Ronilion to Eon, "Are you sure this is what you want to do?"
Eon on the roof of the building peers down over the side. "Absolutely. It's fun. JoAnne is keeping score and Luddington offered to bring up the bricks." She drops one over the side carefully. Screams and yells are heard.
Ronilion looks over the side and sees Krass dimly spread eagle and tied down over a bullseye target. His scrotum is on the center mark. Several bricks are laying around him.
JoAnne looks up and yells, "Up just a little bit more."
Ronilion shakes his head, "The party games get harder every year." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 00:51:11 (CST)Krass to GM, "While Eon is bent over and handing presents from under the tree I grab her ass. When she looks I'll point at Luddington who is standing next to me."
OOC: Ronilion, disgusted, "Yeah. like she will really believe THAT!"
OOC: Krass, "Screw it, I do it anyway."
Fatman, "Eon, you feel someone grab your posterior, affectionately."
Eon, enraged, "I turn around an backfist Krass."
OOC: Fatman, "Which way do you turn and which hand?"
Eon, "I spin right and use my right hand of course."
Fatman, "Well it was fifty/fifty, unfortunately you just backhanded Luddington who is standing to Krass's right. "
Krass, trying to keep a straight face is not succeeding, "Hey Padre, you should have asked if this seat was taken first. I'll bet he thought Eon's Dad was a baker because she has nice buns."
Eon, glares at Krass as Luddington gets knocked back wards, "So you think your God's Gift to woman? Let's send you back to him." She stuffs Krass head first into a trash can. The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 00:49:08 (CST)Fatman, "Welcome back from vacation ladies and gentlemen, this first Game of 2006 is guaranteed to be a hot one. In fact, I plan to cremate every player that dies here today."
Ronilion, "You know it's January when you've returned all your Christmas gifts, signed up for Weight Watchers, and put the fruitcake away for another year. Where's Krass?"
Eon, "Krass is already here. He's in the bathroom -- combing his legs. It seems he had a hot date last night and when he woke up the next morning he thought it was Richard Simmons. He says he feels a little queasy."
Ronilion, "It's so cold, skinheads are wearing toupees. I think the wind chill factor is 20 degrees below Minnesota. I see the Energizer Bunny is on. He may keep going and going, but it'll be so cold tonight I'll bet the Fatman will be singing that old favorite "Don't It Make Your Pink Ears Turn Blue?"
Drassel, "We're waiting on Krass to get back. He must be in the building. I haven't seen him yet, but Eon just took out her can of industrial strength mace. So what's the game tonight?"
Fatman, "Bubba, The Vampire Slayer," the new Fox show about a Waco teenager who drives a tractor to school, has seven of his own teeth, and can’t get a date because he’s too busy killing the undead. Starring Jeff Foxworthy as Bubba and the Oakridge Boys as the vampires. It starts with Krass in a Winnebago going over Niagara Falls."
JoAnne, "Fatman? Lay off the holiday eggnog." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 00:45:11 (CST)From the Shadowrun Proboards"
OOC: Ronilion, "Hey Krass!"
OOC: Krass, "Yeah?"
OOC: Ronilion, "I've always wondered. Are you a Republican or Democrat in Game? I'm not sure what political parties exist in SR."
OOC: Krass, "Well if we equate it with this time, I would be a Democrat. For instance: To support my December rate-increase request, the Seattle utility, 'Seattle Gas Services', said it needs more money because too many of its customers have lowered their bills by heeding calls to conserve energy. And a November report commissioned by the U.C.A.S. Chamber of Commerce included the proposal that the U.C.A.S. Congress replenish the Highway Trust Fund by imposing a special tax on gas-saving hybrid cars (in that those cars consume less fuel than regular cars and therefore pay less in gasoline tax). See I berate people for not doing enough and then I penalize the ones that do try. That's Democratic!"
Krondax, "ROTF! Krass, i think i love you........in a non gay way i mean....ermm...yuou know what i mean. anyway, i dont think that i could have said it any better."
Fatman, "Ronilion should have known the answer to that question already, Because you've never heard of getting a good piece of elephant." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 00:22:57 (CST)Krass with a public service message on the holo, "Today's safety tip for parents. Remember, when your kids go out on New Year's Eve, make sure they have glow-in-the-dark reflective strips on their guns." The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 29, 2005 at 06:39:16 (CST)Eon, "Krass you are so full of drek I'll bet a troll pounds it in with a hammer!" The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 29, 2005 at 06:38:30 (CST)OOC: Krass, "Hey Fatman, what did you get for Christmas?"
OOC: Fatman, "Low Fat aftershave." The Great Krass
- Monday, December 26, 2005 at 00:27:33 (CST)The Fatman saw this posted on the Proboards by a guy named "Wart?" I think we should all read it.
Congratulations!
The above posts show me the normal Christmas attitudes. Stressed out people one upping each other in an attempt to show everyone what a terrible Holiday Christmas is, and what a terrible time they are having.
What did I get out of this?
1.) I don't have time or money for presents to make anyone else happy. I'm so miserable myself that I am just so helpless that I'll let everyone KNOW just how hopeless I am and make them feel the same way.
2.) Everyone complains about the Holiday even though many don't have to work. They give you the Holiday but don't pay you? Big deal, there are many seasonal jobs if you just have to work that you can do some part time or even volunteer work and some volunteers do get paid if you look in the right places. You think you have it tough check out MIGRANT workers! They slave dudes and dudettes but they have some pretty good attitudes. You a Migrant worker or less? If you ain't then your at least one level up on the food chain of arrogance. Ever heard of temp help anyone?
3.) Many are not Christians. Big deal. Depends on your outlook. The big deal here is you don't have to like it but why spoil someone else's fun? Why be such a bummer to everyone and everything that you just have to make them as miserable as you are?
4.) Everything is doom or gloom. For some of you, that is probably true because you can't say one good thing about your life. So change your life unless you want to wallow in despair, in that case though don't share it with me.
NO ONE except maybe the Fat-man in the HUMOR SECTION seems to say much that is positive and he and the Retros occasionally come up with situations that are funny. Maybe he's right. You people need to be like that Fat OLD Man who brings a ray of laughter to others lives and offers us interesting lessons in how people behave. So eat some chocolate and stop being miserable all the time. He could have something there.
Now why not count some blessings and really TRY to understand what this season is REALLY about and not buy into the marketing and TV strategy so much.
It's about a guy who some think is the Son of God, who SACRIFICED his life to save the world. Whether you BELIEVE it or not, that is a pretty awesome concept that someone would be whipped, tortured and hideously killed to save such an ungrateful bunch. The fact they believe he is a part of God and just didn't take the easy way out and destroy the world is pretty laid back.
Now this 'guy' supposedly healed the sick and raised the dead, helped the poor and did a lot of pretty interesting and mostly nice things. Whether we BELIEVE that or not, or think that our GREAT GREAT etc Grandparents were conned, or it's a fantasy, or a story, still it is a pretty good story about HOW we should treat each other. Even those of you who follow OTHER religions will tend to agree that it is something those other religions mostly try to teach. Mercy, Kindness, Love, Compassion, Attitude, etc. The main theme is: BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER. Now that is a pretty nice deal. Sure Bibles can be written and changed by people as Krass and Drassel have demonstrated but we can pretty well figure out where now can't we.
So Yes, Christmas is considered a Christian Holiday, because this country was founded on Christian principles, (Well Duh! Christ Mass is a religious holiday what else should it be called? Hatred Day? Misery Day?) but still EVERY COUNTRY in the world celebrates this Holiday in one form or another! Maybe not the same days but usually with a similar attitude and you don't see them whining and moaning about it. Want to bet that Eon gets a RED Envelope from the Fat-man, or if she doesn't I'll still bet he offered! I'm guessing it happens.
So why rain on the parade? What makes anyone feel so elite that they just feel they have to make someone else miserable? Does it make them feel better? They looking for sympathy?
Life isn't fair, but it doesn't have to be all bad. I recall the Fat-man saying in one of the posts. "Don't take life too serious, you'll never get out alive!" He's right you know.
I am thankful for Good Friends. Whatever food I can get. I am Thankful for my patient and good wife who tries hard to understand me. I am thankful and blessed by my children. I am thankful and grateful for whatever I have. I am thankful for this web-page which I discovered and I am thankful for a chance to express my opinion that may help others to get there head out of the clouds of doom and gloom and actually into a little light and fresh air. Maybe they will see a little clearer then. Some people try to make the world a little better, some don't want them to but have NOTHING better to offer.
So I say to you. Merry Christmas and may you be richly BLESSED by whatever God watches over you. For those who say they BELIEVE in nothing. I offer words of thanks for what you do have and believe you have earned and hold out a thought that you might want to be a little friendlier to those who are here NOW! Why make their lives more miserable just because you chose to be? You may not believe in God but if your not a Krass then you definitely believe in some morals or you would be Old Chuck Manson sitting in jail. Are any of you miserable Jeffrey Dahlmers, child molesters, or serial killers? I think not. So you do have some belief's that equate to a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or whatever view. The belief like mine, that we should try to be good to one another.
It's all about choices and attitude. So what is your attitude teaching those around you? Your Family, your friends, your fellow workers and most importantly your kids? Your life is miserable and so theirs should be too?
I think I'll get off now and spend time with MY family and friends and make this a time they can remember in the future for however long it lasts. I want to leave people with GOOD memories. Merry Christams and I mean it. The Great Krass
- Saturday, December 24, 2005 at 07:06:23 (CST)Mod, a burnt out street samurai, HD, a paranoid decker and Crypts, a troll combat mage are sitting in a bar after a run in New Orleans that ended up costing them twice what they made.
Crypts: What I don't understand is how Knight Errant got there so fast, I mean frag, I got bruises in places I didn't know I had...
HD: But atleast we're alive, any day above ground is a good day, I say.
Mod: Frag that, I'm finding that smarmy elf and kicking his hoop all the way to the Tir. Mod
- Friday, December 23, 2005 at 10:48:52 (CST)Krass, "Hey Fatman is there an echo in here?"
Ronilion, "an echo in here?"
Eon, "in here?"
Drassel, "here?" The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:17:33 (CST)JoAnne to Krass, "You are a first class 'thick head'. Did you ever get an education? Can you spell antidisestablishmentarianism???
Krass, smiling, "I can now, dumb-ass!
JoAnne, pauses, "drek."
Drassel, "Never let anger cloud your judgment my young apprentice or you will be worthless to the dark side."
Luddington, "What happens then?"
Drassel, "We make her a telemarketer." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:16:34 (CST)Krass is chasing the escaping Eon down the road in his car. She has managed to give the dragon the slip. Suddenly he is pulled over by a Knight Errant Squad car.
Officer, "May I see your driver's license, registration and proof of insurance."
Krass, "I'll bet you stopped me because you're going to sell me a ticket to the highway cops ball."
Officer, "The highway police don't have balls. You're thinking of the local police."
Krass, "I thought they didn't have balls either."
OOC: Fatman, "Definitely Karma for this one. Next stop, Redneck prison." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:15:30 (CST)JoAnne to Drassel after leaving court, "You really skinned that prosecutor today. Where did you go to law school?"
Drassel, "Harvard. Did you know that Harvard's libraries contain at least four books bound in human skin, including a treatise on Spanish law with an inscription calling the binding "all that remains" of a fellow named Jonas Wright? It's nice to know that I am continuing in a long line of professionals. It's almost a tradition." Holds up prosecutors skin. I really should donate this to Harvard's library, for a fee of coarse." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:13:45 (CST)JoAnne, "OK, I give up."
Fatman, "I don't. Here are two really good ones I've been saving."
Today, Mayor Krass was charged with indecent exposure in Sioux Falls, S.D., when he was discovered partially undressed, in a store, fooling around with a semi-nude female mannequin. Said Will U. Blowmee, a police officer, "There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin. That's the only way I know how to put it."
Registered sex-offender Devlin Krass, was arrested in Milwaukee shortly afterward on suspicion of reckless endangerment for his role in pressuring a woman to drink concentrated drain cleaner, allegedly because he gets excited by making women vomit. He was convicted in 2054 in a similar incident.
Ronilion, "So the dragon's home is either in South Dakota or Milwaukee?"
Fatman, "Can you think of a better place for HELL?" The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:12:38 (CST)OOC: JoAnne, "Right then, one more test Fatman. Give me two reports back to back. If you can do that I'll surrender."
OOC: Fatman, "I have hopes. When a woman surrenders it usually means something special. What would my wife say. probably something with a bullet. Guess I better leave that one laying dead on the ground so I'm not laying dead Under the ground. Here you go."
Standard Talking head reporter by satellite link, "Albania's Gen. Pellumb Qazimi told UCAS Reuters in October that the military is scrapping its fleet of obsolete Chinese-made MIG fighter jets, which the country never used in battle but in which 35 Albanian pilots died over the years in operational mishaps."
