the runners were securing a crashed truck that was leaking gas a small
truckstop town that made people crazed and eventual death. so all the runners
were getting very paranoid about their chemsuits being torn.
the sammy was getting the worst of it, as when a maddend hobo attacked he had
to deal with it, but not without first screaming in a womanly voice
"Oh my god, he's got a stick! I'm going to die!" then to the shaman, "please make him go
away! 'sob!'
mad bomber

OOC: Krass: "Old Fat Dude, you have been really out there on the games lately. Yellowstone, Roswell, what happened did the Doctors at the asylum cut back on your meds or increase the dosage?"

OOC: GM: Mr Krass, the highlight of playing most games is to be creative, humorous and imaginative. I also expect the same in my players but not everyone is capable of breaking out of their profound ignorance, stupidity or habits. Now next weekend over the USA Memorial Day it gets really good, I'm sending Krass/Drassel and Associates out to hunt down the missing WMD's in Iraq. Let us hope you have better luck than the typical government idiots in existence today."

OOC: Eon: "Krass, when will you learn to keep your fat, stupid mouth shut! Now if we don't find them we are stupid and if we do we save Bush's Hoop, it's a no win situation all around."
The Great Krass

Luddington to Krass, "The wages of sin are eternal damnation!"

Krass smiling, "Maybe, but the hours are good though."
The Great Krass

During planning for a security job.

Corinth(gnome street sam, group leader): Kalrindar, Shipo, you two do perimeter patrol around the park.
Kalrindar(elf adept ninja) looks at Shipo(fox shapeshifter fox shaman)
Corinth: Just do it! Turn him into a fox and throw some frisbees, I don't care!
OOC Shipo:I'm a fox, not a dog!
OOC GM: Give me a minute to write that one down.
Dasker

Drassel to Eon, "Where have you been? I have a new client and he wants his wife shadowed. He thinks she's cheating."

Eon nodding, "Sorry I went to the beauty parlor."

Krass looks up and speaks seriously, "To bad it was closed."
The Great Krass

Krass sobbing, "I've been ruined! They took it all."

Eon smiling, "Yes, but you avoided the tax on brains because you don't have any."

Krass glared at Eon, "Behind every great man stands a woman and the IRS. One takes the credit and the other takes the cash."
The Great Krass

You had to push the red button, didn't you!?!?!?!
2 seconds to the explosion

JoAnne, "You know Krass, if you keep on putting our stuff all over the place you'r name could become a household word, like Saniflush!"

Krass, "Gee Mary, summers almost over, I only have a few more days to laugh at you before Octoberfest when the smell of sauerkraut pollution will be in the air."
The Great Krass

Jones(accidentally munchy orc sam):"Ok I shoot the lock with my Warhawk."
GM:"All right, the lock and a lot of the door around it disintegtrate."
Jones:"Ok, I hit it with my shoulder as hard as I can and charge into the room."
Aaron(wannabee runner):"I follow right behind him."
GM:"The door opens very easily because there was nothing left to hold it closed and the both of you charge into the room at top speed, make an athletics roll."
Jones:"Failed."
Aaron:"Damn, failed."
GM(Cracking knuckles and grinning maliciously):"Both of you fail to avoid hitting the desk in the middle of the room. You flip over it landing on your butts on the floor. Aaron has a clear view out the door on that side of the desk."
Aaron:"What do I see?"
GM:"Roll light stun damage."
Aaron:"Huh?"
GM:"You have a perfect view of the dwarven mage who just cast stunbolt on you."
Aaron:"But...damn."
Random Runner

"THATS THE GUY WHO STOLE MY DOC WAGON!!!" said by npc as my dwarven rigger was going through in vasive surgery in said doc wagon
STEEL

OOC: Krass, "You know Fat Guy you are pretty smart for a crazy guy."

OOC: GM, "Well Mr. Krass, I may be crazy but it doesn't mean I have to be stupid. Stupid is easy to cure. You either let it die on it's own or it learns and becomes less stupid. Society takes a different view of crazy though."

OOC: Eon, "How is that? Can't some insanity be cured?"

OOC: GM, "A good question. Sadly I must answer no. They either drug you to make you what they call sane or they try to convince you that what you believe is NOT real. People usually take drugs to ESCAPE reality, why give drugs to those who escape to bring them back? I won't even get into lobotomy as well as other more radical ways to punish a person who does not believe in the same things everyone else believes in."
The Great Krass

Krass is having an adjustment made to the ProKrasstinator 2000 becuase it keeps giving him micro-shocks at the most inconveinent times. The Doctor is making adjustments but the shocks keep coming. "Today on "Generally Empty Headed Hospital," the hospital review board will be severely reprimanding Dr. Putz for leaving his 7-11 mug inside a cardiac patient. OW!"
The Great Krass

GM: Okay, now that you're ready, I'm turning it over and taking over her character. Morri, you're the GM now.

Morrigana: GM? I'm in charge? The power... The power... I FEEL THE POWER! Mwahahahahahahahaha!

GM: *sighs* Someone taser Morri and reset her, please?

As the party was driving a car full of 20kg of C-4 towards a house of kidnappers: Do you think we got enough?
Opium

Chef: See, you can tell that he is done if you throw him at the wall
and he sticks.

On the same night as the first run of my new character Anarchy, we were a bit distracted that night, so I kept making charisma checks that usually involved rolling more than 2 sixes, and the two females kept failling willpower to resist my seduction attempts. So I finally ninja note the GM a message to his character Dragon. The note basically was betting him that I could get the two women naked before two weeks were up.

Well during our stake-out for a vampire hunting us I radioed them offering after we were done to give them both massages to help them relax, with a roll of 33. After the stake-out failed we headed back to the place we were staying and he started massaging them, after another good roll he talked them into a full body massage and after getting them really relaxed, he brought in the dragon and won the bet. from this he now has the nickname H.I.M. (horny ignorant monkey, or as he prefers, horny insufferable monkey)
Dormanu

Luddington to Dr. Patterson, "Actually, it's a lot of fun to fight. You know, it's a hell of a hoot. It's just pure fun to shoot some people."

Dr. Patterson looks at his partner intently, "You are supposed to be a priest. Hate the sinner and not the sin. Isn't that supposed to be your creed?"

Luddington, "I save the sinner by making sure he can't commit more sins. SO there it IS Religion that Works!"
The Great Krass

GM: Ok, you look in the window and see about 400 pounds of chrome glareing at you..

Stoneblade: I give him the finger

GM: okayyy...

