Kraut: My negotiation skill has a barrel-mounted grenade launcher.

Is sratching my ass a simple or a complex action?
foxfire

Pelch to Mao, "However, our leaders don't seem to think about the ramifications of their actions or orders, they just issue them and sit back smugly satisfied and wait for a visit from the rape fairy!"

Cheyenne (aka Super Ho): That damn troll's trying to eat me, and not in a good way!
Mercurian

Krass and Drassel have opened up, yes you guessed it, a Shadowrunners school! Krass is teaching the first class.

Krass speaking brightly, "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts
agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're Shadowrunners!"
The Great Krass

The Great Krass:

Pelch was distracted though and taking the rest of the keys off the ring from Mao was trying to find one to open the brief case. Looking up he spotted something. "Quick, pull over next to that guy. I need to talk with him." Mao nodded and pulled over to the curb. Pelch rolls down the window. There is a guy crying, the crowd seems to be studiously ignoring him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Someone spray painted me yellow, I'm from France, I'm gay and I'm hungry,"

Pelch shrugged, "We all got problems but I got this cheese sandwich in my brief case. You can have it, but it's about all I can do for you." Pelch handed the guy the sandwich and rolled up the window. Mao without comment drove on. Pelch went back to examining the briefcase.

Mao smiled. "You must be going nutter giving away food like that. It's a side to you I've never seen before."

"Meaning I'm a cold hard street dwarf and giving away a sandwich to some hungry guy is not acceptable? It's just fragging impossible for a dwarf to give something away?"

"Exactly. Sort of like some saying the impossible when you're drunk."

"You mean like the words, 'Nope, no more booze for me and no kebab either, thank you?' " Pelch stated with a half smile.

" I'm glad to see you still have a sense of humor. Close enough though for a mental midget like you. Actually I was thinking more along the lines of, 'Thanks for the offer, but I don't want to sleep with you. Sorry, but you're not really my type."

"Cute fragging cute. Well according to this teaching chip in my brain, I heard that one in five people are Chinese. So who's your Daddy, Mommy and other two siblings?" Pelch growled as he looked back in the briefcase.

Mao flipped Pelch the bird but kept on driving. Pelch looked again out the window for a bit. "Hey Quick, pull over can you believe it? Two criers in one day!" Mao shrugged and pulled over as Pelch again rolled down the window. "What's your problem, omae?"

""Someone spray painted me red, I'm from the Nan, I'm gay and I'm thirsty,"

Pelch shrugged, "We all got problems but I got this Krass Kola in my brief case. You can have it, but it's about all I can do for you." Pelch handed the guy the unpopular fizzy drink and rolled up the window. Mao without comment drove on. Pelch smiled at Mao, "Someones going around spray painting joy boy toys from different nations. I wonder what that's all about. Think they'll spray paint Widow Black?" Mao shrugged. "The things you see in this town."

Mao spoke up again, "I knew it. You've gone soft. TWO acts of charity in the same day. If I didn't know better I would say that maybe you did learn something from your mother."

" You don't want to know what I learned from my mother, but I'll tell you anyways. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. She used to say to me and my brothers, "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." ......

Mao interrupted, "She was right there." Pelch glared, "Now we start with the short jokes?" Mao smiled and continued driving. Pelch glared some more, "So you like jokes? Well I got one for you." Suddenly he again noticed something. Hey! It's Quick! Pull over." Mao didn't see Quick. All he saw was a quick glimpse of blue, but he pulled over to the curb anyway. Pelch rolled down the window. Mao wondered how long Pelch was going to keep pulling them over for this drek. He wanted to get off the street and out of this stolen car.

Pelch was still looking angry as he stuck his head out the window but Mao had a bad angle and couldn't get a good look at the person Pelch was yelling at. Pelch spoke
angrily. Mao could at least hear that. The dwarf sounded like he had a megaphone. Everyone in the crowd was looking. Mao didn't like all the sudden attention. "Yes? you silly little blue queer, what fragging country are you from and what do you want?"

Mao shook his head. Typical Pelch, dwarf manners. Things were getting back to normal after the random acts of kindness. It must have been that darn chipset BB had stuck in the idiots head. He made a mental note to ask her more about that when things eased up again. His musings were cut short and then his blood ran cold as a female voice spoke quietly in reply, "Your driver's licence, please..."

Matty: Right, I'm going in. Get me grenades, shotguns, rifles, machineguns and a new character sheet.
Weasel_Boy

<b>Jack, on the phone with his stockbroker:<br/>
"Sell Japan Airlines. Right now."<br/>
... after accidently shooting down a passenger jetliner, but before the plane hit the ground.</b><br/>
<a href="mailto:nerima6(at )hotmail.com">Jack</a><br/>

"Warning shot into his forehead"
- euphemism for killing the dude on the spot
Fallen Star

Widow looked at Pelch, "Why do you keep stealing stuff you obviously can't use and you don't have clue what it even is? I dread the day you pick up a ticking bomb and carry it around and hand it to us one second before it goes off with the words, 'How does this thing work?' So far we have gone through several ideas for street names with you but none of them are really stupid enough to stick to you are they?"

Pelch smiled, "Nope, I'm a force of nature. It's hard to define me. You know I was planning to sell that. Electronic drek sells pretty well if you know where to take it."

"yea i think i got him lets take a closer look then once we think he
is dead lets turn our backs on him"
(in reference to what people do when they kill somthing )
Rico

NPC: "Are you a lawyer?"

Drassel nods affirmatively.

NPC: "Honest?"

Drassel, "No the usual kind."

Krass after the press conference goes outside with Drassel and sees a car being ticketed by a Lone Star cop. he gets abusive so the cop immediately wrote a another ticket. A short while later after fourteen new tickets on the car window the Cop leaves laughing.

Drassel to Krass, "Why did you do that? We are going to be paying a fortune in fines."

Krass laughs, "That's not MY car it's Eon's Nightsky."


The Great Krass

Regarding the lengths we're achieving to counter a recurrent enemy-

DJ (Rigger: "I've forgotten - Why are we rescuing Laughing Water?"
Logos (Decker): "She knows where Yamaya's Earring is."
DJ: "And We're getting that because ?"
Delphi (Me, Mage): "To give to Hougan (Voodoo Priestess) in return for help"
DJ: "And we need her help for ?"
Slugg (Sam): "So we can go after Samedi (The *Villain*)"
DJ: [Pauses about 10 seconds]
"I sure hope this guy *appreciates* how much we *hate* him."
Delphi

GM: As you glance out the window, you can faintly catch a glimpse of a barrel aimed right at you from the window of a parked car across thr street.
ME: Okay, I'm parking my butt on the couch.
GM: Riiiiight.... and why is that?
ME: Maybe they'll go away.
FrnkCstl

"Excuse me. Where you a duck in your last life?"
--Punch,Troll mage, to a vampire after being told there was something
strange about her aura. (i.e. He failed that role miserably!)