Female Reporter, projecting a tough business look, "The Hindustan Times revealed in September that the local New Delhi government's ninety-seven paid rat-catchers have not caught a single rodent since 1994 and the residents complain that devil rats are not difficult to find in New Delhi. In further news Mayor Krass wants to hire the New Delhi rat catchers to work in Seattle on the cities devil rat problem. He states you should always go with cheap and experienced."
JoAnne, "How the heck does he do this?"
Krass, "Insanity of course. I like that devil rat idea though Fatman. Let's run with that a bit when I get back to Seattle. Now can I go see if Eon is still in her tree yet? If she is maybe she won't WANT to be a virgin any longer. How cold is it outside Fatman?"
Fatman, "Zero Celsius or thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit."
Krass, rubbing his hands and smiling, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!" The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:10:31 (CST)OOC: JoAnne, "Surprise Fatman! You just came out with the holo and I want another report. I'll bet you haven't got another one. If you don't I want Karma fro catching the GM off guard!"
OOC: Ronilion, "Won't work JoAnne."
OOC: Fatman, "As you wish."
Highbrow lady artist announcer in tie dye Zoe business suit and Reebok sneakers:
"Performance artist Tomoko Takahashi, 39, working on a British government grant of the equivalent of about 8,600 NuYen, gave an exhibition of inebriation in October at the Chapter arts center in Cardiff, Wales. Dressed in tres chic business suit and high heels, Takahashi drank a large amount of beer over a three-hour period, periodically checking to see how far she could walk across a narrow beam about two feet off the floor without falling. A Chapter spokesman called the demonstration a "powerful piece of art."
JoAnne, "Drat! How many of these does he prepare each game?"
Ronilion, "We're not sure, Krass did query him up to 25 one night and then gave up. Twenty Five in a night takes up to much game time. As for the artist mentioned above, I'd like to meet her. Anyone woman who can drink beer for three hours, walk a beam and NOT go to the can is a woman worth meeting." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:08:43 (CST)Luddington, "Time to look at the holo." OOC: "You know Fatman, it's nice to be able to come into the game and have a sense of order and pride in accomplishing something useful for the group. I wonder why they have me watching the holo's each day?"
OOC: Fatman, "Well it's an important job, Padre. Gathering information and keeping an eye on the pulse of the people is very important to Krass and the corporation. It takes honesty, integrity and dedication so they don't think anyone else could do it as well as you. Now for the show."
" Grave looking announcer, "While UCAS "global warming" protesters express alarm at the dwindling outdoor hockey season (fewer months with ice, fewer days cold enough for hard ice), a growing number of "hockey" players are taking the game underwater, according to a WPKA story. With six breath-holding players per team, passing a puck with sticks at the bottom of a pool, and players surfacing for air as seldom as possible, dozens of club teams worldwide play (nearly 50 in the Indian Nations.), with a championship tournament scheduled next year for Sheffield, England. Jack Mehoff a Seattle high school player of the respiratory challenge, "When you're close to the goal, you're like, 'Do I want to score a goal or breathe?' Most of the time I say, 'Score."
Patterson, "This does tend to explain the decrease in intelligence tests over the past ten years. I just KNEW it had to do with global warming." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 05:06:54 (CST)Krass is staring at Eon with tongue hanging out. She is dressed for the Christmas as a Santa's Helper. He looks at Ronilion, "Hey scientist, if I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?"
Ronilion, "I think you would be more successful if you walk up to Eon, hand her the coin and say, I know I can't have your cherry, but can I get the box it came in?"
OOC:Krass, "Man Ronilion, that was great, but it would have been funnier if it had come from Luddington." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, December 20, 2005 at 02:00:45 (CST)Luddington looking sternly at Krass. "That woman you just rutted with in your office is married. Have you never heard the commandment,'Thou shalt not commit adultery!"
Krass, "I'm NOT married so technically I didn't commit adultery, she did. Besides it doesn't say that in my Bible. It says, 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood." The Great Krass
- Monday, December 19, 2005 at 04:04:19 (CST)Patterson to Krass, "Hey Pervert, did you know that Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either."
Krass, "Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. The word DOC has the same problem."
The Great Krass
- Monday, December 19, 2005 at 04:01:05 (CST)JoAnne, "Krass, you and your stupid lifestyle make everyone else feel like fried dog's balls on toast."
Krass, "For you, that would be an improved look, Mary."
Ronilion, "Don't forget the Fatman. It's a compliment for him too. He's BIG on Ugly."
Patterson, "With his lard butt, he's big on almost everything." The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 18, 2005 at 03:21:18 (CST)Luddington, "Anything new on the holo, Fatguy?"
GM: Serious Announcer, nice suit, really bad tie, "The elite Krass/Drassel and Associates law firm in Seattle has recently been awarded almost 100,000,000 NuYen in fee reimbursement after putting a partner and three other lawyers to work representing a prison inmate upset mainly at being restricted in his use of the prison law library and being prevented from receiving "sexually explicit" photos in the mail. The complainant, Daniel LaPlante, murdered a pregnant woman and her two children, reportedly smirked at the jury, and was described by his trial judge as so detestable that the judge would have "no problem" personally executing him."
The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 18, 2005 at 02:59:10 (CST)Fatman, "As you all will recall, I flushed the last cell phone I had down the toilet."
Krass, "You really did?"
Fatman, "Of course. Anyway, the office insisted that I should carry the new one they gave me. It's smaller. Pretty soon, the damn phones will be so small that the air movement from your speech will also power the phone."
Krass, "A real bummer because then you couldn't talk to your girlfriend, because you'd never get the chance to talk, so your phone would die from lack of power."
Patterson, "It works on wives and daughters too. Fatman, you're a GENIUS!" The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 18, 2005 at 00:17:49 (CST)Krass, "YES! The people LOVE me."
Eon, "Correction. The perverts and lowlifes love you. Everyone else hates and loathes your corrupt hoop."
Krass, "Eon, did you know that you can go through life without being a BITCH every single day?" The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 18, 2005 at 00:11:43 (CST)Krass, "Fatman, you're a fat slimy weasel that has tainted the world's opinion of me! How's that?"
OOC: Fatman, "C'mon you can do better than that for your fans...try to say something
intelligent and nasty, they expect it."
Eon, "Krass, that's old stuff. Can't you come up with something more "original"?"
Krass, "Anyway, my girlfriend and I we're doing it 'Vampire' style last night..."
Patterson, "Vampire style?"
Drassel, "WTF is 'Vampire style'?"
Krass, All of you shut up and let me tell you the story ..."
Patterson, "Hell No! First you tell us what the F***ING HELL 'vampire style' is!"
Krass, "Look guys, it's not that important."
JoAnne, "Crickey! Pervert!"
Patterson, "I have to say I'm with JoAnne on this one."
Ronilion, "I tend to agree."
Luddington, "I don't really want to be around to hear this."
Krass, "I guess its just you and me then Fatman."
Fatman, "No way pervert. Vampire Style, that's just too sick."
Krass, "Sheesh! You come up with something 'original' and no one wants to hear it." The Great Krass
- Saturday, December 17, 2005 at 23:59:13 (CST)Forget Governor, that's small time. Go for Presidency! Trax
- Friday, December 16, 2005 at 23:51:47 (CST)Luddington, "I can't believe we all just are supposed to walk off and leave Eon freezing in the tree. Ronilion, you're her partner. Shouldn't you be doing something to help?"
Ronilion, "Well sure I could go talk to the Dragon Lady and get her to intervene and so could Krass, but that would negate the training test."
Luddington, "Training Test?"
Drassel, "Of course. How do you think members of the corporation move up to better jobs? Do you truly believe we look at what the person does on a Resume? Are you that naive? Now Eon has been a member of the corporation for sometime. Her work has been good and she handles herself well. Her talents may be wasted as a mid level corp exec dealing with runners. She may be due for a promotion but how do we know she can handle the tough stuff on her own?"
Luddington, "So this is all a rigged test?"
Krass, "Of COURSE IT IS, and don't worry about a cold. After all I've seen some cold fish in the sea and none can compare to Eon." The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 01:14:50 (CST)Eon to the group, "I Found this written on the Quotefile:
KRASS FOR GOVENOR!!! KRASS FOR GOVENOR!!!!
AzzoFire
- Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 13:49:38 (CST)
"Some people just can't get hoop fragged enough. Krass is King of the Perverts. Maybe I should run for govenor against him? I wonder if the votes would be there though?"
Krass, "I have my fans. People who appreciate my candor and honesty."
Luddington, "Honesty? Where in God's name do you get HONESTY out of anything you're involved in?"
Krass, "For your information, sky pilot, an HONEST politician is one that STAYS bought. I DELIVER! is my motto."
Ronilion, "Yes but WHAT you deliver is not what most people want." The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 15, 2005 at 00:52:56 (CST)KRASS FOR GOVENOR!!! KRASS FOR GOVENOR!!!! AzzoFire
- Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 13:49:38 (CST)Drassel, at the Shadowrunners School, "Never, ever, ever pass gas while wearing a full body rubber wetsuit." The Great Krass
- Monday, December 12, 2005 at 06:12:07 (CST)JoAnne to Drassel, " I think we're getting our Christmas bonuses today. Krass just came into the office carrying rolls of quarter NuYen cred sticks." The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 06:11:57 (CST)Drassel to Patterson, "When they harvest mistletoe, what do they do with the mistlefoot?"
Patterson, "Doctors usually remove it from lawyer's mouths or hoops? Why do you ask?"
Drassel, "Hoops? Then maybe I don't have hemorrhoids, I have mistlehoop?" The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 06:01:30 (CST)Luddington, "While Eon's stuck in the tree and Krass is trying to get a good look up her mini-skirt, I guess I'll check out the holo."
GM: Announcer is a dripping with a homey-atmosphere voice, "Tonight's holo movie is a remake of "It's A Wonderful Life," starring Mayor Krass as Mayor Krass. The city government finds out what it would be like if Devlin was never born, and decides to keep it that way. The movie also stars the famous porn star Jade Lei as Eon and Rita Revakic as JoAnne."
Luddington, "Disgusting."
Patterson, "Better not tell anyone right now or Eon will come down out of that tree and kill the dragon and Krass."
Luddington suddenly smiles, "Hey EON! Guess what's on the holo tonight!"
Patterson turns and runs, "OH DREK!" The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 03:37:22 (CST)Krass, "I see London I see France, I see Eon's ...."
Eon, "Don't finish it slime-ball!" I pull out my gun and take aim at Krass. I might just as well have some target practice. Cyber Link is active and I draw a bead on his favorite part.
Ronilion, "I wouldn't do that if I were you partner."
Eon, "Why not?"
Ronilion, "Dragon's are very protective of territory and things. Krass qualifies as a 'thing' that a dragon son might protect. It is likely he will move to protect 'daddy' and if you hit him, mom is going to probably burn down the whole tree with you in it."
Eon, frustrated, puts the gun away, "So how long do I have to stay in this tree?"
OOC: Fatman, "Well Ms. Eon, dragons ARE very patient and they have been known to sleep guarding things for YEARS. They seem to sleep lightly too and only require occasional food that wanders by to rescue you."
Eon, angrily, "Krass if you put this dragon up to this, I'll get you. I don't know how yet, but I'll find a way."
Drassel, thoughtfully, "She is very determined, Krass. If you did put the dragon on her tail, so to speak, maybe you better stop it now."
OOC: GM, "Krass didn't do it."
OOC: Luddington, "Then why is the dragon so intense on catching Eon?"
OOC: GM, "He thinks she is air freshener and likes the way she smells."
OOC: Eon, "WHAT!????" The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 11, 2005 at 02:44:15 (CST)OOC: Krass, "Sheesh Fatman, I feel like I've been gang-raped by a whole herd of camels after the stunt you pulled in the game last night."
OOC: GM: "Well you did manage to rescue Eon. I'm still patting myself on the back for my EXCELLENT strategy. It was just the affect I was trying to achieve. Nothing like the Christmas Holidays to get you in the mood for feeling the love by screwing everyone in the game. Rahvin is so busy wondering if Krass is part dragon that I am splitting my sides answering. We know he is not but I am not giving Rahvin a straight answer. I just tell him to look for clues."
OOC: Krass, "HA HAH HAH! You can be a real bastard. Rahvin will kill you when he finally figures it out. Well I don't think it was love but it was close enough for me. I almost enjoyed it in spite of you. The situation is still bizarre and I am curious where you plan to take this. Now that I've rescued Eon from the tree does she have to award her HERO & KNIGHT by putting out? That's the part I'm waiting for."
OOC: Eon, "You haven't rescued me yet, Rust BOY and you get nothing but a foot in your face when I get out of this mess, on the other hand, I enjoyed every moment of your humiliation. Still, I have some reservations in the direction the Fatman is going."
OOC: Krass, "Foot in face? Kinky."
OOC: GM, "I am surprised Ms. Eon. I would have thought you would be the last one to voice a complaint in this matter."