StoneBlade: I unholster my panther Cannon

GM: k, roll initiative
( cyberzombie wins )

GM: The zombie shoots you with his four back mounted miniguns and two cyber shotguns.

Stoneblade: I resist it, and shoot him in the face with my Panther Cannon.

GM: (groans)
VANNMANN

In the same play by post game I posted the quote from a few years ago (when the team was working for Ghostwalker and encountered the evil tree things), we finally found a way to get back to our own time. We get sent back only to find that the "present" we are in is dramatically different from the normal world of 2060. We are also all separated from each other, though still in contact via communicator.

So my psionicist, Rebo, finds himself alone in this strange world, looking around at what he has found himself in. So he says the only thing I could think of in a situation like this.

Rebo: "YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!"

...and nearly blowing out the eardrums of every team member who caught that incredibly loud diatribe over the communicators.

-Helios

Group of Shadowrunners discussing the "plan"

Me:hmmm but isn't that illegal?
Bunf

Eon has been arrested by Lone Star for robbery. She seems to be as cool as ice. Ronilion the mage has arrived to help his partner.

Ronilion in a smart Amanti business suit and diamond studded walking stick, "Just what charges to you have against my partner Officer?"

Knight Errant (NPC), "Several people have identified her as making purchases with a credit card belonging to a business man called Devlin Krass."

Ronilion smiles, "It's obviously a frame job. Why Ms Eon is Mr Krass's very private and highly paid secretary. She obviously has no motive for doing such a thing."

Knight Errant smiling, "We have her on several surveilance tapes and we found all the goods and receipts in her Nightsky when we arrested her."

Ronilion nodding but undetered, "Yes, I can see your point. Perhaps we can make a deal with the prosecution?"

Knight Errant glaring at the mage, "I hope your not thinking of bribery."

Ronilion looking shocked, "Not at all officer, but Krass is a shady individual and for immunity from prosecution I am sure Ms Eon will be more than happy to perform her public spirited duty by telling you all the juicy details."

Eon looking contrite and tearful, "Like the time he started the preschoolers prostitute ring and sold dope disguised as a nun."

Knight Errant thoughtfully, "Now where have I heard THAT before?"
The Great Krass

Rings(a hyped street sam) to Daus Ex (a Decker):: whoo hoo Only 3 casualties on that run Im getting better man.. less killing, Aren't ya proud? (Smiles)
Daus ex: Rings, you went out for CHINESE!! NO I Am NOT Proud of you
Sapphireknight

2 street sams are hunched in drakness, waiting fo the 2 mages to create a diversion.

-Ok, as soon as we get the signal, we shoot everything in sight.
-Huh... What was the signal?
- ... Shut up. Let's go right now.

Results: 4 dead runners who equipped their new characters witth radios.
The Morbid Smurf

Ronilion is seeking Drassel and finds him in his office busily working on a case. "It looks like your busy right now, I can come back later."

Drassel looks up, "No need. What's the problem?"

"I was just going to invite you out to McBeast's. So what are you working on?"

"Well techincally I am trying to help a friend of Krass's that got arrested. It is truning into a very interesting case."

"How so?"

"Well, he admits he committed the crime, but his sueing himself, claiming that he violated his own civil rights by getting arrested. He is sueing for five million NuYen and wants UCAS to pay it since he can't have an income in prison."

Ronilion looking shocked, "That's totally absurd!"

Drassel looks pointedly at Ronilion, "Not at all, in law nothing is absurb. Besides, I'm winning." He smiled.
The Great Krass

GM: "Today, my friends, we'll try to answer some of life's more intriguing questions: Is there life after death? Is there life after marriage? Is there life after high school? Is there life during a presidential campaign?"

Krass, "You forgot one Fatboy."

GM: "I don't pretend to be infallible Mr. Krass, what did I overlook?"

Krass looking at Eon, "Eon has such a sexy voice That I wonder if I should listen to her without a parent or guardian present?"

Eon responds quickly, "Or why Krass resembles so many newborn babies? They even drool the same way."

Ronilion, "OR what's the scariest thing you can think of? How about an alarm clock that sounds like Yoko Ono?"

Drassel, "OR when are we going to get some rain? I'm tired of watering my ragweed."

Dr Patterson, "All good questions I'm sure. Well, gang, I've got to rush home. I just bought a new digital video camera and I'm gonna spend the rest of the day editing myself into the new Jennifer Lopez porn movie. If you figure out the answers clue me later.

Krass, "Holy Shyte! I want to go with him!"

Luddinton to Patterson, "Better show him your tattoo, the one on your hoop. The one that reads, 'If your close enough to read this their better be a wedding ring in your pocket!"
The Great Krass

Sam(when asked if he had a spare set of keys for the landrover):I don't know, (points at decker) He's the one who stole it, ask him.
Cymon

Menicus(Troll physad PC):WHAT D..? WHERE THE HELL COULD I'VE PUT IT?
Killian(my Orkish Physad):But what the damn are ya lookin' for?
Menicus:BUT I DAMN DON'T KNOW!!
Killian

Luddington dejectedly, "No matter how much I care, some people are just assholes."
The Great Krass

Years of military grade S.W.A.T trainig $2,000,000 for 6 people.
S.W.A.T grade highly modifyed weaponry $1,250,000 for 6 people.
Colective cyberware & bioware for 6 people $4,000,000
S.W.A.T car to get you there $250,000
Seeing your S.W.A.T team get its A** kicked by a bunch of street dreck!
priceless!
;>0

Norm Al

Im a big bulky tough guy type, not very cordinated.

so im making a jump over a counter to tackle a guy, I fail my roll and catch my foot on the counter and land hard on the ground. I fail another quick recovery roll and as it turns out, i know myself out by face sliding into a column in the restaurant.
Chrone

OOC: Krass, "Hey Fatman, what do you think is the BEST joke you ever pulled on the spur of the moment?"

OOC, Fatman, "I was at an anime con in California and I was dressed as a big devil, which even considering my size then was smaller it was still a HUGE costume. It had eight foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head and I carried a large papermache pitchfork. I was looking incredibly ugly. The interesting thing was that the hotel I was staying in was double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel. So there I am riding the elevator down to the con space with the doors opening on every darn floor with no one there until I get to number 13, there stands a little old baptist woman. She looks at me in shock. I know I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't resist I just say in my best evil voice, 'Going Down?' "
The Great Krass

The Great Krass:

OOC: Drassel to Krass, "I was gypped. I put a dollar bill into a machine that said "Change," but I don't feel any different yet."

