Vote for this site in the RPG Host Top 25 Shadowrun Sites
"I'm trying to run away, but I keep getting killed by this f**king monkey!!!" Rex (when being attacked by a Black Annis)
theotter
"Boy, we're showing an unusual level of competence today..."
Sarin (After tripping on the stairs)
theotter
(After suffering a serious wound)
GM: You see an organ hanging out of the gash in your stomach
Fell: What is it?
GM: think its your appendix
Fell: Do I need that?
GM: I don't think so.
Fell: Okay. Just making sure. (Rips his own appendix out)
Fell
Reinforcements?!?! Screw reinforcements!!! ( just before getting cut to ribbons )
Mr. White
I set up my tripod. ( as the rest of the team dies )
Mr. White
It's never too early for revenge!!
Mr. White
Hugh (Rigger/Street Doc): So who could have hired the assassin to plant a bomb on Jack's bike?
Rico (Cool Sam): Well there's rival brawl teams.
Sprint (Big Troll): The BTL dealers we busted up.
Jack (PYSCHO decker): I've got two dragon's pissed at me.
Hugh: Right so rival brawl teams and the dealers, sure that's everything?
Tellah
After haveing a argument with our fixer and finding out he was going
to roll over on us. I pointed my spas 22 shotgun at the vid on the
telecome and said, Get used to the view, and shot up the telcome.
Zapper
The group is down in a sewer, trying to get some poison into
the water supply for a nearby building they need to run against.
After messing up some piping, they finally find a junction box
inside of which the pipe's are tagged.
GM: There's a padlock on the door. Old style made for a key.
Wyld (former suit/corp thief): Hold on, let me-
Mark (Sam/Decker): I cut it off with my dikoted spurs.
(Needless to say, alot more than just the lock ended up cut)
Dirk
Same group, now inside the building the following night. They've royally messed things up at this point; building is surrounded by Lonestar, they've got hostages, almost a dozen guards are dead.
Mark (after destroying an ancient film reel of "Gone with the Wind"): I feel like a criminal!
Dirk
"Did the ma'e just say, 'holy drek'?" :::opens fire w/ a LMG:::
says the street samurai using the mage for astral vision in dark,
ghoul-filled tunnels
Style
"Yeah, let's see her do that with three grenades at once!" :::pulls three pins:::
says the street samurai upon meeting an adept with enhanced missle deflection
Style
To fixer with glass eye:
Juanito "Don't worry, we'll cross the T's and dot the... Lower-case J's?"
Another PC "You should really learn to shut up."
Kurgan
Mafia Don "Ah Nobody makes canoli like Peter. Reminds me of the old
country."
Eric(Dwarf Physical Adept OOC) What? Jersey?
Cyres
"Excuse me mister Troll, but are those Gel-rounds you´re packing in
your Panther Assault Cannon?"
Player to Troll Sec.Guard. after discussing with team if the Troll wanted
to hurt them or not.
Dark Angel
Player : "Forget it.I´m starting the car"..... BBOOOOMMMMM.
Dark Angel : "Told ya."
After discussing for hours if the strange footprints around team-car
meant anything or not.
Dark Angel
Dark Angel : "Any of you guys got a spare HeavyPistol silencer I might
borrow for a few seconds???"
Dark Angel after discovering the 50K bounty on the heads of all the other
players.
Dark Angel
"Man, I´d give my life for an Asperin."
Player after falling 8 stories and landing on top of dumpster.
Dark Angel
Cougar(physad): Sometimes I don't under stand Phily (the southern
elven decker)
Hero(ork sammy): Sometimes?
Cougar, physad
"I guess the proper phrase would be DON'T bite me!"
-Said to a possible vampire
Lhyn (Elven Bounty Hunter)
PA:"Oh, fun. Another job to get us potentially killed."
Party Animal, Coyote Shaman
Party Animal
(After almost getting half the team blown up by a fireball, thanks to him staring, stuck in fear at it)
"Heh, um, I guess I forgot to tell you about my semi-sporadic fear of fire.."
Party Animal, Coyote Shaman.
Party Animal
(group in a ferious firefight, running low on ammo, and with their
last grenade)
Mage: "GIMME A GRENADE, I GOT A PERFECT SHOT!!!"
Sammy: ::tosses him their last grenade::
Mage: ::throws last grenade into machine gun pit and watches the guys dive out::
Sammy: 5 minutes later ::poimts gun at mages head:: "you pulled the pin, RIGHT?!"
(it just got worse from there)
Wulf
KickIT:"Arrggh. Paracritters biting your right arm off suck."
KickIt!
"what this situation calls for is a troll only nuke" (GM in describing
the amount of trolls that wish to hurt you)
Fades
Magi: Jake's immortal? I'd of never guessed...
Morgan: You never noticed he's EXACTLY like Jake in the Earthdawn
campaign? I saw it coming.
Magi: Oh man, yer right! Well if we ever piss him off I have a secret
weapon...
Morgan: Whats that?
Magi: I kill him 10,000 years ago...
(Note: Magi is the GM of our Earthdawn campaign)
GM(God Man)
A discussion on wired reflexes between a sammy and a merc
Machine : So what happens without a reflex trigger then?
Raptor : Well imagine going into a coffee shop and the
old lady at the counter says 'Cup of tea son' then this happens
BLAM BLAM, 'Did I break your concentration, see the size of the
cup it was bigger than she was'
Deadfall
On a train with a suspected nuclear bomb.....
Jacob : The bomb's in the engine room.
Nightwing : Ok, i'll make some thermite for the door you (points
to Sunburst) you set and light ok.
Too much thermite and one magnesium flare later......
Nightwing : How was I to know it would cut through the coupling.
Sunburst : And to make things worse, no engine, on a mountain
and the bomb wasn't actualy in the engine. Er, what now.
Deadfall
Nightwing: Well at least the scenary's nice
(Nightwing the Pysad to Deadfall while walking along a traintrack
in Tir Tairngaire carrying Sunburst the recently deceased Mage)
Nightwing
Eclispe (female decker) gets surprised by two bounty hunters. She
tries to quick-draw her weapon, but fails miserably and the pistol flings
in the air, far out of reach.Hunter#1 comments: "Girl, you're BAD!"
and aims for the kill. Seb, Orc samurai,
comes out of the shadows from behind the hunters and adds, as he frags
them: "She's not bad, she just draws that way..." From that point on,
half the team nicknamed Eclipse "Jessica Rabbit" and eventually
stuck...
Kerg
Party Animal-"Who's damn idea was this, anyway?"
[All the other characters point to him.]
PA-"Oh yeah... Just checking.." [Grins slightly]
[Party Animal, Coyote shaman, gets into trouble again...]
Party Animal
[in a hallway, seeing a guard pulling a pin from a grenade]
Mage: I'll put up a barrier.
[Kaboom, no mayor wounds thanx to the barrier]
Merc: I open fire with my AK97. drop the barrier!
Player [mage]: erm... my inititive roll is 2, i'm last, remember?
Rest of the group: YOU ******!
Moosman
Thunder(Troll Street-Sam after ripping the door off of a bulletproof
limo to use as a shiled):Hell, yes I'm keeping the door. I got me a
bulletproof shield... With all-leather interior...And a built-in
adrekray.. Oh, yeah.. And a window to roll down in case I get hot..
Loki
Our GM's response to a question of why he doesn't give group payments:
GM: I used to, but greedy bastards like Jules realized that with less
teamates coming home from the run, each person got more money.
(Note: Julius is my ork hitman/sammy)
The SuperFly
After a huge firefight, the decker (me) is nearly dead, the mage
(MagicFingers) is out of mojo, and no one has a trauma patch or biotech
sk ill. Checking the (old) skillweb, he finds the closest skill in the
party is the rigger's vehicle b/r.
Magic Fingers (to the rigger): "Well...I got the car manual...
(I lived) :)
The Jazzman
"Avon calling, motherfrager!!"
Exclaimed by Grunt (human sammy/merc) just before unloading his SMG
into a vampires face; and, subsequently, saving Julius' paralyzed hoop.