Aurora

GM: There are several security guards on deck, but all of them are firing on the approaching pirates.
Claw: I hit the nearest guard in the back of the head with the butt of my shotgun.
Stunned Silence. GM rolls.
GM: You knock him to the ground, and he's dazed but not unconcious.
Claw: I kick him in the head. "Next time, stay down when I hit you."

fetch

"Better to remain silent and be... HEY!" (BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!) "NO
ONE WALKS OFF WHILE I"M IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLICHE!"
-Wolverine, Street Sam
Wolverine

GM: What do you do? (to Acer)
Acer: I'm going to jump into the helicopter.
GM: Athletics test
Acer: *pass*
GM: Ok, you make it into the chopper to see 5 heavily armed guys
Acer: "Ummm, no need for violence here guys. I just need a ride to Burbon Street for mardi Gras."
Bad Guy: Whacks Acer in the head with a stun baton
Acer: oops, fade to black
GM: Why the hell did you do that, the kid was downstairs?
Me(Acer): I didn't hear anyone say the kid was downstairs. Thats why I jumped in the chopper, i thought they still had the kid.
Group: That was stupid
Me: Well, it sounded like a good idea at the time
Acer

Goldoran the wise old wizard to the eagle shifter/eagle shaman Bob:
"Eagles may soar, yet wizards don't get sucked into jet engines."
Kurgan

Dodger: You shot me, I understand, that's business. You shot the bitch, that's okay, I've wanted to do that for some time now. You shot the Kraut; hell, everybody shoots the Kraut. But you shot my fraging car, that's against the rules!

"We kill cops?" - Nikita
"Yeah, we kill cops." -Medea
Medea

GM: Tatterdemalian is being dragged through the streets of Seattle attched by sturdy rope to a Werewolf who is in pursuit of his mate.
Tatterdemaliaa: I get to my feet and skid on my boots.
GM: Roll for action...success
Tatterdemalian is now street skiing behind a horny Werewolf. He gets a round of applause froma large group of joygirls as he skids by.
Tat: I do a one foot for the crowd.
GM: Roll for action. Fail. You hit a pothole and now are on your back again.
Tat: Can I steer the werewolf back? I want to try once more for my fans

Tat

OOC: JoAnne, "You guys are absolutely starkers!"

GM: "It's not just us you know, the whole world is going crazy. For instance the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup. France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"


The Great Krass

GREAT FEATHERED SERPENT: I beleive that box in your hand belongs to me. You WILL give it back now.
IAN (DECKER): Well actually, my employer claims that your company stole it from them. I am just returning it to it's rightfull owner.
GREAT FEATHERED SERPENT: Possession is nine tenths of the law.
IAN (DECKER): [LOOKS DOWN AT THE BOX IN HIS HAND AND THEN BACK UP AT THE DRAGON] Well then...I guess it's mine.

NOTE: Ian survived.
Slider

So here we were, confronting the object of our run, a shiny golden
coloured katana that most of us had figured OOC was a weapon focus
of high power. A street shaman picks it up.

Shaman: I examine the scabbard.
GM: (Rolling some dice) It sends a chill down your spine. You can
feel it's power coursing through you. You see that the
scabbard seems to be covered with some sort of runes.
Shaman: I use my knowledge of magical theory to identify the
weapon by reading the runes.

(Rolls 6 dice, rolls a whole drekload of ones.)

GM: YES! You make out the runes one-by-one. It spells out it's
origin! It says M-A-D-E-I-N-T-A-I-W-A-N.


Ronin

Shaman: Hmm. Can I use invisibility to make other people disappear?
GM: (after flipping through the rulebooks) Sure, so long as they're in line of sight.
PCs: Uhhhh....
Norcumi

We join Matty standing unarmed in a room surrounded by half a dozen vampires
Matty:Hey,you're all undead.....
and all have guns, I wanna gun
Flaming_Skull

Here we have Gremlin, a female pacifist elf from Tir naNog, with a gang of orks and trolls. The rest of the team led by Mr Pig is legging it out of the sewers. No guns, no magic, no friends and the gangers want to party.

I remind the GM of the salvation package Gremlin always carries. The teams' players fall out of their chairs at the idea Gremlin is going to preach at the gangers.

Then I trigger the pack and flood the tunnel with enough stun gas to knock out a herd of chipped elephants.

Gremlin is fine due to the wonders of bioware. The gangers are out for the count as are the rest of team.

What do I do? Found a manhole, called Docwagon, loaded my teammates (bar Mr Pig) into an ambulance and drove away.

Fortunately for our ork street sam, he woke up before the gangers did and spent the next week running away from extremely annoyed and heavily armed trolls.


Gremlin

Krass yelling to and at Drassel, "If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're upside down, stupid!"
The Great Krass

Mr. Sherman, ork bodyguard is being introduced by a friend
to another team of runners. He interrupts,
"What do yoh mean, LIKE ah tank?"
Ilushenka

"You canna' be dead yet. I still have bullets!!!! "
- Aurora Borealis -Elven Merc.
Aurora

The mage and the shaman had just walked into a junkyard, looking for a specific werewolf, only to discover that forty hostile werewolves were now staring at them.
Pack Leader: Who are you, and what do you want?
Mage: Uh....
Shaman: Greenpeace Society for the Preservation of Lycanthropic Habitat.
Care to make a donation?
Jackal

Grim Rage(Troll Sammy) I pull my sword and slice his arms off.(rolls) 10 successes.
GM: Both arms fall to the ground with a thud, as the guard falls to his knees.
Morgana(OOC) Yet another dis-arming blow!
Morgana

JoAnne curiously to Drassel, "Unlike Mr. Krass you do seem to have some legal ethics but I am unsure whether that is do to your unique perspective or you actually made the attempt to have some."

Drassel thinks for a moment, "Perhaps if I tell you a story you will understand. I once drafted a will for an elderly client. The fee was for 1,000 NYen. The client gave the me a 1,000 bill. After the client left, the I saw that the client had in fact paid 2,000, as two of the client's 1,000 bills had stuck together."

JoAnne, smiling "So that was you're ethical problem? You returned the money of course?"

Drassel seriously, "That is why you will be a secretary for a long time. That was not my problem. My problem was, should I tell my partner?"

The Great Krass

The Great Krass:

Luddington to Krass, "You should be nicer to police officers it would be difficult to be a police officer and put up with someone like you."

Ronilion, "On the contrary It would be very easy for Krass to work for Lone Star as a street cop because he has learned to be a dick-head all day long."

Krass, "I can be good at anything. The most important traffic rule is, What is the most important safety tip to remember when backing your car?"

Eon, "For you it's always wear a condom."

Myschief: Why didn't I walk away when I had the chance?
Mayna: Because you were thinking with your pistols.
Tora No Shi

"Would you stop throwing rats at us?!?"

Party Animal's player, after the GM had rats drop on the character's
shoulders while they were trying to get down to the sewer and escape
the Azzie Pyramid.
Party Animal

Wulf: "I'm thinking this beer tastes like piss."
Keys: "Oops, wrong bottle! Here, try this one."
Nightsky

GM:You look down amd see your foot is caught on the tripwire of a claymore mine.
Wedge:fragfragfragfragfragfragfragfragfrag.....
GM:the pin is about 3 centimeters from being pulled out...
Wedge:I reach into my pocket and pull out the can of epoxy-spray...
(Wedge lived)
Wedge

Bubbles: My lawer will hear of this!
NPC: Ma'am, do you even have a lawer?
Bubbles:...I...think so....
Bubbles

DeathBob, an extremely large troll street sam, who was not known for stability, in or out of character, was trying to get the combination to a safe from a hostage corporate exec.
DeathBob: what's the combination?
Exec: I don't know!
DB(OOC): can I barter with the GM?
GM: what do you mean?
DB(OOC): you give me the combination and I won't tell you how I tortured it out of him."
GM: save your intimidation dice for the exec, not me.
DB(OOC): actually, I was wondering how to calculate my sodomy pool.
GM: 43-8-16

DeathBob was never allowed to interrogate anyone again. EVER!
FoxFire

Colion: I raise my keg high and eat turkey leg, oh are there any barbarian wenchs around? you know to hang on my leg while i drink?

