking to an older nurse while waiting to see Krass.
Nurse, NPC: "I've heard you're a mage. I have a lot of money but I need a curse removed. I'll only pay though if you can remove it painlessly. So far no mage has had the power to do it over the last forty years."
Ronilion looking bored, "I haven't found anything I can't do if the price is right. Why not buy me a drink and we'll discuss it."
Nurse, NPC: "If you can remove my curse, I'll buy you the booze factory of your choice along with the fee."
Ronilion, now less bored, "You're on, but you'll have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
Nurse, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Ronilion nods with no expression change at all, then teleports Drassel immediately into the room. "Guranteed to handle your problem." He states to the nurse.
Drassel smiles.
Nurse looks Drassel up and down, "I expected something more along the line of cloven hooves and horns with a pitchfork."
Drassel, "That's my other suit. It's in the cleaners. Now let's handle that problem at the usual rates."
Nurse, "This was supposed to be PAINLESS."
Drassel nods, "Don't worry, for you it WILL BE."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:45:54 (CDT)
Krass to Ronilion, "Eon is in her glory. She has been throwing every joke in the world at me about my loss."
Ronilion shruggs, "Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should just relax and try to get used to the idea. It's something you're going to have to live with for a while."
Krass, "I'd cut HER balls off but I'm not really sure where she keeps them."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:44:16 (CDT)
That Eon misses no opportunity to bust my ass, when all I want is a piece of hers!
JoAnne to Eon, "How's Krass doing at the Hospital?"
Eon, "The usual. He is making a complete ass of himself with the nurses and doctors. He is trying to run his political business out of there as well."
JoAnne,curiously, "Why does Krass work so hard at getting re-elected mayor? It doesn't pay that much considering what the corporation brings in each week and the salaries we make."
Eon, "That's easy to answer. The reason Krass tries so hard to get re-elected is because otherwise he would have to try to make a living under the laws he has passed."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:42:53 (CDT)
Ronilion to Eon, outside Krass's hospital room. "Hey Eon,whats strong enough for a man but built for a woman?"
Krass yells from the Hospital room before Eon can reply, "My Dick!"
Eon smiling, Eon has been waiting for the answer and yells back sweetly smiling, "Not anymore, wankerless, it didn't stand up to the 'bolt cutter' test." She makes the sign of bolt cutters snipping.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:41:01 (CDT)
Krass to Eon while in the Hospital recovering, "You know life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but instead you should skid in SIDEWAYS, throughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WHOOO HOOO! WHAT A RIDE!".
Eon: "I'll get your coffin ready, Sport."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:37:36 (CDT)
Ronilion, "Krass has been TRULY BAGGED!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:34:56 (CDT)
OOC: Krass: "Just when you think you've got the world dicked...."
OOC: GM: "Well Mr Krass, it appears you went from a shaggy to a baldy in only seconds. They not only took the family jewels they even took the sack that held them. Talk about getting 'ripped off.'It used to be that people would make a tobacco pouch out of a scrotum sack."
OOC: Eon: "Stop it, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:34:02 (CDT)
Krass, “Where am I?”
GM: “You are ignored. The Master hands the dwarf a LARGE set of bolt cutters. The dwarf opens the bolt cutters and places them on your privates. He makes a very slow snip and cuts it ALL off.”
OOC: Krass: “WHAT! No questioning? No negotiation? Not even the standard villain telling me WHY? Excuse ME! I think I’ll just scream but I sure want to know what happened to my backup!”
OOC: GM: “All in good time Devlin. Want to try to stay conscious while the blood spurts and they slap HOT IRONS on it to cauterize the wound?”
OOC: Krass: “You are KIDDING, right? Hell NO, I don’t want to stay awake for this. Can I at least puke on someone.”
OOC: GM laughing, “Make a Roll.”
OOC: Krass, “All successful.”
OOC: GM: “Your last GREAT ACT of DEFIANCE. Back to sleep now.”
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 01:28:12 (CDT)
Yes. You putting "What" in "Where" does not solve the problem, but it might make us all feel better about it.
tester
- Saturday, September 03, 2005 at 20:45:05 (CDT)
Eon has started to check her electronic mail when the message suddenly appears, "HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here!" Eon having learned the 'Luddington Lesson' immediately trashes the deck!
Krass, laughs in the next room as he hears the sound of breaking parts, "I sent a smartframe this time." He yells to her.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 21, 2005 at 04:55:14 (CDT)
Dr. Patterson to Luddington, "Everyone has a scheme that will not work. However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner with sulking and nausea.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 21, 2005 at 04:37:05 (CDT)
Luddington to JoAnne, "How do you insult a lawyer? You might as well not even try. Consider: of all the highly trained and educated professions, law is the only one in which the prime lesson is that *winning* is more important than *truth*. Once someone has sunk to that level, what worse can you say about them?"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 21, 2005 at 04:34:42 (CDT)
OOC: JoAnne, "I suppose that you have a name for this game, Fatman? I certainly hope it is not related to Alice in Wonderland."
OOC: GM: "No, it's more a Shakespeare motif. I called it, "The Taming of the Screw".
OOC: Luddington, "That sounds ominous. Either Krass is about to lose function and will need large injections of Viagra or Eon is about to become super nice."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 21, 2005 at 04:26:45 (CDT)
Drassel is instructing at the Shadowrun School, "Remember Class, Honesty's the best policy but it is not the only policy. Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit most people. Now while Honesty is the best policy, you need to remember that insanity is a better defense. This leads us to the inevitable conclusion that Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 21, 2005 at 04:19:47 (CDT)
Ronilion is in the local bar observing the latest target. To maintain his cover with Eon he orders drinks and samples the drink first. "Ahh, an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL CHLORIDE."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 21, 2005 at 04:11:03 (CDT)
OOC: Krass: "OK Fat Boy, vacation's over. Have you started planning a new game yet?"
OOC: GM: "Of course, I haven't figured out all the links yet though but it begins something like this: 'A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted island, when a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE ORCHESTRA and a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT by a TROLLEY-CAR."
OOC: Ronilion, "It sounds like a beginning of one of Krass sexual nightmares or the beginning of a dirty limerick. So would you like to explain how it relates to anything the group is going to do?"
OOC: GM: "I told you I haven't figured it all out yet but you have to admit it is a great start."
OOC: Krass, "We're DOOMED!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 21, 2005 at 04:07:41 (CDT)
OOC: Eon: "That Krass really makes me so mad sometimes that I would cheerfully strangle his lame neck."
OOC: Fat Guy: "Krass suffers from the hallucination that he is Krass — there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 21, 2005 at 03:59:25 (CDT)
Krass has hacked Luddington's computer as he works on his diary about the aliens, Suddenly Luddington's screen blanks and huge words appear scrolling across the screen, "As a deck, I find your faith in technology amusing." Luddington shocked responds on instinct (and little thought), "God Bless My Soul." he shouts clutching his crucifix in one hand and with the other he pulls out his heavy pistol and shoots the compact unit several times throughly trashing the deck. Then he proceeds to give it last rites and conditional absolution. meanwhile back in Krass's office:
OOC: GM: "Mr Krass, you were inside the computer when he did this. Welcome to the wonderful world of 'Dump Shock.' Kindly throw up on your deck and trash it."
OOC: Krass, "SHIT! That's the last time I try that with him."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 03:16:12 (CDT)
Krass to the aliens and Luddington, "I'm making a porno film and I want all of you to be in it."
Luddington, "Listen not to his blasphemies my children. He is a perverted sinner intent not only upon his own soul's destruction but your's as well."
Krass, "C'mon Padre this film would be good for you. It would be 10% sex and 90% guilt."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 03:15:44 (CDT)
Luddington looks at Drassel, "You know when talking to you the phrase "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 03:15:12 (CDT)
From the Fat Man Game: Area 51 Where are you?
Luddington is talking to the aliens trying to learn secrets of the universe. "What is harder than a diamond?" He asks the alien.
Ronilion and Eon at the same time in a disgusted voice, "Paying for it! Sheesh Padre if you're going to ask questions ask ones we DON'T know the answer to." Ronilion looked at the alien, "Where do they keep the bar around here?" Eon also spoke up, "And the powder room."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 03:13:31 (CDT)
Father Luddington to the Sage in Iraq. "Before you toss us out I have a question I'll bet you can't answer. If you can't you have to tell us what you know about WMD's and if you can Krass will owe you one million NuYen."
GM: Sage: NPC, smiling, "I am not good at riddles but as long as it is not about your infidel God I will agree."
Luddington, "If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have? "
GM: Sage NPC:, thinks carefully then suddenly smiles, "Two feet of my cock in your ass. You lose, pay up."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 03:12:38 (CDT)
Sage to Father Luddington, "So infidel, you claim to be a Holy Man for your God. Then tell me this, People say fish is good for the diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. What oil does an infidel priest use?"
Luddington blythely, " Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon..."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 03:11:09 (CDT)
Luddington, "Mr Krass, I forgive you for the Lord say's Love thy Neighbor."
Krass, "So if your motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". Does this mean that your neighbor is a 14 year old hooker?"
Luddington, "You know Mr Krass, In your case a closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose."
Eon quickly replies, "Don't fret about it Padre, Krass is always glad to share his ignorance, He has plenty."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 03:10:28 (CDT)
Luddington to his congregation, "Today I've prepared a 10 NYen sermon on fire and brimstone that will take me about four hours and half to deliver, and I've prepared a 50 NYen sermon on the evils of sin that will take about an hour and a half to give, and I've got a 10 minute 100 NYen sermon on love and generosity. We'll take the collection at this time to see which one y'all vote for."
Ronilion, "Here's 1,000 NYen. Say Hello and Goodbye and save your voice."
Luddington, "Praise the Lord for his generosity and a day off."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 03:09:49 (CDT)
Kalrindar, the elf ninja adept has so far received these wounds in 5 games.
Serious wounds from a flamethrower.
A fork in the knee from a streetsweeper.
Shot in the foot by a pistol.
Serious damage from a shotgun stun shell to the back.
Serious stun from a flash-bang he tried to throw back but missed the window.
He has now been given the daredevil edge for use in his official role as the team meat shield.
ChaosEsper
- Monday, August 08, 2005 at 12:35:58 (CDT)
Flac(Decker)OOC:Okay, what do I see in the cameras.
GM OOC:You see two gangers coming up with flamethrowers, riding motorcycles.
Flac OOC:Okay, I'm going to set the sprinklers to turn on when they get onto the grass, all over the park, and jack out.
----Later in the Session----
GM OOC: Okay Kal, //dice rolling// wow, looks like you take deadly damage in the first session.
Kalrindar(elf ninja adept):...WHAT!?!
Flac OOC: Hey, didn't I turn on the sprinklers? Shouldn't that have done something.
GM OOC: Crap....I forgot about that...ah hell, you take serious damage Kalrindar, I don't feel like trying to reverse this entire scene.
Kalrindar OOC: YES!!!
ChaosEsper
- Monday, August 08, 2005 at 12:32:26 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, "Hey Fatman, ready to continue the game?"
OOC: GM: "Of course Mr Krass. When last we left you, your political cronies had suggested that you resign before you were either shot or impeached."
OOC: Krass, "Yep, I told them to assemble a Power Point Presentation, form a Comittee to study the issue and sent them to Hawaii for an all expenses paid 'Motivational Seminar'."
OOC: GM: "Yes, of course and a most interesting solution it was."
IC: GM, "OK Folks we're live. Today it is announced in all the media that Mayor Krass's popularity has increased by 50% in the polls and everyone is talking about what a stud and master of politics the mayor is. It has been suggested by many officials that he would make an outstanding ambassador to the UN."
OOC: Eon to Krass, "NO WAY! You made actual rolls on this?"
OOC: Krass, "I did, and the Fat Guy did have me make them before I left last game and they were really good rolls but I didn't really need to make them anyway. Who needs rolls when you can do bribes, intimidate, blackmail and leverage?"
IC:Krass, "The only problem now is I had to spend the seventy five million NuYen we were going to use for the expansion to pay everyone off and get the press on my side. So now we have to go make more to replace it but don't worry I have an idea."
Eon, "DREK!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 07, 2005 at 03:54:42 (CDT)
Eon is disgusted and talking to Ronilion, "Krass has been caught, on holo, performing acts or perversion and debauchery so disgusting it defies description by anyone except the Fat Man. When I suggested to Drassel that Krass leave politics he disagreed and said he had 76 possible uses for a dead horse. I am sure you have heard of a "Dark Horse candidate. Krass is a dead horse candidate."
Ronilion looking interested, "Did he state them all? It would be like him.
Eon, "No, while JoAnne mentioned two, Drassel only mentioned two more. I don't think that there are that many."
Ronilion, "Drassel is correct and actually there are even more than that, he was probably rushed. Two more right off the top of my head says that we could barbacue the dead horse with plenty of onions and serve it at a company picnic, or we could donate the dead horse to charity and deduct it's full original cost."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 07, 2005 at 03:33:07 (CDT)
Eon to Drassel, "Wisdom passed on from one generation to the next says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Maybe Krass should get out of politics before they shoot him."
Drassel, "At Krass/Drassel and Associates we must consider an entirely different view of such mundane responses. As with any modern business, government, or academia factor, assets and liabilities must be parameterized as discounted cash flow/return on investment. Extrapolations and managerial performance evaluations are required to meet or exceed such critical junctures. So most certainly, other dead horse strategies must be appraised to boost the bottom line. It does not pay to be too hasty in such matters."
JoAnne,looking confused, "That makes no sense. You are hinting that you have other uses for a dead horse besides fertilizer or glue?"
Drassel, "You are learning but have not gone far enough yet. We are a corporate entity. We have more options than any single person or even Shadowteam. While your suggestions are two such possibilities there are many others. For instance, we could gather other dead animals and announce a diversity program and receive a political grant or we could suggest that our horse was visiting the World Trade Center on 11 September 2001. The insurance and charity payments would be tremendous. In all I can think of seventy six other possible alternatives. Remember my young apprentice, NEVER walk away from a possible profit."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 07, 2005 at 03:22:39 (CDT)
OOC: Eon, "Krass you fragrant butthole! Why do all your anal buddies and the people you write to call me a GUY? I feel like a toy in Babeland."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 07, 2005 at 00:22:40 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, You will never find a better game of Shadowrun than the ones we are in."
OOC: GM, "Unless you have the brains to go look."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, August 07, 2005 at 00:15:42 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, "We should have been born clowns, Fat Dude. We're everyone's amusement."
OOC: Ronilion, "Everyone has to be something, so outside of being more useless than pork snot what is your claim to fame?"
OOC: Krass, "I'm cute and cuddly."
The Great Krass
- Saturday, August 06, 2005 at 23:29:13 (CDT)
oops.. it wasnt suppose to double post
Xtreme
- Friday, August 05, 2005 at 09:15:27 (CDT)
Hey Fat Guy, Krass and Eon... I wanted to thank you guys for your support of my website... since the last time Fat Guy and Krass posted, I gained about 7 new members.. and im getting guests constantly.. I didnt want you guys to think I didnt appriciate everything you guys have done and I do hope to see you guys around from time to time.. Jon Griff was really awesome and Ive taken the liberty to post some of your adventures on my website in the humor section.. I know they will get as much of a kick out of it as I have.. thanks for helping to make www.theshadowrun.proboards7.com the biggest shadowrun PBP site.. and again.. I do hope to see you guys from time to time..
we have 1 game going and 2 or 3 more people getting prepared to run some campaigns soon so I hope to be posting some good adventures here soon
Xtreme
- Friday, August 05, 2005 at 09:14:32 (CDT)
Hey Fat Guy, Krass and Eon... I wanted to thank you guys for your support of my website... since the last time Fat Guy and Krass posted, I gained about 7 new members.. and im getting guests constantly.. I didnt want you guys to think I didnt appriciate everything you guys have done and I do hope to see you guys around from time to time.. Jon Griff was really awesome and Ive taken the liberty to post some of your adventures on my website in the humor section.. I know they will get as much of a kick out of it as I have.. thanks for helping to make www.theshadowrun.proboards7.com the biggest shadowrun PBP site.. and again.. I do hope to see you guys from time to time..
we have 1 game going and 2 or 3 more people getting prepared to run some campaigns soon so I hope to be posting some good adventures here soon
Xtreme
- Friday, August 05, 2005 at 09:10:18 (CDT)
The Seattle news is showing a holo of recent events, "Today holos of Mayor Krass surfaced in the news media showing him dressed as a rooster and crowing while in an amourous position with Swedish Ambassador Pippi Longstocking. Film at eleven."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 at 06:59:21 (CDT)
Krass is explaining to the press how he ended up on a street in Sweden with chicken feathers up his hoop. "I really like this country and for an older gal that Pippi Longstocking sure knows how to throw a party. I must say I have never felt more at home."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 at 06:21:18 (CDT)
GM: "OK, Krass after a night of drinking, and partying has woken up almost naked on the street. Several of the local citizens appear amused and a tourist is taking holo pictures to sell to the press later."
Krass, "Almost? Do I have any recollection of what happened."
GM: "No, not at this time. You just KNOW it was one really degenerate party. Certainly one for the record books. As for the ALMOST, the only thing you have is some chicken feathers up your hoop." chuckles
Krass smiles, "Dammit EON! I'll get you for this."
Eon laughs evilly.
GM, "I see your memory of events has started to return."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 at 06:14:55 (CDT)
During planning for a security job.