*** Eon Joins: Retrosexuals: "What have I missed? It sure is good to be back."

OOC: Krass, "BABE, fair maid and sex slave, t'is the biding moment of greetings. Pray thee push thou my turn-on button, or a crone with a wart on her nose will cast a spell on your Ultra Slim Fast."

OOC: Eon, "Wait I have to get my gun recalibrated."

Dr. Patterson teaching in the Shadowrunner school say's, "A fragmentation grenade doesn't give a rat's arse for alternative medicine."
The Great Krass

The team is hanging out in a cheap flat they rented for a mission in Vladivostok...

Elven sniper: "Hey DWARF! I'm parched over here, get me a beer."
Twitch (dwarven merc): "Get it your fragging self, I'm busy."
Elf: "Aren't you dwarves supposed to be jolly, and happy to give out beer, or something?"
Twitch grumbles and goes into the kitchen to get a beer. He pops the top and digs into a drawer, and grinds up a couple of sleeping pills into the drink. Dials up the street doc they'd visited a couple nights previous and inquires (in Russian), "Are you available for surgery tonight? In about one or two hours." He hands the bottle to the elf, then proceeds into his own room to pop open a case with a cortex bomb inside. "No, I've got what I need installed right here..."

"As a marsh mellow roast, Krass probably had his finest hour." Eon stated in a satisfied voice.
The Great Krass

Eon said to Krass as he tried to pimp her to the corp exec. "Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken."
The Great Krass

Just before we broke into a Lone Star station on a stealth mission.

Raiden - This is a stealth mission. (OOC) I drug the troll.
Drib (said troll & PC) – Huh?
Raiden – Oyasuminasai (“pleasant dreams” in Japanese)

Mojo Jojo 42

The Seattle news is showing a holo of recent events, "Today holos of Mayor Krass surfaced in the news media showing him dressed as a rooster and crowing while in an amourous position with Swedish Ambassador Pippi Longstocking. Film at eleven."
The Great Krass

Ronilion is in the local bar observing the latest target. To maintain his cover with Eon he orders drinks and samples the drink first. "Ahh, an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of POLYVINYL CHLORIDE."
The Great Krass

The Great Krass:

From the Pimp Network Show: Seattle Entertainment Tonight: The REAL news everyone REALLY wants to know:

Mayor Devlin Krass, the paradigm of political and corporate beefcake, has been linked to the turning on of a light at his luxurious villa in Seattle Bellevue District.

Insiders claim that the hunky political star walked into one of a dozen rooms on the property and moved the light switch to a position in which it would bring light to the room.

Mayor Krass joins a long list of Tinseltown leading men - including Sanjaya Malakar, Kellie Pickler and Augustus Gloop - who have used lights to help them achieve better vision in dark rooms.

(upon character creation)

Torque: "I know ill be incompitent...."

Trusty: "Yeh be incompitent in bows and crossbows like me!"

Torque: "Only problem is that damn Notoriety."

Trusty: "Well look at it this way, people should know that if were left alone in a room together with nothing but a couple bows and some arrows were FRAGGED"

(Entering a Universal Brotherhood lobby with six armored and heavily armed security guards and one corp secretary at her desk.)
Blackrose(mage): Quick, shoot the corp-secretery!
Kev(Sammie): Ok. I do it.(rolls his first action)
GM: Alright, you put one right in her forehead. (out of game) Good thing too, she was a powerful initiate in disguise.
Blackrose: Wow. . . . I'd just wanted to see if Kev would do it. I guess shooting the non-combatants first is going to have to become a standard policy.

phoenix

Niqqi (female ganger) rounds up the rest of the gang to show them the security video she removed from a store they robbed.
the screen shows the two milling around the shop for about 10 mins waiting for the other customers to leave, then the 2 approach the counter.
Niqqi this is the good bit!
the screen shows her partner raise his gun to shoot out the security camera......the screen goes black.
Niqqi -oh drek!...well what happened is..........
Niqqi

IRS handing Krass a stack of forms, "You neglected to file the fifty new E Z forms Mr Krass."

Krass looks through the sheaf, "OH Joy! I can see the tax forms have been simplified beyond all understanding. How could I be so blessed? At least the forms are free."

IRS smiling, "Well not really, we add the cost to your tax. That is what we call a 'hidden' tax. You see we really never do away with a tax, we just hide it better."
The Great Krass

Drassel is visiting Krass at the Hospital not because he wants to offer sympathy but to bring up a business idea. Isn't it so nice to have people who care?

Drassel, "I did some research on Turducken."

Krass smiling, "....and?

Drassel, "It is a real dish!"

Krass, "You're a fragging genius it only took you half a farking year to figure it out."

Drassel, "I have subcontracted with Acme Foods to start a new fast food business and corporation where we will be the sole owners and parent corporation."

Krass looking interested, "The fast food business is risky. We may have to wait 5-7 years to see a profit. What's the advertising look like."

Drassel, "Not just Turducken, Cajun Baked Turducken. It goes like this: {The Turducken isn't a meal - it's an experience. Our Turducken is a semi-boneless turkey (we leave only the wings and legs) stuffed with boneless duck, boneless chicken, cornbread dressing, and mouth-watering Cajun-style pork sausage. The Turduckens weigh an average of 14-15 lbs and provide approximately 20-25 servings (depending on your eaters of course). We will also offer Boneless Breast of Turducken, and Turducken on a sesame roll. For the Turducken Breast, we follow the same procedure as the Turducken, except we use only the boneless breast of each bird. Our Turducken Breast is a boneless turkey breast stuffed with a boneless duck breast, boneless chicken breast and mouth-watering Cajun-style pork sausage. The breasts average 4.5 lbs and provide approximately 7-9 servings. The dinner comes with the Turducken Breast plus all the trimmings including cornbread dressing, sweet potato and praline casserole, corn maque choux and green bean casserole. Bring the taste of Cajun country at its finest to your dinner table. The Turducken, seasoned to authentic perfection, makes it easy to prepare a spectacular feast that your family and friends are sure to remember."

Krass, interested, "So you envision something like a Kentucky Fried Chicken where we sell the whole meal?"

Drassel, smiles, "Exactly. We make our selling places look like Cajun River Boats and instead of a barrel we use a boat carry case. The sales people will be dressed as Cajun women."

Krass, "OK I like it. Go with it."

Drassel, "I already have. I brought you a Turducken sandwich, you owe me 10 NuYen."
The Great Krass

OOC: Luddington to Krass, "You think your clue was bad? Look what I got."

