(During an IRC game where the objective was to quietly off two people in an appartment building. It was a team of about 5 'runners.)
Ader (Human mage (aka: me)): I'll use my improved invisibility spell lock to sneak into the lobby and take out the security camera.
Sammie:Ok, when that's done, click your radio and head for the 3rd floor elevators. We have a plan, let's stick to it and nobody will know until they start to stink.
*Ader does so, and is not detected. but I'm disconnected.*
(reconnects)
GM: You regain conciousness, you have numerouse cuts and bruises but seem to be ok. The firefight rages around you.
Ader: WTF!!!? How did this happen? What's the body count up too?
Sammie:"I tossed a grenade and all hell broke loose, I think 4 civilians and a poodle are down."
The entire team got holed up in an apartment and was captured.
M.O.T.O.42

Ice|GAMING: ...I wanna RPG the RPG way: WITH DICE! ^_^
MOTO42: A little freeform is good for the soul, not to mention the GM's blood preassure.
M.O.T.O.42

Graffin to person guarding him:
"I live you die. What part of that don't you understand?"
Graffin

I'm GMing for my regular group and I've just given them their mission. A Yakuza operative has requested that they make a Mafia-run casino "No longer a viable asset." I figure, since we play in a relatively low power group (No panther cannons here for christ's sake), this will give them a bit of a challenge to say the least. All of them have been talking for quite some time, coming up with various infiltration plans to either bust the place up or plant expolosives to destroy the building. Finally Ian comes up with a plan:
Ian: Wait a sec guys, we're getting too complicated. Why don't we just park a giant bomb outside the casino and set it off.
Chris: Hey, yeah, it can just be a big fuel and fertilizer explosive.
Matt: (Laughing) We'll go all Oklahoma Federal Building on their asses!
Me: (Wailing in despair) Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!
As soon as this fraggin "terrorism run" went down the Feds were on them fast as hell. They all decided Bug city was a great place to lay low. I'm gonna have a lot of fun.
S-K HQ 10596@saederkrupp.com

My name is Eclipse, for I am the last light you will see before death.
Eclipse

The players are having some major troubles and are stopped by the UCAS military. Gobar is carrying his simsense deck with a collection of movies. The soldiers let them pass, but confiscate Gobar's copy of"Naughty Night Elf Nurses". The group is mourning the loss of the this most potent piece of extremely rare simsense entertainment when Joe pipes in.

Joe: Wait a sec guys, if we really need to we could hire a simsense studio to recreate the movie.

Ian: It's impossible, that movie starred some of the greatest like Tits McTits, and Penis!

Chris: Damn, we'll have to go on a run to get it back. That movie is like an artifact.

Me: Damn right, "Naughty Night Elf Nurses" is the pinnacle of simsence porn achievement.

Needless to say we all realized what we were going on about, and found the final statement particularly hilarious.

S-K HQ 10596@saederkrupp.com

This is probably one of those "had to be there" type funnies, but here goes...

The team was pulled off into what would be best described as an astral quest (it's a non-canon run), and were making their way through and underground labyrinth. The maze was filled with human/elf hating orks, and Spike was the only Ork on the team, which made him the team's ambassador.

Unfortunately, all the orks in this realm were green skinned and he was caucasian.
Grak (NPC Ork guard): "So what's up wit yer skin anyway?"
Spike (Ork Shaman): "Ahh . . . I'm an albino."
Grak: "Albino?!? Don't that make you, like, colorblind or sumthin?"
Spike: "Yes."

Shadowrunner13

GM:The chick you called fat just turned into a vampire.

J.J:Crap!
GM

My players just pulled off a hellish carjack of an ares truck and were cruising down the interstate after their mage and physad/assault rifle specialist had trashed a whole bunch LoneStar cruisers.
Me (GM): You see the 'vette you're supposed to link up with pull out in front of you, it's tail-hitch gleaming.

Killfast (the decker turned rigger for the run): Ok, well, I'm jacked in so I set my front hitch to connect to it...I'm gonna have to roll, aren't I?

Me: Yep

KF rolls and gets one success, on the dot, utilizing his entire rigging pool along with his 2 in cars.

Killfast: Whoa, glad that's over, didn't think I'd be able to pull that off.

Melian (I swear I have no idea what kind of char she's supposed to be): "Oh, it probably would have helped if I drove, wouldn't it?"

Melian has a 6 in cars, and a 8 reaction. She "forgot to bring it up" when the team was deciding who was driving.
Hawksfire

Rockseady our troll sami was trying to get a dead horse back to his Thounderfoot (harlaquens back adventure) to feed it. note he has a str around 13

GM: roll str.

Rocksteady: Hey yo man I rolled a 5 but I'm real deturmand...

Rockseady:
Vanlore

GM: Your Air Elemental appears:
"So what? Whadaya want?"
(in actual fact, the GM was talking to the player in OOG)
Killian

Menicus(Troll physad PC):WHAT D..? WHERE THE HELL COULD I'VE PUT IT?
Killian(my Orkish Physad):But what the damn are ya lookin' for?
Menicus:BUT I DAMN DON'T KNOW!!
Killian

Menikus(phsyad troll): I have such a big aquarium, that the fishes just manage to escape!
Killian

Mylie: When they beat you up, what kind of combat style did they used?
Meujeu:??
they just gave me the basic Punchin' and Kickin' manner.
Killian

GM(me this time):You see a big spider's shadow. But a really BIG one!
Menikus(our troll physad):...
SPIDERMAN!!
Killian

GM(aka Fraggin' Meujeu): Hey! But that's just free excessively overkill violence!
Menikus(trollish physad):Of COURSE! We HAF' to make THE MOST of it! It's FREE!!
Killian

More recent session, in which I severely powered down my favorite PC, an elven sorcery adept. This is why we try NOT to do any other type of gaming before a session.

Situation: Meeting the rest of the team, and having a nice little 'talk' with what could possibly be the WORST idea for a crossover ever before the next run could start.

Me: (looking over at the small pink squid-things backing away from the group) God, let one of them NOT be named 'Niffiwan'...
GM: (as his PC mage) Oh, they're not from around here, I'm guessing...
PC street samurai: (in deep, evil voice) You will now die. Make whatever preparations are necessary for your species.
(The rest of the group, immediately getting the Star Control 2 reference, groans and immediately pelts the sammy in various foodstuffs.)

Remember, folks: STICK WITH THE GENRE OF THE GAME YOU'RE IN!
Zhihd Amigh

GM: Okay, you run up to the alter, snap the chains with your bare hands, and grab the [female] hostage.
Me: I cop a feel.

Note to self: Do not cop feels on powerful shamans.
Jack

GM: Yes, it's a free action to shout "frag THAT'S A LOT OF ANTS!!!"
Giant ants carrying heavy weapons suck.
Jack

Menikus(physad troll):DROP YOUR HANDS!ERRR... YOUR GUNS!
Killian

Menikus(physad troll):Watch out! Your nose is falling!
(said before tearing off a NPC's nose...)
Killian

Player1:Who commands here?
Ferry Captain: It's me.
BLAAM!BLAAM!! -Player1 shoots the captain-
Player2 to the rest of the crew:We ask again the question. Who commands here?
Crew:It's you.
(that's what happen when PCs get inspired by movies like Passenger57)
Killian

Set Up.. the Party Is Hunting Wendigo through some caves in the Rocky Mountains, Having FINALLY just snuck Up On One the scene Goes like this.