The further exploits of Colion the troll physad during Harleiquins back.
the mighty buddha

Our target, having constructing an elaborate scheme to verify our loyalty, right after we "passed": "At least now I know you're not here to kill me . . ."
His last words.
Stormchilde

Morbid(Creepy Magician who talks to the dead) nods, dropping the sarcastic overtones, "Yes, well I'm just glad you aren't the type of guy who only listens to his penis. That's a rare quality."
Galgeron(violent sociopath/Adept that isn't getting enough) notes, "Actually, right now my penis is giving me stock advice. I could probably do with some medication, and a computer so I can buy some Debeers Omnitech stock."
Morbid responds dryly, "Really. Has your penis applied for a job at the stock exchange yet? Or would the potential jokes about another dick in brokering be too obvious?"
Galgeron states, "Yes, I find this very disturbing since I did not know this."
Morbid nods, "Next thing you know he'll be hiring shadowrunners. I wonder if they'll keep a straight face when he introduces himself as 'Mr. Johnson'."
Galgeron laughs, "Okay, this conversation has gotten disturbing, as clever as my halucinations may be, it's still a messed up conversation."
Galgeron

GM (to player): You hear the sound of the grenade going off in the passenger compartment as you jump off the train and into the van.
Players (together): Ewwww.... chunky salsa!
Dante

Nightsky: Heh, cool! My Westwind can go 210 kph!
Wulf: Well my Blitzen can go 285!
Sun (the mage): Well I can go 6,000 kph!!!
Wulf: How the hell?
Sun: Astrally.
Wulf

Stackfault lights up a cigarette with minutely shaking hands, waiting for Galgeron to provide the details with practically bated breath. Over and over again, he silently tells himself to stay cool and be professional. A man's first shadowrun is always the hardest.
OOC Stock thinks the last one typically was harder.
Galgeron

"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon...and a keg."
Copper's Elite's....Kinda.

Lash: big Troll heavy gunner/demotions "expert"

Logan: nuff said

Burich: elven sneaky sam

Curly: self-defeating prophet, Rigger

on a docks, they find their contact who, of course is not their contact and is on a boat full of people out to kill them.

Not to be forgotten, behind them is the Aztechnology corperate resource recovery team.

Its gone from drek to fragged! the expert that he is, Lash decides to drop all of his plastic explosives. 5kgs worth!!! *boggle*

55D for the group and everyone within a city block. needless to say the fine scent of burnt Karma permeated the room as God used many hands to bail out the squad.
Havok

The Great Krass:

From the St Patrick's Game: Not all the Snakes are in Ireland!

Eon, "Where's Krass? I need to set up a meeting with him and Dom to discuss the Nestle's Run ."

JoAnne, "In jail again. Krass was arrested Friday afternoon for urinating in the gas tank of a marked Lone Star police City Master during the city's rollicking St. Patrick's Day celebration."

Eon looks stunned, "Every year it's some new perversion, Are you sure?"

JoAnne, "I have it right here, there were witnesses and they confirm that Krass tried to top off the tank of a marked cruiser. Krass claimed he was tryng to see if it would work as a gas additive. According to the incident report Drassel was looking at, officers in a second vehicle spotted Krass with his arms around two hookers pressed against the patrol car, they called him over to their car. He responded by running away, while "simultaneously placing his penis back in his pants." Krass was quickly apprehended and eventually charged with public indecency, criminal trespass, and interference with corporation property, all misdemeanors. Amazingly, he was not hit with any booze-related counts, though you have to figure Krass was a bit toasted when he approached that gaping gas cap."

Eon disgusted, "I'm surprised they didn't get him for sexual assualt as well."

JoAnne, "They tried but Drassel defused that already. Lone Star couldn't PROVE the City Master was an UNWILLING participant. By the way, his popularity rating jumped ten pints when the word hit the newscasters."

The Great Krass:

Talking Head Newscaster: "Today the top Mayor of Seattle said in October that he would relinquish his personalized license plates after state officials threatened to investigate several complaints about them. Mayor Devlin Krass said his FOAD1 plate stood for "Freedom Offers Americans Democracy" (No. 1 priority) (instead of what some understood to be "(word omitted) Off And Die") and his HMFIC stood for "Helping My Farmers Increase Crops" (instead of what some understood to be "Head Mother (word omitted) In Charge").

Jackal, the Jackal Shaman, staring into the grille of oncoming truck:
Ok, I turn the driver of the RV into a wolverine with Transform.
GM, with indescribable look, picks up ONE die. "Ok. If I roll a 15 with
this, the wolverine still knows how to drive..."
Jackal

flynn: (to dragon who just refused to pay him)
"yes, you are most certainly capable of killing me, but I am
quite sure that I can do in excess of the 10,000 nuyen owed me
in damage to that antique colection before i die...(levels SMG
at Ming Vases).

(He got paid and a karma)
flynn

Okay so we were on this astral quest type thing and we'd turned up inside an alleyway.
The alley looked completely normal (you know rubbish, bins, dead cat or two) so we decided to leave it an have a walk round.
GM: As your sneaking along a voice comes from behind you "Stop right there"
Franky Spas (me): We turn round
Ghost (who he didn't see) : I stay in the shadows.
GM: It looks a person wearing gang colours holding a hold out pistol
*Major chortling from me, my brother and the bloke playing Ghost but we decide not to kill him yet like we usually do to gangers*
Franky: What do you want?
GM: Your on our turf
Then we go into some wrangling such as what the date is and where we are etc. There was also some surprise at the troll Psychoarms but we said he was a mutant and left it at that. Eventually he says he wants something off us so that we can walk on their turf and they'll answer more questions.
Ghost: Don't you have a spare weapon franky?
Franky: Yeah I got a spare colt manhunter I never use. Want it?
GM: Colt manhunter? Whats the capacity?
Franky: 12 clip.
GM: Say what?
Franky: It's got a clip of 12. *Ganger looks confused* A clip of 12 bullets.
GM: What the hell are bullets? Pass it here *Franky passes manhunter to him and he looks at it and throws it back* it's a fraging antique.
Franky: Well what the hell does you gun fire?
GM: What do you think it fires idiot? It's a laser pistol.
I tell you the silence was audible.
Predator

Drassel returns from court smiling in victory. Eon looks dumbfounded, "OH DREK! You didn't get Krass off? They had him dead!"

Drassel looking down his nose, "Of course I got him out. People do NOT pay me large fees to lose."

Eon, "BUT HOW?", she screamed.

Drassel, confidentially, "Well the case was difficult and expensive, I bought the bar, and paid each witness a large amount to drop the case by giving them it back as a gift instead of turning it into a sport's bar."

Eon shocked, "But the damages to the vehicles?"

Drassel, "What damages? No one SAW Krass do anything to any vehicle, especially after my gift. While he may have violated public decency there was no proof at all that he did do any vandalism there. In fact several members of a local street gang publicly owned up to it. The prosecution had to let him go after I put my surprise witnesses on the stand."




The Great Krass

Dr Patterson, has heard that Krass is injured and has dropped in to check on him. "Sheesh Krass, you look like you got hit by a train. What happened?"