GM: Luddington has tuned into the Vatican channel in search of information. The first item of note is; "Bionic groundhog attacks dogs, men. Described as 'A Stephen King Version of CaddyShack'."

OOC: Patterson, "The scary part is if he gives you that clue it relates. Now we have to figure out how to connect the groundhog with the prostitute ball-handlers, the FARK U group and the lost magical tomes."
The Great Krass

The Great Krass:

OOC: Krass, "HEY! Did anyone notice the changes in the Quotefile? Go over and vote for your favorite, me, 'Mayor Krass!' Remember a vote on the Quotefile means ..... means.... what the heck is the word I'm looking for?"
Eon, " Your a Pervert."

Luddington, "Your a Pagan."

Ronilion, "Absolutely Nothing."

Drassel, "Money."

Krass, "That's it Money and Babe's!"

After a long interrogation of a captured security guard, the usually sweetest and calmest female member of our party playing the Elf Decker suggests we cut the guys head off.

"The idea of torture is to get him to talk... not to kill him." - Human Mage

....Moment of silence and stares....

"Then we threaten to cut his head off?" Elf Decker

"Right!" Human Mage

After several meaningless hours of debate on whether or not the riggers car would fit on the helicopter, the psycho merc tossed a grenade through the window and said, "we're leavin it! RUN!"... too bad the slow, bad rollin decker was sittin on the hood of the car and it had 200 rounds of panther cannon ammo in the back.

Sorry Link, we miss ya.

The Ditsy Wage Mage.
Whisper

Luddington to Eon, "A great sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending."

Ronilion replies with a smile, "And they should be as close together as possible!"
The Great Krass

Krass is sitting in his wheelchair recovering from his latest bout of stupidity. Dr Patterson is trying to refit his teeth while Krass is decking. A shrill scream comes from the outer office followed by cursing from Eon.

Patterson looks at the grinning Krass. "What did you do now drek-head?"

Krass, "I'm feeding matrix porn to Eon through her communication gear. I hacked into her last refit specs to get the security codes. Now she is the central figure in the Houston 500."

Patterson, "You're a dead man."

Krass, "You could call it my gift to her continuing education."
The Great Krass

"Have we died and gone to heaven?"

"If this is heaven, we really were screwed by a troll-sized happytoy."
Mad Rabbit

Ever been woken up at 7am by a troll in an ill fitted three piece tuxedo telling you that you should let god in your life?

I have...
Lucky7

(Turnabout, a grade 5 initiate street mage, is lounging at his underground bunker when he receives a telecom call from his fixer. The job is a snatch-and-grab; a marked crate at a warehouse controlled by the Shotozumi.)

(me, OOC) Okay, great. I get in my Nightsky and set the autonav to take me to one block south of the warehouse. I cast and activate my Force 4 Levitate (6 successes, sustaining spell focus) and fly up to the side of the warehouse.

GM: Okay, you don't seem to be spotted. Now what?

Me: I pick the lock on the skylight and open it as quietly as I can. If it's creaky I'll whip up a quick Force 1 Silence.

GM: Okay, you cast the Silence spell (4 successes) and your activities are masked. You pop the lock on the window. There are four guards down below. Three of them have backpack lasers. The crate is in the middle of them.

Me: Assensing test. (4 successes)

GM: One of them is magically active and running a spell. (rolls dice) He hasn't seen you. Now what?

Me: I burn a Rating 9 expendable focus and cast a Deadly Force 12 Stunball on the guards. (Five successes on guards, three on mage.) I use all 9 of the focus dice and my spell pool for drain. (rolls dice, takes light deadly damage)

GM: Jesus Christ! Okay, the guards are all KO'ed.

Me: Sweet. I cast Levitate on the box, then once it gets to the roof, I get my air elemental to help me move it to the car.

GM: Fantastic. No legwork or anything; you finish the run in about twenty minutes. Thanks for ruining everyone's night.

My friends: You're a dick!, etc.

Me: What, what did I do?

GM: You get 1 karma for surviving and the 70,000 nuyen that was supposed to go to the group. Clearly it wasn't challenging enough for your cheap-ass character.

Me: Can I get that in scrip?
Turnabout

oops.. it wasnt suppose to double post
Xtreme

Kalrindar, the elf ninja adept has so far received these wounds in 5 games.

Serious wounds from a flamethrower.
A fork in the knee from a streetsweeper.
Shot in the foot by a pistol.
Serious damage from a shotgun stun shell to the back.
Serious stun from a flash-bang he tried to throw back but missed the window.

He has now been given the daredevil edge for use in his official role as the team meat shield.
ChaosEsper

Krass, "The elections are coming down to the wire. Now what has my PR flack been doing to get me elected?"

GM: PR Flack in flashy suit and weasel smile, turns on the holo news.

GM: Holo news girl with mega-watt smile and mega WHAT THE Fark! frontal enhancement, "Candidate and incumbent Mayor Krass released a news bulletin today that stated that he will use his personal fortune to buy a cow for every home in downtown Seattle if he is elected. Every downtown Seattle home will be gifted with a high milk-yielding cow from the Indian state of Kerala which could be expected to yield 10 liters or 2.5 gallons or up to 16 liters or four gallons of farm fresh milk every day."

Bruno Sagrella the publicity man for Mayor Krass was quoted as saying on Friday. "Even families who live in flats, who could make suitable arrangements to look after a cow, will receive the gift of a cow,"


The Great Krass

Heard from our resident assassin/nice guy of the group, when waking up naked, inside a dark room with no windows and a metal door with a slit:
"The room has a drain in the floor?
Great, that means I can pee..."

Chris

Setup: The runners have just found the paydata and a VERY large bomb.
Erik: I can take care of this...

Rob: I think I left the lights on in the van... (Rob leaves)

Erik: eenie, meenie, miney...
(BOOOOOOM)
Rob survived. Discretion is the better part of survival.
Demosthenes

Drassel to JoAnne, "You have to understand that most Shadowrunners are inherently violent individuals. Very few are actually intelligent. If they were smart they would be working in a corporation. Shadowrunners are tools and like any tool you use it till it breaks."

JoAnne pointedly, "You do Shadowrunner work."

Drassel, "Of course, when it suits my purpose and there is an advantage in it. Illegality is a tool of every corporation. After all there are some things that we have to do that we definitely do NOT want to impart to a third party."
The Great Krass

Armegeddon, dejectedly "I guess that means that you're never going to hire us again and since we're blacklisted we have to disband and start over."