Rings(Hyper street sam)>> you Know, I bet they really hate it when you Do this. *Whacks the Wendigo in the back Of its head with the butt of His Gun. The Wendigo then turns around and roars..*
Party>> THEN WHY DID YOU DO IT!!!
Dr. Phibez To Rings>> you Know if this thing Rips you apart I am Not putting you back together..
Sapphireknight

(the party was softening up the defenses in a small office building before trying to rescue a hostage inside. They had found a portable rocket launcher to do this with and were using their last rockets to take out floors at random.)
Mage (OOC): "wait a minute, which floor did you say the hostage was on?"
GM: *mutters something to the mage, sitting next to him*
Player (OOC): "what did he say?"
Mage (IC): "OK boys and girls, we can go home now."
Archer

Our target, having constructing an elaborate scheme to verify our loyalty, right after we "passed": "At least no I know you're not here to kill me . . ."
His last words.
Stormchilde

Our target, having constructing an elaborate scheme to verify our loyalty, right after we "passed": "At least now I know you're not here to kill me . . ."
His last words.
Stormchilde

Picture this, it's a generic SR group, mage, decker, street sam, rigger...

Troll Decker: I got this really hot deck, I spent all my money on it to get the best of line I could.
GM: Okay then roll your attack program to fight the black IC
Troll Decker: Attack Program?

Group: (yanks the trolls link and pummels him)
Wraith

GM: Your pistol is out of range.
Wraith (strSam): what do you mean it's out of range? I can throw this thing beyond it's range?
GM: (pointing to SR3) see it's out of range.
Wraith: (disgruntled) Okay I just throw the damn thing at him.
GM: okay roll your thrown weapons, target number 8
Wraith: (grinning) 6 successes and 2 karma burned makes 7 successes.
GM: (sighing and looking dejected) you actually killed him.....
Wraith

Set-up: My team was being hunted by another team of runners. It came to a head IN the Ares Metroplex in Detroit.

Me: {to the other team leader} So how about we settle this civil like, before Knight Errant uses both our teams for target practice?

Team2 leader: Whatcha got in mind?

Me: How about a drinking contest? Your Best vs our best?

Team2: Sounds good, whatta're the rules?

Me: We lose, we hand ourselves over to you, we win, we beat the snot out of you and you go back Seatle.

Team2: Sounds fair, Meet Orca(Troll Physad)

Me: Nice to meet ya, Meet Razor(Bio Sam){thank God for Toxin Extractors}
Wraith

OOG, talking about dinner:

Peter: "Idunno... Isn't British 'fish n' chips' just a hamburger and fries, basically?"
Jack

This is not a quote but a wakeing to all shadowrunners """""THE WORLD OF SHADOWRUN IS DIEING WITH GAMES LIKE EVERQUEST WARHAMMER RIFES AND SO ON IAM STARTING A SHADOWRUN PAGE LIKE NEVER MADE I WILL MAKE SHADOWRUN A NAME TO BE KNOWEN IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HELP ANYONE WITH GOOD RUNS STORYS THE MAKEING OF WEAPENS OR CYBERWARE ANYTHING GOOD e-mail me i cant do it alone runners this is just the start
SchizoFreak

After stealing a huge Yacht from the Tri-Ads near Indonesia, we go to our destination island and complete the mission. Then, while enroot to another location so we can sell the yacht, Wraith and I were totally expecting our GM to do his damnedest to try and sink our boat.
GM: You see three boats pulling up to yours and they’re signalling you in.
Mr. Black: Looking through Binos, "Do they have weapons mounted?"
GM: "Lots."
Mr. Black (Me): "What are they saying?"
Wraith: Moves towards the Morse code light on our boat.
"They want us to stop."
Mr. Black: "Tell them 'Sorry, we don't know Morse code.' "
Wraith: Sends message.
GM: Couldn't continue due to hysterical laughter.

Mr. White

'Wait! We have to find something else I can shoot so I can prove to you I won't kill it!'
-Anakeri, The newbie phys ad of the group on her first zero casualty mission
Doc Holliday

2 street sams are hunched in drakness, waiting fo the 2 mages to create a diversion.

-Ok, as soon as we get the signal, we shoot everything in sight.
-Huh... What was the signal?
- ... Shut up. Let's go right now.

Results: 4 dead runners who equipped their new characters witth radios.
The Morbid Smurf

Drake, (Wyrm shaman) is sitting at home when his phone rings.
Drake: 'allo?
Manny: (Elven physad) Hey Drake? (sounds of buzzing)
Drake: Yeah?
Manny: Do bug spirits die if you shoot them?
Drake: Yeah.
Manny: K, hang on. (Buzzing gunshots, yelling, more shots, buzzing stops.) Thanks Drake.(click)

Drake

"Yeah yeah, don't tell me, the white man is good at breaking and entering." - Kamui, to a native american shadowrunner who kept pointing out the evils of the white man
Kamui

Gustaf: "Ok, so plan B failed... Let's try plan A again!"
Itchy

Dan, for those of you familiar with Street Fighter, is a martial artist throw-away character. In SR, he's a Physical Adept with his own martial art.

Dan's walking down a halfway and is confronted by two men in heavy military armor with AK 97's. He's wearing light security armor.

Dan: "Why don't you lily-weight pansies put down those guns and fight me like men?!"

He survived the bursts, and managed to punch them out.
Dan Hibiki

Dan (same phys adept) and his fellow runners find the object of their search... a completely delta-wared man cybered to be like a dragon.

Dan: "Just stand back and let ME handle this in honorable combat!"

Me OOG: Shoot him in the back while Dan's fighting.
Dan Hibiki

Dan (still a Phys Adept) is preparing to fight the cyber-dragon martial arts master.

Dan: "You gave up any real power you have when you gave up your body and sanity! Face the power of Saikyo-Ryu, the strongest style!"

He taunts, and the cyber-drag defends with a Willpower test. He chuckles.

The Cyber-drag uses it's metal claws to tear a large metal crate into shreds with it's bare hands. Dan succeeds in avoiding being intimidated. The fight begins.
Dan Hibiki

set-up: the team, after sucessfully taking down a mark(it was a wet-work job) was berated buy the Johnson for not finishing the job completely, I.E. there were still remains. So in an honest attempt to complete the job, the team went to the funeral home where services were being held....

Widow: Did you know my husband well?
Stryker(merc): Oh yes, he was a business associate of mine. Things were great until he failed to uphold his end of the bargain.
Widow: He failed to uphold his end? whatever was he supposed to do?
Stryker: now don't you worry about it. We always make sure to cover our bases.

Legion(Orc Streetsam): Sir I think we should be going, we don't want to be too early for our next appointment.

Mourner: (as the team is leaving) what's all this putty doing in the casket?

the resulting effect blew up half of the building.
Wraith

Decker: "OK I'm gonna waste this guy"

Me: "Beat the scarecrow?..... Not even Batman can defeat the scarecrow!"

Really bad reference to the Batman cartoon series
said to our decker when he confronted Deus's otaku with the scarecrow icon in the UV host of the Renraku Arcology.
D. Generate

Preteen version of Zed and an ork phys-ad who decided that he wanted in on the run.

Crusher (ork phys-ad): I'm comin'.
Zed: No, you're not. You heard what Cutter said; anything happens to you before the fight, and we are ****ed!
Crusher: I'm comin'.
Zed: You are NOT tagging along on this run!

[Crusher picks Zed up by the throat, lifting him a couple of feet off the ground.]