OOC: Eon, "Not a complaint, Fatman, a comment. According to your view Dragons like young female virgins because they smell nice, so they capture and keep woman to use as room air fresheners?"
OOC: GM, "How else would you explain why unicorns and dragons are attracted to teen girl virgins. I gave considerable thought on the subject. They wouldn't be attracted to them sexually because most young dragons are not old enough to shape change yet and they certainly wouldn't go for them because of attitude. teenage girls are so self centered and insufferable that if the hormones weren't raging guys would have killed them off long ago. besides you seldom hear of an older dragon capturing one, it's usually the younger ones, adolescents if you will."
OOC: JoAnne, "That is a really nasty attitude."
OOC: GM, "Don't take it personal now even mothers have a hard time relating to teenage girls and they've been there. Did you ever see a Dragon guarding an older woman even if she was a virgin? The older virgins get too bitter and then all you can do is eat them. Still they make a tasty roast when prepared correctly."
OOC: Patterson, "He does have a point. I have two teen daughters and I love them but sometimes...."
OOC: Eon, "That's my complaint, according to you, all I am to this dragon is an Air-wick and future dinner! Where's the love in that?"
OOC: Ronilion, "Hey it worked for King Kong and we are not sure she was even a virgin. The ape gets killed chasing around the girl in that story so this time the shoe is on the other foot."
OOC: Eon, "So WHY doesn't this work with virgin boys?"
OOC: Krass, "Do you know how rare that is? A good looking guy is seduced by a teacher BEFORE he gets out of puberty these days. At least the Fatman is realistic. If you want a boy virgin you better change your college major to Education."
OOC: Eon, "I swear I'm going to kill you, Krass."
OOC: Krass, "If I have to have sex with a female dragon in dragon form ever again just to rescue you, you are going to have to beat the Fatman to it. You have to admit though he is a descriptive bastard, I haven't heard a sex act described in such detail in my life. I think JoAnne and Lud were so red they forgot to take notes."
OOC: Ronilion curiously, "Which makes you wonder where HE learned it?"
OOC: Fatman, smiles but says...nothing. The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 06:13:48 (CST)Eon in a tall tree is looking down at Krass and the mid sized Krass Jr. Dragon.
Eon to Krass, "Pervert!"
Krass to Eon, "Shrew!"
Eon, "Farkin Bastiage!"
Krass, "Teaser!"
Eon, "Idiot!"
Krass, "VIRGIN!" The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 01:39:31 (CST)OOC: Fatman, "Good morning, all of you wonderfully weird people. How is everything out there in the real world? Is Elvis still president?"
Ronilion, " Not getting out as much as you used to I see. I can’t believe it’s almost winter. I’m still trying to get my armpits adjusted."
JoAnne, "You don't have be a stark raving lunatic to participate on this channel, but many times it appears that our personnel director is Norman Bates Jr." The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 01:38:59 (CST)Rahvin from the Shadowteam, 'Four Aces', "I'd like to talk with Mr Krass about some logistics for a run we are doing."
GM, Secretary Miss Chief, "I'm sorry Mr Rahvin but Mr Krass is not available in fine stores anywhere, or even in neighborhoods with good zoning regulations."
Rahvin, "Are any of the other retro's around? How about Eon?"
Miss Chief, "No I'm afraid they are all out visiting relatives of Mr Krass for the holiday. Is this a critical emergency? I could have them paged."
Rahvin, "Yea, it's an emergency, go ahead and page them but try to get Eon first. Krass actually has relatives, I'm surprised. The closest I could picture a relative to him is something in the reptile family."
Miss Chief, "I've contacted where Mr Krass is staying and have set up a three way for you."
Rahvin looks and sees a VERY LARGE dragon in his viewer and blanches. "Is Eon there?"
Dragon amused, "Yes but my son and Krass have her treed. You know how men of our species like virgins." The Great Krass
- Thursday, December 08, 2005 at 01:37:27 (CST)Characters: Chun Lu (physad), Chun Li (decker) Warhead (paranoid street sam) and SNAFU (Coyote shaman)
Scene: Warhead's apartment. Warhead is so paranoid that he places shaped charges on EVERY doorway and window in the apartment. He neglects to inform his fellow runners of this.
Situation: SNAFU is driving Warhead crazy in his bedroom (no sex, apologies to the perverts) and his anguished screams are heard by the Chun twins in the living room. Chun Lu tries the door, but finds it locked. So he decides to kick it in.
Think the exploding door sequence in THE MATRIX, only less flames and a flying physad about five feet ahead of the flying door. Lu hits the wall, door hits him, both fall to the floor.
Another runner (name forgotten) runs into the room and yells, "WHAT HAPPENED???"
Chun Li looks to him and says in a relaxed, conversational voice, "Lu kick door. Door kick back."
For two minutes, the GM is unable to restore order. Badger
- Wednesday, December 07, 2005 at 12:47:16 (CST)Krass, complaining "Why should I risk my life getting Eon down from that tree? She's been nothing but a bitch and a whore ever since I tried to give her some money to sleep with me. At least I offered her more than my trouser TITAN."
Drassel, in disgust, "You have obviously never checked a dictionary and your lack of education is appalling. A whore is a girl who sleeps with everyone but a bitch is a girl who sleeps with everyone but you. As far as I know Eon has never slept with anyone. You need a new term to describe her because the BEST insults are ones that have a basis in reality."
Krass, thinking carefully, "You may have a point. Let's see now, she's an overbearing, self-righteous, bully who hides behind her philosophy and holier than thou attitude as an excuse to treat other people like crap. So what does that make her?"
Ronilion dryly, "A Paladin of course."
Luddington, Krass and Drassel are shocked.
OOC: GM: laughing, "You guys never thought of Eon THAT way have you. It makes Krass's attempts at corruption so much more interesting." The Great Krass
- Monday, December 05, 2005 at 01:11:28 (CST)Luddington to JoAnne, "I asked Krass, if there was one irritating quality about me, what would it be? He said, "Asking stupid questions?"JoAnne smiles and pats the priest on the shoulder, "Now he is a fine one to talk about STUPID. If I was trying to decide what Krass's most irritating quality was I wouldn't have a good answer because he is such a total package."
Luddington, "That raises a good question. When Krass stands under the mistletoe, how does any girl know which face to kiss?" The Great Krass
- Monday, December 05, 2005 at 01:10:12 (CST)JoAnne to Krass, "The only difference between you and a bag of excrement is the bag."
Luddington, "What's excrement?"
Krass, "drek."
Luddington, "I didn't ask for profanity, I just want a definition." The Great Krass
- Sunday, December 04, 2005 at 03:23:04 (CST)Saul (Hob street sam) Was in the trunk of a Ferrari. His group had just hit drek, and had to get away.
Gm: Ok, saul, What do you do?
Saul ooc: Wait, there is c4 in here isnt there?
Gm ooc: Oh Drek, 20 kilos.
Saul: I arm it
Gm: roll demolitions.
Saul: What do I roll if i dont have that.
Gm: Inteligence, with a +2 tn. Are you really going to try to arm 20 kilos of C4 in the trunk of a moving car with no light?
Saul: um, yea. why not?
Gm: ok Roll it.
Saul(6....6....6....6...6...5) intel of 4.. Thats 35, no 1's.
Gm: What the hell.. Ok, you do it. barely.
Saul:wo0t.
After performing this Stunt, Saul procedes to throw the armed C4 out of the trunk at the enemies. Missing them all. The group gets away, 40 pounds lighter. Saul
- Thursday, December 01, 2005 at 16:02:36 (CST)Dragon Lady, "Let me introduce you to the kids. They have been real eager to meet you." She leads Krass to a heavy door and removes several large bars, The heavy door opens outward and several hundred gems spill out.
Krass, "Is this your hoard?"
Dragon Lady, "Land Sakes, NO! This is just the nursery." She calls into the room. "Children! Daddies Home!"
Several large roars seemed to shake the building and several thousand more jewels and gold spill out. The lady laughs, "The maid hates it when they do that."
Krass, "Wow, talk about primal! That sounded like the entire Hollywood Tabernacle Choir simultaneously getting their ears tummy-tucked." The Great Krass
- Monday, November 28, 2005 at 02:17:31 (CST)Dragon Lady, "I am curious about your upbringing. How did you come to be the way you are?"
Krass to the tall platinum haired dragon lady, "I was an obscene baby. I was born naked and my mother never forgave me." The Great Krass
- Monday, November 28, 2005 at 01:35:03 (CST)Lady Dragon, "You may find Krass odious but he is the funniest mate I have ever had. For instance I watched him in an interview on the holo recently. Have you noticed? Every Thanksgiving Krass tells us to be thankful for everything we have. And the rest of the year he quickly tries to take everything we do have. I have met dragons who are less greedy."
Eon nodding, "I see your point. Krass WAS born to be in big business and politics. He took to being the CEO and a Mayor in the same way birds take to hanging around the car wash."
Krass, snidely, "I don't even have to turn around to make my point. I can form a fist out of my Technicolor butt!"
Ronilion, "I haven’t had so much fun listening to a conversation since Krass accidentally sat on the electric pencil sharpener. He is living proof that sometimes even evolution has a bad day." The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 27, 2005 at 04:08:20 (CST)OOC: Krass, "Hey Fatman, are you working on the game for the Holidays?"
OOC: GM, "Of course, I have a fairly long game planned for the next segment. It has been in the planning stage for the past six months."
OOC: Krass, "This game has a name?"
OOC: GM, "All my games have titles, This one is called, Chew Toy or Sex Toy?"
OOC: Ronilion, "That sounds ominous. "Any helpful or strategic hints before we go into this game."
OOC: GM, ""Yes, try to avoid the sword of soul-sucking that the Druidic Combat mage is wielding."
OOC: Drassel, "How did that get in this game? If that's the sword I THINK it is, may I suggest that you go stick your sword up your anus!"
OOC: Krass, "Doesn't work stupid, I tried that in a previous game, That's how I lost one of my lives. The upshot was that I was judged to have committed suicide by natural causes."
OOC: Eon, "Has anyone ever told you that you are really weird? You have the most flexible set of ethics and morals that I've ever seen especially when it comes to sex."
OOC: Luddington, "Uhm, guys do you want clues or do you want to continue down the Krass trip through Hell?"
OOC: GM, "Don't worry Padre, you folks will be clearly going through there as well, See this map? There is a space clearly marked as 'Hell. Also Krass if you meet any of the old time God's on your trip I suggest strongly that you stop asking the greater gods to kiss your ass."
OOC: Eon, "What is the object of this trip? It appears to make little sense."
OOC: GM, "You're all going to meet a lady dragon, do you realize how rare that is? Anyway Krass has fathered several of her children, all without knowing it of course and she wants him to come for a visit."
OOC: Krass, "DREK!"
OOC: Drassel, "Tell her if she gives you some of the jewels, you won't file for custody."
OOC: Krass, thoughtfully, "Sometimes I'm really glad you're my partner. At least now though we know why the title. I assume it could go either way."
OOC: GM, "Of course it is a female dragon." The Great Krass
- Wednesday, November 23, 2005 at 18:09:01 (CST)frag this drek, I'm taking my cannon and going home. Tester
- Tuesday, November 22, 2005 at 09:54:57 (CST)JoAnne, "Eon you have a lovely singing voice. Do you do it professionally?"
Eon, "No. Many of the woman in my family have been musically inclined though."
Krass, "When Eon hits a high note, I'll bet her underwear vibrates."
Eon, "Krass, Thanksgiving is coming. Go stuff yourself!" The Great Krass
- Monday, November 21, 2005 at 03:54:14 (CST)Krass to Ronilion, "Hey do you know the four types of female orgasms?"
Ronilion, "This sounds suspiciously like a lead in line to me and it's probably something stupid so OK what are they?"
Krass, "Well, the first, is the Religious or Spiritual orgasm and it goes something like this:"Oh GOD! oh GOD! OH OH OH GOD!" The second, is the positive orgasm---" OH YES! OH YES! OH YES!" Then the third is the negative orgasm... "OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!" Then finally there's the fake orgasm."
Krass, "Bitch." The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 23:41:07 (CST)Krass, "For my move I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING." Then hurl it through the window of Eon's office and run like hell itself is one my tail."
OOC: GM, "Which it probably will be. Make your roll." The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 23:38:12 (CST)GM: "OK Krass, you're testing out your new Lincoln/Cadillac/Hummer. You come to a red light and stop and a hobo comes up and starts washing the windows with dirty water and a ragged brush. He then sticks his hat with quite a bit of NuYen in change in it out to you."
Krass, "I roll down the window, showing a 50 NuYen bill and when he sticks his hat in through the window I raise the window up quick and take the money. I then tell him he did such a piss poor job that I am using it to get my new car washed and to get his scruffy hoop out of here. I then take off."
OOC: GM, "Did you roll down the window before you dashed off?"
Krass, smiling, "OOOPS! OK, I am not cruel, when I get to 50 km per hour I'll let him go."