Corinth(gnome street sam, group leader): Kalrindar, Shipo, you two do perimeter patrol around the park.
Kalrindar(elf adept ninja) looks at Shipo(fox shapeshifter fox shaman)
Corinth: Just do it! Turn him into a fox and throw some frisbees, I don't care!
OOC Shipo:I'm a fox, not a dog!
OOC GM: Give me a minute to write that one down.
Dasker
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 at 23:29:38 (CDT)
OOC: JoAnne, "I wish you would be honest with me."
OOC: GM: sighs, "Very well, since it seems to be causing you no little emotional distress, I will answer your question. No, I am not REALLY in an insane asylum unless you count the whole world as one big one. What I was hoping you would realize is that it should have made no real difference to you if I was or was not. You see Society labels us all and the label is either good or bad. I accept people on their actions not what society calls them. Krass, Drassel, Ronilion and even Eon who is relatively new understand this. If you enjoy the game, the people, the challenge and you are safe and unharmed what difference would it have made what I was labeled?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, August 01, 2005 at 03:00:36 (CDT)
OOC: JoAnne, "Fat Man be honest. Are you REALLY in an insane asylum?"
OOC: GM, "Human intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as we can tell to this time. If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues that now seem foolish or crazy to us, then the failure lies in our understanding of their world, not in their distorted perceptions. Even the standard example of ancient nonsense — the debate about angels on pinheads — makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a finite or an infinite number."
OOC: JoAnne, frustrated, "A SIMPLE YES or NO will do!"
OOC: Drassel, "Not everything is black and white."
OOC: JoAnne: "Will you BASTARD'S give me a straight answer?"
OOC: Krass, "Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed."
OOC: Eon, "Give it up JoAnne, don't you see they want you to make your own decision on this?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, August 01, 2005 at 02:50:30 (CDT)
Drassel, "...but giving people the power to do even silly things is what the Awakened World is all about."
The Great Krass
- Monday, August 01, 2005 at 02:41:44 (CDT)
Ronilion is teaching the class at the Shadow Run school. He is showing that magical spikes have resurged several times in history and is now lecturing on the Salem Witch Trials. "…but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value."
Drassel comments as well, "Assuming of course that the lawyers and judges were honest men."
The Great Krass
- Monday, August 01, 2005 at 02:35:32 (CDT)
Krass to Ronilion comments on most Shadow Run deckers, "I don't trust the majority of deckers to be able to find their own dicks. Especially if you take away their Visual Masturbation Aid+++ and hide it! That's another story though, I'm mainly talking about otherwise supposedly clued professional deckers, not McBeast burger-flippers armed with the latest edition of Decker Drek For Complete Dummies."
The Great Krass
- Monday, August 01, 2005 at 02:28:55 (CDT)
Ronilion to Luddington, "I still think it is a BAD idea to take that Cross off a dead priest."
Luddington, "You worry to much. God knows my need and will allow me this leeway."
OOC: GM: "A booming voice says, “Wrong, cretin!”, and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust.
Luddington, "HUH? REALLY? I'm dead?"
Ronilion, laughing, "Look closer Padre, he did that as OOC:"
Luddington, "That means it don't count? Whew."
OOC: GM: "Heh Heh Heh had you going didn't I."
The Great Krass
- Monday, August 01, 2005 at 02:21:54 (CDT)
OOC: JoAnne, "Old Fat man, you aren't really crazy are you? This is just another of your jokes."
OOC: Ronilion, "Oh, he is really crazy all right. Did you know his last name is Hammersmith?"
OOC: Krass, "As in the movie with Richard Burton? I think it was called Hammersmith is Out. Didn't that Hammersmith kill a bunch of people? He was one scary dude."
OOC: Drassel, "Exactly. A relative of his I believe. They made a movie about him because he was unusual."
OOC: JoAnne, "You guys are kidding..... If I search for that movie would I really find it?"
OOC: Drassel: "Hammersmith is Out Director: Peter Ustinov, Starring:Carl Donn, Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, Peter Ustinov Released: 1972 ( USA )
Run Time: 108 min. It's listed as a dark comedy but nothing is more funny than something that is real. Want to see pictures? http://www.angelfire.com/celeb2/2richardburton1984/hammer.html"
OOC: GM: "I can make you rich and famous, famous and rich. Let me out."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, July 27, 2005 at 04:39:46 (CDT)
OOC: Ronilion, "You want us to terminate Pippi Longstocking?"
OOC: GM, "No Mr Johnson # 1877 does though."
Drassel looks at Eon, "Think you can take her?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 01:27:07 (CDT)
OOC: Eon, "Fat Old Dude, are you planning the next game?"
OOC: GM: "Yes, it is almost ready. It appears so far that Mr. Johnson number (1877)will be requiring some wet-work."
OOC: Eon: "We don't usually do wet work publicly."
OOC: Krass: "Want to give us a hint?"
OOC: GM: "If I must."
Partial Briefing:
A dispute arose in the chambers of the United Nations Security Council last week, when the Swedish ambassador stormed a meeting and charged one of the permanent Security Council members with breaking a moratorium on nuclear testing.
Dr. Pippilotta Longstocking, the Swedish ambassador to the U.N. since 1996, is described as having gained "unauthorized entry" to the meeting and charging French ambassador Jean-David Levitte, with concealing France's plans to resume nuclear testing on the Mururoa atoll in French Polynesia.
"Naughty, naughty, Mister Ambassador!" Longstocking is said to have told Levitte before tossing him in the air several times. "Fission and fusion are all well and good, but there are plenty of people down there who like their atoms just the way they are."
U.N. officials were at a loss to explain the unprecedented interruption, although Longstocking's legendary strength is by now well-documented.
"She apparently just picked up the guards at the door by their belts and left them on top of a vending machine," said Jackie Ferrard, a spokesperson for the U.N. "Ambassador Longstocking has never been much for procedure, I have to say."
Indeed, Longstocking has been a virtual legend in her home country since her childhood, when her incredible strength and spunk made headlines on a regular basis. Her striking red hair is now shot with gray, and her trademark pigtails have been exchanged for a modest bob. But she still keeps a horse on her front porch, which she casually lifts out of the way when she wants to use the front door. She is also the only Nobel Laureate in history to have brought a monkey with her to the awards ceremony.
Since her appointment as ambassador, she has regularly ruffled feathers in the staid U.N., but seems immune to any negative consequences.
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 01:24:33 (CDT)
Krass, "Hey Drassel, What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?"
Drassel, "Day and Night."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 00:55:16 (CDT)
Drassel, "How was your first marriage terminated?"
Lady NPC (GM) "By death."
Drassel, "And by whose death was it terminated?"
Lady NPC, "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"
Drassel, turns to the judge, "The witness is being argumentative."
Judge, NPC, (GM): "The witness will refrain from insulting the defense and answer the question."
Lady, "The death of my husband."
Drassel, "Can you describe the individual?"
Lady, "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Drassel, "Was this a male, or a female?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 00:49:20 (CDT)
Drassel is persistent he continues to cross examine.
Drassel, "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
Lady NPC (GM): "Yes."
Drassel, "And what were you doing at that time?"
Lady, "Huh? What do you think I was doing?"
Drassel, "What I meant was, were you sexually active?"
Lady, "No, I just laid there."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 00:41:20 (CDT)
Drassel is handling a civil lawsuit against Krass. He decides to cross examine the prosecution witness.
Drassel, "What was the first thing Mr. Krass said to you when he woke up that morning?
Lady NPC (GM): He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Drassel, "And why did that upset you?"
Lady NPC (GM): "My name is Susan."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 00:36:38 (CDT)
OOC: Father Luddington to GM, "I get down on my knees, pray to God and say it's for the good of the world." Then I take the magical holy symbol from the dead priest.
GM: "The device glows with a bright light and you can feel the power eminating from the device."
OOC: Dr Patterson to Luddington, "I don't think God will be to happy about this, you're robbing a dead priest."
OOC: Luddington, "He's not going to need it in the other world don't you know that he can't take it with him?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, July 25, 2005 at 04:50:20 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, "You know Fat Guy you are pretty smart for a crazy guy."
OOC: GM, "Well Mr. Krass, I may be crazy but it doesn't mean I have to be stupid. Stupid is easy to cure. You either let it die on it's own or it learns and becomes less stupid. Society takes a different view of crazy though."
OOC: Eon, "How is that? Can't some insanity be cured?"
OOC: GM, "A good question. Sadly I must answer no. They either drug you to make you what they call sane or they try to convince you that what you believe is NOT real. People usually take drugs to ESCAPE reality, why give drugs to those who escape to bring them back? I won't even get into lobotomy as well as other more radical ways to punish a person who does not believe in the same things everyone else believes in."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 24, 2005 at 23:38:10 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, "Hey Fat Man, don't type so fast. This channel looks like Tetris level 50!"
OOC: GM,laughing "When I do Tetris I use the sneaky weasel game. I play it on Excel because all the blocks are all ready lined up. That is how I get my speed."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 24, 2005 at 23:10:03 (CDT)
JoAnne to Krass, "You are uglier than Hillary's or J. Edgar Hoover's backside whichever is worse!"
Ronilion, "Now that will take some indepth study."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 24, 2005 at 02:45:31 (CDT)
Ronilion is working in his lab as JoAnne and Krass arrive. Ronilion has several brightly colored Easter eggs drying on a towel next to his electron microscope.
Krass looks closely at the eggs, "Are those the exploding eggs I needed for the next run? They sure came out looking ugly."
JoAnne smiling, "Now you know how your mother feels."
Krass smiles back, "I wonder how you would look deep fat fried?"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 24, 2005 at 01:03:31 (CDT)
OOC: Krass: “Hey FAT MAN!”
OOC: GM: “Go ahead Mr. Krass, I am online no need to yell.”
OOC: Krass: “I received this message after I got back from my vacation. (not a quote..request)
Krass....if you could be so kind as to email me....i think that i woudl be interested in joining your group...
thanks for your time.
Vander
- Saturday, July 16, 2005 at 21:45:22 (CDT)”
OOC: GM: “I see. I am sorry to say, Mr. Krass, that I am not actively seeking new players at this particular time. As you know most of our newer players have been guest players, only, due to personal friendships with one of the group. Perhaps you might steer him to your friends at; WWW.THESHADOWRUN.PROBOARDS7.COM ? I believe they would be a good alternative as they seem both knowledgeable and competent. I am not currently set up to handle additional players for the foreseeable future. Please extend my compliments to Mr. Vander and I will keep him in mind if an opening does become available.”
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 24, 2005 at 00:56:22 (CDT)
(Cutter, an elven swordsman/street samurai, and Blitzkrieg, a dwarf street samurai/mercenary, have tracked down their Johnson - an ex-street samurai infested with a Roach spirit named Sundance. Sundance has sent the team on a run that has resulted in all but the two infested with roach spirits.)
Sundance: So you saw through my little ruse.
Cutter (raising dikoted katana): You killed most of our team, but we killed your little monsters - now we mop your ugly hoop up, and take out your queen.
Blitzkrieg (hefting Ingram Valiant): See you in hell, bugboy.
Sundance: *grins* The Queen will be most pleased with the pair of you.
Cutter: Over our dead bodies!
GM: Okay, initiative. Okay, Sundance lunges forward even faster than you move, Cutter. (rolls dice) Okay, roll soak against a Power of... 15.
Cutter (OOC): (jaw drops) What?
GM: Yup, 15.
Cutter: 1 success.
GM: Okay. Blitzkrieg, you don't even see Sundance move. You blink and then see Cutter's headless body topple forward as Sundance spins Cutter's head like a top on his right index finger. He smiles sadistically at you and then takes a large bite out of Cutter's cheek.
Blitzkrieg (OOC): I hand over my Valiant and ask Sundance about what kind of medical benefits Roach vessels receive and whether there's any chance for advancement.
GM: Sundance replies that you get no medical benefits and that your soul will merge with an utterly alien presence which will control and guide you for the rest of your life.
Blitzkrieg: Okay, fine, but I'm not doing any vacuuming.
Turnabout
- Wednesday, July 20, 2005 at 17:17:41 (CDT)
(Turnabout, a grade 5 initiate street mage, is lounging at his underground bunker when he receives a telecom call from his fixer. The job is a snatch-and-grab; a marked crate at a warehouse controlled by the Shotozumi.)
(me, OOC) Okay, great. I get in my Nightsky and set the autonav to take me to one block south of the warehouse. I cast and activate my Force 4 Levitate (6 successes, sustaining spell focus) and fly up to the side of the warehouse.
GM: Okay, you don't seem to be spotted. Now what?
Me: I pick the lock on the skylight and open it as quietly as I can. If it's creaky I'll whip up a quick Force 1 Silence.
GM: Okay, you cast the Silence spell (4 successes) and your activities are masked. You pop the lock on the window. There are four guards down below. Three of them have backpack lasers. The crate is in the middle of them.
Me: Assensing test. (4 successes)
GM: One of them is magically active and running a spell. (rolls dice) He hasn't seen you. Now what?
Me: I burn a Rating 9 expendable focus and cast a Deadly Force 12 Stunball on the guards. (Five successes on guards, three on mage.) I use all 9 of the focus dice and my spell pool for drain. (rolls dice, takes light deadly damage)
GM: Jesus Christ! Okay, the guards are all KO'ed.
Me: Sweet. I cast Levitate on the box, then once it gets to the roof, I get my air elemental to help me move it to the car.
GM: Fantastic. No legwork or anything; you finish the run in about twenty minutes. Thanks for ruining everyone's night.
My friends: You're a dick!, etc.
Me: What, what did I do?
GM: You get 1 karma for surviving and the 70,000 nuyen that was supposed to go to the group. Clearly it wasn't challenging enough for your cheap-ass character.
Me: Can I get that in scrip?
Turnabout
- Wednesday, July 20, 2005 at 17:07:40 (CDT)
(Umbra, an Invisible Way physical adept, is confronted by his avatar, Kage, who is posing as Umbra's own shadow.)
KAGE: I am Kage. I am your guide to the higher mysteries, young shinobi. I have come to bestow wisdom upon you.
UMBRA: What must I do to master the Invisible Way, Kage-san?
KAGE: Don't be such a pussy all the time.
Turnabout
- Wednesday, July 20, 2005 at 16:52:00 (CDT)
GM:Ok, now the black ice gets to attack back..wait..um, I dont think im going to have enough dice *said while holding a god awful ammount of dice in his hand already.*
Me, OOC: Aaron, hand me a new char sheet.
Vander
- Sunday, July 17, 2005 at 14:31:33 (CDT)
(not a quote..request)
Krass....if you could be so kind as to email me....i think that i woudl be interested in joining your group...
thanks for your time.
Vander
- Saturday, July 16, 2005 at 21:45:22 (CDT)
Drassel to JoAnne, "We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 00:38:41 (CDT)
Krass, "To be honest, part of the seventy-five million is for pay raises. I should think you would all be behind that."
Drassel interprets to the group explaining, "The salary of the chief executive of a large corporation is not a market award for achievement. It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal gesture by the individual to himself."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 00:35:03 (CDT)
Luddington to Ronilion, "Do you think Krass really needs seventy-five million NuYen or is it a smoke screen?"
Ronilion, "Oh, he needs it all right. These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 00:30:08 (CDT)
Krass to Eon, "I know a lot about woman. When I was younger my mother taught me one important thing that everyone should know."
Eon, "That NO means NO?"
Krass, "Are you insinuating that I would rape my own mother?"
Eon, "Of course not, I'm saying it right out in public."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 00:24:25 (CDT)
Krass laughing to Ronilion, "I love when people start telling you stuff like you should care when you actually don't and so you don't pay attention, and then when they finish they ask for your opinion or advice and you just say "Oh Yea, I totally agree."
Ronilion drily, "Oh Yea, I totally agree."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 00:20:39 (CDT)
Krass is checking the books and having a financial meeting with the associates. "For the next part of our business expansion we need to make Seventy-five million NuYen."
Eon looks at Krass and smiles, "Removing your head from your hoop leaves quite a medical bill, doesn't it."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, July 14, 2005 at 00:17:03 (CDT)
OX (troll Biker turned bodyguard)watching a Huge pack of Ghouls tear up the street towards the group: Ya know... I don' think We're bein' paid enough for this...
Sapphireknight
- Wednesday, July 13, 2005 at 06:55:57 (CDT)
Dr. Woodbury, paraplegic mage is currently hanging off of a vampire's back. His arms wrapped around it in a full nelson.
Dr. Woodbury: I can't belive someone made you a vampire. *slams Vamps head against wall* Do they undead have no pride? *Groans as the vamp backs into a wall, Hard* Were all the Village idiot posts taken? come on...
Sapphireknight
- Wednesday, July 13, 2005 at 06:50:00 (CDT)
Century(Really hot Fire adept): Hey Dr. Woodbury, Can you talk to people?
Dr. Woodbury(ParaZoologist/mage): Yes, for instance; I am Speaking to you right now.
Sapphireknight
- Wednesday, July 13, 2005 at 06:42:03 (CDT)
Bambi(Stripper and contact), to Rings(Street Sam):See those goons over there? I wanted to warn you that they're looking for you.
Rings: So warn me.
Bambi: I just did, they're looking for you...
SapphireKnight
- Wednesday, July 13, 2005 at 06:39:47 (CDT)
Drassel explaining to JoAnne the workings of Law and politics. "Men often believe — or pretend — that the “Law” is something sacred, or at least a science — an unfounded assumption very convenient to governments."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 06:51:42 (CDT)
Eon to JoAnne, "Did you ever notice that all men are basically fools?"