Crusher: I'm comin'. End of story.
Zed (seething): ...
Zhihd Amigh

Craig:Would that work with a duck?
Craig

Matty: Stop picking on me! I'm not that stupid!

*looks down at Character sheet*

Matty: Oh, I am.
Weasel_Boy

"damn, I liked that Johnson too"
-Adrick
Alucard

"DUCK!!!!"
phoenix

Walks with Souls:(a raven shamen after being hit by a surface to surface missile, and ducking behind a barrier spell lock, good body armor, 2 karma and a vicious role)

"light wound"
BlackJack

Bo (human bodyguard) after being shot through a three inch slot in a moving armored vehicle from six stories up:
Hey! (to Tony GM) Can I buy some of those JFK bullets.

Tony: What are JFK bullets?
BlackJack

BlackJack (human sammy) to Hooker (human street meat):
Ok remember, stealth op in and out no casualties.
Hooker: Nul sheen, It's big pimping baby.
BlackJack: Ahem!
Hooker: What? (look of suprise)
BlackJack: That includes the grenade launcher!

BlackJack

We were hired to find the Johnson's daughter and ran into some vampire pawns. They were questioned (the messy way) and gave up their HQ is in an office building. Once inside, my teammate, Sully (Phys Ad Dwarf) rounds a corner in the hall way and comes face to face with a vampire pawn.

Sully: I fire with my shotgun.
GM: Vampire pawn regenerates and smiles. He advances on you.
Sully: I close the distance and use killing hands (dice roll) 7 successes!
GM: ... his body explodes and his head comes right off.
Sully: Is his head still smiling as it rolls down the hall?

He got the karma for the humor and being in character.

Sanza

"when in doubt-empty the magazine"
phoenix

BlackJack (human sammy) to Nexus (ork hermitic Mage)

BlackJack: "Okay chummer, I take two dozen security guards, you take the dragon."

Nexus:(look of annoyance) "Gee thanks breeder"
BlackJack

Hooker (human street meat) is confronted by a street sammy, the sam draws his sword and challenges Hooker to a duel of skill. Promptly Hooker draws his twin nickle plated Salvette Guardians and pumps him full of Exploding APDS ammo.

Hooker: They pay me to pull triggers, not this sword drek.

BlackJack

Dutch Masterson (streetname Havoc) the biggest Arnie Awesome, assault cannon, sea serpant with axe slaying, all in general hoop kicking troll if there ever was one's advice to a Neo-Anarchist.

"If it moves kill it,
If it is still moving kill it again.
If it stops moving, eat it"
BlackJack

Hooker (human meat, my groups defintion for any gun carrying chujmer who is not a ganger or samarai) talking with BlackJack (ultra-slick street sammy)

BlackJack: This is the first time you have ever done a job like this.

Hooker: Track down a teenage corparate execs daughter.

BlackJack: Yeah.

Hooke: Yeah, but how hard can it be, I cruise for teenage hoop like her all the time.

BlackJack: (Look of suprised anger)

Hooker: (smiling) It's big pimpin baby!
BlackJack

BlackJack (human sammy), Nexus (orc hermetic mage) Ronin (grumpy mostly drunk human physad) talking about their newest member.

Nexus: He is kinda young don't you think?

Ronin: We are all young once.

Nexus: What about you BlackJack?

BlackJack: ...........

Ronin: Well this run is cake, all we have to do is quietly infiltrate the corp slitches home and steal some hard files, simple.

BlackJack: Yeah nice and quiet like, simple.

Hooker enters carrying, two Ruger Thunderbolts, an Ingram smartgun, M22A2 with grenade launcher, twelve hand grenades, and a mini six grenade launcher.

Hooker: Since I had to be quiet I left my loud stuff at home.

(Collected groan from party)

Hooker: It's big pimpin baby!
BlackJack

Havoc (an ultra powerful troll, done in my brother's own brand of ultra powerful aka: Natural born ultra-muchkin) On a yacht trying to stop a small submersible.

Havoc shooting with a rocket launcer: Dammnit! (In over emphasized austrian)

After four rockets he had failed to sink the submersible, (bad rolls) turns to GM and says "screw this" and throws his Dikote glazed battle axe at it.......and sunk it!

(Ironicly enough, his damage code was higher with the axe, Like I said, ultra-munchkin)
BlackJack

Having found a large number of cans marked with Biohazard symbols and containing glowing green pellets in our backyard, our dead ZombiePuppy (dont ask) proceeded to eat one. It then scooted around the place like it had just had an iv drip of Jolt Cola installed.
Our mage had a bright idea, and went to a gas station and stuck one of the pellets into the fuel tank of a nearby car, then sat back to watch what happened.
The customers came back, got into the car, and accelerated away. A few minutes later, the GM told us we hear a very large explosion in the direction the car had gone in.
The mages response?
'Hmmm. Slight moral dilemna there.'
Mr Friendly

Nexus (Orc hermetic mage) talking with Fast Eddie (his sleazy fixer)

Eddie: Have I ever let you down?

Nexus: I shouldn't answer that question breeder. (With a look of contempt)

Eddie: Listen, you are my main hombre, hombre. I put you ahead of everyone. (Click on phone) Can you hold a tick, I have someone on the other line.

Nexus: Sure.

Eddie: (After switching to other line) Hola man, how is my only main hombre doing, how can I help my favorite runner?

Nexus: You didn't switch the line drek head.

Eddie: Frag!
BlackJack

BlackJack (ultra-chromed street sam bad ass) talking with his fixer Fast Eddie (shifty human fixer)

BlackJack: It was a setup Eddie, I ought to stick that credstick up your hoop.

Eddie: Hey man I tried to hook you up and this is all I get. Hey listen chummer you got payed right.

BlackJack: No.

Eddie: I told you I never let you down.

BlackJack: ???????

Eddie: You are still alive chummer, consdider that a payment in itself. Now about your next run.......
BlackJack

My runners got themselves kidnapped and placed into a AA corps visitors room (read: security cell). They managed to make a call to the Fixer who in turn rescued them along with the help of a new character. After getting stuck in the elevator, the new character managed to cut a hole in the roof of the elevator while the Fixer placed some plastique around the door. They both climbed out, stood on the roof. The Fixer looked deep into the new character's eyes and said "There is no spoon..." Needless to say, I was pelted with pencils, erasers and books for the next 30 seconds.
Gollum

Our team was ambushed while walking back from a meet in the middle of the night. Beat up, angry, and not thinking straight, we cart the enemy dead to Mr. Johnson's place for some answers.

GM: Johnson seems upset as he comes to the door, fumbling with his glasses. He gets them on and STARES.

After we've been scaring the piss out of poor Mr. Johnson, *Mrs.* Johnson arrives and points a handcannon at the team.

Mrs. Johnson: "*Who* do you *think* you are?! And how *dare* you track blood all over my carpet?!"

Jack: (holding a spine he tore out of some poor ganger) "LOOK, lady," (pointing the spine at her like a gun) "we're not going nowhere 'till we figure out what's what."

We offered to sleep in the living room, with the corpses, if they wanted to wait 'til morning. We got what we came for.
Jack

Basically the group I have been running as of late, was being pressured by their employers to do things very low key, as the runners have been connected with the employer on Numerous occasions.

Shadowstalker (Street sam): I shoot the two guards.
Gm (me): okay, what next?
Shadowstalker: wait is there a camera?
Gm: Yes 3 to be exact.
Shadowstalker: oh, well in that case I pull down my ski mask.