OOC: GM, "Krass that's about 30 mph, the fastest man in the world (uncybered) only runs at 25 mph last I heard. I don't think a hobo could afford a lot of cyber gear."
Krass, smiling, "OOOPS! OK, I'll try to find something nice and soft for him to land in."
OOC: GM, "On a city street? Let's see now it doesn't take long for your souped up car to get to 50 KPH so you are dragging the poor bastard down the road, after robbing him and you are looking for a soft spot to dump him in. Now are you dumping him at 50 or waiting?"
Krass, "This is getting complex. I'll get back to you after I get to city hall."
OOC: GM, "I'm glad your not a cruel man." The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 06:23:43 (CST)Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 01:50:27 (CST)Sheesh Doc, that old wheeze of a joke? It's almost OLDER than the Fatman. You ought to lay off all those goofy designer drinks at Starbucks. The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. Each day you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet, then guess what? You're STILL a huge asshole." The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 20, 2005 at 01:40:52 (CST)The CMC deactivated as it assertained that it was safe to do so. Or rather, safe from close intimate brushes with the ground, with whom it had once had a trist with and never bother to returned its call, and for this it was all the happier.
-A description from the perspective of the Ares TR-55 that the rigger Chase was piloting, Shadowrun: Wages of Sin. B4UTRUST
- Tuesday, November 15, 2005 at 03:48:41 (CST)Krass, "The elections are coming down to the wire. Now what has my PR flack been doing to get me elected?"
GM: PR Flack in flashy suit and weasel smile, turns on the holo news.
GM: Holo news girl with mega-watt smile and mega WHAT THE Fark! frontal enhancement, "Candidate and incumbent Mayor Krass released a news bulletin today that stated that he will use his personal fortune to buy a cow for every home in downtown Seattle if he is elected. Every downtown Seattle home will be gifted with a high milk-yielding cow from the Indian state of Kerala which could be expected to yield 10 liters or 2.5 gallons or up to 16 liters or four gallons of farm fresh milk every day."
Bruno Sagrella the publicity man for Mayor Krass was quoted as saying on Friday. "Even families who live in flats, who could make suitable arrangements to look after a cow, will receive the gift of a cow,"
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, November 08, 2005 at 06:32:59 (CST)Krass makes a campaign speech to his (adoring?) public.
Krass, "I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man. A Vote for Krass is a Vote."
Eon, "BARF ALERT! Shall we all start singing Hail to the Thief?" The Great Krass
- Tuesday, November 08, 2005 at 02:22:06 (CST)Eon is getting ready to shop at the mall. As she goes to get cred a nitice pops up on the screen.
"401-K Savings not Found."
Krass back at the office is decked in watching the look on her face as he is tied into the Security Cam. He laughs. The Great Krass
- Tuesday, November 08, 2005 at 02:05:28 (CST)Krass to Eon, "C'mon, hot lips -- melt my dentures!" The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 01:57:21 (CST)Luddington has left the Gym to order Krass a coffin. He's not dead yet, but Luddington has hopes. He notices the holo is on as he dials.
GM: "Several of the new mid-season TV series replacements are environmentally friendly. Here's an example of what you could be watching on KPOG this winter.
Singing In The Rain Forest, an EPA approved musical set in Brazil and starring Paula Abdul and the Jolly Green Giant.
The Twilight Ozone, an environmental drama set in Iceland starring Martin Sheen, Charlie Sheen, Emilio Estevez, Ramone Estevez, Fred Sheen, Benny Estevez, Gladys Sheen, Irving Estevez, Bishop Sheen, Beulah Estevez, and Keifer Sutherland.
Saturday Night Toxic Waste, a Bob Barker approved comedy starring the Smothers Brothers, Dentist-to-the-Stars Dr. Weird Al Yankitout, and Tipper Gore as Sister Oprah.
The Love Canal Boat, an environmental dramedy with different guest stars every week and starring Regis Philbin as the captain. "
Luddington with a serious face, "Now that looks like an improvement." The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 01:10:47 (CST)Ronilion, as Krass's face is starting to turn green as he passes out, looks at the girls. They show no signs of stopping. "Dear Ladies, may I inquire why you are soiling your lovely hands with such a disreputable oaf?"
JoAnne, "He gave us both a case of Lyle Lovett Hairspray because he told us we should improve our looks. I found a picture of Lyle Lovett and showed it to Eon. We are in perfect accord on the proper response."
Ronilion nods and walks away, "Some people just deserve what they get." The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 01:01:24 (CST)The Fatman Game: "The Great Brain Hobby"
Luddington is in the groups Gym on the track working out when Ronilion arrives. "What's going on with you these days?"
Ronilion, "I was going to take a stroll downtown in the crisp polluted autumn air, but my Uzi's in the shop. So I decided to come here instead. "
Luddington, "A wise choice, my son. What is that God awful racket?" Krass bursts into the room and races past the Priest and Mage.
Krass, "HALP! Whore Attack! There is entirely too much sex and violence in the world today." Looking back he notices that Eon and JoAnne are ruthlessly closing the gap and leaving him no where to run. "I meant to say that I respect you girls thoughts and opinions as members of the human race." The girls start beating him down ruthlessly.
Luddington shakes his head sadly, "Some people have a second language but Krass barely has a first one."
Ronilion, "You go Girl's!"
Krass, looks blearily at the guys as Eon has one leg and JoAnne has the other and they are playing wishbone. "Don't encourage them. This reminds me of the year my high school sweetheart brought tears to my eyes by stuffing her bra with Vidalia onions." Eon kicks him in the privates and then JoAnne kicks. They continue taking turns for some time.
Luddington starts giving Krass last rites. The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 00:48:44 (CST)Krass to Luddington, "I told Eon, I'd marry her in the morning but I wanted the honeymoon tonight. She pitched me into a dumpster."
Luddington to Krass, "We in the Church know sins can be forgiven but stupid is forever, Krass. The Great Krass
- Sunday, November 06, 2005 at 00:46:53 (CST)JoAnne, "Krass is like the snap of a bra strap upon a sun burnt back." The Great Krass
- Thursday, November 03, 2005 at 04:49:26 (CST)OOC: GM, to Ronilion, "AHHHHH! KILL HER! KILL HIM! KILL YOU! KILL THEM! KILL IT! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL Everyone, everything, everywhere. Then a little air freshener and I'll have done my job with PERFECTION. Then a parade, medals and next!"
OOC: Ronilion, "Sheesh! What crawled up your hoop and died? Maybe you better switch to decaf."
OOC: Krass, "He just hates it when we pull off a game where we avoid his really nasty trap by doing something completely, totally and unpredictably STUPID, and then come out smelling like roses and rolling in the NU-YEN! It's moments like this that remind me of my favorite things. Like nailing the Fatman's HOOP to the wall and looking at Eon's HOOP." The Great Krass
- Thursday, November 03, 2005 at 01:32:40 (CST)From the Game Treasure of the Seattle Mothers.
Krass is still lost in the woods with Drassel.
Krass, "I hate this farking place. When I get back I'm going to buy this dump and have it all paved."
Drassel, "I admit, I too am getting concerned. I haven't seen a McBeast's in hours. I wonder if they are even looking for us?"
Krass, "I know how to find out." He yells at the top of his voice, " Now, today's great outdoors question: Which is worse, rattlesnakes or Eon? Eon is worse. A rattlesnake only bites in self-defense. Eon bites the big one because she enjoys it!"
Eon drops from a tree and starts pounding Krass. "Saved", he gasps in pain a smile on his face. The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 30, 2005 at 00:12:57 (CDT)Krass to Drassel, Luddington and Patterson, "Now, today's dating tip for men. Remember, guys, it's okay to disagree with your date's T-shirt, but never laugh at her tattoo." The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 30, 2005 at 00:07:02 (CDT)Luddington, "Fatman? What's on the holo today?"
GM: Announcer, standard face, good voice: "This week on HOLO "60 Minutes" interviews Mayor Krass a reformed politician who used to tell lies half the time, but now says he tells the truth half the time." The Great Krass
- Wednesday, October 26, 2005 at 05:22:12 (CDT)Krass, "And now, THE GREAT KRASS, a man who was born to be on something. Unfortunately, it hasn't been Eon, yet."
Eon, "We interrupt this stupidity to shove Krass's hoop into a home pasta machine. [Sfx: buzzzz/scream!] We now return you to whatever it was we interrupted." The Great Krass
- Wednesday, October 26, 2005 at 04:59:45 (CDT)Krass to Eon, "Another wonderful day of conversing with Little Miss Stick Up Her Butt! Hey Babe, When It Comes to Drinkin' Alone, I'm in a Glass by Myself." The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 01:31:50 (CDT)From the Shadowrun Pro Boards where people get to talk to the Retro's:
D: A Guest, "Something I've always wanted to know, but now I can ask,if the Fatman will allow it. Have Krass and Eon always been bitter rivals? Does it go beyond the game as well?
I also think Krass doesn't do it all to himself so he's convinced at least one person. No one could possibly screw themselves *THAT MUCH!* and repeatedly.
I'm underestimating him I'm sure. Somehow I still think he's a little innocent just not much."
Eon: "Yes, Krass has always been a completed macho pig-butt, D. He has more pork than a congressional bill and his talk rival's the sewage treatment plant for a major metropolitan city. When we FIRST met on the Fatman's server and he saw me through my web cam he wanted to know if I would 'put-out' for $15. Not only is he cheap, he's stupid as well. When JoAnne came on he wanted to know if she 'put-out'. Does this sound like a guy with a lot of tact, or class to you? Krass is an Ice-hole gone Insane."
Krass, "Don't believe that Biatch Eon. Yes D, I am almost completely innocent. I've died more times than a cat with nine lives. They make up lies about me. By the way, got any money? How about a sister or a good-looking mother...a girlfriend? Does she put-out?" The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 01:22:00 (CDT)From the Shadowrun Pro-boards,
Braddoc, "If you can't have a guy to nail you once in a while, don't blame that on us."
Eon, "This is the time of year for jack-o-lanterns. You see those smiling, empty-headed faces everywhere: on porches ... on window sills ... on Braddoc. Considering his attitude on woman who do not jump into bed with every fat-headed, village idiot that crosses her path his major thought in life is that he thinks a sand-wedge is what you get when you sit on the beach in a thong." The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 01:09:18 (CDT)OOC: Krass, "Hey Fatman, what do you think is the BEST joke you ever pulled on the spur of the moment?"
OOC, Fatman, "I was at an anime con in California and I was dressed as a big devil, which even considering my size then was smaller it was still a HUGE costume. It had eight foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head and I carried a large papermache pitchfork. I was looking incredibly ugly. The interesting thing was that the hotel I was staying in was double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel. So there I am riding the elevator down to the con space with the doors opening on every darn floor with no one there until I get to number 13, there stands a little old baptist woman. She looks at me in shock. I know I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't resist I just say in my best evil voice, 'Going Down?' " The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:56:53 (CDT)OOC: Krass, "I should bomb something."
OOC: Ronilion, "...and it's off the cuff remarks like that are the reason I don't log chats. Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me."
OOC: JoAnne, "I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats."
*** FBI has joined #retrosexuals
OOC: FBI, "We saw it anyway."
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )
OOC: Krass, "Fatman? That was you wasn't it?"
OOC: GM, "Scary isn't it. Those guys have no sense of humor."
OOC: Krass, "You are a bastiage."
OOC: GM, "The bastiagest." The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:55:48 (CDT)OOC: Luddington, "The Fatman recommended a game to me for my old computer. I finally got a version of Civilization II."
OOC: GM, "Lud, I recommended that about ten years ago."
OOC: Luddington, "Yes, it took me a while. Now can anyone help me install it?"
OOC: Krass, "Sure. First, shut down all programs you aren't using."
Luddington has quit IRC. (Quit)
OOC: Krass, "That farking MORON!"
OOC: Fatman, "(ROFL) I wonder how long before he figures out that he has to stay on the IRC channel to get the info he needs?"
OOC: Ronilion, "A pool? I bet $10 on ten years."
OOC: Krass, "My $10 says that I'll bet he will think I did it to him as a joke and will never ask us again. He'll get Drassel to do it."
OOC: GM, "I suspect Krass is right. I guess I'll get him on the telephone and try to straighten this out. See you guys tomorrow night." The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:54:35 (CDT)Eon looking at the holo as the boys of Lonestar are taking down another criminal, "So many criminals, its a terrible world we live in."
Luddington, "Maybe we should suggest to Krass that we export all our criminals to some empty continent and just leave them there to die and then show up 50 years later to see what happens. What do you think they'd say?"
Ronilion shaking his head in despair, "Oh, something along the lines of, "G`Day mate" would be my guess." The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:53:14 (CDT)Krass, "Hey Mary Poppins, If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your hoop would you tell anybody?"
JoAnne, "Krass that is an insulting question. The answer though if you must have it, is; I don't think so."