Drassel, dead voiced, "That is your problem. You assume to much. Krass, Drassel and Associates don't do business like that at all."

Krass nodding cheerfully, "Of course not. We will give you a chance to redeem yourself and get the bad listing removed. We just won't give you the same kind of job. Your talents obviously lie in another direction. See me tomorrow and I'll have it ready."

Armeggeddon suspiciously, "You mean that? I guess we had you guys figured wrong." They leave.

JoAnne, enters the room, "Mr Krass, I have the insurance policies you took out on Armegeddon ready. You seem to have taken out a lot on the accidental death clause."

Krass smiles.
The Great Krass

"I don't want a haircut, I just need an outboard motor" -Ben Fairyfire to a rather large hairstylist in the Renraku Arcology when he was looking to get supplies for his chummers hunting awakened beasties in the sewers beneath Seattle.
Daikuma

The Great Krass:

Drek! as Pelch I'm in the trunk! I can't see a thing! The first warning I'm going to get will probably be a Panther shell in the trunk and I'm carrying BOOZE! My luck is still fragged up! I don't even have a hamburger, the witch took them.

GM: OK, CockSucker goes down... (In reference to a PC nicknamed cocksucker)

"DUCK!!!!"
phoenix

"You're a mouse studying to be a rat." Ronilion stated bluntly to Krass.
The Great Krass

Krass is checking the books and having a financial meeting with the associates. "For the next part of our business expansion we need to make Seventy-five million NuYen."

Eon looks at Krass and smiles, "Removing your head from your hoop leaves quite a medical bill, doesn't it."
The Great Krass

Luddington, "Mr Krass, I forgive you for the Lord say's Love thy Neighbor."

Krass, "So if your motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". Does this mean that your neighbor is a 14 year old hooker?"

Luddington, "You know Mr Krass, In your case a closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose."

Eon quickly replies, "Don't fret about it Padre, Krass is always glad to share his ignorance, He has plenty."
The Great Krass

GM, serious face holo announcer, "Today a modular house (being transported by a truck) accidentally smacked into investigative reporter Tab Lloyd knocking him into a lesbian bar that caters to blondes. Mr. Lloyd died on the scene and funeral arrangements will be held at St. Patricks next week."

Krass smiling, "Those Chamkichi Brothers do good work, I'll have to send them a bonus."
The Great Krass

Eon to Krass, "Go find a DISEASE and crawl into bed with it. PLEASE!"
The Great Krass

The Great Krass:

Krass to GM, "I'm hacking into Eon's email. I want to see what she has."

GM: smiling, "Make a roll."

Krass rolls, "All successful. YES!"

GM: "You look in Eon's mail and see....NOTHING!"

Krass, "HUH!?"

OOC: Eon laughs, "I figured you would try that sooner or later."

Krass, "I see nothing that looks remotely like an email folder when I check the names?"

GM still smiling, "Nope."

Krass looks at Eon with some respect. "OK, what did you do?"

Eon "I have all my email in the folder called "Instruction Manuals, I knew man would EVER READ it."

Group laughs.

Krass ruefully, "Damn your good."

Eon, "You will NEVER know just HOW Good either."

"There is nothing weird about my penis, it looks just as normal as my original one. you can tell when they're side by side, see?" - Actual conversation about cyberware. (may need editing)

Tank: "Do you think three Kilos of plastic are enough ???"
Jackhead: "It´ll do it"

Five Minutes later

Tank: "OhOoohhh, that must have been the Ammo"
Jackhead: "And that was the Gas-Pipe of the Neighbours House"
Tank: "Correction, that was the House"
Jackhead: "Let´s get out of here...FAST !!"
Tank

"He's been useful. Let him die now."
- Adam, discussing whether
or not to aid a character in trouble.


Whisper

Bouncer: Alright, lets start a gang war!
Taitsu: What the hell, it's been a slow night!



Mercurian

(after a major firefight-chase Longshot (sammi) is lying unconscious after lightning bolt struck him. Fonitrus is 30m away)
GM:Longshot will be dead in 4 Combat Turns
Fonitrus: I'm searching the parked security car for trauma patches.
GM: You find first aid kit with a trauma patch inside.
Longshot: Ahhhhh. (u have 2 combat combat turns left)
Fonitrus:I start the car and hammer the gas, going up to 60km/h in the 25m distance.
GM: What?
Fonitrus:hey I'm a dwarf I cant run that fast
GM:Roll your Car Skill.
Fonitrus:(rolls 3 dice) Fail!!
Fonitrus:Karma!(reroll) Fail!!
Fonitrus:Karma!(reroll) Pass!!
GM: You made it all ok. (no karma left)
Longshot: Ahhh. (2 combat turns left)
GM: You notice one of the injured guards recovers from the crash. Drawing his weapon.
Fonitrus:Hell no! Quick draw my Ingram Smartgun.
(won initiative and greased the mofo in one phase, spent the next phase running.)
Longshot: aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh (Last turn)
GM:You have to apply the trauma patch directly over his heart. He is wearing 2 layers of armour. 1 Combat phase to remove one layer. Roll your quickness to remove it.
Fonitrus: Fukit. I'm ripping the whole two layers by hand.
GM: What? Roll strength, Target number 17
Longshot:(Ok , I'm just gonna grab one of these blank character sheets and work on a new guy)
Fonitrus:(rolls 8 dice, 1,1,4,3,6,5,2,6)
(reroll sixes, 3,6)
(rerol last six...)
GM: A 4 will not do it.
Longshot:(I will have lets see priority A to attributes...)
Fonitrus:(rolls.......5) AAAAA. I rip the armour. And I apply the patch.
GM:Good lord! You made it. Longshot is stabilized.
Longshot:(What u actually pulled it off???)...

It doesnt get much closer than that does it.
Fonitrus (reposted due to error)

Birds In Mouth, world's laziest Gator shaman, dealing with a security check.

GM as Sec. Guard:Yeah, yeah, let's just see your ID.
Birds In Mouth:I have it right here, offi-- PSYCHIC BLAST!
GM(ooc):Alright, roll for your spell.
Birds(ooc):Nah, I'm not casting anything. I'm just shouting psychic blast.
GM(ooc):What? Why?
Birds(ooc):Don't want any drain.
GM(ooc):What good will shouting do?
Birds(ooc):Dunno. Is he really supersticious?
BirdsInMouth

Krass to Drassel, "I've set Eon up real good. It will be five minutes of lightning, ten minutes of thunder and she'll spend the rest of her life wondering what happened!"
The Great Krass

A group of our's were hired to wipe out an Ares convoy. The convoy was transporting one of their top weapons designers, whom we were sent to rescue. We consulted our contacts, and got the weapons neccissary for such a task. Now, let me ask you: How scared would you be(as an Ares guard), when your convoy is destroyed by a radio-jamming rocket, and detonator control missles, smartbombs, landmines, mortars, and rockets, with a single human walking in from behind, picking off survivors with nothing but two Ares Predator III's?
Kerish

Luddington to Ronilion, "Do you think Krass really needs seventy-five million NuYen or is it a smoke screen?"