Krass in response, "Only old men are fools because they let young, pretty sluts like you walk all over them."
OOC: GM: "Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools."
Eon laughs, "See I was right, ALL men are Fools."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 02:31:24 (CDT)
Luddington to Krass, "I know you have a conscience in their somewhere."
Eon, "No he doesn't."
Krass , "A conscience never stops you from doing anything, Padre. It just stops you from enjoying it afterward."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 02:27:26 (CDT)
JoAnne and Drassel are watching the vid. Romance appears to be blossoming because they are holding hands on the couch and snuggled close together. Suddenly a commercial comes on.
Announcer (GM) loudly in fast voice with lots of rich looking stuff in the background, "YOU TOO CAN MAKE BIG MONEY IN THE EXCITING FIELD OF SHADOWRUNNING! Mr. Johnson of Muddle, Mass. says: 'A'fore I took this course I used to be a lowly bit twiddler. Now with what I learned at Krass/Drassel & Associates I feel really important and can obfuscate and confuse with the best.' Mr. Chin had this to say: 'Ten short days ago all I could look forward to was a dead-end job as a Fuji engineer. Now I have a promising future and make really big NuYen.' Krass/Drassel & Associates can't promise these fantastic results to everyone, but when you earn your Master's of Shadowrunning degree from Krass/Drassel & Associates your future will be brighter. SEND FOR OUR FREE BROCHURE TODAY!"
JoAnne to Drassel, "Anyone who believes that is as thick as a brick."
Drassel, "You look at this the wrong way. The school serves a useful purpose. What you should remember about school is that your education begins where what is called your education is over."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 02:22:53 (CDT)
JoAnne to Krass, "You've always made the mistake of just being yourself."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 02:08:32 (CDT)
OOC: Ronilion to Krass, "We have some time before Fat Boy gets on and the game begins, so what have you been doing lately?"
OOC: Krass: "I've been going to a site where they pose a stupid question and you you give them a stupid answer. How about the group gives me some stupid questions and answers while we are waiting? I'll start.
Am I in Milwaukee?"
OOC: Eon, "Yes, it's a suburb of Hell and you should fit right in. Is my fallout shelter termite proof?"
OOC: Ronilion, "Nothing is termite proof, BUGS RULE! Are you the self-frying president?"
OOC: JoAnne, "No stop mistaking me for Margaret Thatcher or Bill Clinton. Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie?"
OOC: Dr Patterson, "No you're in the House of Holly Wood. Did I just go below the poverty line for the third time, today?"
OOC: Luddington, "You are if you are having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel mill! Is everyone out of the gene pool yet?"
OOC: Drassel, "No the Chinese and Mexican cheap labor are still in stitching. Has Krass ever imagined a surfer van filled with soy sauce?"
/join #Retrosexuals: OOC: GM: "I see you all started without me. Where should I continue the game from and how far did you get?"
OOC: Krass, "When you're insane nothing surprises you."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 00:41:56 (CDT)
OOC: Luddington to GM, "Did you catch how Krass thinks the world should be improved?"
OOC: GM: "I most certainly did but it won't work completely."
OOC: Krass, "Why not?"
OOC: GM: "I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM! They won't let me out or allow me to have the booze. Skiing nude is out, however,I have drugs and I already have the wild sex weekends. It's a fairly good compromise."
OOC: Krass, "You dog you. I thought you were too fat to be able to get any."
OOC: GM: "They lock them up and tranquilize them for me. It makes it so much easier and when you're insane you're never guilty by reason of insanity."
OOC: Drassel, "He may have just hit on the perfect crime Krass. You could learn things from him."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 00:12:40 (CDT)
OOC: Luddington to Krass, "It appears you dislike anything that has to do with responsibility, moral behavior, or laws of society. Just what do you think the human race should be doing to improve itself?"
Krass, "What should the entire human race DO? Consume a fifth of CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND! It has to better than what it is doing NOW."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 00:02:50 (CDT)
Eon to Krass, "I see a toilet bowl in your future."
Krass to Eon. "OK, I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common MISAPPREHENSIONS while I see about getting your NuYen back. However in return for my hard work I think you all owe me something."
Ronilion drily, "Just what is it you THINK we owe you, besides a good thrashing?"
Krass seriously, "I want a four meter COLOR Holo unit and a VIBRATING water BED!!! I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within SIX AND A HALF HOURS and I want to perform criminal sexual activities with Tuesday Weld!!"
Drassel smiles, "Logically incoherent, semantically incomprehensible, and legally impeccable! That's why he's MY partner."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 23:51:19 (CDT)
Eon, "Listen you scum sucking loser. You WILL put my credit balance back or else."
Krass, searching for a way out stalls for time, "Or else what?"
Eon, knowing Krass is not fooled, "Stp searching for a way to weasel out uyou blowfish and tell me what your thinking RIGHT now!"
Krass, "Well, I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM of a KOSHER DELI."
OOC: GM: "That's just not right."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 23:41:57 (CDT)
JoAnne to Eon, "Krass, he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 23:35:26 (CDT)
Luddington to Krass, "I know you drained Eon's account I just can't prove it. It is my opinion that you should have to put double the amount back!"
Krass glares at Luddington, "I tell you it was a rogue deck and you don't believe me? Who made you judge, jury and executioner or did you get a promotion from priest to GOD!"
He turns and speaks to Drassel, "Luddington just confirms my opinion. He is a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looks like he is waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 23:29:28 (CDT)
Krass explaining to Eon and Ronilion how Eon's credit somehow mysteriously vanished from Zurich Orbital bank, "…and before I knew what I was doing, I had kicked the deck and threw it around the room and made it beg for mercy. At this point the deck pleaded for me to dress him in feminine attire but instead I pressed his margin release over and over again until the deck lost consciousness. Presently, I regained consciousness and realized with shame what I had done. My shame is gone and now I am looking for a submissive deck, any color, or model. No Fuji Decks, please!
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 23:21:51 (CDT)
Dr. Patterson teaching in the Shadowrunner school say's, "A fragmentation grenade doesn't give a rat's arse for alternative medicine."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 23:16:30 (CDT)
Krass is punching some serious deck. He gets through just as Drassel walks in. He lloks at Krass seriously, "Are you doing the prep on the Benny Hill thing?"
Krass, smiling, "Nope, I want revenge against the Meat heavy Mama."
Drassel, "You are not going to do something stupid are you? My mistake, forget that. You are Krass so of course you are going to do something stupid. So what is your game plan?"
Krass rubbing his hands, "It starts out with the concept that GETTING women isn't really the problem. The real problem is getting rid of them."
Drassel frowns, "This is not going to be pretty is it."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 23:09:25 (CDT)
Luellan (Pacifist dryad) to group after comming back from astral and being seen: "There are only a couple of them left...we can go back and take care of them!"
Vander(Wussy troll street sam) and phoenixian at same time: *Aim both guns each at Luellan* "Who are you and what did you do with Luellan!?"
Vander
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 20:05:01 (CDT)
Phoenixian (Decker/mage/gun envist) to Johnson after botched run "Do we still get paid?"
Johnson: "Yeah, here's 1 nuyen for you!" *then hurls cred stick at phoenixian's head and leaves a notch in the forehead.*
Vander
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 20:03:10 (CDT)
GM to Vander OOC after start of run:By the way, i rememberd that you needed bullets after i spent all your money, so i could only afford 10 bullets
Vander OOC: And were facing HOW many ghouls?!....oh crap.
Vander
- Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 20:01:41 (CDT)
OOC: GM: "Look what I found in my wanderings. Krass German: from the word krasse, which in Middle Low German meant ‘shrimp’, ‘prawn’, but in early modern German came to denote the gudgeon; it may therefore have been a nickname for someone who was small and active or stubborn and thick-headed. It fits, Krass is small, very active, stubborn and definitely thick-headed. Man am I GOOD!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, July 07, 2005 at 01:15:17 (CDT)
Luddington to the group, "While Krass and Drassel are thinking about all the uses they can put this collection to, I assure you that my intent will be it's destruction."
Dr. Patterson, "For religious purposes? Do you realize that high class smut like this would have a huge historical value as well?"
Luddington, "Do you realize that this dangerous booty could be released onto an unsuspecting British porn market at any time? Think of the possibilities, I shudder to think of the consequences! The market would be flooded, bringing the price of porn down to affordable levels for under-sixteens. Hard core porn could end up in the hands of unsuspecting children, causing them untold psychological damage! Furthermore, the proceeds would most likely be used to finance international terrorism!"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, July 06, 2005 at 23:23:03 (CDT)
OOC: Eon: "Well Old Fat Guy, do you have the next mission ready?"
OOC: GM: "Yes, I do. Here is the following briefing. In the ten years since the tragic death of saucy comedian Benny Hill, one question has continued to perplex his family and friends - just what did happen to Benny's porn stash? According to close friends and colleagues the comedian - best known for his innuendo filled TV show in which scantily clad young women would be chased around parks by the chubby bespectacled comic - possessed one of the world's most extensive collections of pornography and erotica. Encompassing everything from books, videos, magazines, obscene postcards and novelty sex aids, experts believe that only former US President Bill Clinton had a collection of pornography to rival it. Hill invested the entire fortune he had earned from his TV show- estimated to be worth millions of pounds - in his collection, and consequently lived in a modest flat in Southampton before he died. Your mission is to find the missing stash or the money."
OOC: Eon: "Krass is going to love this mission. It's another version of 'Sex and the Single Swine!'"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, July 06, 2005 at 23:10:19 (CDT)
Ronilion to Eon as he watches Krass struggle in the wall. "Do you have any special uses for Krass besides anger management therapy?"
Eon smiles, "Of course, I have found that his head is perfectly suited for all my toilet cleaning needs."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, July 06, 2005 at 06:55:08 (CDT)
Ronilion walks into the Office and spots JoAnne and Eon. He looks at the wall they are looking at and sees a pair of legs sticking out of it. Wrathful sounds come from inside the wall. "If this is modern art it really sucks." He comments in a bored voice. "What did he do this time?"
Eon looks at her partner, "He exists, that is enough reason." She again kicks his hoop deeper into the wall.
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 05, 2005 at 06:04:33 (CDT)
JoAnne to Eon, "How do you get Krass to understand anything?" She queried in exasperation.
Eon: grabs Krass as he comes through the door and starts to beat his head into the wall as she kicks his legs out from under him. Krass has only a split sedcond to protest before he lands face first in the wall.
"Easy", stated Eon lightly. "I just explain it to him in his barbaric tongue!"
She and JoAnne look at Krass with the upper part of his body embedded in the wall. Muffled shouts come from the wall as his feet kick trying to get out. She kicks his hoop so that he goes deeper into the wall. "Understand me yet, you primitive pig?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 05, 2005 at 05:50:16 (CDT)
Eon is instructing at the Shadowrun school this week, "Remember class, incoming fire ALWAYS has the right of way."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 05, 2005 at 04:11:23 (CDT)
OOC: Eon: "So you did the research, how many times has Krass been called an asshole?"
OOC: GM: "You ARE kidding right? I'm an old man and I don't have that long of a life left."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 05, 2005 at 03:50:29 (CDT)
OOC: GM: “For some time now I have been doing some research.”
OOC: Ronilion: “Not unusual in your case Fat Guy, I assume it is a new game?”
OOC: GM: “No, I considered and then decided that I would compile comments made about Krass by the group. I titled it ‘What is Krass?’ I was curious to see what his biggest failures would be as espoused by the group. Do you realize that the group, as a whole, has made, in the last two years two hundred and sixty unique and highly insulting comments to Devlin? A less resilient person would be showing the affects by now, psychologically, but to Devlin’s credit he seems to take it in stride. I broke the comments/insults down into five categories. Sixteen remarks were made about Krass’s bad looks. Sixty comments related to his poor intelligence. One hundred separate comments were made about his moral fiber or lack thereof. Seventy two remarks were voiced concerning his sexual activities and outlook. Finally to wrap it up there were also twelve remarks about his future destination which included death threats or his final disposition in the afterlife.”
OOC: Ronilion: “You always seem to follow strange thoughts Fat Man. OK, now I am interested. So you are saying that according to your research the group thinks that Krass’s major problem is that he lacks moral fiber, his second worst problem is his sexual outlook and his third is he is both stupid and ignorant?”
OOC: Krass: “It’s a bum wrap. I am not stupid.”
OOC: GM: sighs, “Mr. Krass, I agree that you are not stupid. That appears to prove why statistics can never be trusted. I suspect that your morals and sexual responses only make you appear stupid.”
OOC: Eon: “That explains why he looks like a child molesting, scum sucking pervert. You are what you believe Krass. Why not shed the monkey outfit and try to act like a real man?”
OOC: Krass: “I like to believe I am just different. As for you baby, ‘My ass is a man's ass but my dick is for anyone who wants to buy it!’ You interested? That should be enough man for you.”
OOC: GM: "I rest my case."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, July 05, 2005 at 01:25:35 (CDT)
Krass to Eon, "You don't know what you're missing. I'm the KING of SEX."
Eon looks at Krass, "Just because you've done it doesn't mean that you have done it well."
Krass, "Wrong! I've got references and awards!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, July 03, 2005 at 02:08:08 (CDT)
Krass to Drassel, "Your deck is flatlined."
Drassel without looking up from his papers, "Did you give it mouse to mouse?"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 30, 2005 at 04:04:57 (CDT)
Krass to Ronilion, "I've done it!"
Ronilion, "Done what?"
Krass smiling, "I've worked hard and spent 2.5 million tax NuYen to find the approval ratings for unemployment. I have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population."
Ronilion drily, "Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change or you might have to spend a few more million NuYen to find the new rates."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 30, 2005 at 03:57:46 (CDT)
Dr Patterson to Krass, "Krass, you, are an asshole, pure, natural, and bottled at the source."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 30, 2005 at 00:57:47 (CDT)
We find Tanker an over-cybered troll Street Sam, awakening from unconciousness. He finds himself in the clutches of a gang of Cyber-Snatchers who are attempting to make off with his expensive gear.
Tanker: "Thats my ARM!" *Sound of head Being Crushed* "I kind of Need That!"
Sapphireknight
- Tuesday, June 28, 2005 at 19:56:00 (CDT)
Krass has joined Eon at the stadium. He is dressed as the Seadog Mascot. He see's Eon and walks over, "I am the SALTIEST of the Sea-Dogs, If you were to lick Old Cap'n Roy you would die in ectasy!"
Eon, "I know it's you Krass and if I was to lick you I would most likely die from several venerial diseases first."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 06:51:01 (CDT)
Drassel to Krass, "So what to you plan to serve at this dinner?"
Krass, "Turducken."
Drassel looking confused, "What is Turducken?"
Krass, "A duck stuffed inside a chicken stuffed inside a turkey
it's the ultimate example of our domination of the animal kingdom."
OOC: Drassel to Krass, "Is that a real dish?"
OOC: Krass to Drassel, "As real as you want to make it chummer."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 06:45:08 (CDT)
Drassel to Krass, "So you want to take the Tir and Indian Lands using eminent domain. What's your plan?"
Krass, "The traditional one. I have a traditional Thanksgiving dinner where I invite the neighbors over for dinner. Then I kill them and take their land!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 06:38:12 (CDT)
OOC: New Player, "I still don't like Krass. If he was on a chat line or in any other game he would have been banned. I don't think I like your group."
OOC: GM: "That is your choice of course, no offense taken. It is true that Krass has been banned numerous times, but never by me. Unlike most people Krass is an outspoken and unique individual with talents both good and bad. He inspires the whole group to think and to grow. He makes the game INTERESTING and inspires us to do our best. If you cannot see past the political correctness issues then it is probably best that you leave for your own peace of mind."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 06:11:41 (CDT)
OOC: New Player to GM, "Why do you permit Krass to sexually harass Eon like that? I don't think it's right and you should do something about it!"
OOC: GM: "OK, first, Eon is more than capable of dealing with Krass. She hasn't asked for help and she doesn't back down. I suspect she can deal with Krass better than anyone. She doesn't require or need my protection. Second, we are talking about game personalities not real life personalities. We don't carry grudges on anything a CHARACTER says. This is a game so try to lighten up. Finally third, you should understand that when dealing with Krass either in or out of game that Intelligence IS the New Minority."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 06:01:57 (CDT)
Drassel to Krass after Eon has left, "Ronilion says that when you see Eon all you understand is that Eon has tits."
Krass, 'That is not true. Eon has a lot of qualities. I'm not completely stupid or insensitive. For instance Eon has BOOBIES, CANS, BEWBEEIS, BED PILLOWS, MUFFINS, BOULDERS, YABBOS, SWEATERMEAT, JIGGLERS, BAZOOMS, MEAT PUPPETS, MILK WAGONS, JUBBLIES, BREASTESSES, HAPPYSACKS, TATAS, BAAABOOMS, TWIN PEAKS, TWEETERS, CHI CHI'S, COCONUTS, BOOBLATINES, MAMAMAMARRIES, SWEATER PUPPIES, BAGOS, FLESH BAGS, WHOOPERS, PILLOWS, BOYS TOYS, DOUBLE MOUNDS, TEATS, GLOBES OF WONDER, BAZONGAS, BOSOMS, BLOUSE WEASELS, BIG'UNS, MELONS, TITILATIONS, BAZOOKAS, JIGGLYS, HOOTERS, BREASTS, JOY TOYS, SQUEEZIES, KNOCKERS, FAKE O BAGOS, JUGS, RACK, WUBBAS, KNOBS, HEADLIGHTS, FUNBAGS, PUPPIES, WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRACTION, and of course MAJOR LEAGUE FIRM TITS!!!!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 05:50:56 (CDT)
Eon is getting ready to join the squad of the Seattle Seadogs to do some undercover work for a client. In her cheer leading outfit she is putting on the finishing touches on her makeup. Krass is panting a short distance away.