The SuperFly
Mercurian (decker) was "applying" for a job with a lowgrade corp,
when the interviewer inquired about his offensive cyberware (smartlink)
Merc: "I, uh..., I hunt paranormals."
Interviewer: "Really? What kind?"
Merc (trying to think quick): "Uh...Snowmoose!"
The interviewer bought it and hired the decker.
Mercurian
Goldoran the wise old wizard to the eagle shifter/eagle shaman Bob:
"Eagles may soar, yet wizards don't get sucked into jet engines."
Kurgan
On a recent mission to hand deliver messages to the leadership of Ares
Macrotech and a dozen great dragons (okay, so it is a really high powered
campaign [read munchkin]) once again a certain team member was in rare
form.
"Come down here and say that."
-Lhyn (the team's sniper/smart ass) to Sirrug (in dragon form).
"Okay, you, me, snowball fight at twenty paces, right here, right now."
-Lhyn (again) to Sirrug (Who by this point was having fun).
The GM not only let the character live, but gave karma bonuses for comedy and playing in
character. Besides, they both plastered Scrapheap, team shield.
ShadowLancer
Jackal, the Jackal Shaman, staring into the grille of oncoming truck:
Ok, I turn the driver of the RV into a wolverine with Transform.
GM, with indescribable look, picks up ONE die. "Ok. If I roll a 15 with
this, the wolverine still knows how to drive..."
Jackal
Jackal: "Ok, I turn into an elk, charge into the room, and trample him
underfoot."
GM: "DAMNIT! Why is that every time you do something, I feel like I'm
getting raped!??!"
Jackal
The mage and the shaman had just walked into a junkyard, looking for a specific werewolf, only to discover that forty hostile werewolves were now staring at them.
Pack Leader: Who are you, and what do you want?
Mage: Uh....
Shaman: Greenpeace Society for the Preservation of Lycanthropic Habitat.
Care to make a donation?
Jackal
yes tommy ALL of your body hair catches on fire
Samurai
Indigo, when asked why she wears a PSAS headband most of the time:
"Well, I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it - just the thousands out there marked "occupant"."
Dare
GM: "Wait a minute... (grin) are you walking around the city wearing
that T-shirt that says "DRAGONS DON'T SURF"?"
Indigo: "Nope, today it's "YOU SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH, AND THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU ODD"."
GM: "Darn. Um, nothing happens on the way over."
Indigo(OOC): "Dress for success!"
Dare
Ian, you sit down to pee. Hey guys! Ian pees like a girl.
Hryken
Ghost: "Smith, this whole bloody mess has taught me a lesson."
GM: Roll Resistance Ghost
Ghost OOC: Resistence to what?
GM: You're burning Ghost.
Ghost: "Maybe I shouldn't be so rash in my actions."
GM: Let's just say you're on fire, holmes.
Ghost: "Maybe I should learn to forgive and forget."
Ghost: "Ultimately, always PAY the hoes...when you stiff these prostitues, they get NASTY."
GM: You might want to banish the fire elemental assraping you.
Ghost OOC: Seriously?
The SuperFly
*BLAM*
*agonizing cries of pain*
"Frag! That son of a slitch just shot off my fragging little toe! Slide
that grenade launcher over here, I'm gonna see his toe and RAISE him a leg."
---Callahan, November 2057, during a firefight in the Chicago CZ.
Callahan
Standing in front of a blood altar.
Phantom: (smoking a cigarette) That's a lot of fraggin' blood.
Pablo: (Encounter trouble in another room) Phantom we need you!!!
Phantom: (throwing cigarette out in altar) Drek.
Construct: (Rising out of altar) How dare you desacrate my altar!!!
Phantom
During a game our GM gave a PC of target number of 21 for a test that
was critical to our teams success. This character had a skill
of 1 to do that with. While the rest of us groaned and threw papers
into the air knowing their was no way this was going to happen, our
GM (Who was barely suppresing his own laughter asked this:
GM:(Trying to suppress a snicker) Okay, your target number is 21,
(HEH HEH) and you have one die to do it with.
The PC rolls.
One six
GM:(Not laughing quite as hard) Roll again
The PC rolls another 6
GM:(Begining to get worried)Roll again.
PC rolls another 6
GM:(Begining to realize the PC just might pull this off) Roll again.
The PC rolls a five, giving him a total of 23, making his roll and our
mission a sucess
Suddenly Sober GM:Smartass.
Wolverine
The seoulpa-member/ homeless guy is now unconscious, a thin
trickle of blood leaking out of his mouth staining the plascrete.
* Jett looks down. "Oops. I broke him."
Jett
"I'll make this clear, that I'm just here for backup. And to offer
the occasional advice or insult."
((Jett, my razorgirl/novice shamanic adept, as an NPC))
Jett
"Whaddaya mean six kilograms is 'nuff?"
- Tarquin, ex-demolitions expert.
ARKHAM
"Somebody lend me some ammo."
Creeping Death, the cyberninja (and total pratt), after executing 32
unconscious gang members.
ARKHAM
Creeping Death, the cyberninja (and total pratt), after executing 32
unconscious gang members.
ARKHAM
Reit grins as he picks up the guy and slams him into the wall. "Thug,
meet wall. Wall, thug."
*WHAM* "You two play nice."
Jett
KurgGM: "For your troubles, as promised, White Star Lines gives you
10000 brand new Japanese yen for your rescue of the Titanic II. This
translates to roughly 100¥."
Player1: (OOC) "You're having too much fun at our expense."
Player2: (OOC) "Yeah, really."
KurgGM: (OOC to Player2) "I told you I use fate points. Next time don't
shoot the crew members."
\Kurgan\
drek...next time we'll bring shotguns!
Viper
Kain (Bio-Sammy/decker):Alright! Anybody else wanna frag with my
drek?!?!?
(After throwing one of four scientists he was supposed protect to
Predator-type enemy[ies])
Drow King
Regarding my char, Kurgan, the slimest physad known.
GM: "Just which odius personal habit is the flaw for?"
Me: "All of them."
\Kurgan\
Nightsky: Heh, cool! My Westwind can go 210 kph!
Wulf: Well my Blitzen can go 285!
Sun (the mage): Well I can go 6,000 kph!!!
Wulf: How the hell?
Sun: Astrally.
Wulf
GM:Okay you fell off the tenth story, took a deadly wound, but had 1
success so you lose something. You lose...(sound of rattling dice) An
ear. Wait that can't be right...
Wolverine
[Catholic priest/hermetic mage and a bear shaman are standing guard
outside an abandoned warehouse with the help of the shaman's watcher
spirit]
Hermetic: "Can I see him? (thick irish accent)"
Eeyore: Sure (manifests the watcher)
Hermetic: "how strange...does it want a drink? (pulls out a flask)
Eeyroe: I dunno, we can always try
Hermetic: here boy (pours some whiskey into his hand and holds it out to
the watcher)
[Shortly thereafter the team came downstairs to find their magical
support rolling on the floor laughing while a drunken watcher spirits
bounced off the walls]
Rigger: What the hell?
Eeyore
Now, The part about the magical bears, ......let's talk about
that......
Dice
On a run we were basically told to 'play pirates'. So after sidling
up beside a ship in our Aztech Nightrunner we discovered that we'd
forgotten to bring along any sort of grappling equipment. So Julius
decides to improvise...
GM: Julius, you put a rope in Manu's hand, wind up, and toss his dwarven
ass up onto the ship.
GM: You spin, and let him go. He flies through the air spinning, his
little limbs flaining around, spouting nonsense and obscenities the whole
way up.
GM: Manu, you land on the ship's deck with a loud THUD.
The SuperFly
"Haha! Try and burn ME will you fragers?!"
Judas' (the human ammo dump) last words to the group of giants burning
him at the stake.
The SuperFly
Duncan Covery, licensed HMHVV Hunter, on Banshee Hunt.
GM: The banshee begins rolling away as you slash at it's head.
Duncan: Can I shoot it again?
GM: It hits a tree and you manage to hit it. You know what's fun?
Duncan: Banshee's behind trees.
GM: Yep.