Ronilion, "Oh, he needs it all right. These days the necessities of life cost you about three times what they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink."
The Great Krass

Luddington to his congregation, "Today I've prepared a 10 NYen sermon on fire and brimstone that will take me about four hours and half to deliver, and I've prepared a 50 NYen sermon on the evils of sin that will take about an hour and a half to give, and I've got a 10 minute 100 NYen sermon on love and generosity. We'll take the collection at this time to see which one y'all vote for."

Ronilion, "Here's 1,000 NYen. Say Hello and Goodbye and save your voice."

Luddington, "Praise the Lord for his generosity and a day off."
The Great Krass

Krass learing at Eon, "This is the best day of the month to stand naked between two full-length mirrors and count your moles. Need some help?"

Eon looks steadily at Krass for a moment, "I'm studying a new college course. Funeral Director, right now we are doing Embalming, and I need a test subject." Krass hastily departs.
The Great Krass

Team is fighting a queen Ant spirit- a FREE queen ant spirit, no less, and is in way over their heads. Two of six of them are down and even the adepts can't seem to hurt her in melee, so they are understandably not very happy with things.

TENCHI: (As the queen drops the other adept in the party.) We're FRAAAAAGGED!!!

GM: Aren't you the one with Leadership specialized in Morale?

TENCHI:(OOC) Yeah, that's how you know it's true.

From the Proboards:

Pelch Gobwit, out on the town:

Now back in those good old days you could be paying up to twelve US dollars for a single premium martini. Does this scream Yuppie hangout for aging, bald headed guys and shopworn girls looking to score a one nightie? Yeah, that made the place a little pricey even by today's standards. Let's face it, the bar is now in serious need of detoxification and maybe several sticks of dynamite for renovation improvement. I just knew I would feel right at home there.

GM: So, What are you going to do?
Shrike: I throw a grenade through the window....
GM: Your character doesn't think that's a good idea, after all, it is bullet-proof glass.
Shrike: Then I shoot the glass and throw the grenade through it....
GM: *Shakes Head*.

-Tachi

Player is making a new character. Third had just died due to yet another explosion caused by another player.

PC: "It is not my fault I keep becoming a crater!"

(While attempting to place an unarmd, grenade into Ash's[Dwarf Rigger] masive chest wound)
VERM: What are you doing?
DUNK: In case of emergancey, Pull pin, Throw dwarf
Sir_Garak

"another day, another dollar... *growls*"
"Lucky" Lou Elias

Luddington looking at Eon and Ronilion sadly, "Mr Krass does not seem to be responding to my attempts to improve his soul. He got pretty foul-mouthed the last time I talked to him."

Eon nodded in sympathy, "So Krass told he would piss on the Fountain of Knowledge? Well that is a big lie."

Luddington looking hopeful, "You mean he was pulling my leg?"

Eon, calmly, "Well, no, he was being polite. He most likely meant he would piss IN the Fountain of Knowledge so no one else could use it either."
The Great Krass

(Cutter, an elven swordsman/street samurai, and Blitzkrieg, a dwarf street samurai/mercenary, have tracked down their Johnson - an ex-street samurai infested with a Roach spirit named Sundance. Sundance has sent the team on a run that has resulted in all but the two infested with roach spirits.)

Sundance: So you saw through my little ruse.

Cutter (raising dikoted katana): You killed most of our team, but we killed your little monsters - now we mop your ugly hoop up, and take out your queen.

Blitzkrieg (hefting Ingram Valiant): See you in hell, bugboy.

Sundance: *grins* The Queen will be most pleased with the pair of you.

Cutter: Over our dead bodies!

GM: Okay, initiative. Okay, Sundance lunges forward even faster than you move, Cutter. (rolls dice) Okay, roll soak against a Power of... 15.

Cutter (OOC): (jaw drops) What?

GM: Yup, 15.

Cutter: 1 success.

GM: Okay. Blitzkrieg, you don't even see Sundance move. You blink and then see Cutter's headless body topple forward as Sundance spins Cutter's head like a top on his right index finger. He smiles sadistically at you and then takes a large bite out of Cutter's cheek.

Blitzkrieg (OOC): I hand over my Valiant and ask Sundance about what kind of medical benefits Roach vessels receive and whether there's any chance for advancement.

GM: Sundance replies that you get no medical benefits and that your soul will merge with an utterly alien presence which will control and guide you for the rest of your life.

Blitzkrieg: Okay, fine, but I'm not doing any vacuuming.
Turnabout

JoAnne to Krass and Drassel, "Mr Krass, I got the license plate renewed on your company limo. The new number is YAG-10B."

Krass, "It's about time, now go back to the office before I bitch-slap you."

Drassel and JoAnne leave and JoAnne starts laughing quietly.

Drassel, "What's so funny? Krass was pretty rude to you but I must admit you took it well. Just like a lawyer."

JoAnne, smiles and holds up a mirror to Krass's new license plate. It reads: BOI-GAY.

Drassel, "Everyone that looks in a rearview mirror is going to see that plate. I see a lot of accidents in the future."

JoAnne, "Now all I have to do is wait. Think of the litigation possibilities."

Drassel smiles, , "I think you're ready to be raised to full partner status. I'll get started on the paperwork. We're going to need a new office assistant."
The Great Krass

Luddington has left the Gym to order Krass a coffin. He's not dead yet, but Luddington has hopes. He notices the holo is on as he dials.

GM: "Several of the new mid-season TV series replacements are environmentally friendly. Here's an example of what you could be watching on KPOG this winter.

Singing In The Rain Forest, an EPA approved musical set in Brazil and starring Paula Abdul and the Jolly Green Giant.

The Twilight Ozone, an environmental drama set in Iceland starring Martin Sheen, Charlie Sheen, Emilio Estevez, Ramone Estevez, Fred Sheen, Benny Estevez, Gladys Sheen, Irving Estevez, Bishop Sheen, Beulah Estevez, and Keifer Sutherland.