Wraith

4 security guards were shoting at Silver and Titan, the Elf and Dwarf shadowrunners. 3 of the guards were human and the 4th was an elf. Sivler shouted somthing at Titan in Sperethiel. The Elven security guard promptly dropped his gun and ran away. "Coward," one of the human guards muttered. That was before he saw the frag grenade.
Silver

Ronin (Grumpy human adept who is usually half drunk or hung over) talking with Hooker (Human trigger pulling, wise cracking street meat)

Ronin: The ancients used to say that "ignorance was bliss." Now I know why you can exist.

Hooker: Naw, bliss is a pain editor, nothing like getting shot in the chest with a sniper rifle at point blank and not feel it."

Ronin: You never cease to amaze me you crazy fragger.

Hooker: It's big pimpin baby!
BlackJack

Oynx, a large minotaur street sam was taking fire from a sniper.
Me(The GM): Gonna take cover soon, or are you going to keep giving him a nice target?
Oynx: There are trees here right?
GM: Yep, you're in a forest.
Oynx: Cool...
GM( after about a minute of silence) So...do you use the nearby tree for cover?
Oynx: NO!!! I STAND BESIDE MY NEW FRIEND MR.TREE AND OFFER HIM A REFRESHING BEVERAGE!!
GM: I take that as a yes...*clears throat*...declare your actions from now on.
Oynx: Oh yeah....my bad..I take cover.
Steelflight

BlackJack (human street sam) talking with SlipShadow Sarah (hot elven rockstar/ganger)

Sarah: (Looking BlackJack over) You seem to be prepared for anything.

BlackJack: Yes (Short and to the point as only BlackJack can be)

Sarah: Running must be a dangerous profession.

BlackJack: (Looks at Sarah annoyed {which is hard to tell for BlackJack always wears sunglasses}) Lady, going to the Quicky Mart is dangerous for me.
BlackJack

Silver is introducing her friend "Titan" to the new member of their team, a mean lookin' troll mercenary who smokes a pugnent cigar.
Troll: Titan, eh? He don't look so big to me! I seen plenty'er biger humans than 'im.
Silver: He's a Dwarf
Troll: ...oh
Silver & Titan

Craig: Would it work with a duck?
Weasel_Boy

While infiltrating a complex, a runner team gets under direct fire. Knowing that a turret blocks their path to the objective, Bastette (Cat Shaman) summons a hearth spirit to get the item.

Bastette: *focuses a moment and summons forth a city spirit*

*spirit manifests-- a 1990s man in suit, tie, and briefcase*

Galgeron(anarchist): Great, you went and summoned 'The Man'! *grumble*


Kotenka

Blam, Blam. "STOP"!!! Blam, Blam. OR I'LL SHOOT!!!
Bad Karma

Birds In Mouth, world's laziest Gator shaman, dealing with a security check.

GM as Sec. Guard:Yeah, yeah, let's just see your ID.
Birds In Mouth:I have it right here, offi-- PSYCHIC BLAST!
GM(ooc):Alright, roll for your spell.
Birds(ooc):Nah, I'm not casting anything. I'm just shouting psychic blast.
GM(ooc):What? Why?
Birds(ooc):Don't want any drain.
GM(ooc):What good will shouting do?
Birds(ooc):Dunno. Is he really supersticious?
BirdsInMouth

Kliste, vehicle rigger, sitting in a heavilly armored van trying to deal with a surprisingly violent group of gangsters.

GM(ooc):The seven you fire on drop, the rest open fire on your van. A few of them throw grenade, and some more pour out of a nearby building.
Kliste(ooc):Look, we've killed like thirty of the f***ers. Why arn't they giving up?
GM(ooc):Um... because I hate you?
Birds In Mouth

Birds In Mouth, Gator shaman, Kliste, vehicle rigger, and Oscar, dwarven fighter-thing, discussing the security of a building they're hitting. Saddly, all IC.

Birds In Mouth: Looks like the security is light. Patrol outside, couple more inside.
Kliste: Right. So, how many cyber zombies do you think they have?
Oscar: Eh, probably only three or four.
Birds In Mouth

My friend Ray, OOC one game: "Four people don't try to take down a megacorp...it's possible, but HIGHLY unlikely."
Biggest. Understatement. Ever.
Hawksfire

"another day, another dollar... *growls*"
"Lucky" Lou Elias

The group had managed to find itself in the future (some packaged adventure... GM wouldn't show me the book) and was standing outside a fortress gate, while angry natives looked down from above. Then, I had a bright idea.

Birds In Mouth: (OOC) I'm casting Armor. Blood seeps from my skin again, right?
GM: (OOC) Yeah, the drain's still physical.
Birds(ooc): Right. Resist drain. I'm assuming a threating stance, my hands curled into claws.
GM: (OOC) Huh?
Birds In Mouth (IC) I am the blood god Shabanigdoh! Bow before me or be consumed by your own soul! HAhahahaha!
GM:(OOC)(short pause)...they begin firing arrows at you.
Birds:(OOC) Dammit! What kind of supersticious natives are they?

Birds In Mouth

After a training/scout mission for the newbie phys-ad that went awry.

Anakeri: This is your fault for
leaving ME in charge!!!
Drake

Drake (ooc): So he put alot into that spell.

Gm: seems like it.

Drake (ooc): And I have no sorcery left from the defense.

Gm: Nope.

Drake (ooc): I shoot him. 8 successes on 13S.

Gm: Are you aware how much I hate you?
Drake

Rock and Vanlor were fighting a Vampiric Great Dragon with NPC Martin De'Vries, while Van was pinned behind a huge piller and De'Vries was running away from a frag grenade.
GM: So Rock what do you want to do?
Rock: I want to use my monowire to chop off 6 inches off his tail then flip him the bird and giggle.(Rock is a 9 and a half foot troll)
GM: well...roll qickness...
RockSteady

RockSteady was pinned behind a huge piller...
GM: Van what do you want to do?
Van: I want to call a shot to his eyeball...
GM: give me a rool...
Van: I rooled two 14's...
GM: well, you hit and my great vampiric dragon closes his left eye...
Van: (in game)frag you...
Vanlor

Rock was sitting at the Sharky's Bar in Seatle talking to Nick (another PC) about a run they were going to do with Vanlor. After hearing the run would have something to do with hunting vampires, Rock yelled "VAMPIRES!" and got the attention of the entire bar. After rolling like drek on his intimidation roll (trying to intimidate the bar), he made a funny face and hissed like a vampire. Instead of intimidating the bar, the rest of the people found it humorious. One red headed guy at the bar mimicked Rock and laughed at him. Rock wasn't too happy about it...

Rock (turning to the guy who mocked him): Hey, yo. You want to come outside and smoke a dubee with me?
Guy (obviously drunk): yeah, sure.
Rock takes the guy into an alley outside the bar. They stand around a burning barrel that some bums are hundled around. Rock lights the dubee and hands it to the guy...

Rock (mouthing quietly to the bums and pointing to the guy): I'm going to kill him.

The bums back away. Rock picks up the guy.

Guy: Hey man, put me down!
Rock: ok.
Rock throws the guy head first into the flaming barrel. The guy screams and manages to get himself out. He runs arounds around screaming as his entire body is engulfed in flames. Rock takes out his guns and starts shooting at the guy. That's about the time an undercover Aries Night Arrent, disguised as one of the bums, wripps off his rags and jumps back with blurring speed and points a gun at Rock...