\Kurgan\
GM: Suddenly the forest is alive with Banshee.
Merrick: "You know guys, I'm REALLY not used to being accosted by essence
sucking monsters, except for the IRS, but that's diffrent."
\Kurgan\
Ebony(incredibly fast street sam and party cold bitch)has a ingram in
one hand and a narcojet in the other. They know the woman they need to
kidnap is in the bedroom but probably with the enemy mage who is
unaccounted for. She tries to turn the round door handle without putting
down her guns.Frost (team Eagle shaman who 'is surrounded by
idiots!')Goes to help."Duh! try PUT-TING DOW-N ON-E OF YOU-R GUN-Sss" as
he turns the handle opening the door wide. The power bolt that hit him
blew him out of the doorway at least so Ebony coul calmly step over the
smoking Frost and shoot a full auto into the mage.
Dowt
GM(me)"OK you enter the room it is really dark a small bit of dim
light is showing through the boards on the windows.There may be people
around or in some of the other rooms, whatcha doing?".
Dutch(team leader Street sam)"I've got my low lite on. going in.
stealthily"
GM" Ok you see 2 hall ways leading off from the other side of the
room...rest of you?
Cinammon Teal(elf physad)"same here, but mine's natural"
Ebony(street sam)"i'll go with thermo, and follow doing the same"
Frost(shaman)"turn on the low light goggles and go in, stealth too"
Nightweave(decker with no means of seeing in dim light)"i'll turn on the
light switch..."
Dowt
When Hunter first joins the team...
JJ: "We're in need of your special services."
Hunter: "Whom do you wish me to kill?"
JJ: "Um... Not us."
Hunter: "I just said that to see the look on your face, what do you want?"
Dare
When the PCs figure out Hunter used to be a Mafia hit man...
Indigo: "Now that I've seen your face, do you have to kill me?"
Hunter: "God I hope not. I won't kill you if you don't kill me."
Dare
When the PCs figure out Hunter used to be a Mafia hit man...
JJ: "That's the most low-down, despicable -"
Godmike: "I agree!"
Indigo: "Me too!"
Satyricon: "Way to go, big guy!"
Dare
GM: "You awake to find yourselves hanging upside-down in a freezer."
Satyricon(OOC): "Should I ask?"
GM(OOC): "No."
Note: Satyricon is a centaur
Dare
Indigo: "Well, I think we've learned one thing from this job:
Assassins do it from behind." (Bows)
Dare
GM: Okay the Dragon requests the item from you,
Player one: points passed the dragon and shouts 'look the goodyear blimp!!!!'
then turns and runs, utter silence ensues, GM shakes his head,
Rasp
"Hey, you wan't me to move him closer?" (said to a security guard who
failed to hit an already-unconscious Troll)
Poison
Throg (BIG Troll w/ Minigun): I walk into the room...
GM: You see Jordan laying on the ground.. theres a Cockatrice standing
on his stomach...
Throg: I shoot the cockatrice...
Jordan: Oh drek...
KnightOwl
If violence isn't the answer, I must have missed the Question
Panzer
spoken in a high falsetto voice"It's Big gun Time!"
Panzer
"I would have believed you shot him in self defense...if you hadn't
reloaded TWICE!" said to offender as he was arrested
Officer Friendly
Tiberius (ork street sammy)after having both of his arms chopped
off at the elbows by a troll with a chainsaw: Is my gun ok?
Mercurian
(OK, I got a little gratification out of this...)
GM: Ladies and Gentlemen, I hold in my hand your opposition for the
evening...$1.00.
(Not having enough miniatures, I went out and got a roll of pennies,
eight nickles, and two dimes, plus my friend's heinous vampiric lich
miniature as leader; each move up the coinage chart was a progessively
worse bad guy [the fifty pennies were 8 armor, 6 body, 8S melee attacking, horror constructs])
Players (in unison): AAAIIGH!!!!!!
Style
Street-Sam trying to tie up hostage: We got any duct-tape in this van???
Rigger: Duct-tape? In MY van?... What color you want...
Cymon(decker)
Tooth, a Troll Street Sam, after having fragged 11 security guards
using an Ares Pred II, then blowing through a security door with a
panther assault cannon to gain entrance into a secure room, turns to
LightFoot, an elven Hermetic mage, and says, "Ya think anyone heard us?"
Spyral
"Ok. Food's done, my hands are washed...I'm ready to kick some ass!"
TombStone
"You are out of corn nuggets. The Oyabun is displeased."
TombStone
Quoted from a mis-typed character written for a Shadowrun live-action game me and some chummers wrote:
"You come from Tir Tarengire, land of the elvis people."
I guess the Tir will be known as the Land of Grace from now on....
TombStone
My Character, Pepper, is trying to find a person who works for a megacorp named Monolith Inc. She knows little about him, and decides to look him up in the phonebook. His name is John Smith... After a long time on the phone:
Mr.Smith: Hello.
Pepper: Are you John Smith?
Mr.S: Yes.
Pepper: Really?
Mr:S:Yes.
P:THE John Smith?
Mr.s: Yes.
Pepper:Monolith Inc.?
Mr.S:Yes
P: Boys, I found the dreckhead we"re after!!!...Sorry, wrong number.
Mirkwood
(Overheard during an assault of an Azzie Stronghold)
Mongoose:Sorry Boss,I couldn't find a LAW,will this do?
(Sound of a Stonewall rumbling up)
Tarantula
If you don't understand it,that's okay. If you don't know what it
is,don't worry about it.If you're not sure what it wants,just
forget it.The only thing you have to do is KILL IT!
Panzer
Said to a street doc after a fire-fight:Can you sew this back on?
Anon
Last known words of a stupid street pizza(uh...samurai):Drek!
What are you all running for?A dragon is just a big alligator!
anon
Hannibal(phys ad)asks:"Do we know the range on that tracking device?"
Ice(street sam)answers:"No, we'll just turn it on and if it beeps, we're close enough..."
Cymon (decker)
"Screw the full visual suite! Lets get him cyber eyes! Give me a spoon!" Copperhead working on outfitting his follower.
Copperhead
Trying to figure out how to get everyone on a plane for a return trip after rescuing a hostage:
Hannibal (Phys. Ad.):"We don't have an extra ticket, do we?"
Sixer (Recently deceased Merc.):"Well, actually..."
(The team seemed to have forgotten about the merc deciding to eat an AGM.)
Nightshade (GM)
Quoted from a female player OOC in reference to her character:
"I am NOT a bimbo!"
At the time, the player was wearing a little halter top and VERY short cut-offs.
TombStone
"No, I'm not a shaman. If i wanted to worship animals, I would live in Disneyland" Hermetic Mage asked if he was a Shaman
Flux
[AngelT, cat burgler] *softly* I think I need a hand here...
[Reika, physad] *soft* oh?
* AngelT points at the palmprint scanner.
Angel
* AngelT leaves the room, and fiddles around to jam the lock to the security room in the 'open' setting
[AngelT, cat burgler[ Well, I think that worked... *blinks and suddenly looks sheepish* But just in case...
* AngelT grabs a spare set of coveralls from her pack, rolls them into a fairly large ball, and wedges them between the door and the wall.
[AngelT, OOC] *mantra* High tech problems require low-tech solutions.
Angel
[AngelT OOC] (After discovering a library of data chips) *looks for a dip to go with the chips.. oh, hi Starsight* *GRINS*
[Starsight OOC] *baps Angel*
Angel
I don't mind working for the corporations; it's just the company I hate.
--slogan of CNS Inc.'s contract employees
foster
Team wants to get a leader of a company out of a hospital; as they approach the room, they hear a doctor shout "DAMN, this one has a cortex-- *BOOM*
Firefreak
Don't think of it as being vastly outnumbered...think of it as having
a wide selection of things to shoot at.
fiddler
Worn on the Outside of his heavy armour"How's my shooting?
Call 555-AIM
DeFledermaus
RoboTroll's Business Card:
"Need a Runner?"
Dial 1-800-DEAD- ELF
RoboTroll
Quote from R.T. to Vinnie(Street Shaman) Hey, can you turn that hole we came in through invisible?