Saturday Night Toxic Waste, a Bob Barker approved comedy starring the Smothers Brothers, Dentist-to-the-Stars Dr. Weird Al Yankitout, and Tipper Gore as Sister Oprah.

The Love Canal Boat, an environmental dramedy with different guest stars every week and starring Regis Philbin as the captain. "

Luddington with a serious face, "Now that looks like an improvement."
The Great Krass

Scene: Shadowrunners are traveling down in an elevator to a bad guy's hideout. As they do, one of them looks up at an elevator hatch and decides to use the element of surprise by hiding on top of the elevator car...

"Once you get it open," Chaz says, still completely masked by his ruth, and his voice sounding much more comfortably. His hands slide out of his cover to go to the roof hatch, pushing up against it.
Tink! Chaz's hard hit knocks it almost free from the metal seam, but not quite. A sizable dent sits in the metal chunk.
Stepping back as Ghostfist makes his comment, Chaz nods, looking up at the dent he left. "Guess this hands are good for something."
Vixen heaves and almost gives herself a hernia. Maybe she'd considering using someone as a stepstool but yeah...ok. Her face turns red with effort.
Finally, under the combined pressure of the freak-strong Vixen and the massive trogg, the hatch buckles in two and slips out of its seams, instantly flying up the shaft, tied to what looks suspiciously like elevator support cables. And there's the sudden sensation of free fall.

One L wound, one M wound, and two S wounds need treating after the car crashes.

Player1 OOC: Wow... we really went through those gangers. They didn't even shoot at us before we killed them all.
Player2 OOC: Yeah... here I thought they'd put up a fight.
GM: You hear tires screeching behind you. A black panel van with the Renraku logo on the side streaks through the corner and heads directly towards you.
Player1 OOC: What's Renraku?

Needless to say, they learned quickly.

GM: As you know, this is going to be our standard Christmas run. However, unknown to all of you, I decided to let Morrigana run this one. Before I turn it over to her, are there any equipment purchases you'd like to make?

Flakback: Yeah. What's the price on tactical nukes these days? We may need a few in this run.

The group was trying to get to a child being held hostage by several mercenaries were outside the building and we planned to throw an EMP into a small hole we lifted the kid out of, we run about 10 meters back (33 feet) and a street sammy throws the EMP but fumbles his roll and throws it 3 meters away, were loaded with electronics and so one of our members who is very god like rolls her acrobatics, throwing getting 10, 7 and it was like watching the matrix. The street sammy gets depressed and everyone is yelling at him for fumbling and I chime in with :"You guys DO know those things have timers, right?"

-Twinkle Toes

Said during the ensuing firefight when corporate assassins (sent by the megacorp the team just finished a run against) burst into the runners hideout, guns blazing:

Chrome (Elven combat decker): What the frag are assassins doing here?

Crusher (Troll weapons specialist): Do you *seriously* not know the answer to that?!

during a disscusion on ammo:
Player 1:I use APDS because it penetrates really good.
Wildhuntsman:EX-Explosive works great, and leaves less filling.

got me an extra karma point
Wildhuntsman

After the meeting, Jim Richards, the Covert Ops expert decided to meet with a whore
he met earlyer that night, for a little undercover work, if you know what I mean.
At which time he asked if he would need to roll willpower to stay up after a sex
(Not wanting to wake up to a missing wallet and a misplaced hooker, finding
getting a freebie quite strange from a hooker he just met, (actually due to his
high charisma)). Being that he was male, I decided that yes, that was a
necessity, whereas a woman would jump out of bed and make him a sandwich, (sorry
ladies, it was a good joke). He rolled his four puny dice, and his highest was a
27. After a small time of me cursing out my dice, I let him have the best of the
hooker, and her fall asleep instead. Then he asked what time it was, it was 11:00
wen he got there. Forgoing the ovvious 11:01 joke, we went on to contemplate how
and if this could be calculated through dice rolling. This is what it sounded
like:

?what time is it?
am or pm?
lemme see.
would this be strength or body?

(Note: I decided on body, but also decided that some sex rules should be made for shadowrun, sort of like an adult whitewolf book however, Im too lazy to do so myself.)
BurnEdOut

Setup: The Team is facing off against a Toxic Coyote shaman.. He is wounded and standing
against a warehouse wall.

Thrill(Rigger): *The tires peels and smoke rises and the Adrenaline rush shoots backward to gain room....The juice
gets entered in the system and the van charges forward at break neck speeds...*
"Stop this...."

(Well, you can guess what happened to the shaman.)
Party Animal

Setup: We were in a run that the GM had created as a sequel to The Terminus Experiment.
After plowing through about fifty vampires (One that PA had killed by flipping the bird to a vampire
and casting laser simultaneously..) the runners came against Dr. Wake. To make a long story short (too late)
Dr Wake had nearly burnt himself out by casing spells, laying most of the team up, leaving Party Animal
by himself.

Party Animal: I.... Cast Transform... And I.. *Rolls dice, gets about twenty successes* Turn him into a bunny!

They took the bunny, wrapped him in a magemask and dropped him off to their Johnson.
Party Animal

Mr Johnson: to gimli have you ever seen rabbits working w/ Hell hounds didn't think so
Double Z: Maybe they were hell rabbits..
Party Animal

Krass to the aliens and Luddington, "I'm making a porno film and I want all of you to be in it."

Luddington, "Listen not to his blasphemies my children. He is a perverted sinner intent not only upon his own soul's destruction but your's as well."

Krass, "C'mon Padre this film would be good for you. It would be 10% sex and 90% guilt."
The Great Krass

"So we burst into this corporate's bedroom and he wants to know 'who the hell are you?', so I say to him 'who the hell is anybody?' and that little philosophical problem shut him up. Well, that and three 10mm bullets" -

Fireman Sam

(was an elven yakuza that just messed up something and had to atone to the yakuza higher ups)
Overlord:"you must cut off you finger"(im paraphrasing here)
Me(ooc) okay I take my vibroblade and cut off my finger
GM:Roll
Roll: *Fail*
Me: drek
GM: you begin to saw through your finger, roll again
roll: fail
me: crap

Draken

This is the first time our rigger "Sammy" gets to use her brand spanking new Assault transport. (Totally legit.)
It has some 30 armor, with two railguns, two vaporizers, 60 rockets, and four victory cannons

GM : What the hell is that fraging thing!?!?
Sammy : It's a fraging tansport!
Gm : That, is not a transport! That is a fraging armored space assault vehicle!

...Later in the run...