ANA: Drop the fraging gun, now!
GM: What are going to do now, Rock?
Rock: Oh, drek.

SaberMoore

At the last fight scene of the run, the runners were fighting a giant, mutant, toxic fish (don't ask). It had mind controlled one runner who was acting as a sheild, waist deep in water.

Sparky: (the lightning oriented mage, also standing waist deep in water) I'll cast lightning ball at it.
Me (GM): It'll catch Dork (other runner) as well.
Sparky: I just want to kill it. (rolls attack)
Me: The blast elctrocutes it, and Dork. Roll Drain.
Sparky: 1 success.


Savage

At the last fight scene of the run, the runners were fighting a giant, mutant, toxic fish (don't ask). It had mind controlled one runner who was acting as a sheild, waist deep in water.

Sparky: (the lightning oriented mage, also standing waist deep in water) I'll cast lightning ball at it.
Me (GM): It'll catch Dork (other runner) as well.
Sparky: I just want to kill it. (rolls attack)
Me: The blast elctrocutes it, and Dork. Roll Drain.
Sparky: 1 success.
Me: You fall unconscious and begin to drown.
Sparky: At least I killed it.

Savage

"it's for your protection, not for
convience... much like condoms."
- me explaining the importance of
armor on a run.
Nighthawk

Jones(accidentally munchy orc sam):"Ok I shoot the lock with my Warhawk."
GM:"All right, the lock and a lot of the door around it disintegtrate."
Jones:"Ok, I hit it with my shoulder as hard as I can and charge into the room."
Aaron(wannabee runner):"I follow right behind him."
GM:"The door opens very easily because there was nothing left to hold it closed and the both of you charge into the room at top speed, make an athletics roll."
Jones:"Failed."
Aaron:"Damn, failed."
GM(Cracking knuckles and grinning maliciously):"Both of you fail to avoid hitting the desk in the middle of the room. You flip over it landing on your butts on the floor. Aaron has a clear view out the door on that side of the desk."
Aaron:"What do I see?"
GM:"Roll light stun damage."
Aaron:"Huh?"
GM:"You have a perfect view of the dwarven mage who just cast stunbolt on you."
Aaron:"But...damn."
Random Runner

GM:"No, it says right here that, in melee, the attacker wins on a tied roll."
Aaron:"Hmmm...baseball."
Everyone:"What!?!"
Aaron:"Get it guys? Tie goes to the RUNNER."
(He was immediatly pelted with every throwable object in reach.)
Random Runner

Aaron(Wannabee runner who has been hit with two stunbolts, a chaos spell, and then another stunbolt.)"Crap, that puts me up to serious. Are the dancing hippos gone yet?"
GM:"No."(rolls dice)"Ouch."
Aaron:"What now?"
GM:"Don't worry, that was the dwarf mage trying to resist his drain. Let's just say he dosen't feel much better than you."
Aaron:"Awww, poor little guy can't handle casting huh? Hey you! Stuntie! I DARE you to hit me with another stunbolt!"

Random Runner

(Selerik, Galgeron, and Azul are at a meeting with Yan Tekai, an Oyabun.)

Galgeron twitches, "Hmmm. Any clue..." he is interupted by the eccentric Oyabun
"DAMN IT! I already said we don't know anything. NOW GET OUT OF HERE AND FIND THE DAMN VAN! NO SOUP FOR YOU!"
What remains of Seleriks rolls and soup are pulled away.

Selerik lifts an eyebrow. "Eh, I just came here for the food."
Galgeron

Nailbomb the Merc Troll #1 theory: "there is no better distraction thn blowing up your neighbors house" and then pressed the button on his remote detenator blowing up Starbucks across the street.
nailbomb

Nailbomb who drives an old Doc Wagon Ambulance for a car and house leaving a site after blowing up starbucks.
Security guards from Aries:"Hey stop I think that there might be injured in here."
Nailbomb:"Sorry it wasn't called in so I can't stop for it'll be my ass on the line. And who's gonna pay for me to stop. If you want help just call Doc Wagon the #'s on the back of the truck. Later!"
The whole time with driod, that Aries used to own, in the back of the ambulance.
Nailbomb

BlackJack (ultra smooth street sammy) talking with Nexus (the best damn Orc mage you will ever see!!) and Hooker (Dim-wit, hyper chromed street meat)

BlackJack: I appreciate your coming on short notice this run is pretty hairy.

Nexus: Well you might be my chummer, but it'll cost you 10 g's.

BlackJack: Alright, your worth it. (turns to Hooker) How much?

Hooker: For you BJ, I will do it for free! (BlackJack looking suprised) I do this drek for fun!!!!

Nexus: You must be fragging kidding right?

Hooker: It's big pimpin baby!!
BlackJack

when the snipers fix their shots on you fix your gernade launcher on them.
nailbomb

"When in doubt, empty the magazines you say?
Yeah, okay, great, fine, BUT!
*I* say, Don't empty them too quickly: at least be sure you're not emptying your last ones..."
Killian -wisdom comes with age (and a lot of PCs killed in action for lack of it :)
killian

"If at first you don't succeed, try different ammo." ~ Jack's warrior's credo
Jack

GM(me) talking with player over the phone.

(me) Basicly your gonna drive a brick with wheels?

(player) Yeah, it doesnt matter if I make the turn or not, i'm tuff enough to go though the building.

I burst into a fit of laughing.
D

Setup: Getting ready to run, which is demolishing a building for a Johnson.

Markovka says, "Why even confront ppl if we don't have to? If possible we could distribute the explosives among us, place them, get out and detonate without having to fight anyone... building goes down, go home, get paid."
Squall says, "there are 6-10 guards outside the building"
Markovka says, "It is a /club/ they let people in for a living."
Squall says, "then there going out of business"
Jericho

Phoenix: I'm seeing 5 guards ahead of you on the camera .

Ace Mcqueen: Alright Gimpy Pimp, you're up , charge in nd distract them .

Whitey Dwarf: If I do that I'll die , if I die I'll be dead . And stop calling me Gimpy Pimp .
Loren <[">xartoq@hotmail.com]>

Our phys-ad had just been possesed by a free spirit. Our phys-ad who owns an assault rifle w/ an underbarrel mini-Grenade launcher.

Jarret(spirit): You leave right now, or I fire this grenade into the ground right here.

Unfortunately, the spirit didn't know Jarret was too cheap to buy any grenades....
Drake

After being hired by the devil, yes Satan himself, to find the Keys to Atlantis, Jess and Stephen run into a couple of Vatican priests. the exchange went something like this:
Priest: You must give us the key.
Jeff: I dont have the key, it was in the safe that was in that wall over there. ::points at hole in the wall::
Priest: We will pay you guys if you are willing to get the keys for us.
Stephen: How much will you pay?
Priest: We are willing to pay $1500.
Jeff: But the devil offered us $100,000.
Priest: GASP!
Stephen: ::fires gun three times killing the priest::
Jeff: What the hell are you doing?!?!
Stephen: Well, perhaps that wasnt the greatest idea.
Apok

Galgeron says, "And the winner, for some... strange reason, Pointer!"
Pointer says, "Pete"
Galgeron says, "And the winner, for some... strange reason, Pete!"

Galgeron

Galgeron says, "And the winner, for some... strange reason, Pointer!"
OOC Pointer says, "Pete"
Galgeron says, "And the winner, for some... strange reason, Pete!"