Krass smiling, "Want to go camping?" The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:52:23 (CDT)Krass to Ronilion from the Fatman Game "Treasure of the Seattle Mothers"
"Morons, these people who live in my part of the plex are connected to my wireless and they must think they're super-cool deckers by breaking into my completely unsecure wireless network but unfortunately for them, the connection works both ways so to make a long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their decks."
Drassel, "Good. I'll drop a quarter on them as a tip to Lone Star, so when they want advice on a good lawyer send them to me. We might just as well make some NuYen on this." The Great Krass
- Monday, October 24, 2005 at 00:51:25 (CDT)OOC: Drassel, "Yesterday evening at about 7:00 pm, so many people on my street were burning leaves--the neighborhood smelled like a Used Odor Eater Disposal Facility"
Doc Patterson, "Why is it that when dealing with Drassel I get the feeling that If you record what he says and play it back wards, many times it'll make more sense?"
Krass, "That's OK partner, you never sounded better in your life, whenever that was." He looks at Patterson, "At least I have a partner that makes sense sometimes, you on the other hand are paired with Moron's R' Us."
Patterson, "Yeah Right, Looking for signs of intelligence of any kind around here, especially from you, is like looking for tan lines on a nun."
Drassel to Patterson, "Your previous comment has been rated as "Exceptional" by the National Association of People Who Take Exception to Nearly Everything. Patterson's jokes this evening were provided by archaeologist Fern Leakey, who discovered them while unearthing an ancient Aztec funny bone."
Patterson glares at Luddington, "Well? Don't just sit there like a deer caught in the headlights of a slow steam roller. Say something!"
Luddington, "Well, I'm a terrible singer. Every time I sing in church, everybody starts praying for me. That was why I became a preacher. It's a natural talent."
OOC: GM, "Krass laughs, Drassel smiles, Doc looks exasperated and Luddington? Well we all know what Luddington looks like."
OOC:,THE WHOLE GROUP, "LIKE A DEER CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS OF A STEAM ROLLER! MOVE PADRE MOVE!" The Great Krass
- Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 02:44:15 (CDT)/join #Retrosexuals: OOC: Krass, "Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to be exposed to The GREAT Krass. Please be prepared to take the usual precautions. First I want you all to know that I'm really thin. It’s just that The Fatman's server makes me look ten pounds heavier."
OOC: Ronilion, "I know what you mean, last night I had a terrible nightmare. I dreamed I was adrift in a life raft with the Fatman and there was only one Twinkie left."
OOC: GM, "Sorry, I was in the midst of a monumental decision. I was trying to decide which flavor Slurpee goes with fig newtons. So was it a chocolate twinkie? If so I got dibs."
OOC: Eon, "Do you realize millions of people in India, Tibet, and Indonesia will go to bed tonight without hearing from any of you guys? Think about that. We in this country are so very cursed, while they are so blessed."
OOC: Drassel, "I hate to say this but she is right."
OOC: Luddington, "It's the curse of money." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 02:42:31 (CDT)Krass to Doc Patterson, “Hey Doc, I'm really depressed. When I jumped into the car this morning, I crushed my 32-ounce Terminator glass.”
Doc Patterson, hands Krass some large pink pills “Take two of these and don’t call me in the morning. Some side effects may occur, some possible back effects, and certainly a lot of front effects. If burning, itching, or a rash develops, don’t scratch it will spread.”
The Great Krass
- Tuesday, October 18, 2005 at 00:20:52 (CDT)Banded?!?! Shit, those guys have guns...and...and armor....and... and intellect....and...they're flammable!! ChaosEsper
- Monday, October 17, 2005 at 18:53:40 (CDT)GM, serious face holo announcer, "Today a modular house (being transported by a truck) accidentally smacked into investigative reporter Tab Lloyd knocking him into a lesbian bar that caters to blondes. Mr. Lloyd died on the scene and funeral arrangements will be held at St. Patricks next week."
Krass smiling, "Those Chamkichi Brothers do good work, I'll have to send them a bonus." The Great Krass
- Monday, October 17, 2005 at 06:51:03 (CDT)Ronilion, "Hey Eon, remember this? :
Ronilion to Luddington, "Krass just hit a new low."
Luddington, "How is that possible? We all know what a wanker he is?"
Ronilion, "Well he is paying street gangs a bounty to send in their youngest members to work in the Zoo."
Luddington, "Why is that so bad, if he can get the youngest members to work that might be a good thing?"
Ronilion, "You don't get it, he has them dressed in monkey suits and put in cages and advertises them as rare Sumatran Orangutans!"
Eon, "how could anyone forget?"
Ronilion, "Well catch this latest.:
GM, " We now join investigative reporter Tab Lloyd At the Seattle Zoo, where Phoebe the chimp and two others managed to climb out of their compound, and armed security guards had to come round them up. In an effort to frighten the animals into submission, they fired shots into the air, and according to the reporter for The Guardian newspaper, the chimps not only became docile at the sound of gunfire, but they put their hands up."
Ronilion, "I think that reporter might be getting closer to Krass. Do you think he suspects?"
Eon, laughing, "I certainly hope so." The Great Krass
- Monday, October 17, 2005 at 06:49:41 (CDT)Krass to Dr. Patterson, "I have proof that Luddington is two bubbles short of a bath."
Patterson, "Oh? How so?"
Krass, "I asked him if his truck had four wheel drive. He gave me that deer-in-the-headlights stare and said he had five if you count the spare tire."
Patterson, "Everyone is picking up the 'Drassel Disease'." The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 16, 2005 at 06:36:06 (CDT)Shrew, a rigger, was on a mission to obtain a key card on the top floor of a UCAS building. His partner Orion, a Street sam, came running up the stairs. Shrew just returned from the middle floor, where he planted C4.
they opened the door, and found thousands of Keycards, filling the room. Shrew and Orion tossed Grinades into the room. They both heard the drones comeing up the stairs.
orion and shrew walked into the room with the keys, and shrew blew the C4.
As luck would have it, the middle floor of the 3 story building exploded, only, it just made it 2 story building. The drones were smushed, and the mirrors in the room broke, they now saw the only keycard.
Shrew *stood and brushed off his shoulders and shrugs* meh..
Orion: *Shrugs as well* works for me
Shrew smiles Norm Al
- Sunday, October 16, 2005 at 00:38:55 (CDT)OOC: Luddington, "Have you been working on the next game Fatman?"
OOC: GM, "Oh yes, but you guys shouldn't rush me. It takes time and a lot of work to develop new games each week."
OOC: Luddington, "Well everyone is curious what kind of insanity you will come up with next."
OOC: GM, "I feel like I am writing for TV and not getting paid for it. How is this for a hint? 'This just in. A sadistic, deranged, slasher serial killer today was sentenced to seven successive 99-year prison terms. This means he could be eligible for parole in eight months."
Krass, "Eon will like this one." The Great Krass
- Saturday, October 15, 2005 at 23:53:23 (CDT)Ronilion to Eon, "Technology is everywhere. These days--when you lead a horse to water--Mitsubishi has a device that WILL make him drink."
Eon, "Still not good enough, partner, they still haven't invented a 'KRASS Repellant' that works." The Great Krass
- Saturday, October 15, 2005 at 23:45:18 (CDT)Krass to Drassel, "This time, when I asked the Eon for a date, at least she gave me a straight answer. She said she'd rather cuddle with an alligator -- in a dumpster." The Great Krass
- Saturday, October 15, 2005 at 23:41:32 (CDT)Krass, "I want real loyalty. I want someone who will kiss my ass in Macy's window, and say it smells like roses. "
Doc Patterson, "Well, I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket." The Great Krass
- Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 02:30:28 (CDT)Krass to JoAnne, "Why don't you go clean house or something and get out of my face Mary Poppins?"
JoAnne smiling, "I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."
Krass does a double take, "I have GOT to get you away from Drassel. Are you sure you aren't him in woman's clothes."
JoAnne smiles.
Krass, "SHYTE!" The Great Krass
- Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 02:29:07 (CDT)Luddington to Krass, "If you would keep your mind on the word of GOD, you degenerate sinner, it might be possible to save your soul before you roast in Hell's fiery realm!"
Krass, thoughtfully, "God IS in my head, but the devil is in my pants. Want to see?" The Great Krass
- Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 02:28:18 (CDT)Eon to Krass, "I'll bet you go out nights as a female impersonator."
Krass, "Jealous?"
Ronilion, "She's right you know, I've seen you do it. How many women do you know who march around in 7-inch heels, 3-foot wigs and skin-tight outfits? Women don't wear that, drag queens wear that!"
Krass, "Hey Drek head, I wore that when I was doing that job at the lesbian bar. I got propositioned sixteen times in twelve minutes. Even as a drag queen I'm so sexy it scares me. Just remember though it was a JOB."
Drassel, "Yeah just like you Eon, It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. You beat people up."
Eon, "I never set out to hurt anybody deliberately unless it was, you know, important."
Krass "I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults. There's just something about me that makes a lot of people want to kill me. Everyone envies me. It's a curse. I have to look beautiful so that the poor will have a star to look up at and worship from their slums." The Great Krass
- Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 00:26:26 (CDT)Krass, "YEAH! Griffjon added AD'S. Anyone who would run this page this long deserves some money! Nothing like GOOD business and a little MONKEY Business on the side. By the way whatever happened to the Militant Flowers?" The Great Krass
- Monday, October 10, 2005 at 06:07:51 (CDT)GM: "Today, my friends, we'll try to answer some of life's more intriguing questions: Is there life after death? Is there life after marriage? Is there life after high school? Is there life during a presidential campaign?"
Krass, "You forgot one Fatboy."
GM: "I don't pretend to be infallible Mr. Krass, what did I overlook?"
Krass looking at Eon, "Eon has such a sexy voice That I wonder if I should listen to her without a parent or guardian present?"
Eon responds quickly, "Or why Krass resembles so many newborn babies? They even drool the same way."
Ronilion, "OR what's the scariest thing you can think of? How about an alarm clock that sounds like Yoko Ono?"
Drassel, "OR when are we going to get some rain? I'm tired of watering my ragweed."
Dr Patterson, "All good questions I'm sure. Well, gang, I've got to rush home. I just bought a new digital video camera and I'm gonna spend the rest of the day editing myself into the new Jennifer Lopez porn movie. If you figure out the answers clue me later.
Krass, "Holy Shyte! I want to go with him!"
Luddinton to Patterson, "Better show him your tattoo, the one on your hoop. The one that reads, 'If your close enough to read this their better be a wedding ring in your pocket!" The Great Krass
- Monday, October 10, 2005 at 06:00:22 (CDT)Eon to Drassel, "The thing about Krass is his persistence. He had a vision as a child and he has stuck with it to this day. That's right, he still wants to be an Oscar Meyer Weiner!"
JoAnne, "Then perhaps we should do a holo on Krass's life? 'This is PBS, the Preposterous Broadcasting System. Up next, a man who's done it all. But we've never been able to come up with enough proof to press charges. "
OOC: GM: "Very Good JoAnne, you are fitting into the group nicely. I can even add to that for Luddington when he comes on and asks for the standard holo report. How about this one? 'Today on "The Young and The Tasteless," Sin City’s infamous investigative reporter Tab Lloyd examines the lives, loves, and miscellaneous parts of 17 Calvin Klein underwear models.' That will get Krass's and Luddington's attention and then we can follow with your part as an add-on advertising next weeks broadcast. Let's test it and have it ready.
GM, holo announcer, serious face, "Later Today on 'Investigative Reports' Sin City’s infamous investigative reporter Tab Lloyd examines the lives, loves, and miscellaneous parts of seventeen Calvin Klein underwear models.' Also be sure you don't miss his hard hitting documentary on PBS, the Preposterous Broadcasting System, on Mayor Krass, a man who's done it all, but no one has ever been able to come up with enough proof to press charges."
OOC: Eon, "You're going to put a rag reporter on Krass? This should be good." The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 23:29:32 (CDT)Eon to Patterson, "If I find Krass I'm going to run him headfirst into a trash compactor."
Patterson, "You really should not pick on Krass so much. He is the way he is due to a serious medical condition. He can't help it and we are doing everything we can to find him a cure to make him normal."
Eon curious, "What medical condition are you talking about?"
Patterson, " Krass had a terrible childhood. He is probably the only guy in history who was once bitten by the Tooth Fairy."
Eon grimly eyes the doctor, "That's because he most likely tried to molest her." The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:09:07 (CDT)Luddington to Drassel, "Mr Drassel, you have in your career told some pretty big lies. What is the biggest lie you have ever made?"
Drassel, "It was at a ceremony for Krass after he first became Mayor. I said, Journalism is an Honorable profession, attracting some of the most talented and thoughtful minds in the world. Its aim is to inform, elucidate and uplift the human spirit."
Luddington, "Yep, that's a big one all right." The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:08:14 (CDT)JoAnne, "Greg, I have to go bail Krass out of jail again."
Drassel, "Anything you need me for?"
JoAnne, "No, It appears that Krass got ripped off at the fair."