Krass decides to lie, "I was caught in bed with another woman when her husband came in with four of his buddies and they were all carrying baseball bats."

Patterson still not realizing Krass is messing with him, "Did you fight back?"

Krass, "With what? All I had in my hands was her ass at the time and while it was a beautiful thing it wasn't worth Drek in the fight."

The Great Krass

"What manner 'o beastie are ye?"
said in refrence to nearly anything paranormal,
just before the Dwarf went into combat,

RAIN

(We were ascending the really, really high tower in HB, and a couple of us had to get by the guard to go further up.)

Guard: I can't let you pass.
Jesse: Why not?
Guard: I have orders not to allow people to go up.
Jesse: We're not going up. We're going down.
Guard: What? But you're trying to go up.
Jesse: No, we're trying to go DOWN. *points up*
Guard: Uh, that's up.
Jesse: No, that's DOWN. *points down* THAT'S up.
Guard: What? No, that's down.
Jesse: You seem confused. Okay-- *points down* UP. *points up* DOWN. We're going DOWN, not UP.
GM (OOC): Oh boy. Okay, roll your persuasion.

(They make opposed rolls -- Jesse rolls VERY high, and the GM makes the !!!WORST ROLL KNOWN TO HUMANKIND!!!)

Guard (looking VERY confused): . . . . up? . . . down?
Jesse: Right, seeya later. **we walk by him**


Scott Livgren

(Galgeron is hanging around with Morbid in an antiques shop, when Grifter, a shaman and guitarist for a band that he and Galgeron play in arrives)

Grifter strolls in, looking quite in good spirits again. He trods over to galg saying, "Yo big G, what's the scan, giving an upnod to Morbid.
Galgeron turns to Grifter, "Little G, please don't call me that. It makes me sound like a rapper. And on that note I believe it's time to start beatboxing."
Grifter laughs saying, "Ah been callin` you that since Ah met you!"
Galgeron states, "And I've been saying it makes me sound like one those 'Gangstas'." he makes little quote signs with his fingers, "So now you will suffer the wrath of my beatboxing."
He proceeds to start doing just that.
Grifter bust out MCing to Galg's noise, "Jehova, rolling in mah, land rovah, see them flashin` lights and you bettah pull ovah!"


Galgeron

Dr Patterson to Drassel. "I'm tired of goiing to parties and having everyone ask me for free advice."

Drassel, "The same thing always happens to me as well, but I fixed that."

Dr Patterson, interested, "You did? How?"

Drassel, "I just send them a bill the next day."

Dr Patterson, "Hey that's great, I'll have to try it."

The next morning Patterson woke up and opened his mail. There was a bill for 1,000 N Yen from Drassel for a legal consultation.
The Great Krass

The Great Krass:

As Freddy started to walk away he was suddenly surprised when a man fell in by his left side. "If you're looking for Dom, chummer, you are going about it all erroneous. You see, not only have the physical appliances changed but some remote existential clues you don't see. We have made stipend for that though. Get 'modish' with the program, Bernard, you tracking me?" He looked at Freddy with a smile.

"Get 'modish'?" asked Freddy confused. What the frag was this guy talking? City Speak?

"Sure. You know hip, with it, in the slot, the groove, the program. JJ is handling the local biz right now while the 'Key Solution Mojo' is making with the corporate appearance handling the ebb and flow of the esoterica NuYen civility." He stated comfortably, "JJ says you are a just and righteous guy and so I can give you the intro on the side."

Freddy looked at the thin young man with purple hair and long coat. "Let me see if I understand you. You say Dom is busy and JJ is handling his business and you can take me to her so that I can talk?"

"Now you're tracking, priyatel. If you're vertically to the exploit just pursue my track, Jack."

In the Harlequin's Back campaign, my friend and I met up with two villians under the masquerade party, a man and a hunchback.

GM: The hunchback laughs, and leaps at you with a fierce snarl!

Zenmuron: (OOC) He leaps at me? With a knife, right?

GM: (OOC) Umm, yeah, why?

Zenmuron: I sigh boredly and point my dikote katana at him, letting him jump on it and say "It must suck to be a moron..."

GM: Groan...
Zenmuron

Setup: Barn(troll/merc) is on a solo starter mission blowing the drek out of some ghouls for a mob boss that is having some family visiting. He is climbing up a rusty ladder to the surface and tosses a grenade back down behind him. A ghoul grabs his ankle just as he gets to street level with the grenade about to go off 15 feet below.

Barn: "I wack him off as fast as I can"
Specter

I have not posted in a few months due to my new job, but this was too funny of a quote to let it go.

On one of our more recent runs the Johnson informs the team that we are to steal a new high tech custom ride put out by GMC and its called the "M series". The only problem with it is the car is so top secret that he has next to no info on it.

Case "Well what do you know about the car?"

Johnson "It's blue."

Case (in the middle of the run after the team gets the tech readouts on the car)"The car has camo technology that allows it to change color and all our moronic johnson can tell us is that it's blue."
Parthax

GM: You have received a letter.
Steadfast(Sammi who has a problem with mages): I open it and read it.
Gm: Handing over a note."That's what stands in it."
Steadfast: I read it. "HM..."
Cute (Young Ki, prone to use his astral reading sense): "OK, do you read it aloud or should we read it out of your aura?"
JudgeT (from germany)

On a run out in the swamps with 3 other runners. Armed only with 2 Ares Predators, a
SMG with regular ammo and no ammo we encounter a behemoth and a vampire troll alligator
shaman. After a dinking the behemoth with a few
rounds that do no noticable damage and taking
a few fireblasts in the process from the vampire shaman:
"That's it! No more mister nice guy!"
My phys-ad runs up to the behemoth and slaps it with an open-hand,
proceeding to knock the behemoth out and impressing my teammates.
Didn't have the heart to tell them that I had a rating 10 Tranq
patch in my palm.....
Kenji

Team bumble wasp planning a hit on the saeder Krupp headquarters where the greater dragon Lofwyr is exclusively staying after acquiring an artefact the team is hired to steal.
Joker OOC: "Why do you want everyone in the containment area?"
Kaine OOC: "Well Lof will definitely turn up, we caould hopefully make a show of strength and get him to negotiate."
Joker OOC: "Okay, I'll get my negotiating bullets."

SlapTback

Now, The part about the magical bears, ......let's talk about
that......
Dice

Having just cleared out a scientific research building and recovered the stolen equipment, my Street Sam [Reaper] proceeded to get the guard to kneel and beg for his life which he duly did as i had a big shotgun, then noticing the guards uziIII on the









floor Reaper picks it up and proceeds to empty the entire clip into the guards face and then walk out the front door of the building.
GM: Why did you do that?
Reaper: He looked at me funny.
GM:No he looked at you drek scarred.
Reaper: Well I thought it was a funny look so i killed him, but hey i'm just sick.
Reaper

::running by teammates::
Uh, that was supposed to work. RUN!!!!
Monkeyboy

A young couple on the brink of divorce are in to see Drassel about a divorce.

Drassel quietly, "What is your problem?"

NPC: Wife responds angrily, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation!"


Drassel looks at her husband and inquires seriously, "Is that true?"

NPC: Husband replies with a smile, "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."

OOC: GM: "Gotcha!"
The Great Krass

GM Your in a huge bubble on the sea floor
PC I put my hand through the bubble
(sound of GM hitting himself on the head repeatadly)
Ripper

GM: He's got a cybergun in his mouth. You don't ask.
Angel

Krass to Ronilion, "Hey! How many drinks does it take you to get drunk?"