Robotroll
"Well, how am *I* supposed to know? Maybe that's how you humans
do things! I don't know how you expect me to know about all this,
the birds and the bees and the bullets in the knees..."
--Crimson Reign, were-tiger, to Ghost, Coyote shaman
Lytefoot
When you pull the pin from Mr Grenade,
He is no longer your friend...
Panzer
Quote from anonymous street doc"either you stop screaming
or I'm going to have to perform another Unnecessary Operation
without anasthetic"
Ripper
Anon
Are the boxes sposed to make those ticking sounds?
AntiKryst
Famous last words of an old Runner Companion
"It's in Russian...It says'Face towards enem'
He was reading the front of a claymore mine
Lurker
"Look Sir, either you do what I say,when I say...Or I'm gonna have
to Shoot you"
Sgt Servo. Said to Incompetent Commander
Belarus
Lt Weever"Oh Thank God!I knew you men wouldn't desert me!You've
come back to rescue me!"
Sgt Servo"Ummm...actually sir, We came back for your gun"
Overheard on a battlefield recently
Belarus
come back to rescue me!"
Sgt Servo"Ummm...actually sir, We came back for your gun"
Overheard on a battlefield recently
Belarus
Blam!Blam!Blam!Blam!Blam!..Stop Police!Blam!Blam!..Stop or I'll..
Blam!Blam!...Shoot!Blam!Click!...Damn!(sounds of reloading)Blam!
Blam!Blam!
Officer Friendly,Lone Star Street Cop.
Anon
"Vindicator Minigun...When you've gotta kill absolutely every
Fragger in the room with you...Accept no substitute".....
Panzer's favourite line,also his favourite gun too.
Panzer
"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance...Riddle them with
bullets"
Another one of Panzer's Favourite Lines.
Panzer
"There is no such thing as excessive violence"
You guessed it...Yet another one of Panzer's fave one-liners
Panzer
"Don't think of it as losing a leg,Think of it as eliminating
the chance of tripping over your own two feet"
Ripper...StreetDoc and Fulltime bastard
Ripper
"We make money the old fashioned way, we loot and pillage"
Nightshade and Eclipse - Elven Merc team.
Aurora
"So , do we have an understanding or do you try and learn how to
breathe through your forehead?!"
- Nightshade - Elven Merc ( said to ganger.)
Aurora
"You canna' be dead yet. I still have bullets!!!! "
- Aurora Borealis -Elven Merc.
Aurora
Who here do I have to fu-- to get a gun??
-Cornice Tremaine
Main conference room of Renraku archology.
(We were trapped...and it worked too)
Cornice
"Who needs silencers? Guns are supposed to go BANG"
(Former bodyguard, made number ten UCAS most wanted, Shiam number one)
Shotgun Malone
"Let's take a cab"
(Malone owns no vehicle; rather, he cabs it about Seattle, killing the cabbie upon arrival with his Mossburg CMDT)
Shotgun Malone
"You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit the game"
Idol
"Ya, I need a roommate. You can sleep on tha floor. Just mind the pentagram"
(German devotee of the Great Horned One)
Gunther
Ex commando after forgetting it is a EXPERIMENTAL explosive AND bungling his demolitions roll to pop a safe.
Hangfire:Half a KILO??..are you insane?
Rags(STREETSAM):Is that to much?
HF:hell no. WWAAAYY to little.these safes can take more than that.Hhhmmm...three kilos ought to do it.....there, now every one take cover....(five medium wounds and a safe later)
HF:ooops
Rags:why you...
Cross Hairs(MERC.):ouch
Road Rash(RIGGER)Hey, no time for fighting now. Lets just load the safe and whats left of Grange in the car and get.
Grange(PHYS.AD.):When i get well hang fire...load the safe?
RR:Yup, explosion tore it loose from the building.
(Stuned silence)
HF:Excuse me Mr GM.
GM(With evil grin):yes?
HF:wasn`t the safe built into the buildings suportbeam?
GM(Grinning even larger):yes.
In unison:Ooooh drek
(Building kreaking omniously)
Bionic Marine
GM: Johnson says: "I will give you 15.000" You may negotiate.
Female Racoon Shaman: "I will suck your dick for 20.000!"
GM: That won´t work, make a more subtile try!
Female Racoon Shaman: "We want 25.000 or we will kill you"
GM: Johnson says: "What a lack of professionality!"
Female Racoon Shaman: "OK, let´s kill him!"
Pommesfriedrich@hotmail.com
First adventure of Harlequin, the decker has just entered the matrix:
"A forrest?!? Oh drek, i´m a decker, not a lumberjack!"
Pommesfriedrich
WHAT??!!! A panther Cannon to the back of the head You are kidding? (Said by my now late street sami Jaz)
Jaz
After another failed run
"I'll call you," the johnson
"No you won't" Mighty Whitey(retired)
Mighty Whitey(Phys Adept)
*said to his new girl after being attacked on a date* No you DID NOT hide a gun there...believe me, I looked!
Jirin Steelshot
Tank: "Do you think three Kilos of plastic are enough ???"
Jackhead: "It´ll do it"
Five Minutes later
Tank: "OhOoohhh, that must have been the Ammo"
Jackhead: "And that was the Gas-Pipe of the Neighbours House"
Tank: "Correction, that was the House"
Jackhead: "Let´s get out of here...FAST !!"
Tank
If you're short of everything except the enemy...You're in combat
Major Disaster
The law of the bayonet says the man with the Rifle wins
Major Disaster
Perfect plans aren't
Major Disaster
"Humans...Can't live with 'em,Can't kill enough of them to make
a difference"
BTW...Panzer is a BIG assed Ork Street Samurai
Panzer
If you can't get results by being violent...you aren't being
violent enough.
Another one of panzer's favourite lines.
Panzer
Player to GM: "That's It! My character now carries around a kit for defusing bombs!"
This was said after my character difused THREE NUKES with nothing but a knife
Anon
Overheard at a Corp extraction when the extractee wasn't divulging
the info the runners wanted to hear
Meathead"I don't think he's gonna talk,We'll have to kill him"
Vinnie"Maybe you should remove the gag first Meathead"
Anon
It's true I don't like you...but being paid to kill you is just
a happy coincedence.
Panzer
He was wrong...So i shot him...where's the harm in that?
Panzer
You'll know when i'm talking to you because my gun will be pointed at
you.
Panzer
When in doubt...Throw a grenade at them.
Panzer's Philosophy on life in general
Panzer
[Party Animal has his pet coyote, Lone Eagle, overtaken by an evil entity, just as PA offers his friend some jerky.]
Possessed Lone Eagle: "No, stupid mortal, I don't want any jerky. I am free!"
[Lone Eagle scampers off.]
PA: "Hey, that's _Mister_ Stupid Mortal to you, pal!"
{Party Animal, Coyote Shaman, gets into another mess...}
Party Animal
(Julius, the ork street samurai, is forced to kill Flea, the perverse decker, before Flea shoots him. After the incident he calls Ghost, the arrogant elven mage.)
Julius: Ghost, it's Jules, Flea's run into some trouble.
Ghost: What KIND of trouble?
Julius: The two rounds to the head kind.
The SuperFly
Those who live by the sword get shot by those that don't
Pendragon
It isn't a good morning until you've shot someone
Panzer
Danbhala, grant me the serenity to accept things I can not change, the power to change things I can, and the wisdom to
remember where I stashed the bodies.
LaRue, Gator shaman
hilbilly
Mr. Sherman, ork bodyguard is being introduced by a friend
to another team of runners. He interrupts,
"What do yoh mean, LIKE ah tank?"
Ilushenka
...During planning of a full frontal assault on a corporate compound...
Kable:"I mean, if we only blew up the barracks and the security station, wouldn't it look suspicious?"
Brief pause.
Everyone erupts laughing.
Kable turns purple.
Ilushenka
"You're whining like a woman, keebler. I got shot too, you hear me whine?... I hear elf meat tastes like chicken. (to an ork girl eating nutrisoy) Yo hon pass me some of that soy stuff yer eatin'. (back to the guy) You pray I don't run out of it, prett
y boy."