Drassel, looks up intrigued, "That seems unusual enough."
JoAnne smiling, "Not as unusual as all that It appears the guards had to rip him right off of Miss Sweet Corn of 2064."
Drassel, nods silently and goes back to his work. The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:07:00 (CDT)Ronilion to Krass, "I don't know where you get your delusion that Eon will ever like you, fat-head."
Krass, "As soon as I find the right small group of very young girls, along with the seven or eight women who are just right for me, my wandering days are OVER buddy, until then chasing Eon will do fine."
Ronilion, "I guess you live by the proverb that it's better to live one hour as a tiger, than a whole life time as a worm."
Krass, "Of course, whoever heard of a worm skin rug?" The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:05:27 (CDT)Luddington, "I check the holo to see if there is anything of interest on."
GM, "Tonight on the 'Star Trek' rerun: Kirk suddenly realizes it's the year 2064 -- and surely somebody has invented a realistic looking toupee by now."
Luddington, "Is there nothing sacred these days? He pulls out his pistol and shoots the holo unit. Nobody runs down Star Trek while I'm around!"
GM, "GAH! I'm smoking here. Someone call a Holo Repairman. OH the AGONY."
OOC: GM, "Darn some imbecile is ringing my cell phone. I'll bet it's work. Did you folks know that six in eight Americans now carry a cell phone. One in ten carries a cell phone over to the toilet and flushes it. Bon Voyage you annoying piece of technical garbage. Now where were we?" The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:04:36 (CDT)OOC: Eon, "FATMAN! Slow down! I had 63 messages in my email. The group is going nuts again!
OOC: GM, "Well after the summer everyone seems ready to get in some extra time on the game. I have been having fun with Krass about his so-called innocence and that everyone just does it to him. He will never be able to convince anyone that Krass is innocent and just picked on. there are over 21 pages of Krass action since May 2005 on the Proboards and the Quotefile posts go back to 2004."
OOC: Eon, "That is a long time back."
OOC: GM, "Yep, even when you all get lazy, I'm an energizer bunny." :)
OOC: Ronilion, "Bunny? Not the vermin I would have normally associated you with but I can go with that."
OOC: GM, "That's OK... I didn't tell them on the proboards that your one of those fragging elves."
OOC: Ronilion, "We prefer the term "God's Perfect Creations" but I can understand why a bunny wouldn't understand that."
OOC: Eon, "Touche!" The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:02:32 (CDT)Krass, remarking on Eon's change of hair style, " Personally, even with her new image, to me, Eon and her chest, will always be the kid you just knew could yodel under water."
Eon, yanks out a taser and let's Krass have it. She continues to push the button. "Anything else you want to stay Lord of Scum? I've decided to train you like a the dog you are."
Krass, "Oh, I'm hurting. You hammered me. Are you turned on yet?"
Eon grimly pushes the button again and again. The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 03:01:02 (CDT)Dr Patterson to JoAnne, "Where's Krass? I have some new requirements for equipment for that killer cyber enhanced dog I'm making him. It will be so nasty it could chew plastocrete like marshmellow."
JoAnne, "Krass may not be here today. After Eon's taser ran out of charge he was so sexually excited he ran out of here looking for some action. While out last night he saw a foxy lady and sucked his gut in so hard he threw his back out. He did leave a message though for everyone."
Krass message, "Now, finally, the blockbuster news that’ll make your day. I not only will be back the day after tomorrow, but I will be glibber, profounder, adorabler, and more charismaticker than ever."
Dr Patterson, "She could have hooked that taser to Three Mile Island and it would have made just as much difference."
JoAnne, "You have to say this about Krass, no one and I mean no one can take a pounding like him." The Great Krass
- Sunday, October 09, 2005 at 02:59:50 (CDT)"Okay, we have the gimp mask, bondage gear, and a sack full of yogurt. Shadowrun is the best game ever."
-Kevin, in response to the team's preparation for kidnapping a mage. Prosper
- Friday, October 07, 2005 at 15:26:17 (CDT)Scenario: After gaining control over the Enterprise, threatening the UN, and managing to cut California off from North America using the phasers, the group is tired and the session is drawing to a close.
Serenity: Okay, the UN has decided to send it's reply. In the form of nuclear missiles.
Obscura Maxima: That's nice. I jack out of the game. Time to meet the real versions of my friends.
Daystar: Wait... That run we just did was just a game? And we were characters in it?
Serenity: Yeah. It was Ob's idea.
*sound of collective groans of realization*
Obscura Maxima: Told you they'd fall for it. Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 10:11:30 (CDT)Scenario: Obscura Maxima has just managed to kill the bridge crew of the Enterprise and is trying to keep security out while Daystar is trying to unlock controls.
Daystar: Okay, I'm just going to hack the computer.
Serenity: You better roll like a god.
Daystar: *rolls first die* Will a 23 do?
Serenity: Nope. Keep trying.
Daystar: *rolls second die* How about a 31?
Serenity: *thumps head on desk*
Daystar: Yay! I just hacked the computer of the Enterprise! Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 10:01:12 (CDT)Serenity: Okay, since you guys seem to not like my runs, I've decided to do a special run. You get to meet the crew of the Enterprise.
Obscura Maxima: WOOHOO! WE GET TO STEAL THE ENTERPRISE!
Serenity: There is no fragging way in Hell you are going to steal the Enterprise.
Daystar: Give it up. He may not be as smart as you, but he rolls better. Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 09:54:24 (CDT)Why Dumpshock is now banned from our group.
Reason #1:
Serenity: Okay, let me see your character sheets. Good... Good... What? What in the frag is SwordFish Mustardball?
Obscura Maxima: It's a skill I found on Dumpshock?
Serenity: You and Mr. Surprise Lightning Bolt are going to have a long conversation.
Reason #2:
Serenity: Okay, why did you build your Adept this way?
Obscura Maxima: I saw it on Dumpshock?
Serenity: Okay, remember Mr. Surprise Lightning Bolt? His friend, Mrs. Large Falling Anvil, would like to continue the conversation.
Reason #3:
Serenity: Okay, the ally spirit approaches...
Obscura Maxima: Is it dikoted?
Serenity: Where the hell did you get such an idea? Nevermind, I already know. Rocks fall, you all die.
Obscura Maxima: But...
Serenity: ROCKS FALL, YOU ALL DIE. Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 06:48:32 (CDT)Questions from a new GM.
1) Serenity: Why do they call you Sabosect?
Sabosect: It's short for Sabotage Section. My old DnD group used to accidentally blow up cities, and thus earned the nickname.
Serenity: And how does that affect us?
Sabosect: Ya know Arkham Crater, in the Barrens? In a previous game, that was the Seattle Waste Processing Center. My sammie, named Arkham, got too friendly with a missile launcher there.
Serenity: Okay, you're no longer allowed to play street sams. I hear deckers are a good choice this year.
Sabosect: Well, I have an interesting story about that...
Serenity: Please stop before I make you play a face.
2) Serenity: Why do you have a table of weights? And why does it list how much a chandelier can hold?
Obscura Maxima: We sometimes like to get a little drunk.
Serenity: A little? Your summaries from six months ago read like an advertisement for Alcoholics Anonymous.
3) Serenity: Sab, what is wrong with your notes? I can't figure out these strange symbols.
Sabosect: Oh, that's D'ni. Just numbers. I find it easier to use that system.
Serenity: I can read D'ni. I meant the rest of the notes.
Sabosect: Oh, that's Klingon. The previous GM taught it to me.
Serenity: What kind of idiot writes notes in two fictional languages?
Sabosect: The kind of idiot in charge of tonight's run.
Serenity: I'll shut up now.
4) Serenity: Sab, why are your Dumpshock posts so unlike the real you?
Sabosect: Because I let Ob feed me ideas on what to post.
Serenity: Why?
Sabosect: Imagine the look on people's faces when they realize the Village Idiot may actually be smarter than they are.
Serenity: You are a cruel, cruel person.
Sabosect: I work very hard at it. Serenity
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 06:29:28 (CDT)Krass, "I had lots of sex when I was in highschool and under 18. Man, I miss those days. I wish I would have realized what I had, when I had it."
Ronilion, "You probably still have 'IT'. Better get check by Doc Patterson. Make sure your mind is fully rested, Go to the Doc and your nads Tested."
Krass, "You sound like a fragging infomercial." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 02:10:54 (CDT)Krass, "Is it weird if you recognize a girl in your inbox porn from your highschool?"
Ronilion, "I think the most comedic answer would be, "It depends what part you recognized." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 02:06:37 (CDT)Info News Babe brightly smiling, "Mayor Krass, declared today that May 9 will be set aside as "Orgasm Day," pointing out that orgasms seem to make people happier and more productive. Mayor Krass declared as well during the same interview that female workers should not wear revealing skirts to work unless they have "completely perfect legs," nor crop tops unless they have "well-trained bellies." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 02:05:13 (CDT)Krass to Eon, "Hey Baby, you are looking so fine this weekend, how about some wine?"
Eon, "Get lost creep."
Krass, "Lots of girls have told me that lots of times at first. This is Krass though baby, and, Yes, I am every bit as wonderful as I know you think I am. So if that won’t melt your ear wax, you may need to call Roto-Rooter."
Eon, "And now, here are the results of the latest Krass Stink-O-Meter rating concerning his last comment. Is it? Yes, it is, ladies and gentlemen, that last comment gets a Stink-O-Meter rating of -- three sweatsocks and a backed up sewer!" The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 01:22:37 (CDT)Krass to Ronilion, "I’m glad summer's over. Maybe now Eon will stop complaining about her swim fins ruining her power pedicure."
Ronilion, "Yeah I noticed. You can tell the weather is changing. The local skinheads have stopped wearing their open-toed combat boots." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 01:21:50 (CDT)Luddington, "I'm looking at the news. Anything interesting Fatman?"
GM: weaselly looking dude on the holo today, loud shirt, louder voice, bad hairstyle. COULD be a HOLO Evangelist but isn't dumb enough and he is yelling; "Don’t let that word "fraud" fool you. Hi, neighbors, I’m Claude Fraud, owner of Fraud’s Furniture and Bail Bonds, 1439 Trashbag; where today only you can buy this exquisite 56-piece dinette set for only $119.99. Yes, you can own this beautiful and only slightly damaged turquoise day-glo table top with four chairs, four legs, four napkins, four beer coasters, two salt shakers, two salt-shaker tops, a sugar bowl, 33 sugar lumps, and a brand new 3-by-5 index card perfect for folding and sticking under one or more table legs. Hurry, this is a $99.95 value and it won’t last long!"
OOC: GM, "Luddington is looking like a dear caught in the headlights."
OOC: Krass, "He ALWAYS looks like that." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 01:21:18 (CDT)OOC: GM, "Yechh! Right now I have morning breath in three time zones."
OOC: Drassel, "Did you know that in New England, a law firm hands out attorney trading cards. Each lawyer's stats are on the back-- showing how many clients he's handled, how many cases he's won, etc."
OOC: JoAnne, "There's two things that stink this morning, now all we need is for Krass to show up."
/join #Retrosexuals: OOC: Krass, "Well I see Fatboy is up and about because the server works again. Did you flay Ronilion yet, Fatman? I want to watch."
OOC: JoAnne, "The stink of the world is complete."
OOC: Krass, "Rats I missed it!" The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 25, 2005 at 01:20:07 (CDT)Drassel to Luddington, "The Catholic Church is opposed to same sex marriages. Is your church opposed as well?"
Luddington, "Most assuredly, the bible states it is a sin. While we do not hate the sinner we dislike the sin."
Drassel, "Then how come the bible shows a sex act between two men?"
Luddington confused, "I've never heard or read of that, where is it?"
Drassel not smiling, "It says that King Herod once got head from John the Baptist."
Luddington looks at Drassel in surprise, "NO, NO, NO, It says he got 'THE' head of John the Baptist."
Drassel, smiling, "Not in Krass's version."
Luddington, to self, "Hate the sin, not the sinner....hate the sin not sinner, I will not shoot this fragging sinner in the kneecaps." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 20, 2005 at 03:30:14 (CDT)Krass is having an adjustment made to the ProKrasstinator 2000 becuase it keeps giving him micro-shocks at the most inconveinent times. The Doctor is making adjustments but the shocks keep coming. "Today on "Generally Empty Headed Hospital," the hospital review board will be severely reprimanding Dr. Putz for leaving his 7-11 mug inside a cardiac patient. OW!" The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 01:01:52 (CDT)Drassel to JoAnne, "Krass must have a really heavy date this evening. He's wearing his Lion King T-shirt." The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:59:34 (CDT)Krass learing at Eon, "This is the best day of the month to stand naked between two full-length mirrors and count your moles. Need some help?"