Krass, "Hey, Baby, I'd sure like to get in your pants!"
Eon keeps on working and replies, "No, thanks, I've already got one ass-hole in there now."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 05:43:05 (CDT)
Drassel to Dr Patterson, "Krass is like a full feature movie, with and unlimited budget, surround sound, and the finest actors and a really BAD plot line. It is hard to make him understand that though."
Ronilion, "Let's face it, there are only five things Krass understands about Eon. 1.)....
2.) .... 3.) .... 4.) .... 5.) Eon has tits."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 05:34:35 (CDT)
Krass to Luddington, "I personally believe that in any situation that you expect a kick in the balls, and you get a slap in the face, that's a victory."
Luddington, "For you, I guess it would be."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 01:38:43 (CDT)
Luddington to Krass, "Someday you are going to go to far with Eon and she is going to destroy you, not just kill, I mean really destroy."
Krass smiles, "Naw, I pick my times well. Eon is practically defenseless as long as her nail polish is drying."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 01:00:07 (CDT)
Krass to Eon who is wearing a cheerleader outfit for her next assignment, "Baby! I'm in love!"
Luddington to Eon, "It's just his hormones, please try to be nice. He is just saying that because you really do look good."
Eon glares and then smiles seductively, "I love you too in a Fark OFF and don't come near me kind of way. Now get lost, you pathetic worm."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 00:55:33 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, "Hey Fat Guy, did you go to college?"
OOC: GM: "Yes I did but it was a very long time ago."
OOC: Krass, "Ever pull any pranks? I'll bet you were just as crazy then. Tell me one."
OOC: GM: "I let some little piglets onto the campus. First I painted on the piglets the numbers "1", "2", and "4". The faculty spent weeks looking for the third one."
OOC: Krass, "Even then you were an imaginative little cuss weren't you."
OOC: GM: "I wonder if they are still looking for that third piglet?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 00:50:03 (CDT)
JoAnne to Eon, "So how is Krass treating you these days? Better I hope."
Eon looks seriously, "Like a rape victim, there is going to be a special place in Hell for him right down the hall from Hitler."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 00:39:25 (CDT)
Krass is working on Drassel's deck when Roniliojn walks in.
Ronilion looks in interest at all the parts spread out across the desk. "What are you doing?"
Krass, "The idiot screwed up his deck but I can't put my finger on the exact problem."
Eon walks in, "Put your finger on your forehead."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 27, 2005 at 00:26:02 (CDT)
James, the Adept/Street Sam is far from combat, and wishes to remedy this
OOC James: Do I even know the that combat has broken out?
OOC GM: The other characters haven't alerted you yet, so, No.
OOC James: What, don't I at least get a perceptions test?
OOC GM: Fine, but it'll have to be high.
James Rolls with his six perception dice the results are
1, 4, 5, 6, 6, 6.
First roll to resolve sixes: 2,6,6.
2nd: 4,6
3rd: 6
4th: 6
5th: 5, resulting in a 35
GM: Okay... James? A tree falls in the forrest, with no one around to hear it. Only YOU know whether or not it makes a sound. In the meantime, a mile away your friends sound like they could use some help.
Sardonic Swordsman
- Sunday, June 26, 2005 at 21:08:35 (CDT)
After a botched attempt at stealth in the middle of a warehouse on the docks, James, the troll adept/street sam, (don't ask) responds in the following way.
James: (strikes a pose) I'm a Tree!
Guard: Sir, even if you were, in fact, a tree, you do realize that this is not a forest, or even outside for that matter?
James: Oh, well in that case, Hello!
Guard: Can I see your passport?
James: Passport?
Guard: Yeah, Passport, you know, the thing that got you into the country?
James: Oh, that. (Points to Panther Assault Cannon strapped to his back) This is Passport. (Grins)
GM: Wait, you brought that WITH you?
James' Player: Yeah. Why wouldn't I?
GM: INNITIATIVES!
Sardonic Swordsman
- Sunday, June 26, 2005 at 20:13:49 (CDT)
GM to Group, "Quoting the old U.S Supreme Court laws on eminent domain Krass is attempting to acquire all the lands around Seattle, stating he can use them much better and make more profit from them than the current owners. "
Drassel, "The elves and the Tribal Council might not be receptive to your interpretation."
Krass, "Tell those suckers to get off my land."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 26, 2005 at 04:50:38 (CDT)
Dr Patterson to Krass, "I have to fly out tomorrow and with all the security on the sub orbital's do you have any advice that will make the trip smoother?"
Krass, "Take off your coat, shoes, etc. Wearing nothing but a wife-beater, thong, and flip-flops and that will speed you through the metal detector."
Drassel, "Also, don't wear a belt, instead hold your pants up with a rope, but don't use a hemp rope. Since they're not catching any terrorists they'll start using their sophisticated tools to bust recreational drug users now, so leave your drugs and chips at home. Don't carry any change in your pocket, forget the tie tack, um, what else? Oh yes, Don't eat poppy seed bagels. There's something in the poppy seeds that tests positive for heroin or C-4 or both."
Krass, "Oh, and on shoes, last time I flew I had to take mine off, even though there was no metal, because of the thickness of the sole."
JoAnne, "Well it was the thickness of your soles and those funny wires poking out the side that excited their initial interest."
Krass, "If you really want special treatment at the airport, make sure you thank the security guards for being a waste of taxpayer money and remind them that if they had finished high school they could probably get a job in a local McBeasts."
Dr Patterson looks at JoAnne, "Cancel the trip. I'm not going!" He stomps out.
Drassel smiles, "We are going to save a fortune on travel expenses."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 23, 2005 at 00:12:32 (CDT)
GM: "Krass comes into the office for a conference with the group. You all note he is wearing a new watch as he sits down between Drassel and JoAnne." OOC: "OK Folks, you're live."
Drassel looks at Krass puzzled, "Are we running late?"
Krass looking at his watch smiles, "No, I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it."
Eon looking across the table interested, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
Krass smiles, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
Eon skeptically, "I don't believe you. Is it magical? What's it telling you now?"
Krass looks at Eon pointedly, "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."
"The woman glares and replies, "Well it must be broken because I AM wearing panties!"
Krass smirks, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast!"
Drassel, "You got to admit, it's a good pickup line."
Ronilion to Drassel, "Maybe your the one not wearing panties."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, June 22, 2005 at 23:58:48 (CDT)
Running into a three story building after comat decker dwarf gets caught hacking by the feds, along with his pistol-whipping companion. They are trapped and clueless as to what to do. They bring out a grenade and scream "BEES!!!!!" As they run out dropping grenades in the officer's hands. "BEES!!!!"
Chasem0
- Wednesday, June 22, 2005 at 16:16:28 (CDT)
Krass, "Hey Ronilion. You have the Master's right?"
Ronilion, "Yes."
Krass, "Does water float?"
Ronilion, "The question lacks information but the basic answer is 'Yes'. Fresh water will float on salt water. Why do you want to know?"
Krass, "OK now let's see if Eon can answer this riddle. If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?"
Eon angrily, "Get your miniscule mind OFF my chest you pervert!"
Krass, "I would be a pervert if I didn't ask. What's the matter, you can't stand the additional weight? You are going to look like crap once gravity sets in."
Luddington, "Krass, God invented Gravity so that Drek wouldn't bump your hoop when you relieve yourself."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, June 22, 2005 at 06:45:26 (CDT)
Krass to Ronilion, "When you look into Luddington's eyes, you get the feeling someone else is driving."
Ronilion looks at Krass pointedly, "Maybe it's God? Considering how many insults you have given him, if it is, I wouldn't want to be you."
Krass, "Naw, it's more like a cockroach waiting for the human race to drop the big one."
Ronilion, "Krass you're a retard."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, June 21, 2005 at 03:57:00 (CDT)
Eon to Krass, "Compared to you dogs and horses would look good as potential life partners."
Krass, "Why didn't you say you wanted to get started in the porn industry. I have contacts."
Eon disgusted, "I can't believe I said that."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, June 21, 2005 at 03:47:41 (CDT)
JoAnne, speaking to Krass, "No, you are wrong, I don't think you are totally useless. In many ways you have achieved the ultimate perfection of rottenness."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, June 21, 2005 at 03:35:20 (CDT)
Drassel to the group, "You people misunderstand my partner, Krass."
Krass nodding in agreement, "You tell them partner."
Drassel continues, "Krass is mentally incapable of ever seeing a belt without hitting below it."
Krass looks at Drassel angrily, "You Bastard."
Drassel unemotionally, "In my case an accident of birth, you however, are a self made man."
Krass, "Greater love hath no man than this, to lay down his friends for his life."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, June 21, 2005 at 03:27:53 (CDT)
Krass to Luddington, "If you don't like my driving, call 1-800-UBITEME!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 20, 2005 at 01:56:02 (CDT)
JoAnne to Krass, "You are a goat kissing troll!"
Krass smiling, "Have you hugged a Troll today?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 20, 2005 at 01:54:13 (CDT)
Eon to Krass, "Who stopped payment on your reality check?"
Krass, "Hi. Leave a message at the sound of the beep. This is Krass. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 20, 2005 at 01:35:30 (CDT)
Drassel to Eon, "Look, I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 20, 2005 at 00:54:23 (CDT)
OOC: GM: Krass are you stoned? Your handle is reversed."
OOC: Grass, "Did you know that listerine plus foot odour smells worse than just feet, and now my shoes are technically flammable?"
OOC: Ronilion, "You ARE sucking anti-freeze popsicles again aren't you."
OOC: Eon, "How in hell do you make an anti-freeze popsicle."
OOC: Kreat Grass, "You start by finding a big stick and putting it up your hoop..."
The Kreat Grass
- Monday, June 20, 2005 at 00:44:45 (CDT)
OOC: Krass to JoAnne, "What do you Brits say when you stereotype American speech?"
OOC: GM: "Krass, you can really be a complete ass."
OOC: JoAnne, "Relax FatMan, I want to answer him. Actually Krass, it's very simple, we just mouth words badly and say anything lacking irony or sarcasm which usually qualifies, or we just hoot like gibbons and invade sandy countries."
OOC: Krass laughs, "Interesting, when I want to sound like a Brit I just chortled coke through my nose. When I want to sound French I eat beans and walk upside down on my hands backwards."
OOC: GM: "Krass.....Eon is Canadian and Canada has a lot of French. Will you please stop insulting every country in the world?"
OOC: Krass, "It's not my fault and they started it."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 20, 2005 at 00:35:17 (CDT)
A Dwarf "Customized Character" and a Human sniper are trying to rent a truck for a heist. The lady at the desk said that it would 5000 a day (15000 total) to cover for anti-theft.
Anthony(Dwarf): I'd like to speak to your manager, please. *Whispers to sniper "Follow my lead on this one."
The manager comes into the lobby, and 7'5'' troll, and asks "Can I help you?"
The Dwarf pulls out a pistol, "Listen muthaf***er, you are giving us the F***ING TRUCK and we aint paying no f***ing 5000 for it! How about 2500?"
The GM, laughing too hard to stay in his seat, asked a nearby player to roll the trolls Intelligence.
*Rolls dice* 1,1,3
GM: Okay.
Anthony turns a shade of white from relief (a hard feat for a black guy)
Jacob
- Tuesday, June 14, 2005 at 17:19:16 (CDT)
OOC: JoAnne: "Krass is Shadowrun's answer to Leeroy Jenkins except he doesn't eat chicken he molests them."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 13, 2005 at 23:28:36 (CDT)
Eon, "Krass you have a million NuYen mouth attached to a bankrupt brain!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 12, 2005 at 23:42:46 (CDT)
Krass is reviewing the Iraq trip with Drassel as they tally the expenses. Krass looks at Drassel, "You know what moron? Saddam had nothing on us in this day and age."
Drassel looked at Krass blankly, "How so?"
Krass, "He was a fool. He went after weapons of mass destruction, but Krass and Drassel have a weapon of mass seduction." He holds up a picture of Eon.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 12, 2005 at 00:41:37 (CDT)
GM: Info news babe is breaking a last minute news flash, "The Krass/Drassel & Associates Annual shareholder's business meeting includes coffee, juice, and a new agenda. Oh, and it was held between two pole dancing stages in a strip club."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 09, 2005 at 02:41:35 (CDT)
Joanne to Drassel, "I have my clue, I'll trade it to you for yours."
Drassel, "Agreed."
JoAnne, "Here it is."
GM: JoAnne is talking long distance with an old school friend of hers that is telling a strange story. Mostly she is uninterested but in all the ramblings she catches this part of the message, "This was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary pissed-off squirrel. This was an evil attack squirrel of death." stated her friend emotionally."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 09, 2005 at 02:36:40 (CDT)
OOC: Luddington to Krass, "You think your clue was bad? Look what I got."
GM: Luddington has tuned into the Vatican channel in search of information. The first item of note is; "Bionic groundhog attacks dogs, men. Described as 'A Stephen King Version of CaddyShack'."
OOC: Patterson, "The scary part is if he gives you that clue it relates. Now we have to figure out how to connect the groundhog with the prostitute ball-handlers, the FARK U group and the lost magical tomes."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 09, 2005 at 02:29:33 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, "The GM is getting weirder by the second lately."
OOC: Drassel, "Not really, he has phases like this. It usually means his kids are out of school and feeding him ideas."
OOC" Really? Look at the latest he sent me."
GM: Krass is watching the news vids for clues. As requested, the first thing he notes of interest is this news flash delivered by the news babe. "The Guatemalan soccer team made up of prostitutes was banned from playing because of their profession. With their ball-handling skills, they were a shoe in for the finals. This was a big disappointment to the country as a whole."
OOC: Drassel: "That was weird, I take it back. He didn't get that from a school kid. However, it would be something Krass would have noted."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 09, 2005 at 02:19:09 (CDT)
JoAnne's latest reminder note to Krass, "Today is World Kindness Day, moron. Now go outside and be nice to someone, jackass."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 09, 2005 at 02:08:23 (CDT)
OOC: Ronilion, "OK Fat Guy this is getting way out of hand."
OOC: GM: "Come now Ronilion, it's a simple game. Someone stole some very powerful magic tomes from the Lynwood library. What is wrong with it being a terrorist theft?"
OOC: Ronilion, "I am not stupid, nor gullible and I have been in games with you long enough to watch for your tricks. Really now! The Fairy Army Remorseful Kindred Unthroned?" When did fairies get into Shadowrun?"
OOC: Eon: "Maybe they are really elves and he is using the name to throw us off."
OOC: Ronilion, "Really? The name of the organization is F.A.R.K. U! He didn't make such a grossly stupid name for no reason."
OOC: GM: "Heh heh heh."
OOC: Ronilion: "See what I mean?"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 09, 2005 at 01:55:30 (CDT)
OOC: GM: "Ok Ladies and perverts, time to get ready for the next adventure so you can start the preliminary work."
OOC: Dr Patterson: "Where to THIS time? Liberate France? Put the USSR back together? Integrate China into accepting the Euro?"
OOC: GM: "No, not this time. The Lynwood Library in Seattle has been robbed and the curator, as Mr Johnson (# 1876), wants you to quietly recover the missing items." Looks at Krass, "That means QUIETLY, Devlin."
The Great Krass
- Monday, June 06, 2005 at 02:16:01 (CDT)
OOC: GM: to potential new player, "Each style of character has special powers and abilities and as they go up in level they are able to build on that power. For instance Eon is a street samurai. being a member of the corporation she tends to handle many of the more physical threats."
OOC: Potential Player, "What is her special power, speed, strength, fighting ability?"
OOC: Krass, "No it's killing erections."
OCC: Eon: "You are SO DEAD!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 05, 2005 at 22:41:03 (CDT)
OOC: GM: "In game technique is all. Most characters watch out for overkill. I on the other hand tend to use mundane objects and let the dice rolls decide."
OOC: Patterson, "For instance?"
OOC: GM: "I killed a guy in Shadowrun with a rabbit once."
OOC: Krass, "The rabbit was a 'Monty Python' from the awakened world?"
OOC: GM: "Definitely NOT! It was an ordinary rabbit."
OOC: Eon: "I don't get it."
OOC: GM: "The character tripped over the rabbit and fell off a cliff. A large cliff. Dice rolls did the rest. It would have been great if I could have mounted the charcters head in the rabbits den as a trophy."
OOC: Luddington, "Not only are you insane, you have a nasty violent streak."
OOC: Ronilion, "Too much meat in his diet and not enough fiber."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 05, 2005 at 05:36:52 (CDT)
OOC: Possible new recruit, "How do you guys determine partners?"
OOC: Eon: "I am NOT a guy, moron, don't treat me like one. Neither is JoAnne. In essence we consult with the fat man and make determination over time. We usually try to find someone we work well with and usually team with them because of the success rate. It works the same in most games everywhere. Ronilion is fairly old in the crew but he got tired of pairing with Drassel. In real life, they are actually related. Then I came along and Ronilion and I started working together. Things seemed to click. Especially when Krass joined. He and I have outrageous arguments in EVERY game we are in."