-Tez, ork ganger, rallying a wounded elven comrade.
Ilushenka
"Somebody heal his kneecaps so I can blast them again."
-Mr. Sherman, during a 'machine-aided' interrogation.
Ilushenka
"A kiss without tusks is like a 'run without shadows."
"On a clear night, human eyes see about 6000 stars... orks see twice that much. But then again, who's more romantic?"
- Rico 'Choke', latino ork samurai.
Here's a really cute one:
Cat: If you had a vibrator in that arm, I'd marry you, darling.
Choke: What do you think this is, a swiss army knife?
Ilushenka
(regarding a failed attempt to carefully remove an eyeball using a katana for a retna-scan...) Oh now that's messy...
Ex-Doctor Jev Tandro
" Because if something's worth doing, then it's worth overdoing"
- Mr Murder when asked by his fixer why he needed an MP Laser.
Bort
"It doesn't matter what kinda ammo you're using, it is the frequency
that is important!" (Streetsammie Kamaku interrupting a discussion
between a mage and a rigger about what ammunition is better apds or exex)
CarrConn
At the start of a long-running feud with a vampire initiate, at a meeting to settle differences before any violence starts:
VON LOFTON: I'm sure that we can come to some sort of mutually benifical agreement, gentlemen.
RAZOR: There are some who would say that you aren't a man.
Whereupon, the team was invited to leave.
Razor
Von Lofton sends his ally spirit to take out the team, who are plotting as to
how to get him once and for all.
Ally Spirit: Von Lofton sent me to deal with you. I can give you access codes to his
bank account and in return, you free me from him.
Razor
Several months later, the feud is a stalemate, and both sides agreed to halt it months
ago. The team goes on a hostile extraction at an exclusive private club, whereupon the team
runs into Von Lofton by accident.
VON LOFTON: (to Razor(street sam) and Columbo(mage detective) I take it that no business is being conducted tonight
COLUMBO: Of course not.
RAZOR: No, no.
Whereupon, when the extraction goes down, Razor and Columbo jump for Von Lofton as the rest go for the target. Razor
finds out about synthetic wood when he rives a tableleg through Von Lofton's chest.
Razor
"I wouldn't call myself a pacifist. It's impossible to convince some people of the error of
their ways without hitting them as often and as hard as one possibly can. I am simply
opposed to people hitting me." -- Vixen -Decker
Aurora
Arms dealer: I've never heard of this weapon before. I must have
a hole in my memory.
Bones: Remember fast, or you're gonna have two.
Chicken & Wings
the runners were securing a crashed truck that was leaking gas a small
truckstop town that made people crazed and eventual death. so all the runners
were getting very paranoid about their chemsuits being torn.
the sammy was getting the worst of it, as when a maddend hobo attacked he had
to deal with it, but not without first screaming in a womanly voice
"Oh my god, he's got a stick! I'm going to die!" then to the shaman, "please make him go
away! 'sob!'
mad bomber
Don't be silly. If this was REALLY the ships self destuct button,
do you think they would leave it lying around where anyone could press it?
Anon
If you have a cybergun, rule number one is:Never, EVER use Hi explosive rounds
Wyrd after getting his arm blown of due to a jamed cybergun loaded with HEAPDS rounds.(high explosive armor piercing discarding sabot)
BIONIC MARINE
J.J.Jr. (Super-mage) to Val Mantua (Heavily cybered Ork) standing on top of skyscraper... "Look, just jump. I can levitate you.". Two minutes later... "You weigh HOW much?"
Mister Miracle
JJ Jr. (mage) and Gabe (ork street sam)in the Double Exposure adventure break into the underground renraku research facility... where they find some docs performing surgery on an unwitting homeless guy... JJ lobs 5 kilos of plastic explosives into the
surgery and slams the door, a few moments later half of the floor is destroyed.Gabe : "Hmmm... Thats what I call plastique surgery." *groan*
Mister Miracle
Jerome (Human spy/sammie) and Zeal de Mort (Human possessee/physad) walking down the road after having gotten into a spot of bother over a kidnapping they done that was shown on the evening news and is causing metahuman/human race relations to hit the
drekker.GM : "As you get to the end of the road a van pulls up in front of you, then one to your right, one behind.. and another 2 in front. Elves, Orks, Trolls, Dwarfs and a few Humans begin to pile out. They're packing mainly pistols, clubs, smgs an
d the like... they look rather... hmm... upset?"
JR : "Oh drek... we're in trouble..."
Head Troll : "You guys have made a mess, so it's your responsability to clean it up..."
JR : "Eh sure thing, we got paid to do a job, we didn't know it would cause this much trouble!! Sorry!!!"
Head Troll : "Well, make sure you sort it out soon or we'll be back to rough you up some... okay?"
JR : "Right away sir! We'll make amends right now!!! Sorry!!!" (Looking worried)
Head Troll : "Just see that you do..." turns away and goes back to van...
JR : (To Zeal) "Phew... guess we'd better get this sorted then"
GM : "Right the gang members all head back into their vans..."
JR : "Gang members?"
GM : "Yeah... who did you think they were?"
JR : "You didn't ay they were gang members..." *grinning* "Okay, I draw my guns..."
GM : *Groan*
Hmmm... this group of PC's have now been responsible for the demise of 4 Seattle gangs... the bodycount is astronomical... they can walk the barrens in pitch darkness with no fear of anyone trying to jump them! Gang's just can't touch them!
Mister Miracle
During character creation:
PC: Can I buy a model 100 SMG?
GM: But...I thought you were playing a quasi pacifist.
PC: I am. This is to defend myself.
Norcumi
Johnson: Well, I guess I have an extraction that shouldn't be too difficult for you newbies...
PC: Great! We'll take it. Now, who's the target?
Johnson: *smirking* Oh sorry, didn't I mention that? You are to extract Mr. Soy Burger/Ron*** McD*****
*stunned silence*
PCs: WHAT?!
Norcumi
And God saw the man's rifle, and it was good but it was not automaic. Then God saw the man's gattling gun and it was good, but it was too big. So God created the assault rifle, and it was good.
Anonymous
What happens when I poke the Ork with my gu-----*gurlgling sounds then neck snapping*
Death's Partner
OK guys, to get into team you need to check if the ghoul leader is
dead or he manage to survive our Assault C. (heh)
vujnovic@etfos.hr
"Better to remain silent and be... HEY!" (BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!) "NO
ONE WALKS OFF WHILE I"M IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLICHE!"
-Wolverine, Street Sam
Wolverine
Attacking a building with the rest of the team trying to get at his
traitorous brother Rand, Thomas Teliman finds himself taking a
plunge from the 75th story of a building. Opening his eyes he sees
what appears to be the Cat Totem standing over him.
Teliman:Please don't let me die.
Cat Totem:Whats in it for me?
Teliman:Uuuummm, I'll give all the stray cats in my neighborhood
milk three times a day for the rest of my life.
(Cat Totem points a finger and half of Seattles stray cat
population runs in the direction of Thomas's apartment. Cat walks
off and Thomas dies with the knowledge of what half a million cats
will do to his apartment.)
Wolverine
Rand Teliman, the traitorous decker is sitting in his brand new
corporate office laughing at the demise of several team members.
Rand Teliman:"Heh, heh. What a bunch of schmucks. They'll never get me."
(Sound of several guns cocking.
Rand Teliman:(To surviving team members) "Oh hi guys, long time no
see! Say how'd you get in here? Well no hard feelings right?"
(Sounds of a firing range.)
Wolverine
During character creation:
PC:So I was putting in all the stuff i wanted into this car, and it looked pretty cool in the end.
other PC: "looking at car" You have a full rigger module in your car? how big is it?
PC: uhhhhhhhhhh. (first PC didn't read the descriptions of items before adding them)
Brex
PC: How much does it cost to soundproof a box?
Swift Nix
Pc after being beaten by a Troll Adept and draggin away: Can we get my briefcase on the way out?
Swift Nix
PC was ratting out rest of group to the target they were hired to kill, and was explaining situation to him
PC: There's someone out to get you and its really bad
GM: NEWS FLASH!