Galgeron

Team has just finished fending off an assult from enemy runners trying to infiltrate a compund. As is standard policy, the winning side (us) immediately begins scanning the uncouncious/dead bodies for profitable stuff before the shell-shocked corpers we're guarding recover.

Indy: (monk relic hunter) [OOC] I'm gonna grab that weapon focus the physad was carrying.

Kia: (decker) [OOC] I'll search them for electronics and data discs.

Mighty Jack: (sammie, playboy liar) [OOC] I pick up the ninja-assasin chick and say "Well, I got what *I* wanted."
Abuse Puppy

(was an elven yakuza that just messed up something and had to atone to the yakuza higher ups)
Overlord:"you must cut off you finger"(im paraphrasing here)
Me(ooc) okay I take my vibroblade and cut off my finger
GM:Roll
Roll: *Fail*
Me: drek
GM: you begin to saw through your finger, roll again
roll: fail
me: crap

Draken

"THATS THE GUY WHO STOLE MY DOC WAGON!!!" said by npc as my dwarven rigger was going through in vasive surgery in said doc wagon
STEEL

Steven: I'm quick, but unusable
Matilda: No, you become quickly unusable.
Firefreak

*takes place a few days later*
(me) I cant honestly beleave your going drive a brick.

(Jon) Like I said, I'll be tuff enough to go though the first building, it's the 2nd one that worrys me.

I just started cracking up when he added in "I'll aim for a window"
D

After a harrowing run, involving a cabal of free spirits. The shaman and Phys-ad were returning the remnants of Hidden lives to the Johnson.

Johnson: I trust you brought proof of your success?

Shaman pulls out and places on the Johnson: One shattered urn, One snapped braclet, one burnt book, and one shot devil-rat in a zip-loc bag.

Johnson: Get that off my desk!

Drake(Wyrm shaman)(ooc): What? I double bagged it!
Drake

After a harrowing run, involving a cabal of free spirits. The shaman and Phys-ad were returning the remnants of Hidden lives to the Johnson.

Johnson: I trust you brought proof of your success?

Shaman pulls out and places on the Johnson: One shattered urn, One snapped braclet, one burnt book, and one shot devil-rat in a zip-loc bag.

Johnson: Get that off my desk!

Drake(Wyrm shaman)(ooc): What? I double bagged it!
Drake

mage to me this is a hostage sustation no gernades . me what do you mean . I use gernades to scramble my eggs in the morning
cyber sneak

Reaper(Human Decker), Pyro(Human Street Mage) and Mac Tac Maniac(Not to bright Orc
Street Sam) outside a bikerbar planning their actions on a run.

Reaper: Ok, Mac Tac you get in the bar and try to find some info on those two guys(bikers
previously massacred by Mac Tac).

Pyro: Hmmm he´s an orc...what if they´re bigtime racists.

Mac Tac: So what I got a LMG*.

*that´s and Ares MP LMG heavy ass machinegun
TmK

"I've found that most of life's problems can be solved by getting rid of the evidence."
Drake

After returning from a vacation.

Drake: Well, I'm bored, lets go knock over an armored car.

Aki: How are we gonna carry that much cash, let alone hide it?

Drake: Who said anything about taking money? I just said we should knock it over!
Drake

Situation: Myst, Double-Edge's sister (another Elven Cov-Ops character of mine), takes a thing of plastic compound 12 and sets it up to blow out a glass doorway at the front entrance to a company building. The group stands BACK away from the doorway as she hits the radio detonator. Needless to say, the whole front entrance was fragged.

Myst: (IC) Oh, yeah! Plastic makes it possible!

Guess who got karma points? ^_^
Double-Edge

Joey is an ork Adept with issues: He hates his own powers, and considers magic (along with drugs and 'ware) to be "cheating". He was downright offended when another character offered to help him initiate.

Other player OOC: Dude, what gives? It's not like I'm offering him steroids or anything.

Jack OOC: Yeah, well, Joey's too dumb to tell the difference.
Jack

Crush to GM: I'll crouch down so I weigh less.
Weasel_Boy

A mage doing a drug drop explodes in front of Dick's face(sorceror troll)
"Damn i shouldn't have eaten that last burrito this morning"
Kosta

I told you not to push the red button!!!!!
All runners on that mission died

***Charecter creation of a brand new player***

D (GM):Ok, so all you do is take those thirty points and spend them however you want among you attributes.

Lady of the Dark (new player):Anything special I need to know?

D: Nah. You get 1 point for each point you spend.

Lady of the Night: OK.

***A few minutes later***

D: OK, so read you stats to me

Lady of the Night: OK, Body 10, Str 9,....

D: WAIT.......UM......NO!!!!

Wheelz: *Hysterical fit of laughter*
Wheelz

You had to push the red button, didn't you!?!?!?!
2 seconds to the explosion

\
"Wasn't that the plane my body was in ?" ( astral proyected radshaman seing his escape plane and his body going up in flames)
Redeyes

Troll: I grab the Vampire by the neck and punch him in the face.

GM: OK, he's not really hurt, and claws you in the gut

Troll: Damn, I punch him in the face again

GM: Same thing...

Other Runner: DUDE! what are you doing?! Use your combat axe!!

Ferret

Best Use of Trid Phantasm Yet
Or
Why Aspected Mages Rock

Scene: A meeting gone wrong.
Three rounds into a fire fight before anyone on the team realizes they never identified themselves.

GM: Ok JT your turn.
JT (human Aspected Mage): I cast Trid Phantasm
GM: Roll.
JT: 5 successes.
GM: Ok what illusion.
JT: A 42 foot tall glowing daisy with the words “Daisy sent us!!!” blinking in neon underneath.

Pause while the team collapses in gales of laughter.

GM: Took you long enough!

Jingizu

Titan (the dwarf sam) and Riker (the Elf assasin) are chatting up some blondes in a bar. The girls seem to be taking more of an interest in Riker though.
Blond1:I don't like dwarves, so short and stubby. *girls giggle*
Riker:Hey, don't diss the Titan, look at his feet *points to the two large potrusions at the bottom of Titan's legs*
Titan:Yeah, you know what people say about people with big feet...
Blond1:...
Blond2:big shoes?
Titan & Riker

Titan (the very large dwarf street sam) and Riker (the Elf assasin) went to their rich Johnson's mansion to pick up their payment for a run. Unfortunatly someone got to Johnson before they did. It's midnight.
Titan:Is he dead?
Riker:If you look in his cutlary draw you might notice that he is missing 5 butcher knives, 3 carving knives, 4 bread knives and even 2 butter knives. The killer certanly was thorough.
Titan:So he's dead?
Riker:...
Titan:I still think we should check
Riker:You fraging check!!!!
Titan & Riker

Titan (the big, chromed dwarf with an itchy trigger finger) and Riker (the very professional Elf assasin) have been told to asassinate a megacrop exec who is currently having lunch in on an outdoor table in a cafe. The plan was to sniper him from a disused office in the Texas Book depository accross the street.
Riker has his sniper rifle trained on the exec's forehead.
Titan:You okay, mate? You seem a little shaky...
Riker:I'm-m-m f-f-f-fine
Titan:*looks into cup he's holding* This soycaf tastes like drek!
Riker:S-s-shutup-p-p, you're distractine m-m-me!
*Riker shoots rifle 5 times. All misses. He throws down the rifle in frustration*
Riker:Damn s-s-soycaf!!!!!
Titan:Screw this. Let's just use the C4!
Riker:Fine. But first I need to go to the toilet.