OOC: GM: "To be more precise I usually try to match up a chaotic personality with a 'straight' man. Krass is very wild but Drassel was very dry most of the time. We matched them to act as a break and goad on each other for the teams benefit. Now when Krass zigs too far he loses Drassel who usually zags too far the other way. It covers a lot of possibilities. Ronilion is fairly chaotic in a more sneaky way whereas Eon is more outgoing. Luddington is a conservative and Patterson tends to be more liberal. I find it tends to help keep things on course."
OOC: JoAnne laughs, "You call this on course Fat Old Guy? I don't think your plan is working."
OOC: Ronilion, "Oh it works in a fashion. Three steps forward two steps back and one to the side. Like a drunk we do get there eventually, but before the pairing we had games where we never got off the starting line, we just went in reverse or dug a hole straight down."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 05, 2005 at 02:08:01 (CDT)
NPC Client Mr Johnson 1876 to JoAnne, "Mr Krass is your decker right? Just how good is he?"
JoAnne replies with a deadpan expression, "Mr Krass is not only at the top of the field technically but is a renowned master of the anal-nasal interface."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 05, 2005 at 01:40:25 (CDT)
The group is watching the trid as a male 'face' (NPC GM) is speaking with some Seattle city officials, "Among the most striking Seattle government "pork" grants funded this year was a $1.5 million NuYen Grant for a new bus stop (several thousand times more than the typical cost) in front of the Anchorage (Alaska) Museum of History and Art. To replace the current kiosk, the city's transportation director said he imagines a generous upgrade, including perhaps a heated sidewalk to deal with the snow: "We have a Mayor Devlin Krass to thank for this since it was he who gave us that money, and I certainly won't want to appear ungrateful by not accepting it."
Krass smiles, "I'm beginning to like taxes. It's so much fun spending other peoples money."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 05, 2005 at 00:43:02 (CDT)
Ronilion to Krass, "You should never get involved with a woman that are crazier than you are, not that it eliminates many of the woman given the way you act. However, given your relationship with Eon it might be a good idea to back off for a while before you end up well done, like your daddy."
Krass, "Then you mean I should say to Eon, 'I take it all back, UNSCREW YOU!'"
Eon glares at Krass, "Hey Buttwipe, I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way."
Luddington, "I'm not so sure I agree with that last sattement."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 05, 2005 at 00:17:00 (CDT)
Luddington, "If you are in love and abstain from sex before you get married, it can be grand."
Drassel, "If anything goes wrong though it quickly escalates to fifty grand." He states rubbing his hands and smiling.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 05, 2005 at 00:11:10 (CDT)
Eon, "You know Krass just because you have one, doesn't give you an excuse to BE one."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, June 05, 2005 at 00:08:02 (CDT)
Luddington to JoAnne, "So Krass is looking for a name for his new Coalition. he feels that in order to be successful the name has to be catchy."
JoAnne, "How about the Scare Your Pants Off Coalition? It fits right in with his Double Talk Express."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 02, 2005 at 03:35:37 (CDT)
Ronilion to Eon, OK I give up. How in Cuyic's Seventh Hell is Krass's limo different than a porcupine?"
Eon, "With a porcupine the pricks are on the outside."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 02, 2005 at 03:15:56 (CDT)
OOC: Drassel, "Due to the game I missed the weekend barbecue."
OOC: GM: "Mr Drassel, I distinctly remember you guys having a barbecue in game. Ingrate!"
OOC: Dr Patterson, "A little difficult to eat imaginary food Fat Guy, although it might do you some good."
OOC: Krass, "Besides the in game barbecue left a little to be desired. I don't like my burgers over a smoldering blaze of sheep, goat and camel shit."
Eon cattily, "Sheesh Krass, you talk shit, have to eat shit, so he just gave you a different flavor."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 02, 2005 at 02:53:25 (CDT)
Krass rubbing his hands and chortling about his recent success in the vids. "I did so well I ought to run for UCAS president!"
Drassel looks owlishly at his partner, "Really? Then we will require an armored and armed campaign bus with a fancy name."
Eon drily, "Why not the Double Talk Express?"
Luddington, "Krass you would give Virginia ham a bad name."
Ronilion, "We could buy a beer factory and call it Krass Lite. No matter how bad we made the beer someone would think it tasted great and was less filling even if we made it out of camel urine. Krass could say it was imported beer and charge five times the price and camel urine is cheap. That handles name recognition."
Krass smiling, "Keep the ideas coming. I like it."
OOC: GM: "Oh NO, I'm getting a headache already."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 02, 2005 at 02:19:48 (CDT)
Krass is on the vid explaining/lying about his recent trip to the press.
JoAnne comments to Eon, "Krass is like the pussycat who swallowed the canary, feet, beak, squeak, feathers, fuss and all."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 02, 2005 at 02:05:02 (CDT)
GM: As Mr. Johnson, "Well Mr Krass, did you find any weapons of mass destruction?"
Krass, "Do you count the effect of camel farts on greenhouse gases?"
Mr Johnson, "Of course. I'm enviromentally oriented."
Krass, "Then the answer is yes."
Mr Johnson, "Strange, then why was it never brought to light before this."
Ronilion, "Easy, the UN never did find anything so anything found after they had investigated was ignored. This is according to major and well known scientific principles and who am I to argue it now? After all there are still people who believe the world is flat."
Mr Johnson, "Yes it does make a weird kind of sense."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 02, 2005 at 01:57:41 (CDT)
OOC: Krass, "Hey Fat Old Dude, someone left us a message and wanted to know how we accomplish anything."
OOC: GM, "Accomplishment? A game is for amusement. We don't have to get anything done."
OOC: Luddington, "I suspect they meant IN game OH Gravity Induced One."
OOC: GM, "Well we all know the Retro-Sexuals manage to luck out every now and then and are sometimes even brilliant in execution of plots. Krass and Drassel are living proof that idiocy and chaos can survive anywhere as well."
OOC: Ronilion, "That's us, continuously giving the world a wedgie since 1970 and if you can stick it to your partners it's even better."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, June 02, 2005 at 00:58:07 (CDT)
YO KRASS.... YOU GUYS PLAY ONLINE OR LOW-TECH? (PEN AND PAPER) YALL SHOULD TAKE A LOOK AT WWW.THESHADOWRUN.PROBOARDS7.COM i CANT BELIEVE YOU GUYS HAVE SUCH FUNNY SITS AND YET STILL MANAGE TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING
Xtreme
- Monday, May 30, 2005 at 08:05:53 (CDT)
Krass, "I do not like chargeing naked into battle like the Celts."
GM: "Bull you do it all the time! What about the Battle of the Sexes? You really shouldn't try to lie to people who know you so well."
Drassel, "Don't worry Krass, I knew we were going to Iraq so I packed your inflatable sheep, you can wear that."
Krass, "How do you wear an inflatable sheep?"
Eon laughs cruelly, "Just put it where you usually do."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 30, 2005 at 04:12:03 (CDT)
Krass, "I hate you."
GM: chuckles, "Really Devlin, you finally broke contact with the sage's guards. You are not injured and you even discovered some clothes."
Krass, "Yeah a T-shirt depicting a roasted pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic on the front and back."
GM: "You can't have everything your own way you know. Besides you can always take it off again."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 30, 2005 at 04:00:47 (CDT)
top 20 "you know your shadowrun is over before it begins if"
#1- Your teammates insist on hiring mage support out of the yellow pages because "it's SO much easier."
#2- You're supposed to cross a hostile national border, and, as your rigger starts the t-bird's engine, he suddenly gets a puzzled look and says, "Gee, I've never heard it make that noise before."
#3- The team's decker is a troll.
#4- When discussing payment on completion of the run, your employer keeps saying "On the off chance that, I mean WHEN, you return..."
#5- The team's leader is a troll.
#6- One of your companions thinks that "stealth" is a Russian noodle dish.
#7- The GM laughs uncontrollably for a couple minutes when you ask the Johnson about expected complications.
#8- You ask the street sam if he has any lockpicking gear. He says, "Sure," and proceeds to get out a couple blocks of C-4.
#9- As you're leaving the initial meet, your employer hands you a Universal Brotherhood pamphlet.
#10- Anyone on your team tells you, "Nah, you're sources must be wrong. They don't know we're coming, right? So why would they be transferring Leopard Guards to the site? Relax."
11: Your team is in an elevator shaft cutting wires to the main computer about 10 stories underground and NO ONE has a pocket flashlight OR wirecutters...
12: Your hired mage says outloud "was it my left foot or right on that I move 1st?" while summoning an extremely powerful fire elemental
13: The SS you hired for the muscle takes out "Rifles for Dummies" during your flight into Free California into a hot zone.
14: Your fixer sends you replica Lone Star badges... and they're plastic
15: While decked in and supposed to be running a high system alert countermeasure, you hear your street decker mumble "Oh yeah Bunny... shake it good... I think I'm gonna... mmmmm"
16: You get hired for a run and while on your way to infiltrate Ares, your leader decides to phone prank them about a possible hit...
17: While pinned down under UCAS fire, your spotter yells out "how many tanks make up a division?"
18: Trapped on the rooftop of Renraku, you find out your rigger is narcoleptic, AFTER you take off
19: Your mage sends out a watcher to look at whats behind the door, and the watcher comes back and bitchslaps the mage, then self terminates
20. your muscle straps c-4 to himself in case anyone pisses him off... and the run requires you pass in underground ventilation shafts.
Mr. Johnson
- Saturday, May 28, 2005 at 16:41:46 (CDT)
Shadow-tank: dude, were only going to break into a low-tech building for a few junk discs.. why all the heavy artillary
Dom: I just wanted to see if he could really get it
Nord: yea.. he can get all that other drek, but has morals when it comes to weed
Dom: dude.. go astral and find a newly awakened and have him beat himself up, your an ass when your not high
Shadow-tank: and you call him forcing an awakened to beat himself up what...
Dr.Phil: him being himself
Mr. Johnson
- Saturday, May 28, 2005 at 16:37:38 (CDT)
Dom: (corp face calling his contact) ok.. heres the list..
Fixer: go ahead
Dom: I need 3 IWS multi-launchers
Fixer: ok
Dom: 2 Vigorous assault cannons
Fixer: yup
Dom: 500 rounds of armor piercers
Fixer: No prob
Dom: 1 heavy transport disquised as an ice-cream truck
Fixer: sure thing
Dom: and a... what? uhmm 1/2 ounce bag or Marijuana
Fixer: sorry no can do
Nord (street-mage): DREK!!!
Mr. Johnson
- Saturday, May 28, 2005 at 16:34:19 (CDT)
Nitro OOC: There better not be more than 50 mages here that are initiated, otherwise this is a big glowing F***ing pillar of light. This is the Luxor, you can see it from space. You might as well have a giant neon sign that says "World ending event here" (and in fine print) 'Apply inside'
(in reference to a Winternight ritual the group is bringing an army to stop)
Silhouette
- Saturday, May 28, 2005 at 02:59:48 (CDT)
Nitro: "First, SEA-TAC, next, Fort Fustercluck."
Teeth: "Fustercluck, huh?"
Nitro shrugs: "Ah, it's Canadian."
Silhouette
- Thursday, May 26, 2005 at 05:13:40 (CDT)
Krass, "Hey Drassel, pass me another clip."
Drassel, "Listen lamebrain, we can't keep this up forever. We can't carry that much ammo. Maybe you can fast talk them."
Ronilion smiling insidiously, "Hey I like that idea! Krass, you stay and 'filibuster' them and we will go get some more ammo."
Dr Patterson, "I use filibusters in my day-to-day life. They help you get out of all kinds of stuff, like taking out the garbage or having children."
Eon after ripping off a burst on her Kang and getting a head shot on two separate attackers smiles, "While I like the idea of Krass staying to deal with his own mess, I'm not positive where I stand on filibusters, but as a longtime proponent of 'less talk, more rock,' I assume I'm against them." She tosses a smoke grenade.
The Great Krass
- Thursday, May 26, 2005 at 00:20:07 (CDT)
The Retro-sexuals are in a fire fight with the Sage's Hareem Guards. Krass having no clothes or equipment has borrowed a gun from Drassel and is blasting away stakers. The group under cover is laughing so hard they are finding it difficult to hit anything. It looks like a standoff. meanwhile the Jokes keep flying.
Drassel, next to Krass behind a vehicle which is developing bullet holes rapidly speaks first, "Your giving 'bad-hair-day' a whole new meaning."
JoAnne laughs, "Hey Boss, I want to see your ass back at the office by 8 tomorrow."
Eon, "EEEEEWWWW! No one would want to TOUCH his office chair after that!"
Ronilion ducks some bullets and tosses a fireball, "No one will want to touch his pens either after they see where he keeps them."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 25, 2005 at 02:55:46 (CDT)
JoAnne laughs, "Mini Me? Hey Krass, Men are From Mars, women can see Your Penis!"
Ronilion, "It's an honest mistake, Krass has his fly set for 'Monica' instead of "Hillary."
Luddington, "Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells."
Dr Patterson, "We've got a security breach at Los Pantalones."
Drassel, "Elvis Junior has LEFT the building."
Krass, waving his privates at the group, smiles, "I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?"
GM: "The guards have come out the door shouting and pointing and are running towards you firing. The bullets are coming close." OOC: "By the way Krass, Your soldier isn't so unknown now."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 25, 2005 at 02:42:28 (CDT)
Krass getting info from the Sage's hareem has been discovered in a compromising position by the guards. Having no time to waste he dives out the window minus his clothing and runs for it. Running up to the group Eon laughs, "Plan B didn't work I see but it did have an unexpected result, your Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 25, 2005 at 02:32:53 (CDT)
OOC: GM: "So you think I'm going to let you out of the game this easy? Think again. Put the Pale away Krass."
GM: "The Sage annoyed with your questions has you escorted out and you learned nothing, meanwhile the Johnson pages you for an update."
Eon laughing, We ignore the page and turn it off. Turns to Krass, "What now Major Assholitis? Our life just went from bad to worse. I told you he wouldn't let us off THAT EASY"
Krass laughs, "No problem, OH Large chested one. If you think life is bad, how would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You only get eaten once. It takes four minutes to get hard. Only two minutes to get soft. You share your box with eleven other guys. But worst of all. The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother. So cheer up our lives ain't that bad. Besides I have a plan B."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 25, 2005 at 02:23:46 (CDT)
GM: OK the group has managed to get in to ask the Sage about WMD's. You may each ask one question.
Eon, "OK Ladies first. Hey Sage,if its true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?"
Ronilion, "What would be the speed of lightning if it didn't zigzag?"
JoAnne, "If I played a blank tape at full blast would the mime next door go nuts?"
Dr Patterson, "Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?"
Krass, "Do people who spend 120 NuYen apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive?"
Drassel, "If four out of five people SUFFER from diarrhea, Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?"
OOC: GM laughing, "Folks, I meant about WMD's.
OOC: Eon: , "Screw WMD's, some mysteries are more important than others Fat Man, now answer the fragging questions."
OOC: GM: "Shit! OK a point of Karma to each of you for catching me off guard and one more point because I don't even want to contemplate the answers. Some things need to stay mysterious."
OOC: Ronilion: "Our point exactly Fat Boy, WMD's will just have to stay mysterious too."
OOC: Krass: "It's Green River Pale Time!"
OOC: "Holy Shit and stuff me in it! You people actually worked together to set ME up? The world can end now, I've seen everything."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 24, 2005 at 06:46:54 (CDT)
Krass to Eon, "You know they ought to call you FrigidAire. I figured before I met you that all the cold fish were in the ocean. I'll bet if someone could pry your legs apart a light would go on."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 04:16:13 (CDT)
Krass to Drassel, "Do you remember the Speed Limit of Sex?"
Drassel, "Sure 69 because at 70 you have to turn around, and according to Eon, one slip and your in the drek."
Krass, "OK then, what's 6.9?"
Drasell thinks for a long time, "The only thing I can come up with is a good time screwed up by a period."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 04:12:55 (CDT)
Ronilion is making some observations on the lack of bars in Iraq, "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. This country sucks."
Krass agrees, "They even dress their women in bubble wrap. No wonder they are willing to blow themselves up. They have absolutely nothing to live for."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 03:51:59 (CDT)
Luddington is reading a sign as he gets off the plane in Iraq, "Go Home! Infidels will be shot. Survivor's will be shot again."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 03:44:21 (CDT)
Ronilion speaking thoughtfully to Eon, "If ignorance goes to one hundred forty NuYen a barrel, I want drilling rights to Krass's head."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:30:06 (CDT)
Info Babe Reporter, "Mayor Krass, when are you going to have a woman on your ticket?"
Eon responds loudly from the back, "The real question girlie is when is he going to have a MAN on the ticket?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:25:32 (CDT)
Speaking to Eon, "They don't call me Tyrannosaurus Sex for nothing."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:21:19 (CDT)
"There they are. See no evil, hear no evil, and...evil." Stated JoAnne to Dr Patterson as they watched, Drassel, Ronilion and Krass on the vid.