Eon looks steadily at Krass for a moment, "I'm studying a new college course. Funeral Director, right now we are doing Embalming, and I need a test subject." Krass hastily departs. The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:57:57 (CDT)Ronilion to Eon, "1984. I’ll never forget 1984. That’s the year I won first place at the science fair for installing a computerized radar missile detection system in my brother. He still hiccups a lot but he feels very secure." The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:54:46 (CDT)JoAnne to Krass, "Is this going to be another one of those days when you could be declared legally stupid?" The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:50:56 (CDT)"Now, The Great Krass presents another one of its continuing series of assaults on common sense and good taste. Brace yourselves, folks, it's time for me!" The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:48:47 (CDT)Drassel, "Where's Krass? I think we are going to be getting the next run soon."
Luddington, "He said something about the Victoria Secrets Models. I think he mentioned a concert."
Drassel, "Ahh, the Sodom and Gomorrah concert! Yes, he mentioned it earlier." The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:45:58 (CDT)Krass, "This portion of the Krass program is brought to you by 'Whiff', the exciting new super long-lasting underarm deodorant. And by 'Zip-Strip', the paint remover that's perfect for getting Whiff off your underarms." The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:41:59 (CDT)JoAnne, "You know Krass, if you keep on putting our stuff all over the place you'r name could become a household word, like Saniflush!"
Krass, "Gee Mary, summers almost over, I only have a few more days to laugh at you before Octoberfest when the smell of sauerkraut pollution will be in the air." The Great Krass
- Monday, September 19, 2005 at 00:37:43 (CDT)Ronilion to Eon, " I find it truly amazing sometimes what you can get away with by just batting your eyelashes and taking a deep breath."
Krass leers, "Raped?"
Ronilion looks at Krass, "You know what? You don't even know the basics of 'cool' do you." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 23:17:38 (CDT)[Privmsg] OOC: GM: "Oriental Hatchet Harridan of Hate? OHH oH? Cute Krass."
[Privmsg] OOC: Krass: "You were the only one that caught it so far."
[Privmsg] OOC: GM: "By the way wasn't Sheryl Crow married to 'Kid Rock' at one time?"
[Privmsg] OOC: Krass: "You keep leading with some great lines. Maybe he gave her too much 'rock' and didn't 'eat' enough Crow! (ROFL) You going to share this?"
[Privmsg] OOC: GM: "I think not."
[Privmsg] OOC: Krass: "I want to put it on the proboards."
[Privmsg] OOC: GM: sighs, "If you must." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 23:16:31 (CDT)OOC: GM: "I see an article where Sheryl Crow is going to get married. Shall we start a pool on how long that marriage will last while we are waiting for everyone to join?"
OOC: Krass, "I guess that gives new meaning to the phrase, 'Her husband will have to 'eat' Crow for the rest of his marriage."
OOC: Patterson, "All men have to eat Crow when they get married, it's the natural order of things. At least he is getting an honest up-front warning. That's more than most of the rest of us got."
OOC: JoAnne, "You're all such 'naughty' boys tonight."
OOC: Krass, "Oh LOOK! It's Mary Poppins! If I say the word 'shit' will you feel filthy?"
/join #Retrosexuals: OOC: Drassel, "Huh? Where? Krass you shouldn't say such things to Mary Poppins. When did she come on?"
OOC: JoAnne, "Krass, if you don't mind your tongue, I'm going to have Eon give you a lifetime of lumps tonight."
OOC: Krass, "Don't threaten me with the 'Oriental Hatchet Harridan of Hate', you saucy blimey-limey wench."
OOC: GM: "Krass...."
OOC: Krass, "Don't worry Fatman, just getting in the mood, with Ms. Mary Poppins here."
OOC: Drassel, "I don't see Mary Poppins on here. So far I only see the Fatman, Patterson, Krass and JoAnne. Who is Mary Poppins or did she leave already?"
OOC: Patterson, "Someone, ANYONE! Shoot HIM, PLEASE! He is just too stupid to live!"
The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 23:15:48 (CDT)Krass advertising:
"Krass/Drassel and Associates is offering a year's supply of Woebegone®, "The All-natural Penis-enhancing Herbal Supplement for Men to the 10,000th customer to graduate from the Shadow-runners school." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 03:04:55 (CDT)OOC: GM, "I went out and bought some new gaming dice yesterday. They were very expensive though. I looked the long-haired teen straight in the eye and smiled and asked if I could roll the die 20 to haggle double or nothing?"
OOC: Krass, "Fatman, you are a trip. I can picture a fat old dude with almost no hair pulling that on a kid, NOT! So what did he do weasel out?"
OOC: GM, "Nope, he was game. He told me to go for it and pulled out a D20 and said if I beat his roll I could have them for free. He rolled first and got a ten. Then I rolled and got a NATURAL ONE! I ended up paying double. Such is my luck. He did say though that it made his day and he would have great story for other customers, all I got was dice that roll like DREK!" The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 03:04:21 (CDT)Drassel, "Eon has nice hands. Have you ever noticed how soft and gentle they are? She has the hands of a fifteen year old Chinese girl."
Krass thoughtfully, "I wish I had hands like that too, wrapped around something." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 18, 2005 at 03:03:04 (CDT)Drassel to Krass and JoAnne, "you two should try to get along."
Krass, "Why should we moron? Men and Woman have always been natural enemies and I won't even go into the whole Revolution and War of 1812."
JoAnne, "1812, Now there's a memory. We kicked your posterior."
Drassel, "Come now you have much in common as far as culture, history and even present alliances."
Krass, "Name one."
Drassel, "Iraq and Qatar both adopted their present names in direct defiance of the British and Americans, who attempted to impose the English rule that the letter Q must always be followed by the letter U."
JoAnne, laughing "You had to ask. I'll bet you had some smart answer all lined up and he hit you with something TOTALLY off the wall."
Krass glares stymied for a moment, then smiles. "mary Poppins and Q'BERT!" The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:35:50 (CDT)OOC: JoAnne, "Krass, if the American President went to prison, would Secret Service agents go with him?"
OOC: Krass shruggs, "Sure someone's got to wipe his mouth and butt."
OOC: JoAnne, "So like you, the American President has the same problem with shit dribbling from both ends?"
OOC: Krass, "It's the nature of all politicians Mary Poppins. We do have a system of checks and balances though, Remember, this is America, and just because you're an idiot is no guarantee you'll be elected. Hey Mary Poppins, you said shit. Does that mean you're getting angry at me?"
OOC: JoAnne, smiling, "You wish. I'm practicing in dealing with a rude wanker like you."
OOC: Krass, "OK, I just thought maybe you were a friend of that idiot Osama and I wanted you to deliver a message for me, As for you, Osama, may 88,000 camel flies attack your saddle sore!"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:26:26 (CDT)Drassel and JoAnne are having a quick working lunch at the Seattle Taco Bell. Drassel looks at the clerk behind the cash register and asks, "How many Chihuahuas does it take to make a burrito?"
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:11:54 (CDT)Eon to Ronilion, "I don't care if it is the holo sweeps, I do not want to see Devlin Krass in a Speedo with the Victoria Secrets models in a Rollerjam!" The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:09:18 (CDT)Krass to the media on the energy problems facing the city, "A big city freeway is merely a test track for those trying to break the sound barrier in an SUV." The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:05:58 (CDT)OOC: GM, "Mr Krass, will you PLEASE stop calling JoAnne, Mary Poppins, to this date you have antagonized almost every person in the world."
OOC: Krass, "Hey, I'm an American, and I'm exercising my inalienable right not to care."
OOC: GM, sighs, "I must admit you do it well. Sometimes I am truly envious of your ability not to give a shit about anything."
OOC: Krass, "It comes from my education."
OOC: GM, "Like you, when I was young I knew everything, but then I got an education and forgot it all." The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 03:04:17 (CDT)Drassel, "I made sure Ambassador Longstocking made it to the orbital all right. She looked refreshed and happy."
Krass, "Not me, I got so wet, I have diaper rash." The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 02:27:03 (CDT)Eon to Dr Patterson, "Krass's hair is not naturally curly. It’s more like naturally crooked." The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 02:24:21 (CDT)Drassel to Luddington, "Krass may be a little late today. He was arrested last night for running through the Seattle Super Mall ripping sleeves off people's shirts. He kept screaming, "You can't arrest me! I have a constitutional right to bare arms!"
Luddington, "I suspect Lone Star was NOT amused." The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 02:16:05 (CDT)Krass to the group, "AND NOW, here he is, the hair on your soap, the sand in your swimsuit, and the squirrel in your attic, Shyster Drassel!"
Drassel, "You're just put out because I interrupted your good time with Queenie Quicklips." The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 02:12:20 (CDT)Ronilion to JoAnne, "I take it Krass is back from vacation?"
JoAnne, "Not yet."
Ronilion, "Krass is a greedy bastiage and a workaholic. It doesn't seem natural for him to be gone this long."
JoAnne, "He's mixing work with pleasure."
Ronilion, curiously, "How so?"
JoAnne, "He's been real busy 'stuffing' chickens."
The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 01:29:22 (CDT)"I don't want a haircut, I just need an outboard motor" -Ben Fairyfire to a rather large hairstylist in the Renraku Arcology when he was looking to get supplies for his chummers hunting awakened beasties in the sewers beneath Seattle. Daikuma
- Wednesday, September 14, 2005 at 13:52:09 (CDT)OOC: GM: "Interesting Krass, that you did a (This Day in History.) I want in as well! Did you know that on this day in History, nice guy Milton Hershey was born on this date in 1857. He built a chocolate empire, then gave it to an orphanage and a school. He also gave us Hugs and Kisses and a city in Pennsylvania that makes my mouth water. I can drink his chocolate syrup right out of the squeeze bottle."
OOC: Krass, "Fatboy you need to lay off the chocolate. That stuff is going to kill you someday."
OOC: GM: "Obviously it's the LACK of chocolate that kills you. I'm still alive and so many health nuts are dead. Take Bruce Lee for example."
OOC: JoAnne, "There are worse things than chocolate, Fatman. On this day in 1989 Britain’s biggest ever computer banking error gave customers an extra two-billion pounds. To put it into perspective, that’s almost as many extra pounds as McDonald’s special sauce is responsible for. That stuff WILL kill you."
OOC: Fatman, "But what a way to go."
OOC: Dr. Patterson, "Judith "Miss Manners" Martin is 67 today. She’s the foremost expert on questions of etiquette: like, how long to wait before raiding the office supplies of the guy they just laid off or dies from eating Chocolate McDonalds hamburgers."
OOC: Ronilion, "A rhinoceros was first seen in New York City on this day in 1926. To most people, a rhinoceros would be a fearsome creature. Not to New Yorkers. The rhino wasn't there 15 minutes before someone tried to steal his hubcaps and they weren't covered in 'special sauce' or chocolate."
OOC: Drassel, "That's New Yorkers for you. Did you know that the first auto accident in the U.S. occurred on this date in 1896 when a car collided with a bicycle in New York City. The driver was jailed overnight pending a hospital report on the injured cyclist. The cyclist recovered quickly, however, despite the advice of several attorneys. McDonalds wasn't around at the time but chocolate was."
OOC: GM: "See I've been vindicated, by ... Uhm... New Yorkers? Uhm... time to shut up." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 03:54:53 (CDT)Luddington, 'Krass, pain, if patiently endured, and sanctified to us, is a great purifier of our corrupted nature.'
Krass, "The British won the French & Indian War in Quebec on this day in 1759. Thus all American Indians became British instead of French, except those who later became Yankees or learned Spanish. You can see why the Indians didn't like what was going on. In fact, some Indians still have reservations. So I guess they weren't "purified" enough?" The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 03:34:23 (CDT)Ronilion to Luddington, "Nowadays sex is big business. Not like in the old days -- when it was strictly a Mom and Pop operation." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 03:18:25 (CDT)Drassel, "So how is the vacation?"
Krass, "This morning was a big improvement over yesterday morning. This morning Pippi woke me up by blowing in my ear. Yesterday morning she did something really nasty with a shop vac." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 03:16:50 (CDT)Krass on vacation to "test" out his new and improved 'equipment', marches into the most expensive hotel he can find.
“Hi baby!” stated Krass happily. “I'm the Great Krass. I'm sure you've read all about me and my exploits in the government, business and scientific community. I want you to know that I'm here incognito and I don’t want a lot of fans crashing the doors. This is a vacation.” He winked at the girl. The concierge approached quietly and nodded to Devlin.
“Of course Mr. Krass, you have been expected. The instructions have been quite clear from your people to ours. We have reserved the top floor suite of rooms in your name. The Security Force you require is already on hand. The Hotel tailor is already working on a suitable wardrobe. The barber and masseuses are also present. The newspapers, television, holographic units have been warned that you will grant interviews as you see fit but that you are to be undisturbed. The governor sent his greetings and has requested that you have lunch with him at your convenience.”
“You didn’t forget the Hot Tub did you? It has to be large enough to hold at least twelve people.” Krass stated irritated as he looked closely at the concierge. The man never even flinched. “You will find that the facilities in your suite have the hot tub you requested and it will hold more than 50 people let alone a dozen. However, there is a smaller one in your suite as well that will accommodate a dozen people. As for the ‘Entertainers’ you have requested as part of your entourage, they are awaiting your screening after you are rested.” Krass nodded happily.