Titan & Riker

Titan (The unusually large dwarf with mental health issues) and Riker (the Elf assasin) are meeting their Johnson to collect their payment for killing a megacorp exec.
Riker: I believe the payment was 15,000Y?
Johnson:No way! 10 is the most you'll be getting!
Titan:WHY!?!
Johnson:Because I told you to discretely and covertly kill him, and only him.
Titan:So?
Johnson:So you blew up the entire building!!!!!
Titan:So?
Johnson:So you're lucky to be getting anything you DREK HEAD!!!
Titan:Slot off *pulls out Browning Max Power Heavy Pistol and uses it to cause Johnson's head to explode*
Titan:Frag face
Johnson's bodyguard puls out his shotgun, but, unfortunatly for him, one of Riker's bullets manages to embed itself in his brain, rendering him quite dead.
Titan walks over to the table and picks up Johnson's bloodied credstick and pockets it.
Riker:What about my share?
Titan:...
They both pull out their guns at the same time.
Titan:Damn
Titan & Riker

*GMing a short game online- Insan3, female Japanese runner, is holed up in SafeCo field, hiding in the roof retractor mechanisms as Lone Star is swarming about*

Cops: Come out with your hands up!
INSAN3: I want my purple ball! Clowns will eat me!
Cops: Come out with your hands up.. we'll get you help.
Flexidisk

what is your obbsession with the red button

same situation diffrent place
titan&riker

Riker:Always keep a spare clip in your underpants. It's good for emergencies.
Titan:And it crackin' onto chicks a lot easier to!
Andel (The creater of Titan & Riker)

PC:s waiting for kidnappers to do the pickup. After, in broad daylight on a crowded street, killing the first hobo who happens to inspect the trashcan, the party have effectively reduced themselves one member;
GM: "Ok, a fellow comes up to the trashcan, discreetly pull up the briefcase and walks away".
PC1: (triumphantly) "I shoot the tracer round into the bag. HIT!"
GM: "Uhm, right. You guys bought a bulletproof briefcase didn't you? In case something happened?"
PC1: "Crap..."
PC2: (whimpering to PC1) "I told you we should have put the tracer inside briefcase before planting it..."
Itchy

Eplanation of Npc's aquisition of knowledge about a previous run.

Gm: Well, you guys left more than a couple Two's lying around, and some of them are gonna add up to four.
Drake

lets go and get us some cold ones .... ups sorry de morgue is already closed


horny runner making a point

red eyes

(Our mage is meeting a couple of minor Aztlan bad guys in the street, to try to infiltrate their demonic cult gang. I am hiding in the nearby shadows, my sniper rifle ready.)

Cult guy: We understand you wish to join our gang, Senor.

Scott (into comm): I got him, Geddy. Say the word and I'll take him out.

Geddy: That's right.

Cult guy: We would like for you to come with us, Senor.

Geddy: Where?

Cult guy: To our secret meeting place, Senor.

Scott (getting nervous): Ged, say the word, and I'll take him out.

Geddy: What if I don't want to?

Cult guy: Then, Senor, we will have to kill you.

Geddy: Word.

Culty guy: What? **his head explodes**

Scott Livgren

(I was GMing at a convention, it was toward the end of the game, and we all wanted to destroy Nathan, the Uber-munchkin who joined at the last minute -- the guy who jumps from street level into third-story window, uses high-level grenade to subdue sleeping guard, etc. Just before turning on the other PCs for his own advantage, he pulled me aside and told me that his neurals were recording everything, and would be sent to a news source if he died, who would immediately broadcast it -- effectively ending the shadowrunning careers of the others. I was duty-bound not to tell the others this, but my friends and I had been gaming together long enough to read each others' nonverbals . . .)

Me: Okay, you killed the bad guys and subdued Nathan the traitor -- he's lying there unconscious.

Schap: I put my gun to his forehead and pull the trigger.

Me (casually): You put your gun to his forehead and pull the trigger?

(long pause)

Schap: On second thought, I'll just destroy all his cyber-hardware and do enough damage to leave him comatose for a couple years.

(He did, and I WROTE IT IN INK on Nathan's character sheet. He had no clue. It was beautiful.)
Scott Livgren

(We were ascending the really, really high tower in HB, and a couple of us had to get by the guard to go further up.)

Guard: I can't let you pass.
Jesse: Why not?
Guard: I have orders not to allow people to go up.
Jesse: We're not going up. We're going down.
Guard: What? But you're trying to go up.
Jesse: No, we're trying to go DOWN. *points up*
Guard: Uh, that's up.
Jesse: No, that's DOWN. *points down* THAT'S up.
Guard: What? No, that's down.
Jesse: You seem confused. Okay-- *points down* UP. *points up* DOWN. We're going DOWN, not UP.
GM (OOC): Oh boy. Okay, roll your persuasion.

(They make opposed rolls -- Jesse rolls VERY high, and the GM makes the !!!WORST ROLL KNOWN TO HUMANKIND!!!)

Guard (looking VERY confused): . . . . up? . . . down?
Jesse: Right, seeya later. **we walk by him**


Scott Livgren

Somewhere in a run...

Cook(troll physad): There is a helicopter circling outside, is that ours?

Astro(kindly giant): Not yet.

Random Runner

We were clearing out a contact's basement, which an aspected conjurer, who happened to me a cute little chameleon lived. The lizard had summoned a bunch of beasties: 2 Mist Lynxes, a cheetah, and a Greater Wolverine.
(Cecil, our racist ex-Star cop): Is the wolverine on Angel Dust?
(GM): No.
(Cecil: Then I have nothing to fear.
(The wolverine ended up dropping him down to Serious Physical.)
Gravewalker

Our group was on a run and decided we needed the help of a spirit to face down some gun store guards. Our Raven Shaman conjured up what appeared to be the ghost of Chris Rock (City Spirit), this is the conversation that followed.
Chris Rock: Wassup!
Sid: Hmmmm, how can you help? What the hell, just start shooting...
Rest of Group: NO!!!!!!
Sid:...at those guys in that room.
Random Runner

Jack: "Guys, keep in mind we're essentially running errands for the Werewolf Mafia."
Jack

Setup: The runners have just found the paydata and a VERY large bomb.
Erik: I can take care of this...

Rob: I think I left the lights on in the van... (Rob leaves)

Erik: eenie, meenie, miney...
(BOOOOOOM)
Rob survived. Discretion is the better part of survival.
Demosthenes

Titan (the Street sam Dwarf), Riker (the Elf assasin), and Silver (The Elf... uh... um... Silver the Elf) are preparing for a run.
Riker: OK here's the plan: you two walk up and *convince* the guy to give us the briefcase. Silver, you handle the talking, Titan, you handle the shooting, and I'll be the backup sniper
Silver (OOC): Why are you always the backup sniper? I wanna Turn!
Riker (OOC): Because I've got rifles (Sniper rifle) 5(7) and the only guns you can use are light pistols.
Silver (OOC, grinning): Yeah, but I have negotiations 6
Riker (OOC): huh?
GM: Roll negotiations
Silver (OOC): 5 successes, (grins) yay, I get to be sniper!
Riker(OOC): oh, no!
Andel / Titan & Riker

Colin (playing troll street sam in Project Hope disguised as a squatter):I'm gonna walk up to the gaurds and ask "When can we get our guns back?" Needless to say he "disappeared" that night.
DeadMaker

Colin ooc:So does getting turned into a bug spirit make me more powerful?
Deadmaker

Magi (ork druid from Scotland in Las Vegas): WHAT! No Haggis? What are you people? Barbarians? (He won the ensuing fight too.)
DeadMaker

Cebad(troll sam): Crap! The guy we are supposed to gaurd just died.