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:19:32 (CDT)
Drassel speaking to the reporters, "For seven and a half years I've worked alongside Mayor Krass. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:16:10 (CDT)
Eon to Luddington, "Krass gives Dirty politics a bad name."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:13:11 (CDT)
Krass after being asked why he is going to Iraq by the reporters, "I need the NuYen. I have a staff of 30, four houses, and never forget the UCAS, to support."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:11:38 (CDT)
Drassel to Ronilion, "The last time I played golf with Krass he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark ..."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:08:24 (CDT)
"I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe." Eon stated to Ronilion after observing the in-flight movie Krass had ordered on the way to Iraq.
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:06:00 (CDT)
"Where else but in Seattle could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on vid to complain about their lack of support?" Luddington stated to Dr Patterson as they watched the trideo.
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 23, 2005 at 00:03:56 (CDT)
Eon to Ronilion when told they will be taking a sub orbital to Iraq, "I'd rather walk all the way, stinking drunk and blinfolded, with headphones on playing lift music than to get into any vehicle with Krass on it again."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, May 19, 2005 at 00:59:53 (CDT)
Krass after the press conference goes outside with Drassel and sees a car being ticketed by a Lone Star cop. he gets abusive so the cop immediately wrote a another ticket. A short while later after fourteen new tickets on the car window the Cop leaves laughing.
Drassel to Krass, "Why did you do that? We are going to be paying a fortune in fines."
Krass laughs, "That's not MY car it's Eon's Nightsky."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, May 19, 2005 at 00:53:44 (CDT)
OOC: Krass: "So you really are going to send us on a Shadowrun to determine what happened to WMD's. This is crazy but could be fun if you don't have a preselected ending."
OOC: GM: "I NEVER preselect an ending anymore it takes the fun out of the game. I just allow for eventualities and let the players determine how it will end using the dice for randomness. As for me being crazy, when people run in circles they call it crazy, but when planets do it they call it orbiting."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, May 19, 2005 at 00:38:38 (CDT)
OOC: Krass: "Old Fat Dude, you have been really out there on the games lately. Yellowstone, Roswell, what happened did the Doctors at the asylum cut back on your meds or increase the dosage?"
OOC: GM: Mr Krass, the highlight of playing most games is to be creative, humorous and imaginative. I also expect the same in my players but not everyone is capable of breaking out of their profound ignorance, stupidity or habits. Now next weekend over the USA Memorial Day it gets really good, I'm sending Krass/Drassel and Associates out to hunt down the missing WMD's in Iraq. Let us hope you have better luck than the typical government idiots in existence today."
OOC: Eon: "Krass, when will you learn to keep your fat, stupid mouth shut! Now if we don't find them we are stupid and if we do we save Bush's Hoop, it's a no win situation all around."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 18, 2005 at 04:46:32 (CDT)
Eon explaining things to JoAnne and showing her a grenade, "Remember, Five-second fuses only last three seconds. So when the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 18, 2005 at 04:25:45 (CDT)
Ronilion to Eon after she has finished the Press conference. "You were pretty mad at Krass in there. If I didn't know better I would say that he finally managed to achieve his life long ambition."
Eon glares, "You mean you think I slept with him? I ought to kick your ass just for suggesting such a thing."
"So what set you off?"
"He snuck into my room, stole my underwear and sold them on the matrix."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 18, 2005 at 01:10:20 (CDT)
Luddington to Dr. Patterson, "Actually, it's a lot of fun to fight. You know, it's a hell of a hoot. It's just pure fun to shoot some people."
Dr. Patterson looks at his partner intently, "You are supposed to be a priest. Hate the sinner and not the sin. Isn't that supposed to be your creed?"
Luddington, "I save the sinner by making sure he can't commit more sins. SO there it IS Religion that Works!"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 18, 2005 at 00:15:55 (CDT)
Eon is on a roll. The group hasn't seen her this worked up since she had the barbecue with Krass senior. Most are sitting back and enjoying the comments as she tee's off.
"Krass is a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner convictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad. Who does vote for these dishonest shitheads? Krass is an ignorant, stupid, flatulent, pathetic little poindexter and I'll bet he still poops his pants!"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 18, 2005 at 00:02:07 (CDT)
"He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time." Stated Eon at the press conference.
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 17, 2005 at 23:51:52 (CDT)
Eon to the press upon the re-election of Krass as mayor of Seattle, "Jesus! How much more of this cheap-jack bullshit can we be expected to take from that stupid little gunsel? Who gives a crap if he's happy or depressed down there in Seattle? If there were any such thing as true justice in this world, his rancid carcass would be somewhere down around Easter Island right now, in the belly of a hammerhead shark."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 17, 2005 at 23:50:26 (CDT)
OOC: Ronilion: "OK Fat Old Dude, where in heck did you come up with these spells? Detect Pervert? Hold Bladder? Rectum of Retention? Senility must be very close for you."
OOC: GM: "Or I flashed back to the 70's."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 17, 2005 at 06:28:56 (CDT)
Eon to Ronilion, "Glad you made it back. So what did you get from the Spirit Realm?"
Ronilion looks at Eon blankly, "Several new spells. I was hoping to find Collector's orgasm spell but had to settle for several others."
Eon, "Such as?"
Ronilion, "Acid Trip, Cure Smoked Ham, Delayed Blast Flatulence, and Draw upon Religious Right."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 17, 2005 at 06:23:09 (CDT)
Ronilion and Luddington in the Spirit Realm are trying to contact the others. They make a roll.
GM: "Arkham Telegraph and Telephone (AT&T) is pleased to announce its new long distance plan. This revolutionary offer will save subscribers over 50% from the competition's best offer, and over 75% from 1-800-COLLECT. We call it "The Call of Cthulhu."
Plus, by making use of a new transspiritual cable (made possible by our subsidiary, Marsh Communications of Innsmouth (MCI) ), we will be able to save you not 25%, not 50%, but *80%* on overether calls!!! Plus, by joining our "friends and family" program (in which we make you, literally, "part of the family"), you will *not be charged* for calls to friends an family after 12 midnight weekdays and 1 AM on weekends."
Ronilion with feeling, "DREK!"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 17, 2005 at 06:16:42 (CDT)
Father Luddington in the Spirit Realm with Ronnilion is having a good day. "Kicking ass in the name of the Lord", he states with enthusiasm.
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 17, 2005 at 06:07:45 (CDT)
Eon to JoAnne, "Where is Ronilion?"
JoAnne, "He said something about being the Spirit Realm. I'm not sure how he got there but he mentioned something federal."
Eon glaring at JoAnne, "Didn't you take notes or ask? I know he didn't go by way of Fed-EX!"
JoAnne defensively, "I was busy at the time and he was in a hurry."
Krass laughed, "Maybe he went Spirit Express, when Ronilion positively, absolutely had to be there over night."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 17, 2005 at 05:49:30 (CDT)
Drassel's creed: "A man is innocent until proven broke."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 17, 2005 at 00:30:05 (CDT)
Drassel in court has Dr Dr. Patterson is on the witness stand as an expert as Drassel questions him, "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 17, 2005 at 00:21:26 (CDT)
Krass smiles at Drassel, "Hey idiot, what's six inches long, two inches wide and drives woman crazy?"
Drassel responds quickly, "Money."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 23:18:23 (CDT)
Krass to Dr. Patterson, "Darn, what should I do if my girlfirend starts smoking?"
Patterson thoughtfully, "Slow down and use a lubricant."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 23:16:21 (CDT)
Krass is talking to Dr. Patterson, "Get this, last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a Shadowrunner broke into my office."
"Did he get anything," Patterson asked?
"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. Eon thought it was me coming into work drunk again."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 23:06:19 (CDT)
IBfo News Babe on the trid, "According to a new study, bad economic times can actually be good for you because people tend to exercise more and eat better. This is not a recession, this is the Krass Health Care Plan."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 01:51:05 (CDT)
Eon to Krass after looking at his charts, "I have finally discovered your problem. It appears that your Ying and Yang are out of balance because you have been spending to much time on your Yang." She pulled out a Cougar FineBlade, "I suggest radical and immediate surgery."
Krass runs screaming down the hall.
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 01:37:53 (CDT)
Eon cattily to news babe that Krass has been 'hitting' on, "Krass thinks of himself as a Viking and like a Viking, he is still out conquering and trying to discover virgin territory. So if you just say 'No' you should be perfectly safe, dearie."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 01:32:25 (CDT)
Info babe on the next local election standings in Seattle as Krass once again rune for re-election as Mayor. "Once again Seattle voters are looking for exciting new ways to get their hoops handed to them by re-electing Mr Krass."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 01:27:10 (CDT)
Krass looking confused and dazed, "The last thing I remember is trying to sneak into Eon's room after the press interview and then waking up naked with my ass cheeks taped together on Connecticut Avenue. So I don't really know what happened."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 01:12:35 (CDT)
Krass commenting on the state of the city, "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in Seattle. It's just unacceptable,and we're going to do something about it. I want to put a new tax on bullets so that people will be careful and get the job done right the first time!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 01:03:43 (CDT)
Krass speaking as Mayor of Seattle to the press, "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our people, and neither do we."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 00:55:41 (CDT)
Drassel explaining to the group what they 'know' about the latest run. "We know there are known knowns: there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns: that is to say we know there are things we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know."
The group looks at him in disgust.
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 00:51:21 (CDT)
The Group is in the old Yellowstone Park Area on a run. Having set up tents Krass notices that Drassel is leaving notes on the Bridger Wilderness registration Sheets and Comment Cards and goes over to read them:
#1.) The trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
#2.) Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce world-wide population growth to limit the number of visitors to the wilderness.
#3.) Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.
#4.) All the mile markers are missing this year.
#5.) Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.
#6.) Trail needs to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
#7.) Too many bugs, leaches, spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these unwelcomed pests.
#8.) Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow during the winter.
#9.) Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
#10.) The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
#11.) A small deer came into my camp and stole my jar of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed?
#12.) Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
#13.) Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
#14.) Need more signs to keep the area pristine.
#15.) A McBeasts would be nice at the trailhead.
#16.) The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.
#17.) I brought lots of sandwich makings, but forgot bread. If you have extra bread, leave it in the yellow tent at V Lake.
#18.) There are just too many rocks in the mountains. Perhaps you could sell them to a construction company and then use the money to improve the area?
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 16, 2005 at 00:38:38 (CDT)
Drassel looks at Luddington, "Have you ever heard of a sin tax? I have a client who states his church tossed him out becuase of the sin tax."
Luddington in disgust, "Not Sin Tax, Mr. Drassel, SYNTAX! Your client was probably cursing in church."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, May 15, 2005 at 01:25:32 (CDT)
Krass to Eon, "You know Eon, you don't snore, fart or belch so you have to bitch or you would just blow up!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, May 12, 2005 at 06:28:43 (CDT)
Silhouette (street mage) answering the door to a deadpan Nitro (street sam) and greatly over-excited Teeth (psychopathic decker) the next day after their first run together: "Oh, it's you guys (eyes the decker suspiciously) Wanna come in for some soy-caf?"
Nitro (completely straight-faced): "Sure. We fenced the data that we got from that last run, it wasn't worth too much. Anyway, here's your cut of the money."
Nitro hands her a credstik, Teeth tries really hard not to giggle
Silhouette plugs the credstik into her pocket secretary to verify it, seeing that it's worth 600,000¥. She then sits down slowly in the chair and looks even more pale than usual.
*long silence*
Nitro (still deadpan): "I hope you're satisfied with the return."
Silhouette: "I-er... um... Anyone wanna go to Tahiti?"
Nitro walks right back out the door, leaving her looking completely stunned. Over his shoulder: "Glad we could brighten your day."
Silhouette as they're leaving: "Uh... Call me?"
Silhouette
- Thursday, May 12, 2005 at 03:30:41 (CDT)
The group finishes a run to steal data from the Sioux Nation, and is paid 50,000¥ each. They then turn around and sell the data to Saeder-Krupp for money on the side.
Teeth (OOC) upon finding out how much the data is worth on the open market: Oh my god...
Nitro (OOC): No, no. Now divide by three, only one of the three files is genuine
*calculator clicking*
Teeth (OOC): Oh my god...
Nitro (OOC): Hold on. Now divide by three again for each of us (there were three team members)
*more calculator clicking*
Teeth (OOC): Oh my god...
Nitro (OOC): What? How much is it?
Teeth (OOC): 600,000¥...
Nitro (OOC): EACH!?
*jaw hits floor*
Silhouette
- Thursday, May 12, 2005 at 03:21:49 (CDT)
Luddington to Ronilion while they are on survelliance, "If you were a Nazi and you had two hostages but only one bullet, who would you shoot? Some normal crew-cut soldier or G.I. Joe?"
Ronilion smoothly, "I'd shoot myself because Nazis are hoopholes."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 11, 2005 at 02:09:18 (CDT)
Drassel to Krass, "Did you know the legal age of consent in the UCAS is 14?"
Krass smiling, "Interesting. All I need now is a cheap flight and some deodorant."
Drassel thinking carefully, "I think Holland has a low consent age as well."
Krass laughing, "You go that way, I go this way and we meet in the middle. Highest 'kiddy' total wins 20 NuYen."
Drassel nodding, "The game is on!"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 11, 2005 at 01:58:11 (CDT)
Krass walks into Drassel's office. "Hey Drassel, I have a legal question. If you rape a Joygirl is that considered theft?"
Drassel peers up from his brief's, "no matter what you call it, it's illegal."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 11, 2005 at 01:52:14 (CDT)
Silhouette - "One of these days, you're gonna have to put that decker down like a mad dog!"
Nitro - "Why do you think I build those revolvers?"
(In reference to custom designed revolvers with explosive ammunition to deal with the "Teeth" problem.)
Silhouette
- Tuesday, May 10, 2005 at 19:35:22 (CDT)
Nitro - "Ya know Teeth, one of these days you're gonna be hit by the karmic bus.... and I'm gonna be behind the wheel."
Teeth - "What???"
(The party leader Nitro said to the resident psychopath/decker Teeth, after Teeth performed a particularly gruesome intterogation of the would-be assassins of Teeth and his fixer)
Nitro
- Tuesday, May 10, 2005 at 11:28:31 (CDT)
Wrench(Me, Paraplegic Elven Rigger), Brick (big Cybered Troll) and some others are escaping from a lonestar prison. I'm in a harness back to back on Bricks back.
As we are crawling out of an elevator shaft, we are greeted by three Lonestar Prisonguards.
A fire fight ensues, were I While looking the opposite direction of the fight, make two shot over the shoulder of the troll with a silenced predator. And due to dumbluck, both shots connect, one of them is a lethal headshot.
Unluckily my character gets no credit for his kills, because nobody saw him make the shots. And how should the crippled elf be able to make those shots.
So the Troll gets the credit
:-/
Wrench
- Tuesday, May 10, 2005 at 07:02:52 (CDT)
Brick: Big mean Troll
GM: you are walking home from your shopping trip, with a bag of beer, you walk through the Barrens, but the wronge way, you end up in the middle of an elven ghetto, where there stands 4 elves punks who provoke you.
Brick: I put my beer on the ground and walk down to them and tell them to be nice to the big trolls
GM: They still provoke you. Suddenly hear you beer rattle.
Brick: I turn around, while im pulling my Spass 22 (Shotgun)and tell them DROP THE BEER!
GM: He drops the beer and run away, along do the other elves.
Brick(Troll)
- Tuesday, May 10, 2005 at 03:53:07 (CDT)
Ronilion laughs at Krass, "You know EVERYONE hates you."
Luddington smoothly, "Not everyone, Jesus Loves you Krass."
Eon cattily, "Everyone else things you're a rat turd!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, May 08, 2005 at 05:20:16 (CDT)
Krass telling JoAnne about the trip Area 51, "My day was horrible, I lost a 20 NuYen bill, got beat up, and was late for all my appointments."
JoAnne curiously, "What did you do that caused you to get beat up?"
Krass sadly, "For stealing a 20 NuYen bill when I should have been going to my appointments."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, May 08, 2005 at 05:14:01 (CDT)
OOC: Ronilion, "You know Krass, when you were little your parents used to tell you to stop making that face or you would be ugly for the rest of your life. Then they realized, you weren't making a face."
OOC: Krass: "Thank You for shopping with Dream On Asshole Industries"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, May 08, 2005 at 05:06:30 (CDT)
This was said by Professor (explosives expert) when Stripe (Tiger shapeshifter physad) caught fire.
Professor: "The cat caught fire, i wante to set the cat on fire!!!"
Stripe
- Thursday, May 05, 2005 at 16:01:16 (CDT)
OOC: Potential New Player: "hey Krass, you're supposed to be a decker but you seem to do very little of it. You seem to be always going with the group. Want to explain how the GM let's you get away with that?"
OOC: Krass: "Easy lamer, I have a C-5 head array and haven't you heard of the wonders of WIFI? Where in hell have you been for the past 30 years?"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, May 04, 2005 at 01:13:20 (CDT)
"There is always one more imbecile than you counted on." Luddington explained to the alien boyfriend how things work on Earth.
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 03, 2005 at 00:34:08 (CDT)
Krass angrily to the alien girl's irate boyfriend, "May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 03, 2005 at 00:25:12 (CDT)
Eon to the alien girl, "Krass has no equal. Everyone else is better."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 03, 2005 at 00:22:03 (CDT)
Krass with the alien woman is speaking to Luddington, "We have a strange and wonderful relationship. She's strange and I'm wonderful."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 03, 2005 at 00:12:23 (CDT)
Drassel brighthly to an alien, "Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you? Do you require legal counsel?"