Ronilion smiled, "Actually it only takes me one drink to get drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth."
The Great Krass

OOC: GM: "I am not believing these rolls tonight. You guys are really pushing the luck. First Drassel walks into a high security facility standing up, now Krass gets lucky with the sexy trophy wife. It's disgusting to plan a game and have destiny and dice rolls so against you."

OOC: Krass "There's nothing worse than watching a farkin' fat man weep."

OOC: GM "You know Krass, sometimes I would like to take you kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead you to a quiet place and kill you."

OOC: Eon: "My sentiments exactly."
The Great Krass

(during an assault on an Azzie strong hold)
Mongoose: sorry boss, I couldn't find a LAW, will this do?
[sound of a Stonewall rumbling up]
Mongoose

The Great Krass:

Mao looked at Pelch as they left his new apartment, "So now what?"

Pelch looked back in disgust, "You mean you STILL haven't figured out what it is you want to do? if you were to work any faster, you might even achieve a standstill."

Mao shrugged, "What do you think the others are doing"?"

Pelch smiled evilly, "Probably sitting with their thumbs up their bum and committing miscellaneous odor offenses and blaming each other for their fates.. Who cares? I needed a rest. Can you imagine Quick giving Widow a Vaseline injection? I'm sorry I missed that. It's the kind of natural stupidity that no amount of training could ever match. Now are you going to stop worrying about what the others are doing and get on with the job?"

Mao looked at Pelch sideways, "We are still trying to get the Rainbows out of Yakima, right?"

"You have to ask? Isn't that what we are supposed to be doing. Now considering the amount of back up and help we have been getting by the home team, do you really want to wait until they decide to get their fragging act together? Perhaps I should remind you that dying is a talent we all share, even you. Johnsons expect results. How much results have we been getting lately? What's the matter is staying alive to complicated for you?"

"So we're going it alone? Not a good idea in my opinion."

"Well, you are entitled to your opinion but it's your assumption that I am entitled to it as well that I find irritating."

Mao looked startled and stopped to look at the dwarf in surprise. "Are you going through a midlife crisis or is it just that time of month? Why the crabbies all of a sudden?"

Pelch continued walking again and said nothing. Mao hurried to catch up wondering.

The Great Krass:

JoAnne: "Krass if you make one more sexually related comment I am going to leave this meeting."

Krass: Krass looks at Eon and smiles. "Did you hear about the shortage of whores in China? The Chinese government is closing all the houses for the Olympics."

Eon and JoAnne get up to leave.

Krass: "Don't be in a hurry girls, the plane won't be leaving until next Tuesday."

Player : "Forget it.I´m starting the car"..... BBOOOOMMMMM.
Dark Angel : "Told ya."
After discussing for hours if the strange footprints around team-car
meant anything or not.
Dark Angel

Situation: PREFECT, a Physad with a LOT of edged weapons, is in a FedEX Office. For reasons beyond the scope of this message, he is apparently very convincing at looking like a ugly piece of modern art.
GM: The guard approaches, and lights a match off his nose.
Other player: Why?
GM: Because he's an asshole. Because his little sister drew on paper with crayons when he was a kid and got all the attention, he's developed a hatred of all high art and is out for revenge. Roll Willpower to avoid flinching.
Ratoslov Lenev

Background: In the middle of the run with a LOT of crap flung at them...
Party Animal, the consummate Coyote shaman was called in to help, just
before the drek hit the fan.

PA: (Saurcastically) Hey, Falcon... Thanks a hell of a lot for calling me.
Party Animal

In reference to the same air battle...Bob the physad collides with the pesky dragon, trying to lance it with his katana.

GM: * Grubber, you see Bob go flying into the dragon. He comes in at a screwy angle, and collides with it suddenly. *
GM: * Then, he explodes. *
GM: * There is a poof of fire as his rocket fuel ignites. *
Crimson: "Good lord, I think Bob just kicked the bucket."
The SuperFly

Krass confronting a Vampire at Ares Technology, "So you want my blood huh? Well yo can have it if you can get past him!" He points at Drassel.

Vampire unimpressed, "You point at another human with thick glasses who looks like a wimp and I am supposed to be impressed."

Drassel opens a briefcase and hands the Vampire a typed document, "This is an immediate desist order."

Vampire gasps in agony and runs away.

Eon looks on confused, "I've seen it all now. Even a Vampire runs from a blood sucking lawyer."

Drassel nods, "Or the garlic coated paper I just handed him perhaps?"
The Great Krass

GM after pausing the game to reflect: Ya know, its a funny thing to see two droves hovering around a bulding firing pnather cannons into windows..
Me: (Sammy)Oh really why is that?
GM: Well Wad ( A very childish decker )seems to have coated them with shag carpeting and funny lookin eyes!
ME: And?
GM: From where he is controling them they look like big fuzzy bears with panther cannons!!
A servere beating then ensued at the table.

This is what happens when you role-play late at night after drinking many bottles of Mountain Dew.
Blackjack

OK guys, to get into team you need to check if the ghoul leader is
dead or he manage to survive our Assault C. (heh)
vujnovic@etfos.hr

"A kiss without tusks is like a 'run without shadows."

"On a clear night, human eyes see about 6000 stars... orks see twice that much. But then again, who's more romantic?"

- Rico 'Choke', latino ork samurai.

Here's a really cute one:

Cat: If you had a vibrator in that arm, I'd marry you, darling.
Choke: What do you think this is, a swiss army knife?
Ilushenka

"Man, I´d give my life for an Asperin."
Player after falling 8 stories and landing on top of dumpster.
Dark Angel

the PCs got sent back to 1999 (actually an expreimental UV node-don't ask)and the GM doesn't really have a plot.
GM: so, what do you guys want to do?
shaman: well, i suppose i could start a cult or something.
sammie: forget that, I'm taking over a country! Maybe go to Italy, make a few friends named Vinnie, get some of the good explosive stuff from em, overthrow the government...
decker: Yeah, me and phear, let's have a world war, who else is coming?!
Norcumi

Troll: I grab the Vampire by the neck and punch him in the face.

GM: OK, he's not really hurt, and claws you in the gut

Troll: Damn, I punch him in the face again

GM: Same thing...

Other Runner: DUDE! what are you doing?! Use your combat axe!!

Ferret

When we commented about keeping ourselves out of the limelight.
GM:It's not a movie. It's full simsense. can we say "I forgot to
check the detailed electronics in the corp-provided helmets?" I thought so.
Great for keeping a low profile.
Pavlov

Maverick, a psycho-kleptomaniac and former Red Samurai, has just
robbed a Stuffer Shack, knocked out Roy the clerk (a different
story altogether), ripped the cash register out of the counter,
gone on a merry chase with Lone Star (at one point skidding his
bike underneath a semi trailer at 70kph), and returned to his
apartment unharmed. His teammate, the elven mage Sheyrena, hears
him tell the story of his latest 'adventure'.

Maverick: Pretty cool, huh? (hoping he has impressed her)
Sheyrena: You got PORK RINDS?? I HATE pork rinds!

At this point, a silent alarm in the cash register under Maverick's
arm is going off and the apartment building is surrounded.
Bennyboy

(OK, I got a little gratification out of this...)