At least they hadn't forgotten the Joy Girls.
“I have been instructed by the management that your stay with us will be complimentary of course. It is not everyday that we have someone of your stature and fame visiting with us. If there is anything you require please let us know immediately. We have also reserved a Daily reservation in your name for meals at the famous Chez Michael and at the local Playboy and Hooters clubs. You will find also a complete line of credit, identity cards, and several major credit cards for your use. We hope you enjoy your stay at the Hotel Xanadu Mr. Krass.” Krass smiled, this was more like it!
OOC: Krass, "Fatman you cut off my nuts. When you're bad you're very bad, but I have to admit that when you're good you're very good."
OOC: GM, "Things do have a tendendency to even out, Devlin. Enjoy the vacation, after the last game you appear to have earned it. I believe Miss Longstocking will be paying a surprise visit as well, to console you on your recent loss and recovery."
OOC: Krass, "No chicken feathers now."
OOC: GM, "I promise no chicken feathers."
OOC: Eon, "Just sheep in heat." The Great Krass
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 02:44:48 (CDT)Nappy(Decker) and Shrew(rigger) walk in to N&N(nappyscompany) giggling uncontrollably after being told to ger a car. Thamior( new char street sam) is the first to speak:
Thamior "whats so funny"
Shrew smiles "Nothing"
Thamior pulls a gun "Tell me"
Nappy" Oh a gun. Watch out,itll squirt us"
Shrew "he has ONE gun"
Thamior "You have more than one gun?"
Shrew "Yea..."
Norm" How many?"
Nappy "I have 10"
Shrew"I have 14"
Shrew "That makes20...
Nappy "...1"
they laugh
Thamior "Where go you keep so many guns?"
Shrew" Our tank"
Thamior "you have a tank?"
Shrew "you think we walked here?"
Thamior, "Where did you get a tank?"
Nappy" Wal-mart"
Thamior 'oh' Norm Al
- Tuesday, September 13, 2005 at 00:23:19 (CDT)/join #Retrosexuals: OOC: Drassel, "Sorry everyone, I was almost late. I had to take my car in for emergency service. Somebody got sick in my airbag."
OOC: Krass, "I don't even want to know this story."
OOC: Eon, "Krass is the dumbest thing on Earth but in this case I have to agree."
OOC: GM: "I don't want to know either."
OOC: Drassel, "OK then, but Thank goodness the weather is turning cooler. I ran out of sweat three weeks ago." The Great Krass
- Monday, September 12, 2005 at 01:00:59 (CDT)Xtreme to Krass, "If you pour chocolate on the Turducken would the Fatman think it was the Ultimate?"
Krass, "Not in my book. Let me ask Her Royal TITness what she thinks."
OOC: GM: "Hello again and welcome to "The Krass Program." And remember, immediately following the show our crack attorney Drassel will be here to retract everything I've said." The Great Krass
- Monday, September 12, 2005 at 00:45:21 (CDT)Ronilion: "Today’s soap opera update. Today on "Search for Sanity," Sabosect worries about Krass’s strange relationship with a frozen pot pie."
OOC: Ronilion to Sabosect: There is absolutely nothing you can say about Krass that would embarrass him. He likes the attention no matter how he gets it. Still he does have a 'shocking' effect, we just never thought to use him as a room quieter." The Great Krass
- Monday, September 12, 2005 at 00:38:13 (CDT)From the Shadowrun ProBoards:
Krass, you have actually made it into my games. And not in a way you may like.
Basically, it started off similar to normal. The group was chatting away about recent events, I was double checking my notes. What was different was that I made the call for attention and they continued chatting. I called two more times and was ignored. So I decided to play evil. I stood up and announced, "I'm THINKING of KRASS in a BRA and a SKIRT in the BACK ROOM of a butcher shop CAVORTING SENSUALLY with a GIRAFFE. And if you all don't shut up, I'll describe how!"
The horrified silence was enough for me to regain my composure and start the game. The Great Krass
- Monday, September 12, 2005 at 00:35:32 (CDT)Krass to Drassel, "I ordered Eon, Luddington and you news state of the art decks today to replace the ones we lost through normal wear and tear."
Drassel, owlishly peering at the order form, "It says these items are on back order. That means they don't have it, but will ship it to you once they get it."
Krass disgusted, "I know what back order means, moron. I didn't see that with all the fine print on this order form. DREK, that means all I'm getting is two fans, a heatsink, and my free shirt and ballcap."
Drassel shrugs, "Well, that will allow you to Look cool, and Be cool."
Krass glares, "Frag Off!" The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 08, 2005 at 02:11:31 (CDT)Krass is checking out his new camera for espionage work. He shows it to the group.
Luddington, "It looks like an ordinary camera to me, what makes it so special?"
Krass, "It has such a fast shutter speed that when I take a picture of Eon or JoAnne I can catch them with their mouths shut."
Dr Patterson, "Now that's fast."
The girls glare. The Great Krass
- Thursday, September 08, 2005 at 01:41:08 (CDT)OOC: JoAnne, "I've been feeding Krass egg salad sandwiches and baked beans. By now he should be as capable of flight as the Goodyear blimp."
OOC: Ronilion, "Hey Fatman, I want to sell tickets."
OOC: GM: "Expound on your idea, Mr. Ronilion."
OOC: Ronilion, "I want to turn it into a kids show. Considering that most kids have the genetic pre-disposition toward grossology, it seems like it could be the seasons hit on a number of channels if handled right. "
OOC: GM: "Hmm, you could be right. I recall a recent article that says; "What you're seeing now is more and more places are willing to do bodily noises," said Andy Simmons, who edits the humor pages for Reader's Digest. "Look at Nickelodeon and 'Rugrats.' They're doing gas jokes as a promo for one of their cable shows. You never saw that before. Things are looser now. Fred Flintstone didn't do flatulence jokes when we were growing up."
OOC: JoAnne, "To a kid, what passes for funny is usually gas."
OOC: Ronilion, "Humerously put, think of it, with gas prices going up so fast we are going to be RICH."
OOC: JoAnne, "We are already rich."
OOC: Ronilion, "No one is ever rich enough just poor enough." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:12:17 (CDT)City Hall Flunky to Mayor Krass, "Sir, the people are demanding that you do something about fuel prices. "
Krass, "Doesn't anyone out there think besides me? Tell them I have shut down all city transportation. If anyone wants to get anywhere tell them to use the C.J.S.P."
Flunky, "Sir, I have never heard of that plan."
Krass, "Idiot! The Car Jacking Service Plan. Jack a car and take it where you want to go! Think of it, you don't pay for the gas, or insurance or registration, you don't even have to worry about fender benders. You don't own it so if they come looking for the owner, it won't BE YOU! I've used it alot myself and I KNOW it works." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:11:12 (CDT)Krass to Xtreme:
Maybe I can get this subcontracted and have Ares tech market it. After all it is a 'lethal' weapon. Most people will need a license for this and as Mayor, this could be useful.
The name will have to undergo some revision. Krasstinator - PRO3K, because I refuse to accept anything LESS than TOP billing. I like the vibrator idea build in though. I think when Patterson is putting in the clone replacement I'll have him add it as a cyber enhancement. By the way I 'stole' your idea and Drassel patented it. It's "OUR" idea now, thanks chummer. Next time you have a flash of your bulb, come to us and sign a fragging contract. You might get some NuYen out of it. as it is you've taken this one up the KAZOO. The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:09:19 (CDT)Xtreme on the Shadowrun Proboards:
sigh... I hate it when my mind wanders at work... this could possibly get me into trouble, but.. hey, its me
ProKrasstinator 3K:
Announcer: we interrupt your radio broadcast to bring you this advertisement live...
"Are you tired of being tiny? not enough? or non-existent? then you need the ProKrasstinator 3K, modeled after our beloved Mayer Krass. the ProKrasstinator 3K is the greatest penile replacement technology to exist. Built out of Titanium, it provides full protection and full satisfaction... the "Pro" stands for its ability, the "Krass" stands for well.. you know (snicker) EH-EM, I'm sorry.. stands as a monument that says the company's logo, 'when you thing of Penis, think ProKrasstinator 3K' and the "tinator" means its one of a kind ten speed vibrator system that changes functions as quick as a thought... and there you have it... the ProKrasstinator 3K... now back to your.. you know what.. speaking of procrastination Mayor Krass... who in the hell do you think you ar...
( different ) announcer: now back to your radio station The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:08:27 (CDT)OOC: GM: "You know, after a long life, I have learned one major truth, everything tastes more or less like chicken. Ask anyone about anything you have never eaten and the response is, it taste's a little like chicken. So when my wife sticks something new in front of me I just say, Chicken Again?" The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:06:54 (CDT)Father Luddington has come to offer spiritual comfort after returning from Z-IC. He spies Krass reading a book. "What are you reading, my son."
Krass spitefully, "I'm not your damn 'son'. This book, if you must know is called 'Advice to a Young Man on choosing a Mistress'.
Luddington, "Even having lost so much you still have the sinful urges to continue to race headlong to Hell and Damnation. Who would write such a book? Cassanova, Bill Clinton, or perhaps Martha Stewart?"
Krass, smiles, "Benjamin Franklin. Now don't you feel like a complete horse's ass?"
Luddington, "No, sin is everywhere." He pulls out his gun and shoots a huge hole in the book. Pages scatter everywhere and some catch on fire. "See the book died, it's evil, and will 'son' no more." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:05:09 (CDT)OOC: Eon, "Just so that everyone here is fully aware of my opinion, Krass is a steaming pile of SHIT!"
OOC: Ronilion bored, "OK what did he do now?"
OOC: Eon, "He was born, hatched, created, or something like that." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:03:30 (CDT)JoAnne to Krass and Drassel, "Mr Krass, I got the license plate renewed on your company limo. The new number is YAG-10B."
Krass, "It's about time, now go back to the office before I bitch-slap you."
Drassel and JoAnne leave and JoAnne starts laughing quietly.
Drassel, "What's so funny? Krass was pretty rude to you but I must admit you took it well. Just like a lawyer."
JoAnne, smiles and holds up a mirror to Krass's new license plate. It reads: BOI-GAY.
Drassel, "Everyone that looks in a rearview mirror is going to see that plate. I see a lot of accidents in the future."
JoAnne, "Now all I have to do is wait. Think of the litigation possibilities."
Drassel smiles, , "I think you're ready to be raised to full partner status. I'll get started on the paperwork. We're going to need a new office assistant." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:03:02 (CDT)Drassel is visiting Krass at the Hospital not because he wants to offer sympathy but to bring up a business idea. Isn't it so nice to have people who care?
Drassel, "I did some research on Turducken."
Krass smiling, "....and?
Drassel, "It is a real dish!"
Krass, "You're a fragging genius it only took you half a farking year to figure it out."
Drassel, "I have subcontracted with Acme Foods to start a new fast food business and corporation where we will be the sole owners and parent corporation."
Krass looking interested, "The fast food business is risky. We may have to wait 5-7 years to see a profit. What's the advertising look like."
Drassel, "Not just Turducken, Cajun Baked Turducken. It goes like this: {The Turducken isn't a meal - it's an experience. Our Turducken is a semi-boneless turkey (we leave only the wings and legs) stuffed with boneless duck, boneless chicken, cornbread dressing, and mouth-watering Cajun-style pork sausage. The Turduckens weigh an average of 14-15 lbs and provide approximately 20-25 servings (depending on your eaters of course). We will also offer Boneless Breast of Turducken, and Turducken on a sesame roll. For the Turducken Breast, we follow the same procedure as the Turducken, except we use only the boneless breast of each bird. Our Turducken Breast is a boneless turkey breast stuffed with a boneless duck breast, boneless chicken breast and mouth-watering Cajun-style pork sausage. The breasts average 4.5 lbs and provide approximately 7-9 servings. The dinner comes with the Turducken Breast plus all the trimmings including cornbread dressing, sweet potato and praline casserole, corn maque choux and green bean casserole. Bring the taste of Cajun country at its finest to your dinner table. The Turducken, seasoned to authentic perfection, makes it easy to prepare a spectacular feast that your family and friends are sure to remember."
Krass, interested, "So you envision something like a Kentucky Fried Chicken where we sell the whole meal?"
Drassel, smiles, "Exactly. We make our selling places look like Cajun River Boats and instead of a barrel we use a boat carry case. The sales people will be dressed as Cajun women."
Krass, "OK I like it. Go with it."
Drassel, "I already have. I brought you a Turducken sandwich, you owe me 10 NuYen." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:01:41 (CDT)Eon nods, "The Star made a mistake with Krass, he's all dick and they only took a bump off him."
Dr Patterson thoughtfully, "That explains it. You just can't keep a bad dick down." The Great Krass
- Sunday, September 04, 2005 at 02:00:24 (CDT)Dr Patte