Eon looks at Drassel in disgust, "Greg, it's an alien in deep freeze. It can't answer back. It probably doesn't even know we are here."
Drassel looks back blandly, "Never assume. It never hurts to be polite."
Ronilion laughs, "He's right you know, it is after all an alien and it might have powers we know nothing about."
Eon glares, "With this kind of science between the two of you, I suppose you have come to the conclusion that Gravity doesn't exist? So what the Earth sucks?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, May 03, 2005 at 00:08:55 (CDT)
OOC: Krass: "Fat Old Man you are truly insane."
OOC: GM: "Thank You, Mr. Krass, it's nice to be recognized by a leading professional in any line of business. Now tonight's game will be a romp through Area 51, the old Roswell, New Mexico, now under the control of the Azzies. Have you ever wondered given the things we suspect today what that place would be like in the Shadowrun World?"
OOC: Eon: "Oh fragging GREAT! It's bad enough that Krass molests everything in sight and now you want to give him a crack at alien bimbo's"
OOC: Ronilion: "If they don't have a crack I am sure Krass will create one."
The Great Krass
- Monday, May 02, 2005 at 23:55:23 (CDT)
The team has blown merry hell out of a large section of the docks escaping from a wetwork team on a gunboat (don't ask). We're hurting bad when a group of Mafia Wise Guys emerge from a burning warehouse to find out who fragged their 'Import' business. Before anyone starts shooting, the team's female elven face has time for a few last words.
"Hiya, Guido, we still on for the Opera on Tuesday?"
Nightingale
- Monday, May 02, 2005 at 23:11:48 (CDT)
First Mistake: The team sneaks into an already trashed ultra-secret research facility we know was experimenting on nosferatu.
Second Mistake: Leaving the unarmed medic alone in the lab with the vampiric test subjects.
Third Mistake: Not checking the vampires' restraints.
Nightingale
- Monday, May 02, 2005 at 22:58:10 (CDT)
Pirates have taken seattle harbour light house. Shadowrunners have killed the troll pirates and freed 50 something year old cpt skippy.
Cpt Skippy; "Who are you people?" To Kane a ghoul who has been turned into a vampire.
Kane; "International light commission. We look after our own. Remember, stay union, stay safe."
SlapTback
- Thursday, April 21, 2005 at 13:02:27 (CDT)
Ronilion to Dr. Patterson, "Did you ever notice that Dick is the most popular first name for government officials?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, April 19, 2005 at 00:38:59 (CDT)
Eon to Krass, "Go find a DISEASE and crawl into bed with it. PLEASE!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 17, 2005 at 06:55:46 (CDT)
Krass to Drassel, "It's getting old and boring. Some disgruntled assholes keep threatening revenge on us two or three times a day."
Drassel nods and replies, "Then maybe they should threaten you a different way."
Krass smiling, "Yeah, like my anal virginity, that's one thing I AM scared of losing."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 17, 2005 at 06:49:41 (CDT)
Eon to Luddington, "Someone needs to shave Krass's head and use his hair as experimental flac vest material."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 17, 2005 at 06:37:09 (CDT)
Lonestar Cop (NPC) to Krass, "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey drek."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 17, 2005 at 06:18:35 (CDT)
Dr. Patterson to Krass, "Persons with altered mental states as a result of chip or drug use are considered "pharmaceutically gifted in my hospital."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 17, 2005 at 06:15:47 (CDT)
OOC: Luddington to the group, "Now does anyone have a question for me?"
OOC: GM: "Yes. What was God thinking when he made my ass sweat?"
OOC: Krass: (ROFL!)
The Great Krass
- Monday, April 11, 2005 at 04:08:06 (CDT)
The blondes have again beaten up Krass and he is busily giving his tale of woe to the group, "... and then one of them dropped me face first into the sewer."
Eon laughed, "If you're looking for sympathy Krass, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, April 07, 2005 at 02:54:56 (CDT)
Dr Patterson to Krass, "Hey Krass, what was your weirdest sexual experince?"
Krass thoughtfully, "Hmm, their are so many. One that stands out though is when I once made love to a female clown. It was weird because she twisted my penis into a poodle."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, April 07, 2005 at 02:41:31 (CDT)
Krass has gone back to the lesbian bar, he doesn't go in but yells through the door, " The difference between a blonde and a tree is, the tree knows when it's being cut down." He runs with the clientele in hot pursuit.
The Great Krass
- Thursday, April 07, 2005 at 01:30:18 (CDT)
"Why is it you can sue McBeasts if you get fat, Marlboro if you get cancer, but you can't sue Smirnoff or Budweiser for all the ugly people you slept with?" Krass asked Drassel.
Drassel looked owlishly at Krass, "Easy lamer, you always go for the easiest target. Right and Wrong have nothing to do with the law for a lawyer, it's all about the NuYen."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, April 07, 2005 at 01:27:27 (CDT)
"You know Krass, If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." stated Eon to the decker.
The Great Krass
- Thursday, April 07, 2005 at 01:23:13 (CDT)
Krass to Eon, "Women do, Piercings in the strangest places, Tatoos everywhere, Face liftings, Cesarian Birth, Liposuction, Chirurgial reduction of the abdomen, Plucking of facial hair and eyebrows along with Depilation with hot wax SO HOW CAN THEY DARE TO TELL YOU 'IT HURTS' WHEN YOU ASK FOR SOME ANAL SEX?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, April 04, 2005 at 05:42:34 (CDT)
Luddington is talking to a group of prisoners while waiting to get Krass out of his 'mooning' charge. The bible says you should love your neighbor as thyself."
A voice suddenly chimes in from the back of the cell, "What am I supposed to do jerk him off too?"
Luddington, "Krass! I know that's you! Get up here so I can bail you out."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 03, 2005 at 01:18:37 (CST)
GM: "OK Krass, you are driving down the street heading for City hall when you see a joy-girl waving at your limo. What do you do? (Like I can't guess, but I have to ask.)"
Krass laughs, "I tell my driver to stop and roll down the window and stick my head out and say, "Hey Baby, want to party in my limo?"
GM: "Th joy girl walks over looking really sexy. She pulls out a Lone Star badge and says, "You're under arrest for mooning."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 03, 2005 at 01:12:06 (CST)
OOC: GM: "OK, it seems you all want to get even for the jokes I pulled in the last game. One fat joke from each of you please."
OOC: Ronilion: "When he "hauls ass" he has to make two trips."
OOC: Eon: "Instead of Levi's 501s he wears Levi's 1002s."
OOC: Drassel: "His driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
OOC: Patterson: "His university graduation picture was an aerial photograph."
OOC: Luddington: "When God said "Let there be light" he meant him to shift his belly out of the way."
OOC: JoAnne: "The back of his neck looks like a pack of hot dogs."
OOC: Krass: "When his pager goes off people think it's because he's backing up."
OOC: GM: "Thank You for all those kind words, and now a word from my sponsor. Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate! Remember, Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don't need an appointment."
OOC: Krass disgusted, "You bought more Hershey stock again didn't you."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 03, 2005 at 01:00:33 (CST)
OOC: Eon cattily, "Once again we have proved beyond any doubt that there is no bigger ass than Krass, it's even a part of his name."
OOC: Krass, "Wrong again Schwartenbimbo. There is a bigger ass, did you ever check out the Fat Old Dude's lard butt? The back of his belt read's 'Wide Load'."
OOC GM: "I heard that Devlin. Someday you will be where I am now. I look at it this way, Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. I might just as well enjoy myself. "
OOC: Krass: "Yeah but your favorite food's are seconds, thirds, fourths. Etc. When they hand you a menu you just say yes."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 03, 2005 at 00:47:45 (CST)
Krass smiling as he talks to JoAnne, "I met a young lady last night and asked her if she wanted to go out with me.She replied, Only if you take me someplace expensive. So I told her to get into my truck and and we drove to the nearest gas station where I filled up the tank."
JoAnne, "I'll bet she didn't go on another date with you."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, April 03, 2005 at 00:05:54 (CST)
GOOD,BAD I'M THE ONE WITH THE GUN
darr
- Thursday, March 31, 2005 at 12:20:49 (CST)
Eon is having a difficult time fighting a cyber enhanced troll. As she gets tossed across the room Drassel arrives carrying a flamethrower.
Eon landing roughly on the floor, "Quick Gregg burn him!"
Drassel looks at the troll in disgust, "I refuse. Trolls stink when they burn."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, March 31, 2005 at 02:57:13 (CST)
Krass walks into the office with a cat sitting backwatd on his shoulder. Spying JoAnne and Eon he points at the cat's ass and say's in his best pirate voice, "This here be my one eyed parrot!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, March 31, 2005 at 01:13:20 (CST)
"Jesus said to turn the other cheek." Luddington pointed out to Krass.
Krass responded drily, "That's why he is dead."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 30, 2005 at 02:31:31 (CST)
Ronilion to Eon, "Hey Eon,whats strong enough for a man but built for a woman?"
Krass yells from the next room before Eon can reply, "My Dick!"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 30, 2005 at 02:19:29 (CST)
Drassel looks at Luddington and his mob, "Sir, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God."
The Great Krass
- Monday, March 28, 2005 at 06:32:34 (CST)
Luddington backed by his congregation is confronting Krass in his office, "Where is GOD?"
Krass looks at the crowd and see's several Lone star cops in it. "Huh?'
Luddington even louder, "Where is GOD! You sinner!"
Krass looking nervous, "Excuse me for a moment." He walks into Drassel's office. "We're in BIG trouble this time, God's missing and they think we took him!"
Drassel nods seriously, "Did we?"
The Great Krass
- Monday, March 28, 2005 at 06:13:57 (CST)
OOC: Krass, "It's bad enough when the GM is in a bad mood, it's worse when he is in a joking mood!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, March 28, 2005 at 05:56:27 (CST)
Ronilion is at the local bar doing magic tricks for drinks. He has ten people hypnotized on the stage when he suddenly trips over the microphone cord. "Shit!", he states with feeling as he trips.
OOC: GM smiling, "I think they will be busy cleaning up the floor for a while."
The Great Krass
- Monday, March 28, 2005 at 05:54:26 (CST)
A young couple on the brink of divorce are in to see Drassel about a divorce.
Drassel quietly, "What is your problem?"
NPC: Wife responds angrily, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation!"
Drassel looks at her husband and inquires seriously, "Is that true?"
NPC: Husband replies with a smile, "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."
OOC: GM: "Gotcha!"
The Great Krass
- Monday, March 28, 2005 at 05:33:34 (CST)
Luddington and Patterson are watching the Info News babe on the Trid: "Today 35 Greenpeace Elf protesters rushed onto the floor of the Seattle Stock Exchange intending to paralyze the trading of Krass/Drassel and Associates stocks. This was the anniversary day of the Kyoto environmental initiative which took effect over 25 years ago. Unexpectedly, the traders turned on them, punching and kicking the protesters until they ran for their lives.Two were hospitalized. Said one protester, "I've never seen anyone less amenable to listening to our point of view."
Patterson, "They got off lucky. Krass or Drassel never let anyone get in the way of their money."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, March 27, 2005 at 01:52:12 (CST)
Our team (working for Ghostwalker) got trasnported back in time thousands of years, and we'd just made it to what's now called England. We end up in this paradise, but it turns out it's the home to an evil living tree thing that tries to kill us. Anyways, my psionicist Rebo fries the tree with a fireball that catches everyone else in the blast for some damage.
So we're all recovering from our injuries when we spot what looks like ANOTHER paradise-like grassland with ANOTHER tree in it.
One of my teammate's response?
Jack: "OH FUCK THIS! I am NOT going through this shit AGAIN! I am going over there, and if _that_ tree moves, I shoot it. If it doesn't move, I shoot it anyway. If it grabs me, I want all of YOU to shoot it."
*Jack aims SMG at tree*
Jack: "You have six seconds to repent your life of evil!"
*Jack shoots the tree*
Helios
- Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 18:19:03 (CST)
Krass has gotten copies of the posters Ronilion has put up all over town. He has added a few lines to them. "This proves your MAYOR has nothing to hide."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 02:37:17 (CST)
Drassel returns from court smiling in victory. Eon looks dumbfounded, "OH DREK! You didn't get Krass off? They had him dead!"
Drassel looking down his nose, "Of course I got him out. People do NOT pay me large fees to lose."
Eon, "BUT HOW?", she screamed.
Drassel, confidentially, "Well the case was difficult and expensive, I bought the bar, and paid each witness a large amount to drop the case by giving them it back as a gift instead of turning it into a sport's bar."
Eon shocked, "But the damages to the vehicles?"
Drassel, "What damages? No one SAW Krass do anything to any vehicle, especially after my gift. While he may have violated public decency there was no proof at all that he did do any vandalism there. In fact several members of a local street gang publicly owned up to it. The prosecution had to let him go after I put my surprise witnesses on the stand."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 02:35:10 (CST)
Ronilion comes into the office counting a large roll of NuYen happily. Eon his partner smiles. "Where did you get all the money?"
Ronilion startled, "Oh I signed a very lucrative deal with the political party that opposes Krass and is trying to get him impeached."
Eon warily, "What did you do?"
Ronilion happily, "I went down to LoneStar when they arrested Krass and when they strip searched him and took another Hoop print I took a picture of his butt. I put it on a poster and had 100,000 printed up with the words, 'Have you seen our Mayor? Do you really want this for a second term?"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 02:16:36 (CST)
Drassel, "Your Honor, I protest. Butt Prints are not admissable in a Court of Law. I also Object to the prosecution putting such an ugly object on display. It demeans the dignity of these proceedings."
Prosecution; (NPC, Regular DM), "Your Honor the Defense is reaching. We look at DNA prints, finger prints, retina prints, and any kind of evidence left. Besides we have seen bigger and uglier asses on a daily basis in this court than the defendant."
Judge thoughtfully, (OUTSIDE DM GUEST,)"First motion denied, the prosecution is well with in it;'s right to use the print as eveidence provided it has been gathered properly. Second motion is also denied, while we have indeed seen many assholes in this court never have we seen a bigger one. Still size is not the issue and the prosecution may proceed."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 02:10:11 (CST)
Eon and JoAnne are talking at the secretaries desk when Drassel comes by and interrupts, "I have to go downtown and bail out Krass. I'll be back in about 4 hours."
JoAnne nods but Eon smiles, "What did the little ass do now?"
Drassel, "You remember the episode with the lesbians?" Both girls nod in agreement. "Well, Krass went back for some revenge. He slashed their tires and keyed their cars. Then he 'mooned' them through the window of the bar and ran off. He was picked up by Lonestar on his way back here."
JoAnne puzzled, "I suppose they identified by the witnesses?"
Drassel, "No, it seems they identified him by the Hoop Print he left on the window."
Eon laughing, "WHAT AN ASS!"
Drassel seriously, "Funny, that's what Lonestar said too. I wonder why?"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 23, 2005 at 02:00:03 (CST)
Eon to Krass, "You are the poster boy for birth control!"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, March 22, 2005 at 01:31:45 (CST)
Penny the witch and Spist the changeling Snake shaman are scouting astral space in an MCT research facility, wondering where their next ass-kicking is coming from.
They find some research subjects (aka squatters) in holding cells. Spist manifests in one to ask some questions of the occupant.
On seeing Spist's snake-man form, the squatter screams, falls to his knees and starts to recite The Lord's Prayer over and over, calling for deliverance from Satan.
After the terrified squatter answers his enquiries, Spist gets his scaly butt back into the astral. Moments later, Penny manifests next to the hapless squatter.
Penny (urgently): Did a Snake-lookin' fella just come through here?
Squatter (still terrified): Uh...yes, yes he-
Penny (with feeling): Sunnovabitch!
Penny promptly disappears.
While Penny and Spist high-five each other in celebration of a mind-fragging opportunity taken, the poor schmuck wonders how the eternal battle between Heaven and Hell is going today.
RDS
- Monday, March 21, 2005 at 18:55:59 (CST)
Dr Patterson, has heard that Krass is injured and has dropped in to check on him. "Sheesh Krass, you look like you got hit by a train. What happened?"
Krass decides to lie, "I was caught in bed with another woman when her husband came in with four of his buddies and they were all carrying baseball bats."
Patterson still not realizing Krass is messing with him, "Did you fight back?"
Krass, "With what? All I had in my hands was her ass at the time and while it was a beautiful thing it wasn't worth Drek in the fight."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, March 17, 2005 at 06:48:39 (CST)
Krass to Ronilion, Drassel and Eon while laying in the hospital bed, "Why are hurricanes usually named after women?
Drassel though with his lawyers perspective responds quickly, "Because when woman arrive they are wet and wild. When they go they take your house and the car."
Eon grits her teeth while Ronilion tries to look unamused.
The Great Krass
- Thursday, March 17, 2005 at 05:00:34 (CST)
GM: Well Krass at least this time it wasn't Eon who put you in the hospital. So what will you say when you go back to that bar?"
Krass: "A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly. Wine can kiss a frosted glass. But you my friends can kiss my ass!"
GM: Amusing and Heartfelt I'm sure.