Magi: No problem!

Cebad: Wadda ya mean "no problem?"

Magi: We already go paid right?

Cebad: No.

Magi: Crap!
DeadMaker

Magi to Cebad: I dont wanna go in there!

Cebad: Why not?

Magi: 'Cause when I went to check out the building astrally the dog tried to eat me!

Cebad: You wuss.
DeadMaker

Galgeron(psychotic Ork Adept) tosses Bagheera her jacket back, rather singed and grease covered, "So how much you figure this thing is worth anyways?"
Bagheera(psychotic human rigger) says "Doah yoah wahnt lihst prahce, oah waht eht's wohth noah?"
Ragnar(Non psychotic elf Adept) returns eventually, and meets the Galgmeister and the Baghorama in front of the building, "Yep, that was Shiawase. Not sure but they may or may not like their drone back. Offered me a job too." he shrugs, "Might be good will to offer their machinery back."
Some gears start whirling in his head, "Actually you're right Ragnar, the polite thing to do would be to have the drone repaired, replace the bullets it used, and maybe give it a nice new paint job. I figure I could do a nice job with that myself. Oh wait, I almost forgot that the reason it would even have bullets that need to be replaced is because it SHOT THEM AT ME!"


Galgeron

GM:Longshot will be dead in 4 Combat Turns
Fonitrus: I'm searching the parked security car for trauma patches.
GM: You find first aid kit with a trauma patch inside.
Longshot: Ahhhhh. u have 2 combat combat turns left
Fonitrus:I start the car and hammer the gas, going up to 60km/h in the 25m distance.
GM: What?
Fonitrus:hey I'm a dwarf I cant run that fast
GM:Roll your Car Skill.
Fonitrus
Fonitrus:rolls 8 dice, 1,1,4,3,6,5,2,6
reroll sixes, 3,6
rerol last six...
GM: A 4 will not do it.
Longshot:I will have lets see priority A to attributes...
Fonitrus:rolls.......5 AAAAA. I rip the armour. And I apply the patch.
GM:Good lord! You made it. Longshot is stabilized.
Longshot:What u actually pulled it off???...

It doesnt get much closer than that does it.
Fonitrus

(after a major firefight-chase Longshot (sammi) is lying unconscious after lightning bolt struck him. Fonitrus is 30m away)
GM:Longshot will be dead in 4 Combat Turns
Fonitrus: I'm searching the parked security car for trauma patches.
GM: You find first aid kit with a trauma patch inside.
Longshot: Ahhhhh. (u have 2 combat combat turns left)
Fonitrus:I start the car and hammer the gas, going up to 60km/h in the 25m distance.
GM: What?
Fonitrus:hey I'm a dwarf I cant run that fast
GM:Roll your Car Skill.
Fonitrus:(rolls 3 dice) Fail!!
Fonitrus:Karma!(reroll) Fail!!
Fonitrus:Karma!(reroll) Pass!!
GM: You made it all ok. (no karma left)
Longshot: Ahhh. (2 combat turns left)
GM: You notice one of the injured guards recovers from the crash. Drawing his weapon.
Fonitrus:Hell no! Quick draw my Ingram Smartgun.
(won initiative and greased the mofo in one phase, spent the next phase running.)
Longshot: aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh (Last turn)
GM:You have to apply the trauma patch directly over his heart. He is wearing 2 layers of armour. 1 Combat phase to remove one layer. Roll your quickness to remove it.
Fonitrus: Fukit. I'm ripping the whole two layers by hand.
GM: What? Roll strength, Target number 17
Longshot:(Ok , I'm just gonna grab one of these blank character sheets and work on a new guy)
Fonitrus:(rolls 8 dice, 1,1,4,3,6,5,2,6)
(reroll sixes, 3,6)
(rerol last six...)
GM: A 4 will not do it.
Longshot:(I will have lets see priority A to attributes...)
Fonitrus:(rolls.......5) AAAAA. I rip the armour. And I apply the patch.
GM:Good lord! You made it. Longshot is stabilized.
Longshot:(What u actually pulled it off???)...

It doesnt get much closer than that does it.
Fonitrus (reposted due to error)

Jack: "So you see, ma'am, we..."
GM: The mage fireballs you.
Jack: What!? Why!? I...
GM: It's a Force-1 Light fireball. Bright flash, loud bang, leaves you covered in soot. Just this girl's way of telling you to shut the frag up.
Jack

"We're here to make a *chik-chak* withdrawal" - newbie street sam upon entering a bank.
Sir Krustin

(We're in the Underground, looking to bust up a burglary ring. The team has gotten separated by some traps. The GM has told the two of us he'll get back to us after dealing with the other two team members. He's made a few rolls and passed a few notes to Kurt in the meantime.)

GM (to another player, out of the blue): You turn around, and find Jack unconcious on the ground. Kurt is nowhere to be seen.
Jack: Huh? So I'm at deadly?
GM: Deadly plus two over.

(He explained what had happened after the game. Stupid vampires and their stupid Control Thoughts on my stupid drunken teammate... :P)
Jack

GM of great ego says, "Yippy. You're leet stealth skill prevails again./"
GM of great ego says, "And remind me to not get some fraging worked up :P"
GM of great ego says, "And remind me to not get /so/ fraging worked up :P"
GM of great ego says, "Hisako can you come here for a moment?"
Denton says, "Remind me to never masturbate or urinate in front of a camera again, either. Hisako, you had damn well better erase those logs. :P"
GM of great ego says, "You may want to keep a copy for lonely nights at sea, or blackmail."
Hisako says, "Where you would like me be?"

Galgeron/GM of great ego

For the last time: I`m not a mage! I`m a thaumaturgical effects administrator at PAU. (How to speak to a troll with a phobia of mages and shamans if you are one of the afforementioned. Lesson given by Lora, parrot shaman.)
Tabrer

GM: "You open the door and..."

Anthrax: "I shoot it..."

Gm: "Jeese..."
Tommy Macabre

As the party was driving a car full of 20kg of C-4 towards a house of kidnappers: Do you think we got enough?
Opium

Stackfault lights up a cigarette with minutely shaking hands, waiting for Galgeron to provide the details with practically bated breath. Over and over again, he silently tells himself to stay cool and be professional. A man's first shadowrun is always the hardest.
OOC Stock thinks the last one typically was harder.
Galgeron

Mason (slightly cybered mage): "They made their first mistake when they let me go to the bathroom..."

GM allowed the PC to split the bad guys by feigning a need to relieve his bladder.
Style

Prowler (resident dwarven tribal adept) gets cornered in his friend's apartment by the landlord after Loone Star has detained said friend for questioning:

GM (landlord): Who are you? How'd you get in here?

Prowler: I...uhhh...I'm dropping off some food (which I was in fact).

GM: Well, the tenant here has been arrested, how'd you get in?"

Prowler (thinking on his feet): Uhhhh...I just sort of showed up, he always orders food on Wednesday for delivery."

GM: " Uh-huh, so who are you?"

Prowler, looks at the food he's carrying from the local Thai place, and sounds out in Thai: "Angry Chicken?"

Skip ahead two hours to Lone Star's APB for 'Angry Chicken' wanted for questioning; they never translated the actual name; you could hear the laughter all the way from Bangkok...
Style