GM: Ladies and Gentlemen, I hold in my hand your opposition for the
evening...$1.00.
(Not having enough miniatures, I went out and got a roll of pennies,
eight nickles, and two dimes, plus my friend's heinous vampiric lich
miniature as leader; each move up the coinage chart was a progessively
worse bad guy [the fifty pennies were 8 armor, 6 body, 8S melee attacking, horror constructs])

Players (in unison): AAAIIGH!!!!!!
Style

It's never too early for revenge!!
Mr. White

TabbyCat: Oh, hey. Once we stop, can any of you mage-types check to find out if someone has a ritual sample of her?
TabbyCat: And Alex and I can check her clothing for bugs, too...
Chatter: Okay. Let me get this straight. We get there, strip her naked, then do strange arcane things to her while you go through her clothes and if she wakes up we tell her it's for her own good? Kinky man, no wonder you have trouble getting a date.



Daemion

"Can you pick me up for the run?" - Big Wyrm
"Sure." - Medea
"Can you grab me some supper too?" - Wyrm
"Yes"
"How about some milk?" - Wyrm
"Just give me your fraggin' grocery list." - Medea
Medea

The team (with three NPC equalizer) enounters a group of Ghouls - after rounds of fighting and the loss of one equalizer the two PCs conclude:
[Mr Tingle] (Male Dwarf Rat Shaman, taken already a load of damage but without dealing any, coming out of the elevator again where he had taken cover): Now who wants some?
[Shanahr] (Female Human CovertOps, killed the fourth Ghoul without taking any damage): This damn guy with his Laser Spell made me a brand hole in my 500$ skirt!
Firefreak

“Hey Krass! What's the speed limit of sex?” asked Drassel snidely. Krass didn’t even look up from his work “ That’s easy lamebrain it’s 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.”
The Great Krass!

Brick(troll street sam)"So how we gon' get in, Doubt(team leader
hermetic mage-full time bastard)
Doubt"Let's put a brick through the window!"
Brick"I hate it when you say that!"
Brick

From the #S-Run Files...

Malachi Dichuimhne, a Tir na nOg Spec-Ops NovaCoke junkie, has been hired by Oyabun Tokonawa to watch his daughter's pet leopard for the weekend while they go on vacation, as the family has been under threat from Eco-Terrorists who want to free the cat.

SR4GM: At last you arrive to a room, obviously the daughter's room, decorated in feminine fashion. The leopard is lying on the bed, curled up and sleeping.

Malachi jumps back from the door. "SONUVABAETCH!"

Malachi: "Yeh just let it lumber 'round like dat, free of a cage?! Are yeh kiddin' me?"

Yakuza Goon: "It is very docile. Do you think Oyabun Tokonawa would let his daughter near it, if it wasn't?"

Malachi: "...bu...But dat is a BIG FRAGGIN' CAT, man!"

SR4GM: The leopard picks it's head up, looking around very groggy, and yawning.

Malachi points, startled again, moving away from the door.

* SR4GM It stretches it's claws out, kneading the blankets on the bed. You can hear it purring.

Malachi: "DID YEH SEE DAT?! Look at those TEETH, man! Ah'n now it's growlin'!

Malachi: "Dat t'ing is VICIOUS! I dunno which bloody cat yer lookin' at, Yakkie, but DAT T'ING wants teh EAT MY BLOODY FACE!"

Malachi lights a cigarette, jittery, and begins walking away from the door. "Dis is gonna be a drek weekend, I can tell yeh dat much.. Knew five gran' in deh bag was too easy fer angelin' a fraggin' cat.."

Kit-Kat (decker): "Would you mind pointing that somewhere else?"
After seeing one hit from my Attack 5 (Deadly) prog take out his opponent. The part he didn't know is that I used my entire hacking pool to do it.
Wyrd

On a recent mission to hand deliver messages to the leadership of Ares
Macrotech and a dozen great dragons (okay, so it is a really high powered
campaign [read munchkin]) once again a certain team member was in rare
form.
"Come down here and say that."
-Lhyn (the team's sniper/smart ass) to Sirrug (in dragon form).
"Okay, you, me, snowball fight at twenty paces, right here, right now."
-Lhyn (again) to Sirrug (Who by this point was having fun).
The GM not only let the character live, but gave karma bonuses for comedy and playing in
character. Besides, they both plastered Scrapheap, team shield.
ShadowLancer

GM: He gives you the signal

Twitch: I shoot him right under his forehead in the eye.

Stoneblade: yum.

Twitch: I begin randomly firing into the restraunt, particularly at women and children.

Stoneblade: ( on cell phone ) yes, I'd like to report someone.

Twitch: I shoot blade.
VANNMANN

To the incredibly homophobic dwarf of the party while wearing really tight leather

Tev: Did you come here to meet a man?
Loaf

Rockseady our troll sami was trying to get a dead horse back to his Thounderfoot (harlaquens back adventure) to feed it. note he has a str around 13

GM: roll str.

Rocksteady: Hey yo man I rolled a 5 but I'm real deturmand...

Rockseady:
Vanlore

My name is Eclipse, for I am the last light you will see before death.
Eclipse

You know, it's a TN 20 to find the GM. If you do, he grants you three wishes.
Kerish

Luddington has observed JoAnne talking to a customer. The woman is in tears and she is thanking JoAnne profusely for the service she has received. After she has Left the curious Luddington approaches JoAnne.

Luddington, "A statisfied customer? Unusual for this corporation."

JoAnne, nodding smiles, "Mr Drassel handled her divorce case. Her husband had pictures and testimony and she would have probably not have gotten anything. As it was she walked away with it all."

Luddington in shock and despair, "You mean?"

JoAnne, nodding, "The only time a bloodsucking lawyer looks good is when he is handling your divorce."
The Great Krass

Krass is talking to Dr. Patterson, "Get this, last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a Shadowrunner broke into my office."

"Did he get anything," Patterson asked?

"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. Eon thought it was me coming into work drunk again."
The Great Krass

Ronilion comes into the office counting a large roll of NuYen happily. Eon his partner smiles. "Where did you get all the money?"

Ronilion startled, "Oh I signed a very lucrative deal with the political party that opposes Krass and is trying to get him impeached."

Eon warily, "What did you do?"

Ronilion happily, "I went down to LoneStar when they arrested Krass and when they strip searched him and took another Hoop print I took a picture of his butt. I put it on a poster and had 100,000 printed up with the words, 'Have you seen our Mayor? Do you really want this for a second term?"
The Great Krass

After barely surving an encounter with a group of vampires,
the party headed to a nearby restaurant to recover.
Armani (an Orc-Shaman) Sits down at a table, motions to the waiter,
"I'll have page two"
The G.M. awarded karma for realism.
Shi-Dan

The Great Krass:

"Seattle is threatening to unleash a new missile on the NAN today. Mayor Krass in an exclusive interview with 'KONG' calls it the 'Dalongdong' and swears he can get this one up successfully. It's an apparent attempt to make up for the miserable failure of Krass's earlier launch of an ancient Taepodong missile as a test earlier last week. The name 'Dalongdong' comes from a mythical one-eyed giant snake in Korean folklore."

Pelch grumbled to himself, "That should piss the NAN off real well. Wonder how they're going to take it. I bet they're trying to get Schultz to do something." The announcement continued.

"NAN officials said recent intelligence coming out of Seattle makes mention of 'Dalongdong' but they have only been able to guess at its capabilities. "Whatever it is we know Krass is pretty damn proud of it because they're keeping it concealed under some sort of rubber protective coating that our spy satellites have been unable to pierce", said a unidentified NAN official. "It may just be a revised version of the Taepodong III which we know has a history of premature launch problems', the source said. Most missiles have a countdown of at least ten before launch but they say the Taepodong has a history of firing off early, usually by the count of four or five."