Swift Nix
Mr. Chickem(merc): Hey, how much is a good trideo worth?
GM: Abou 150 nuyen.
Mr. Chickem: Okey dokey. I'll pick up the trid.
GM: You can't shoot or anything holding the trid. Both hands are
being used to hold it.
Mr. Chickem: I'll put the trid dowm my pants!
Dark Father
GM: Abou 150 nuyen.
Mr. Chickem: Okey dokey. I'll pick up the trid.
GM: You can't shoot or anything holding the trid. Both hands are
being used to hold it.
Mr. Chickem: I'll put the trid dowm my pants!
Dark Father
Reika (Ice Mage) after healing Gabe White (Street Sam): I'm sorry
about how cold that was, it's the price of my magic.
Gabe White: *grin* That's okay. It was cool.
Reika
Cloak (Dark One Phys Ad.): Forget about the flavor text, what are their charisma ratings?
*The group was just asked to bodyguard a Miss World contestant until the pagent.
Gabriel
GM: (Upon meeting the contestants) 7,6,6,6,7,5,6,7,2.
Cloak: 2?! What was that.
The Wall (Dwarven Street Sam.): Chaperone.
GM slmiles and nods.
Gabriel
*A Fire Elemental manifests inside a room where Cloak is guarding the beauty contestants.
Hunter (Wolf Shaman): (OOC) At least they'll get a tan.
The Wall: (OOC) I don't think extra-tasty crispy is a tanned condition.
Note: Cloak succeeded in beating off the Elemental with his bare hands.
Gabriel
Player(as he runs into a coridor full of corp guards): "Don't worry
guys! I've got Body 6, Quickness 6 and Willpower 6... nothing can
stop me!"
Player proceeds to be chopped into minced meat by the guards who were
waiting in ambush.
Wiley E.
Wall (Dwarf Sam) sitting in bar waiting to meet his contact Lone Wolf (Wolf Shaman)
Lone Wolf: Hi
Wall: And YOU are?
Lone Wolf: You, Come with me.
Wall: And you are?
Lone Wolf: (Pulls out a credstick)
Wall: PAYING!
Lone Wolf & Wall
Ragnar (the heavily-cybered Ork samurai) stands at Hell´s Kitchen in Seattle with two team members unconscious, no guns and his car blown to pieces. He grabs his phone to call Trickster, the team´s mage, who stayes at home due to illness.
Ragnar: Hey Trickster, I quickly need a cab to bring Mirage (the female samurai) to a hospital...
Trickster: Okay, then use your phone and call one, would you?!?
Ragnar (realizing he is able to call a cab himself): Just shut up and do it, will ya?
Ragnar ends the phone call
a few seconds later: Ragnar´s phone receives a call:
Trickster: Where to, smartass?
Trickster
Ragnar (after killing two shop keepers) sits at a house, puts his helmet in front of him and writes on a paper: "Need money for my psychologist!!!
(Actually he DID get three Nuyen for that (and Karma too))
Trickster
Next adventure, same Ork, same helmet, different paper: "Need A LOT of money for my psychologist!!!!!!!"
(He did that after blowing up a whole gas station!!!!)
Trickster
Sudden Death, the combat mage when facing a wind spirit (Force 5) (OOC): "If I roll magical theory, can I determine the type of the spirit?"
The GM approves, Sudden Death rolls his dice and achieves only 1´s
Sudden Death: "OH MY GOD, it´s a giant watcher spirit!!! HELP!"
Trickster
Esher (street sam says to arch enemy): You've gotta ask yousrself... 'Did he fire 49 rounds from the HVAR or the full 50?' Do you feel lucky punk? Well, do ya?
Dante
GM (to player): You hear the sound of the grenade going off in the passenger compartment as you jump off the train and into the van.
Players (together): Ewwww.... chunky salsa!
Dante
PC stalks through the sewers, coming to a huge underground cavern filled with water of a disgusting black greasy colour. Wades in carrying guns overhead, promptly sinks. Dives down to find dropped guns, is attacked, nearly drowned, swallows lots of f
ilthy black water, gets cuts to pretty much all of his exposed skin. Climbs out on the other side, wiping slime, mold and several floating things the GM was too sqeemish to identify off his clothing. Spits out another mouthful of bateria-rich water. Th
en, the PC turns to the GM and says "So having the Weak Immune System flaw would be a bad thing, then?"
Delphi
GM: "Ok Pain, all your body hair is burning off."
P: (Pain, A REALLY psychotic troll) "I don't have any body hair."
GM: "What??"
P: (Pain) "Well considering I survived an explosion of a pickup FULL of TNT, various dealings with plastique, AND three rounds of FA fire from a Victory rotary AC using HEAPDS ammo..."
GM: "Ok, your skin is burning then."
P: (Pain) "Ok, cool more scar tissue."
Pain is a sadistic, masochistic, pyromaniac, giant, lecherous, odius personal habitted, kleptomaniac Troll.
When he's bored, he burns his index finger.
Mike
If Pain hadn't been declared officially dead after a HUGE explosion he would be facing these charges:
Posession of a military class vehicle.
Posession of military ammo. (10,000 rnds AP)
Posession of two LMG's
Posession of illegal cyberware
Posession of illegal bioware
One count of involuntary manslaughter
Four counts of second degree murder
Arson
The reason he was declared dead was, the lonestar chopper that had him cornered was blown to pieces by the explosion (60 metres away!) and Pain was right next to the pickup that went up.
These charges were accumulated in one night!
(the reason he lived: GM rolled 5 sixes on 6 dice)
Mike
Maverick, the psycho-kleptomaniac and former Red Samurai,
on one of his merry misadventures.
Maverick enters the Stuffer Shack to get a bag of chips.
He decides, on the spur of the moment, for a change of
plans.
Maverick OOC: I walk in and fake fainting. When the clerk
comes to inspect me I'll hit him with my stun baton.
GM(used to this sort of thing from him): *sigh* He walks up
to you to see whats wrong.
Maverick: YESSSS!!!!!!
Bennyboy
GM: The clerk, Roy, trips the alarm.
Maverick OOC: Damn! I'll hit him with my stun baton!
GM: Make a check, Mav.
Maverick: What?!? Why??
GM: *sigh* He's got a mop and is defending himself.
Maverick: Oh. (sound of dice rolling) Is 8 successes
enough?
GM: Gah!!
Bennyboy
Maverick: What kind of Strength check to tear the cash register
from the counter?
GM: Well, seeing as it's bolted down... waitaminit! Why do you
want a cash register that probably has, at most, 500 nuyen, when
at this moment you are carrying 17,000 nuyen in certified credsticks
and Lone Star is on its way?!
Maverick: *shrugs* I dunno. I always wanted my own cash register.
Bennyboy
Maverick, a psycho-kleptomaniac and former Red Samurai, has just
robbed a Stuffer Shack, knocked out Roy the clerk (a different
story altogether), ripped the cash register out of the counter,
gone on a merry chase with Lone Star (at one point skidding his
bike underneath a semi trailer at 70kph), and returned to his
apartment unharmed. His teammate, the elven mage Sheyrena, hears
him tell the story of his latest 'adventure'.
Maverick: Pretty cool, huh? (hoping he has impressed her)
Sheyrena: You got PORK RINDS?? I HATE pork rinds!
At this point, a silent alarm in the cash register under Maverick's
arm is going off and the apartment building is surrounded.
Bennyboy
Maverick, upon finding out that Lone Star is tracking his position,
throws the cash register out the window into an adjacent building.
He hears the cops coming down the hall and tries to come up with
a plan.
Maverick (to Sheyrena): On the couch, quick! Let's pretend we're
making out!
Sheyrena: Huh?
The plan worked, and Lone Star was quite embarrassed when they
broke in.
Bennyboy
"We need to find a place to hide out, or hole out, or get out. And the latter's the tricky part."
Party Animal, Coyote shaman, gets stuck, with his team, in Bug City.
Party Animal
Hex(PC mage): No way. We are getting out of here and that's it!!