The Great Krass
- Thursday, March 17, 2005 at 04:52:10 (CST)
Luddington has gone and picked up the trashed Krass after the lesbians finsihed artistically kicking his hoop. On the way back he attempts to console the injured man as a priest, "Remember Krass without stupidity there can be no wisdom and without ugliness there can be no beauty. So the world needs YOU after all!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, March 17, 2005 at 04:42:50 (CST)
Krass (in game)enters a Lesbian bar following the woman he is supposed to be tailing. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while Krass yells to the bartender: "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?' A deathly silence transcends the bar. In a deep, husky, menacing voice, the woman (NPC) next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The
bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb blonde with a black belt in Karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a
pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
Krass paused to think for a moment as he looks around, and then says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
OOC: GM: Ok everyone pick one of the characters I just mentioned and start rolling the dice. You will all take turns kicking the shit out of Krass and DO try to be creative.
The Great Krass
- Thursday, March 17, 2005 at 04:34:27 (CST)
Ronilion, "You know what's so depressing is that with guys like Krass who average 400 million sperm per shot, he could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory."
Eon: "I don't think the world could support that much stupidity, thank GOD for natural selection, but like the insect he is Krass goes for quantity rather than quality."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, March 17, 2005 at 04:21:07 (CST)
OOC: GM: "I suspect I am going to regret asking this Mr. Krass but do you have any rules you live by? It's a matter of curiosity."
OOC: Krass: "Everyone has some rules, mine are mostly about sex. For instance:
1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!
The Great Krass
- Thursday, March 17, 2005 at 04:16:01 (CST)
God damnit! I have used my Great Dragon missle launcher more then i have fired my own gun!
Valkerie001, UCAS Special Forces turned shadowrunner, when having to again blow something up
- Wednesday, March 16, 2005 at 22:59:36 (CST)
Just throw me into the car, already!
Pain, the troll, when the party is arguing how to spot a car coming at them
- Wednesday, March 16, 2005 at 22:54:08 (CST)
"Hey Eon,", stated Krass with a smile, "You really need to be more like me and get yourself laid, it would do you a world of good."
Eon glared and warned, "You better change your name to Daisy because I am getting ready to plant you right here."
"See what I mean? Your attitude sucks. You like to bitch so much that you even get pissed when your period ends." Krass said sincerely, "Now me I'm in a great mood. Last night, the sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 16, 2005 at 01:43:05 (CST)
Ronnilion explaining a lesson to a group of Shadowrunner mages at the Shadowrunner school, "What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, March 15, 2005 at 03:18:55 (CST)
OOC: Eon: "I think I hurt my back excersing too much yesterday."
OCC: GM: "Are you on medication? If you are I'll give you some extra thinking time tonight."
OOC: Krass: "It's not exercise it's thos big boobs of yours, you know good sex can correct poor posture...or at least make it stand up straight."
OCC: EON: "One of these days I am going to gleefully kill you, you little twerp!"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, March 15, 2005 at 03:15:08 (CST)
Luddington to Krass, is their nothing immoral that you don't like?"
Krass thoughtfully, "Well, I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled..."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, March 15, 2005 at 03:11:21 (CST)
Krass has been giving a lecture on business advice at the Shadowrunners school. A student (NPC) raises his hand and asks, "Does the career advice, "Come early on your first day" apply in the porn business?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, March 15, 2005 at 03:09:20 (CST)
Drassel to Luddington as he hefts the block of C-4 he has pulled from his brief case and eyes the door, "The question isn't who is going to let me in; it's who is going to stop me?"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, March 15, 2005 at 03:03:04 (CST)
Eon angrily to Krass, "I know what you guys want in a woman! Men want Traci Lords in the bedroom, Julia Child in the kitchen, Hazel around the house, Lesley Visser during a game, Mary Poppins for the children, Cha Cha Muldowney in traffic, Dr. Quinn medicine woman when you're sick, Mary Richards at work, Mother Theresa when you come home with leprosy, Gertrude Stein in conversation, the body of Sophia Loren in 'Boy on a Dolphin' combined with the voice of Sade, and to top it all off the IQ of Anna Nicole Smith, because you don't want to feel threatened!"
Krass smiles, "First off put that Cosmo article down right now and back slowly away from the magazine. Now go to the window and take a deep breath. You must clear your head of bullshit articles like "How to Trick Your Man into Cooking
Tex-Mex. Now, I'm not supposed to tell you this but here is what men REALLY want, be patient. Hold us. Love us unconditionally. Help us out of this testosterone-induced fog we dwell in and lead us into the light. Or if that's asking too much, how's about a big sloppy blow job once in a while?"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, March 13, 2005 at 06:03:26 (CST)
Krass arguing with Eon says to her, "Hey I'm sorry, but some of us see a beautiful sunset and think, You know I'll betcha my accountant is boning me up the ass."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, March 13, 2005 at 05:53:06 (CST)
Krass in the rest room at the court house and notices that Drassel has a felt tipped marker and is writing something on the condom dispensing machine. After Drassel has left Krass goes to see what he wrote and keels over laughing uncontrollably.
Drassel had written, "This gum is stale!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, March 13, 2005 at 05:39:22 (CST)
OOC: Luddington: "C'mon guys we haven't done philosophy for a while and you know how Eon likes that stuff. Hey Eon, here's one for you, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to film it for a reality show, who cares?"
OOC: Eon: "Drek Luddington, you miss the main point, if a tree is shoved up Krass's ass in a Three Stooges movie, whether it's filmed or not, it’s genius."
OOC: GM: snickers...
The Great Krass
- Sunday, March 13, 2005 at 05:06:26 (CST)
There are those who are cool and those who are mundane.
Nemesis
- Friday, March 11, 2005 at 04:41:08 (CST)
There are those who are cool and those who are mundane.
Nemesis
- Friday, March 11, 2005 at 04:40:47 (CST)
Ronilion to Krass while they are in a firefight in Egypt, ""A bomb's a bad choice for close-range combat, Krass."
The Great Krass
- Monday, March 07, 2005 at 06:18:52 (CST)
Drassel is packing his bags as Doctor Patterson arrives at the office. "Where are you going?"
Drassel not looking up, "Eygpt."
Patterson, "We have a Johnson who wants us to work in Eygpt?"
Drassel still intently packing, "Nope, I'm working for the UCAS as a lawyer on this one. Do you realize Egypt owes the UCAS $1.7 million NYen in unpaid parking tickets, and that's not counting the penalties."
The Great Krass
- Monday, March 07, 2005 at 02:50:31 (CST)
Myself as GM, explaining to the players why a sniper would need rappelling gear.
"He's a mountain climber, and by mountain climber, I mean assassin."
Becarem
- Thursday, March 03, 2005 at 21:06:11 (CST)
Krass yelling to and at Drassel, "If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're upside down, stupid!"
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 02, 2005 at 05:16:49 (CST)
The Green peace Elves are back annoying Krass about the toxic waste dumps in Seattle. In desperation he has foisted them off on Ronilion.
Elf, earnestly "Chemicals are bad for the animals, the plants, the children and the ground. You guys do it all for a percentage point with no thought to the future!"
Ronilion, thoughtfully, "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 02, 2005 at 04:27:04 (CST)
Krass to Ronilion, "Hey! How many drinks does it take you to get drunk?"
Ronilion smiled, "Actually it only takes me one drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, March 02, 2005 at 04:20:42 (CST)
Krass smiling craftily to Drassel as he looks at Eon talking with JoAnne in the next room, "I found this new drug and I want to sneak it into Eon's drink. It's called PEPTOBIMBO, Liquid spanish fly and silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. I'll be a shoe in then."
Drassel seriously responds, "It won't work. She just took some SEXCEDRIN, it's more effective than Excedrin in creating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome. You will get nowhere."
Eon comes out the door and glares at Drassel and Krass. She suspects they have been talking about her because they have both been staring. "Listen you two clowns I just took some DAMNITOL, you take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours and that includes you two pathetic morons so don't get me started." She walks out the door.
Krass moodily, "It looks like it has the same effect as PMS but now she can be bitchy all month." Drassel nods in agreement.
The Great Krass
- Sunday, February 27, 2005 at 02:55:58 (CST)
Krass to Luddington, "Don't keep trying to convert me Padre, I don't see the money in it."
Luddington, "Well Mr Krass, some good has already come from my dealings with you. It makes me more certain of my answers and perhaps a better priest proving that adversity does strengthen us. Why not TRY Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back. You should be aware that Wal-Mart is not the ONLY 'saving' place."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, February 23, 2005 at 01:58:36 (CST)
Luddington to Ronilion, "Why do you drink so much? It can't be doing you any good. You have even gone so far as to do magic in bars for drinks. This is truly degrading my son. You are owned by John Barleycorn."
Ronilion, "Well Father, I looked around at this crazy world and I feel sorry for people like you who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day. Anyway, I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, February 23, 2005 at 01:43:28 (CST)
OOC: GM: "I am not believing these rolls tonight. You guys are really pushing the luck. First Drassel walks into a high security facility standing up, now Krass gets lucky with the sexy trophy wife. It's disgusting to plan a game and have destiny and dice rolls so against you."
OOC: Krass "There's nothing worse than watching a farkin' fat man weep."
OOC: GM "You know Krass, sometimes I would like to take you kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead you to a quiet place and kill you."
OOC: Eon: "My sentiments exactly."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, February 23, 2005 at 01:22:35 (CST)
Eon speaking sincerely to Ronilion after taking on a Yak Ninja and tossing him off a high building, "Another urban myth dispelled: ninjas do not bounce."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, February 23, 2005 at 01:08:25 (CST)
JoAnne to Father Luddington curiously, "Hey Padre, what's your favorite prayer?"
Luddington, looking at Krass in the next room arguing with Eon, "I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God has granted it."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, February 23, 2005 at 01:01:38 (CST)
Ronilion and Eon are with Drassel as they creep up on a research facility they are about to raid. Drassel though is not creeping but walking boldly up to the wire. Eon in frustration hisses at him, "Hey Stupid, get your hoop DOWN before someone see's you!"
Drassel looks at the ground in distaste and then back to Eon, " "I don't creep about on the ground. Animals do things on the ground. Terrible, terrible things."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, February 23, 2005 at 00:54:10 (CST)
They say there are only 2 things that are taken for gospel in this world - death and taxes. What amuses me is that your still think you might be lucky and get a third alternative
Teuton
- Sunday, February 20, 2005 at 02:28:51 (CST)
Ronilion to Luddington, "Krass just hit a new low."
Luddington, "How is that possible? We all know what a wanker he is?"
Ronilion, "Well he is paying street gangs a bounty to send in their youngest members to work in the Zoo."
Luddington, "Why is that so bad, if he can get the youngest members to work that might be a good thing?"
Ronilion, "You don't get it, he has them dressed in monkey suits and put in cages and advertises them as rare Sumatran Orangatans!"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, February 15, 2005 at 05:59:17 (CST)
Donut the rigger calls Roberto the fixer to confirm something.
Donut: Hey, you know of a guy called Simon Theus?
Roberto: Yeah, sure. He had a job that sounded like something right up your alley. I pointed him in your direction. Why?
Donut: No reason. We're gonna need 300 units of C6.
Roberto: ...
RDS
- Sunday, February 13, 2005 at 22:02:56 (CST)
Luddington is talking to his congregation, "Upon the election of Mr Krass as Mayor and his appointment of the corrupt toady Drassel as judge, one has to remember that this is a temporary state of affairs. Krass and Drassel are just two boils on the ass of progress."
The Great Krass
- Monday, January 31, 2005 at 01:53:16 (CST)
the 3 pc's are in denmark for the first time, following a lead, phadan (burnt out mage) and bearclaw (street sam) (both with german 6 chipped) are watching as shadow walker talks to a local to get some information
Bearclaw: what's he saying?
Phadan: (stares intently at the 2 people conversing for a few moments before turning to look back at Bearclaw) I don't know, they're speaking in doughnut.
Phadan
- Sunday, January 23, 2005 at 10:55:52 (CST)
Jer (a male mage): I just had sex with two men in drag and blew there heads off with a room sweeper. Of course I am going to go and take a shower and clean up now (and he was in their high lifestyle appartment).
U_Fester
- Monday, January 17, 2005 at 13:16:17 (CST)
I aiin'tt got no body!!!
-Bobby the combat mage singing in C minor after his meat body takes deadly damage.
dizzo
- Sunday, January 16, 2005 at 19:59:38 (CST)
It's a shame to let a warm body go to waste.
-Vinnie the Troll combat adept
dizzo
- Sunday, January 16, 2005 at 19:57:16 (CST)
Player 1: Why does your character live in the Barrons?
Player 2: To offer free medical care to the gangs of the area.
Player 1: Isn't that dangerous?
Player 2: Only to those who would mess with the free magical medical care of 6 sprawl gangs.
Mojo Jojo 42
- Thursday, January 13, 2005 at 20:39:09 (CST)
BS, the oversized, extremely violent Troll strikes on the idea that to increase his fear factor, he'll start wearing trolldos (dildos for trolls) around his neck. He buys his first, hooks it to his necklace and gutturally utters: "I shall call you RRRRODGER".
Lycanthropic Dreaming
- Thursday, January 13, 2005 at 01:57:09 (CST)
The very scary human Physical adept XXXX, and Spist the snake shaman find a building that might do for hiding a child for a week. XXXX smells something dead in the basement and goes down the steps with Spist close behind.
XXXX: Damn, it's dark in here. You didn't bring a light did you?
Spist: No, but I can create some.
Spist casts his specially designed sunlight spell he invented when trying to help the team bring down a vamire physical adept a while back.
14 Ghouls immediately awaken, scream etc, and charge the two fools who brough sunlight into their daytime lair.
Lycanthropic Dreaming
- Thursday, January 13, 2005 at 01:43:35 (CST)
Luddington has observed JoAnne talking to a customer. The woman is in tears and she is thanking JoAnne profusely for the service she has received. After she has Left the curious Luddington approaches JoAnne.
Luddington, "A statisfied customer? Unusual for this corporation."
JoAnne, nodding smiles, "Mr Drassel handled her divorce case. Her husband had pictures and testimony and she would have probably not have gotten anything. As it was she walked away with it all."
Luddington in shock and despair, "You mean?"
JoAnne, nodding, "The only time a bloodsucking lawyer looks good is when he is handling your divorce."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, January 12, 2005 at 03:44:18 (CST)
FlyingMonkey speaking to GM: I have no idea how I get in these situations. I just follow three simple rules in life. Rule 1. Do it to them before they do it to you. Rule 2. If you go down make sure you take someone down with you, that way you won't be alone in hell. Rule 3. NO WITNESSES...this can be a bit complicated when you are in the middle of a crowded street.
FlyingMonkey
- Tuesday, January 11, 2005 at 12:23:26 (CST)
We'll need to do some legwork, get this place sussed out. And I'll need to get some extra ammo for my Ares Alpha, plus maybe some EX ammo, just in case.
But first, the whores.
- Josh "Dog" DeAgostino
ArmedAndAngry
- Sunday, January 09, 2005 at 21:06:04 (CST)
Eon stomping into the office angrily, "This city needs an enema!"
Ronilion sighs and looks up from his lab bench at his partner, "What did Krass do now?"
Eon, "they made Krass Mayor of Seattle and the first thing he did was make Drassel a JUDGE!"
Ronilion, "Nothing wrong with that, it only requires an IQ of 70."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, January 09, 2005 at 00:54:34 (CST)
GM: This used to be a really bad area of the Barrens, until the new priest moved in.
Lenny: What? Did he turn everyone catholic?
GM: No... Word got out that he was a sniper.
Mojo Jojo 42
- Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 22:58:08 (CST)
Durring what was supposed to be a stealth run, my group and I got into a prolonged firefight with dozens of armed security troops. To buisy trying to stay alive none of us had kept track of how many kills we got. Both tread's Assult cannon, and Breaker's minigun were now out of Ammo
Tread (Troll Street Sammy) OOC: Out of curiosity who got the most kills?
Breaker (Orc bioware merc) OOC: Yea who gets the free beer for wining, me or tread
GM: Actualy it was Spyke (Human Phys Ad)
Tread OOC: But he was only using a bar stool!!
ExarKun
- Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 16:47:51 (CST)
"i dont want to steel stuff i just want to make money legaly through shadowruns"
(No Strings Rigger)
8ball
- Thursday, January 06, 2005 at 07:02:58 (CST)
Krass is driving a get-a-way car down the road with the others encouraging him by pointing out how poorly he is doing it. Finally Lone Star manages to pull him over.
Lone Star Cop, angrily "Who the frag do you think you are?"
Krass, "We're a circus."
Lone Star, "Huh?"
Krass nodds, "Yep a Circus. We have a wimpy money sucker (Drassel), a female chinese oversexed dwarf (Eon), a not to holy but honest padre (Luddington), a daffodil eater that does magic tricks for bar drinks (Ronilion), an a female impersonator (JoAnne) and I'm the ring master and zoo keeper."
Lone Star, "You are going to jail."
The Great Krass
- Wednesday, January 05, 2005 at 05:00:07 (CST)
2 giants, an elf, an ork, a human chromed sniper and a human shaman. Posing as buyers for stolen cyberware step out of their hired limo (tres chic'ed and fine clothed to the hilt) in front of the grandest casino in paris.
Joker (Chromed sniper): "Has anyone brought any money"
SlapTback
- Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 11:25:19 (CST)
No strings, rigger
"I don't want your money I want to make money legitimately, Through shadowrunning"
SlapTback
- Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 11:20:57 (CST)
Eon to Ronilion, "Krass he puts the 'suck' in success!"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 01:29:33 (CST)
Eon is royally P.O.'d at Krass. (So what's new?)
Ronilion is attempting to help manage her anger. "Seattle is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top."
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 01:10:09 (CST)