Pelch grinned, "That's Krass, always screwing around and always premature."

Lone Star Cop to Krass: "Mr. Mayor, I clocked you at 100 mph in a 25 mph zone. What do you think you're doing?"

Krass smiling, "I'm helping you to pay for all those donuts."

The Great Krass:

OOC: Eon, "I'm having to study a lot of history lately for my exams. It's all trivia like; Albert Einstein's birthday was March 14. He would now be 127. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. It's really boring and hard to get all this straight when I'll probably forget it 6 months down the road!"


OOC: Drassel, "Liven it up with some interesting theories. My bet is that most teachers probably won't even catch it. I used to do that on a lot of my law dissertations. For instance you could add; I heard that he later stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection."

OOC: Krass, "This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty."

OOC: Eon, "I really hate you."

Ragnar (after killing two shop keepers) sits at a house, puts his helmet in front of him and writes on a paper: "Need money for my psychologist!!!
(Actually he DID get three Nuyen for that (and Karma too))
Trickster

Party Animal-"Who's damn idea was this, anyway?"
[All the other characters point to him.]
PA-"Oh yeah... Just checking.." [Grins slightly]
[Party Animal, Coyote shaman, gets into trouble again...]
Party Animal

Runners are harrassed by a gang of neo natzi skinheads. There's enough of them to make life dificult for the runners so they decide to try and talk their way out of the situation.

One of the neo-natzi's says, "Hitler lives!"

One of the players, a Racoon shaman, says, pointing, "Yes that's him just over there."

Natzi punks all turn around, and the team makes a break for it.
Mr Oogy Boogy

Two PCs, 8-Ball and Spike, were flying a small helicopter back to our base, during the time, they began arguing, and Spike blew 8-Balls head across the window. They landed, and Spike climbed out to our waiting group nervously.

Zenmuron: I see you made it back ok... (pause) Where is 8-Ball? (looking at the dripping cockpit window)

Spike: (before Zen is finished) Nosebleed!!!
Zenmuron

The Run: Assassination
Setup: Vapid (human decker who REALLY needed a run that paid), is perched on a rooftop with her sniper rifle aimed at the mark. All is still and quiet. She has a silencer to muffle the shot. She is dressed all in black to avoid detection. She pulls the trigger--a perfect shot! THe mark dies with one bullet.

Vapid (shouting IN CHARACTER): "I GOT HIM!"

This is immediately followed by the sound of every other player and the GM simultaneously slapping his or her forhead, and groaning in unison!
Queller

Questions from a new GM.

1) Serenity: Why do they call you Sabosect?

Sabosect: It's short for Sabotage Section. My old DnD group used to accidentally blow up cities, and thus earned the nickname.

Serenity: And how does that affect us?

Sabosect: Ya know Arkham Crater, in the Barrens? In a previous game, that was the Seattle Waste Processing Center. My sammie, named Arkham, got too friendly with a missile launcher there.

Serenity: Okay, you're no longer allowed to play street sams. I hear deckers are a good choice this year.

Sabosect: Well, I have an interesting story about that...

Serenity: Please stop before I make you play a face.

2) Serenity: Why do you have a table of weights? And why does it list how much a chandelier can hold?

Obscura Maxima: We sometimes like to get a little drunk.

Serenity: A little? Your summaries from six months ago read like an advertisement for Alcoholics Anonymous.

3) Serenity: Sab, what is wrong with your notes? I can't figure out these strange symbols.

Sabosect: Oh, that's D'ni. Just numbers. I find it easier to use that system.

Serenity: I can read D'ni. I meant the rest of the notes.

Sabosect: Oh, that's Klingon. The previous GM taught it to me.

Serenity: What kind of idiot writes notes in two fictional languages?

Sabosect: The kind of idiot in charge of tonight's run.

Serenity: I'll shut up now.

4) Serenity: Sab, why are your Dumpshock posts so unlike the real you?

Sabosect: Because I let Ob feed me ideas on what to post.

Serenity: Why?

Sabosect: Imagine the look on people's faces when they realize the Village Idiot may actually be smarter than they are.

Serenity: You are a cruel, cruel person.

Sabosect: I work very hard at it.
Serenity

Ronilion is at the local bar doing magic tricks for drinks. He has ten people hypnotized on the stage when he suddenly trips over the microphone cord. "Shit!", he states with feeling as he trips.

OOC: GM smiling, "I think they will be busy cleaning up the floor for a while."
The Great Krass

"That the was 'our' Mr Jonson?" (Ork sam) on inspection of red
spray on wall.
RASP

Roks (Stupid Troll Street Sam) Lantro (Elf Spec Ops), Vale (Elf Shaman) and Ed (Human Hacker) have just escaped a warehouse after and extraction. Roks is carrying the target and his HMG.
GM: As you go down the alley, a mage in a black robe steps out and says "Give us the guy and we wont follow you or come after you"
Roks holds the guy on his shoulder out towards the Mage.
Vale: OK Roks, Just Drop him and Lets go
Roks Shoots the Mage with his HMG but does very little damage. The Mage then Overcasts and kills everyone but Roks.
Roks (OOC): I seriously thought you meant Drop him as in Kill the Mage not drop the guy I was holding!

TheMuntaMan

Luddington to Ronilion, "Do you have trouble sleeping when drinking?"

Ronilion, "How would I know? I’m usually passed out by then. I do know that anyone nearby has trouble sleeping when I’ve been drinking, what with my snoring and thrashing and yelling obscenities at myself."

Luddington, "You show all the symptoms of being an alcoholic, my son."

Ronilion, "I’ve learned that being an alcoholic means never having to say you’re sorry, except once, when you join A.A., then you have to say it a lot."

*said to his new girl after being attacked on a date* No you DID NOT hide a gun there...believe me, I looked!
Jirin Steelshot

Quoted from a female player OOC in reference to her character:

"I am NOT a bimbo!"

At the time, the player was wearing a little halter top and VERY short cut-offs.
TombStone

Brian and Ron, two street samuri, and tooled to the teeth in experimental (stolen) power armour sneek into the reraku arcology through the sewers. They emerge into a large storage room with only one door.
Ron "i push the door open"
GM " nothing happens"
Ron "i push harder"
GM "The door buckles"
Ron "What is wrong with this door!!"
Gm " it's a sliding door"
Larcenie

Seamus (GM): "How much armour???"
Simon (playing a rigger): "What's wrong with wanting to feel safe? NOTHING is getting through this baby!"
Seamus: "Okay, let's see ... your van now moves at a max speed of 24m per turn on-road. Getting out of the carpark with this monstrosity is going to be tricky - make a driving check."
Simon: "Oh, frag, I can't drive."
Johnny Demonic

Free From in a bar with one drunk Ork and one Drunk Elf.

MrBill, the male ork, looks at the bottle, "I'm not drunk yet am I?
Katzchen, the female elf, also looks at the bottle "Yeah.. yeah, you are. Then again, so am I"
MrBill:"think we'll remember anything tomorrow?"
Katzchen looks at what she's drunk so far, to what he's drunk so far "Not a chance in hell"
MrBill: "So you wana go back to my place and do some of those pleasurable things?"
OOC comment from Katzchen: "Too drunk to be subtle?"