Party Animal: Oh, sure! Getting out is easy! We'll just go to the border, say, 'Oh, we're sorry... We got shanghaied by our Johnson on our way to Portland, so we're not bug infested. Mind letting us out, so you can continue with your job, and we can go
on with ours?' and be on our way back to saving the planet in no time!
Party Animal, Coyote shaman, explaining the situation to one of his teammates, after they all get stuck in Bug City.
Party Animal
"Yes, I'm crazy. Deal with it."
Party Animal's personal motto.
Party Animal
And no Gabe, a Rating 12 maglock will not be disrupted by wall current.
((Gabriel, Street Sam extraordinaire, managed to short out all the electricity in the house and nearly electrocute himself, btw))
Angel
[Reika] OOC: *whistles* rating 12 maglock? there's gotta be something important in there...
[Angel] *turns to the box and kicks it*
[GM] The box clicks open, revealing the smooth top of another metal box.
[Angel] *blinks*
[Severian] OOC: That is just wrong....
Angel
* GabeWhite takes the lamp and pulls off the cord
* GabeWhite pulls the wires apart
* GabeWhite wedges the wires under the maglock, one on each side
* GabeWhite just touches them to the maglock, then, and duct-tapes them to it
* GabeWhite plugs the other end in, running wall current through the lock, disrupting the magnetic field
[GM] All the electricity in the house goes out.
The adventures of Gabriel, Street Sam Extraordinaire.... note: the resident thief and catburglar was standing right behind him snickering up her sleeve.
Angel
I'm currently running a campaign based loosely off the Goldeneye007 N64 game(Hey, maps were plentifull.)
They get inserted at 00:00 hrs (RUSSIA).
After hiding and riding in the back of a truck for 20 or so minutes to get past guards, they infiltrate the main security bunker and manage to silently kill 7 guards.
At the main security console:
Spy: (elf) "I've got a good computer skill, i'll try deactivating the alarms"
GM: "UHH, The keys are in russian."
Sniper: (Human) "I know russian, let me try."
Spy: "Ok, you just tell me what you read, and I'll guide you through."
They manage to disable the PRIMARY alarms, no problems.
(I was rolling for a random encounter)
There are two occupied watch towers outside.
Sniper: "Done. Now what?"
Spy: "I say we shut off the lights."
Argument ensues..
Sniper: "Fine."
They turn off the outdoor lights.
Walkie Talkie on a body: (in russian) "Are you all right in there? What's going on?"
Spy: "Sh*t! You know russian! Say something!"
Sniper rolls all 2's, target 3.
Sniper: (REALLY BAD ENGLISH ACCENT) "Nothing, just a minor problem, sorry we're fixing it."
WT: "WHO IS THIS? WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"
Spy: "DAMN IT!!!"
Sniper: "I make feedback on the Walkie Talkie."
Not realizing that there is a backup security system...
Spy: "I cut the main wire to the console." *hestates*
GM: *smirking* "Wwwellll, do you?"
Spy: "Yeah, ok I do it."
GM: *smiles* "OK. Alarms start going off everywhere."
They did get away. Their actual mission was to clear the way for Bond. Instead, they blocked it with a security lockdown and alerting every guard in the compound.
Mike
Characters have just killed everyone in a building and like the
true professionals that they are, are now looting the place.
GM: okay, you find a big metal safe.
Phys Ad:I punch it
GM: Your fist bounces off it with no effect. Your hand
hurts a bit though.
Phys Ad:I kick it then
GM: Same thing.You don't even scratch it. Its a big metal safe,
and your strength is only six.
Phys Ad:I shoot it with my SMG
GM: Got any special Ammo?
Phys Ad:Nah.
GM: Then nothing happens. If you had hundreds of rounds it
Might work, but even then it would take all day. It's a
big safe.
PAUSE
Phys AD:I punch it.
BORT
true professionals that they are, are now looting the place.
GM: okay, you find a big metal safe.
Phys Ad:I punch it
GM: Your fist bounces off it with no effect. Your hand
hurts a bit though.
Phys Ad:I kick it then
GM: Same thing.You don't even scratch it. Its a big metal safe,
and your strength is only six.
Phys Ad:I shoot it with my SMG
GM: Got any special Ammo?
Phys Ad:Nah.
GM: Then nothing happens. If you had hundreds of rounds it
Might work, but even then it would take all day. It's a
big safe.
PAUSE
Phys AD:I punch it.
BORT
The team has just captured a corp wageslave from whom they are supposed
to get some information. After beating the poor man senseless the
teams troll sam proceeds to ask some more questions.
Troll: I hit him and then ask where the stuff is.
GM: He bleeds on you (wageslave was unconcious and bleeding)
Troll: That B*@&#$D, Kill im.
Which the troll proceeded to do, needless to say they failed
to get the info.
Anakin
* GabeWhite heads out to go find some violent street crimes to stop
[GM] Gabe... You meet Tyrone. Have a nice day
[GabeWhite, OOC] Tyrone? My personal procologist?
* The rest of the players snicker
[GM] You're mostly bruised, and have "TWIT" written on your forehead in magic marker. Permanent. Bright pink.
* The rest of the players laugh.
The adventures of Gabriel, Street Sam Extraordinaire.
Angel
* Trey quivers and covers his ears, shreiking and trying to drown out Celia's singing... And even as his shape twists and writhes... He explodes in gobbets of rancid flesh, ichor, and bone...
[GM, aside] Geez that was supposed to be more difficult than that. Trey was supposed to get a chance to trash you...
* The rest of the players grin maniacally.
(What happens when a bunch of players who are more psychotic and sociopathic than their GM do Harlequin's Back)
Angel
[GabeWhite] I don't care how "new age" y'all get. Old age is STILL gonna kick your ass someday
Street Sam Gabriel, after the comment was made that he was by far and away the oldest member of the team (all other members were in their *early* 20s)
Angel
GM after pausing the game to reflect: Ya know, its a funny thing to see two droves hovering around a bulding firing pnather cannons into windows..
Me: (Sammy)Oh really why is that?
GM: Well Wad ( A very childish decker )seems to have coated them with shag carpeting and funny lookin eyes!
ME: And?
GM: From where he is controling them they look like big fuzzy bears with panther cannons!!
A servere beating then ensued at the table.
This is what happens when you role-play late at night after drinking many bottles of Mountain Dew.
Blackjack
GM: "the dwarf flips a puts on a gas mask and the room fills with nerve gas."
Street Sam: "I'm using internal air."
GM: "OK, what are your flaws?"
Street Sam: "lactose intollerant, allergic to chocolate, and vindictive."
GM: "vindictive? roll your will power... target number 3."
Street Sam: "no successes"
GM: you spend the next 2 minutes flogging, beating, and maiming the dwarf."
troll
Ghost: Man, I hate white people.
Ghost, a former Sioux Wildcat, after the building he was sneaking around in was discovered to be a fireworks
factory after the pyromaniac mage threw a fireball in the front door. The explosion vaulted Ghost to the next
building, and another PC 6 blocks.
Lightfinger
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HIDE MY ASSULT CANNON?!!!!
A Slightly upset and now dead runner
Choad
Ever hear of the street sam who was fighting it out in a sports shop? No? Well, as his opponents was starting to lob grenades at him, he promptly picked up a tennis racquet and continued to roll sixes on his athletics skill.
To think i only thought it posible in a comedy movie.
sigh.
Bionic Marine
"Did I kill them?"
(Merc after dropping five offensive grenades in the back seat of an armored limo and shutting the door.)
Shane MacDouglas
(Sniper firing at party on ground, the party notices something fall from the building)
Kenny(phys ad.): I'll catch it.
(yep, you guessed it, grenade.)
Staccatto
After being surrounded by 17 wasp spirits and their shaman in a
warehouse in Chicago. Daniel (the Mage) notices the leaking fuel
tank of the rigger's Ares RoadMaster.
Daniel :"I yell 'Fire in the Hold' toss a fireball at the fuel, and dive for cover!"
Everybody else "NO!!!!".
Daniel :" OK, fuel tank then..."
Everybody else "ARGH!!! we're still in the warehouse!!"
Daniel:" So? I am too...trust me, I know what I'm doing!"
GM: "Okay, the RoadMaster explodes and the ammo in the back of
the truck sets off a secondary explosion. Who has karma to use Hand of God?"
Judas
"Willis, maim."
-Sheyrena's most constructive use of an air elemental's service.
Bennyboy
The famous trolls, Mel (aka Wall With Hair) and Two Bats (a former ganger, guess what his signature weapons are!) meet up for the first time.
Two Bats: "With the two of us working together, the only thing that can stand up to us is mimes!"
(Mel has a severe phobia of clowns, and Two Bats has an aversion to the French, so they deduced that's the only thing they're both scared of.)
Bennyboy
Niqqi (female ganger) rounds up the rest of the gang to show them the security video she removed from a store they robbed.
the screen shows the two milling around the shop for about 10 mins waiting for the other customers to leave, then the 2 approach the counter.
Niqqi this is the good bit!
the screen shows her partner raise his gun to shoot out the security camera......the screen goes black.
Niqqi -oh drek!...well what happened is..........
Niqqi
Dylan [troll physad] manages to sneak up behind two gangers in the open guarding the dock warehouses while his partner, an elven sammy with stealth/urban 5/7 bungled his inside the warehouse.
Dylan:I say "Boo!" and smack 'em both with my deadly hands
GM(me):ok, how many successes?
Dylan:Seven
GM:Your strength?
Dylan:Nine
GM:How much physical damage do you do?
Dylan:Deadly
GM:So that's...umm....uh...oh fragit, his head freakin' explodes.
Jux2p0ze
The group meets an ancient guardian spirit. Their lives depend on the answer of one riddle:
Guardian: "I devoured millions
I have brought honor to many
But served nobody"
The group starts sweating and thinking about their new character, except for Ragnar (Who NEVER was a big thinker), who rests his arm and head on his Panther Assault Cannon.
Ragnar (perfectly calm): "You´re the War. Think of something better!!!"
GM: "ASSHOLE!"
Trickster
Ragnar just survived a 10-shot burst from a helicopter-mounted heavy machine gun and stood up (with only three boxes of physical damage)
Mirage: "Oh goodness, he is God!!!"
Trickster
Coyote: (brings in two young dogs) "Hey, meet our new members Fluffy and Kamule."
Trickster: "Let`s choose something more memorable! Let`s call them Flechette and APDS!!!"
Kestrell
Sam(when asked if he had a spare set of keys for the landrover):I don't know, (points at decker) He's the one who stole it, ask him.
Cymon
gm: you're on the roof of the warehouse. below, there is an ork with a large sword patroling the area.
steel: i'm going to jump on him.
gm:the warehouse is 5 stories tall.
steel:so?
gm: ok, you jump
(steel rolls his athletics and gets two 2's)
gm: and as you fall, you realize at the last second it probably would have been more productive to SHOOT him. needless to say you missed and.... (rolls more dice)... broke your legs.
steel: what's the ork doing?
gm: drawing his gun.
geezer
(Entering a Universal Brotherhood lobby with six armored and heavily armed security guards and one corp secretary at her desk.)
Blackrose(mage): Quick, shoot the corp-secretery!
Kev(Sammie): Ok. I do it.(rolls his first action)
GM: Alright, you put one right in her forehead. (out of game) Good thing too, she was a powerful initiate in disguise.
Blackrose: Wow. . . . I'd just wanted to see if Kev would do it. I guess shooting the non-combatants first is going to have to become a standard policy.
phoenix
After discussing infiltration methods for an hour and a half, including blowing up the heavily guarded power complex, the group's decker decides to see if the guard is bribable. Turns out the doorman will become an instant friend for a mear 1,000 -Y-
(half of which is reimbursable from Johnson as "expenses"). Needless to say the doorman was heavily tipped and the target was summarily (if messily and enthusiasticly) executed by the street sam.
Wyrd
Kit-Kat (decker): "Would you mind pointing that somewhere else?"
After seeing one hit from my Attack 5 (Deadly) prog take out his opponent. The part he didn't know is that I used my entire hacking pool to do it.
Wyrd
Groove Daddy the vampire slayer has been tracking vampires for some time now,
and is very suspicious of a local mortician that he is eating dinner with. The mortician serves them a thick beefy stew, with something in it that 'tastes like chicken'. After dinner, they plan to drive to a local nightclub when GD attacks the old man. "w
hat are you doing, you fragging psycho! I'm not a vampire, I'm a ghoul!"
groove daddy is very embarrassed, since he has no beef with ghouls."Oh, uh, sorry. Here's 200-Y-, sorry about that" "Nah, keep it, it was at least worth that to watch you eat the human entrails I served you."
Head Houngan of the carribean league
One member of my group always chooses the stupidest street handles for his characters. To date there have been:
Groove Daddy the vampire slayer
Scott Summers
speed racer
Hershey's Caramel
More later....
Head Houngan of the carribean league
Snake: Morons! They can't hit me from that dist-
Tillua: Mechanic to Chaos team, Snake's down, but oh well. I was gonna shoot him anyways.
Tillua <[">who@startrekmail.com]>
Tillua: Mechanic to Chaos team, Snake's down, but oh well. I was gonna shoot him anyways.
Tillua <[">who@startrekmail.com]>
"Dammit, I didn't bring my plastique!"
Phear, the psyco sammie, who brought along just about everything else that goes boom
norcumi
GM: There are 3 LMGs mounted on the wall and they're pointed at you.
Phear: Are they wearing any armor?
GM: What?!
Apparently he thought I was talking about guns mounted in a case with plaques. Or something.....
Norcumi
Phear's been busy....
"Panther Assualt Cannon. One size kills all!"
(ooc) "What do you call a cyber cafe? Decker Cafe? Deck Cafe? Or just Decaf?"
Norcumi
(after team finishes looting bodies)
Nameless (a pyromaniatic sniper): I shoot the dead dwarf in the head (at the time, we did not know about the cortex bomb he had
GM: (with evil grin) are you sure?
Everyone in party: NO!!!!!
Nameless: yes
(at this point, I grab nameless, handcuff him and drag him away. Meanwhile, Xellross finds a taser that the gm said appeared from nowhere. one minute later there is an explosion of a cortex bomb. everyone in the party stares at Nameless with an angry e
xpression, Psyko pulls out a gun and points it at Nameless)
Psykoguy: YOU WANTED TO SHOOT THE DWARF IN THE HEAD!?!?!?!?
Psykoguy
A decker gives rigging a try.(hey we had to get out of there, fast!)
GM: you see several LoneStar cars pulling into line behind you, sirens blazing.
Wyrd: um... can i pull up a speedometer? (sounds of dice rolling)
GM: (looks at dice) the radio turns on.
Wyrd: oh... drek. Okay, I'm going to try and brake. (more dice)
GM: the windshield wipers turn on.
I eventually slowed the thing down and bail was only 200 -Y-.
Wyrd
Spider (team sniper) is acting as backup, on top of a building, for Rain who is currently posing as a prostitute to catch a killer and steal his experimental persona-fix chip ("Dreamchipper").
GM (to Rain): A man walks out of the fog towards you.
NPC: Excuse me, do you have the time?
At which point Spider blows away the unfortunate, and innocent, bystander with APDS ammo.
The Laughing Man
(after finding out that the gang we were assaulted by was hired by the mr johnson that ben, our samurai, also works for)
Psykoguy: Drek, it seems like everyone is working for Ben's Johnson.
Ben: you damn right
(at this point, everyone just starts laughing at the double meaning, ben and psykoguy got a karma point for that)
psykoguy
Psykoguy: Drek, it seems like everyone is working for Ben's Johnson.
Ben: you damn right
(at this point, everyone just starts laughing at the double meaning, ben and psykoguy got a karma point for that)
psykoguy
Chef: See, you can tell that he is done if you throw him at the wall
and he sticks.
and he sticks.
© GriffJon
Comments or Questions? Contact me.
Privacy Statement | Disclaimer
Comments or Questions? Contact me.
Privacy Statement | Disclaimer