Dravion

Player: so can i look for a panther assault cannon?
GM: no you cant.
*Player starts going thourgh wallet*
Player: *Holds up a $20* and can Mr. Jackson help me find this assault cannon??
the mighty buddha

Ever been woken up at 7am by a troll in an ill fitted three piece tuxedo telling you that you should let god in your life?

I have...
Lucky7

Our team (working for Ghostwalker) got trasnported back in time thousands of years, and we'd just made it to what's now called England. We end up in this paradise, but it turns out it's the home to an evil living tree thing that tries to kill us. Anyways, my psionicist Rebo fries the tree with a fireball that catches everyone else in the blast for some damage.

So we're all recovering from our injuries when we spot what looks like ANOTHER paradise-like grassland with ANOTHER tree in it.

One of my teammate's response?

Jack: "OH FUCK THIS! I am NOT going through this shit AGAIN! I am going over there, and if _that_ tree moves, I shoot it. If it doesn't move, I shoot it anyway. If it grabs me, I want all of YOU to shoot it."

*Jack aims SMG at tree*

Jack: "You have six seconds to repent your life of evil!"

*Jack shoots the tree*
Helios

Eon to Krass, "You are the poster boy for birth control!"
The Great Krass

Krass is driving a get-a-way car down the road with the others encouraging him by pointing out how poorly he is doing it. Finally Lone Star manages to pull him over.

Lone Star Cop, angrily "Who the frag do you think you are?"

Krass, "We're a circus."

Lone Star, "Huh?"

Krass nodds, "Yep a Circus. We have a wimpy money sucker (Drassel), a female chinese oversexed dwarf (Eon), a not to holy but honest padre (Luddington), a daffodil eater that does magic tricks for bar drinks (Ronilion), an a female impersonator (JoAnne) and I'm the ring master and zoo keeper."

Lone Star, "You are going to jail."
The Great Krass

Those that go "Boom" in the night are finally having some good luck, the Star has given up on looking for them, they have new fake SIN's and are back to the lucrative, if dangerous occupation of running Seattle metroplex shadows. They've just taken a job to run some goods to a "political activist group" in the Tir and are on the way there in Tank Girl's new SOTA citymaster she has lovingly customized when Desperado begins eyeing her chest.~

Super Dwarf: Don't do it Des, last time you copped a feel like this she set off the foam canisters....

Magic Mouse: Foam canisters? I don't see any...

Since Super Dwarf took his eyes of the lecherous cowboy physad, Des copped a feel, causing the jacked in Tank Girl to set off foam canisters she had built into the car while Magic Mouse was in mid-sentence, she may have to create a cleansing spell to remove the taste of fire suppressant foam from her mouth...

---Desperado

Headcrack shut off his machine and looked warily at the installation. It was a fragging fortress. He looked at Pelch with disgust. "Tell me again your fragging genius plan to break Mao out of here. You'd need an army! You got an army somewhere I don't know about?"

Pelch wasn't going to let the orc know just how much at a loss he was so he LIED, as usual. "You're too negative. I don't need no fragging army to get an idiot like Mao out of here. Look at those guys. Their all muscle and no brain. They ain't none of them got the brain power to light a candle in an outhouse." Pelch said sneeringly.

Headcrack looked unconvinced. "Maybe not but they got enough muscle to THROW the outhouse for miles! Sometimes brains ain't all their cracked up to be. If they get their meaty paws on you I don't think you can sweet talk them out of mashing your bones to make their bread."

"Yeah, let's see her do that with three grenades at once!" :::pulls three pins:::
says the street samurai upon meeting an adept with enhanced missle deflection
Style

"Pretty beaten up. Doesn't look like it's been used in a
while." - Stuart.
"The house or the woman?" - Adam.


Whisper

Somewhere in a run...

Cook(troll physad): There is a helicopter circling outside, is that ours?

Astro(kindly giant): Not yet.

Random Runner

Ok, this aint vander, its the GM. Vanders decker/mage bud tried for the fourth time in a row to hack into a yakuza mainframe and got smacked by the samurai IC guarding the SAN. The yaks have decided to replace the samurai with a big red chicken.
Vander

Dr Patterson is compiling some notes on Krass's medical chart for his upcoming enhancements.

"Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. Patient was alert and unresponsive. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. The patient has no past history of suicides. The patient refused an autopsy."




The Great Krass

Krass noticing that JoAnne appears to have nothing to do.
""Need something to do honey? Go make yourself useless in the kitchen and bring me a cup of soykaf."
The Great Krass

Dodger (to every security guard they came across): Look, either we could shoot this out--and you will die deader than drek. OR we can go back to the blimp for twinkies and porn, It's your choice.

The Great Krass:

OOC: JoAnne, "OK guys, you seem to be able to turn anthing into a joke. Try this Make a joke about Pizza in a Trash Can!"

OOC: Drassel, "All it is, is Crust in the Bin."

OOC: Krass, "If you can't fix a broken pizza with tomato paste you might just as well throw it away and get a new one."

OOC: Fatman, "If I label my trashcan as "IN" and place it on my desk will they put pizza in it?"

OOC: Eon, "EEEEEEWWWW! Fatman a new low."

OOC: Fatman, "If Gobwit can do it so can I. I fear no pizza."

The group I was running with after several runs fell in league with a secret agency known as Department 7. Department 7 provided my group with an almost limitless amount of materials to play with in order for us to take out Yamatetsu, which almost worked, as well as almost backfired and destroyed the organization. As a result a new rules and requlations memmo was sent out to our group and all the other employees of Department 7. These selected were deffinately the best of the bunch.

DPT 7 Rules and Regulations #17: Do not summon stuff you don’t understand (Is this clear Lexi)

DPT 7 Rules and Regulations #27: White phospherus gernades are not to be used as baseballs or bachi balls. (Is this clear Serra)

DPT 7 Ruled and Regulations #35: The next person caught using hot napalm, nanite cream, or the left over drippings from the chicken as lube for business or pleasure will be publicly humiliated, striped of their rank, made to wait on Jade Wing until he comes out of his ancestral rage and lastly have to be Lexi's joytoy for a day.

A lesser vampire leaps snarling into the descending elevator. Inside the elevator car are: Naryn, a hardened ex-marine, and Tito, a physad who can turn his forearms into blades.
::The creature lands, armed only with its bare hands, in front of Tito::
Tito(who's already killed about 17 assorted vampiric creatures and has one box of stun to show for it): ::laughs:: "You just did the wrong thing."
Bennyboy

After heading off into the wilderness near seattle to gather some
magical supplies Doubt(All-round Paranoid Psycho)and Hatch(His girlfriend,a woman of low moral virtue) end facing off against a large amout of awakened beasties...after slaughtering said
awakened beasties...Doubt and Hatch return to the city...when asked by
us how it went...Doubt summed it all up with..."You know guys...Nature
Sucks"!
Cossack

Andy: I wonder if implosion grenades go "Moob"
Weasel_Boy

After being hired to kill a specific target inside a movie theatre, Rory, the team's unsociable Elven assassin, is bitching about the rediculously insane prices at the theatre.
"drek. I'm already sneaking in illegal weaponry. Might was well throw in two Junior Mints and a can of pop."
Rory

Radial(Female bodyadept/Powerlifter) talking to Widget (dwarven Electronics expert)

Radial: Aww you're so smart..and cute too..
(Hugs widget)

Widget:: AHHH, HELP IM GONNA BE CRUSHED
Sapphireknight