Gm : I can't believe this...
Sammy : I love it!
Gm : I will destroy that thing.
Sammy : It's my baby!
Gm : Take hunted at level 4. Assorted megacorps.
The Dragon

Krass has been complaining to Ronilion about the IRS audit. Ronilion nodded his head in sympathy, "For every act of genius, there is an equal and opposite government program. It's the law of the universe."
The Great Krass

Eon looking at Krass as she talked to Ronilion,“When dealing with scum my motto has always been to shoot first, then a second time. If you still have ammo, shoot again. Reload if need be, and then ask questions.”

Ronilion nodded in agreement, "Stupid is as stupid dies."
The Great Krass

"Krass is useless on top of the ground he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages."
The Great Krass

OOC: Father Luddington to GM, "I get down on my knees, pray to God and say it's for the good of the world." Then I take the magical holy symbol from the dead priest.

GM: "The device glows with a bright light and you can feel the power eminating from the device."

OOC: Dr Patterson to Luddington, "I don't think God will be to happy about this, you're robbing a dead priest."

OOC: Luddington, "He's not going to need it in the other world don't you know that he can't take it with him?"
The Great Krass

Xtreme on the Shadowrun Proboards:

sigh... I hate it when my mind wanders at work... this could possibly get me into trouble, but.. hey, its me


ProKrasstinator 3K:
Announcer: we interrupt your radio broadcast to bring you this advertisement live...

"Are you tired of being tiny? not enough? or non-existent? then you need the ProKrasstinator 3K, modeled after our beloved Mayer Krass. the ProKrasstinator 3K is the greatest penile replacement technology to exist. Built out of Titanium, it provides full protection and full satisfaction... the "Pro" stands for its ability, the "Krass" stands for well.. you know (snicker) EH-EM, I'm sorry.. stands as a monument that says the company's logo, 'when you thing of Penis, think ProKrasstinator 3K' and the "tinator" means its one of a kind ten speed vibrator system that changes functions as quick as a thought... and there you have it... the ProKrasstinator 3K... now back to your.. you know what.. speaking of procrastination Mayor Krass... who in the hell do you think you ar...
( different ) announcer: now back to your radio station
The Great Krass

Dr Patterson to JoAnne, "Where's Krass? I have some new requirements for equipment for that killer cyber enhanced dog I'm making him. It will be so nasty it could chew plastocrete like marshmellow."

JoAnne, "Krass may not be here today. After Eon's taser ran out of charge he was so sexually excited he ran out of here looking for some action. While out last night he saw a foxy lady and sucked his gut in so hard he threw his back out. He did leave a message though for everyone."

Krass message, "Now, finally, the blockbuster news that’ll make your day. I not only will be back the day after tomorrow, but I will be glibber, profounder, adorabler, and more charismaticker than ever."

Dr Patterson, "She could have hooked that taser to Three Mile Island and it would have made just as much difference."

JoAnne, "You have to say this about Krass, no one and I mean no one can take a pounding like him."
The Great Krass

GM to Group, "Quoting the old U.S Supreme Court laws on eminent domain Krass is attempting to acquire all the lands around Seattle, stating he can use them much better and make more profit from them than the current owners. "

Drassel, "The elves and the Tribal Council might not be receptive to your interpretation."

Krass, "Tell those suckers to get off my land."
The Great Krass

The Retro-sexuals are in a fire fight with the Sage's Hareem Guards. Krass having no clothes or equipment has borrowed a gun from Drassel and is blasting away stakers. The group under cover is laughing so hard they are finding it difficult to hit anything. It looks like a standoff. meanwhile the Jokes keep flying.

Drassel, next to Krass behind a vehicle which is developing bullet holes rapidly speaks first, "Your giving 'bad-hair-day' a whole new meaning."

JoAnne laughs, "Hey Boss, I want to see your ass back at the office by 8 tomorrow."

Eon, "EEEEEWWWW! No one would want to TOUCH his office chair after that!"

Ronilion ducks some bullets and tosses a fireball, "No one will want to touch his pens either after they see where he keeps them."
The Great Krass

Example number 285 of why it's bad to surprise a natural killer with level 2 wired reflexes:

The PCs are in Haiti, they get the *only* cab driver willing enough to drive them to one of the worst parts of the Havana.
The driver, thinking he would help the "poor little runners", stopped the car, and, going to the trunk, then proceeded to take two pistols out, pointing upwards.

One reflex and willpower roll later, the *surprised* PCs were facing 1 dead cab driver with a bullet hole in his head, and their new NPC partner holding the smoking gun...

Chris

I'll hand over my weapons, if you'll hand over yours.
Adam to some security guards.
Whisper

Kraut: "I have..."
Party: "Oh, god, no"
Kraut: "...a plan"
Tester

We were clearing out a contact's basement, which an aspected conjurer, who happened to me a cute little chameleon lived. The lizard had summoned a bunch of beasties: 2 Mist Lynxes, a cheetah, and a Greater Wolverine.
(Cecil, our racist ex-Star cop): Is the wolverine on Angel Dust?
(GM): No.
(Cecil: Then I have nothing to fear.
(The wolverine ended up dropping him down to Serious Physical.)
Gravewalker

I'm GMing for my regular group and I've just given them their mission. A Yakuza operative has requested that they make a Mafia-run casino "No longer a viable asset." I figure, since we play in a relatively low power group (No panther cannons here for christ's sake), this will give them a bit of a challenge to say the least. All of them have been talking for quite some time, coming up with various infiltration plans to either bust the place up or plant expolosives to destroy the building. Finally Ian comes up with a plan:
Ian: Wait a sec guys, we're getting too complicated. Why don't we just park a giant bomb outside the casino and set it off.
Chris: Hey, yeah, it can just be a big fuel and fertilizer explosive.
Matt: (Laughing) We'll go all Oklahoma Federal Building on their asses!
Me: (Wailing in despair) Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!
As soon as this fraggin "terrorism run" went down the Feds were on them fast as hell. They all decided Bug city was a great place to lay low. I'm gonna have a lot of fun.
S-K HQ 10596@saederkrupp.com

(Barn Troll/merc)
What do you mean... research? I shoot things.
Specter

Eon to JoAnne, "Did you ever notice that all men are basically fools?"

Krass in response, "Only old men are fools because they let young, pretty sluts like you walk all over them."

OOC: GM: "Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools."

Eon laughs, "See I was right, ALL men are Fools."
The Great Krass

Ronilion to JoAnne, "I take it Krass is back from vacation?"

JoAnne, "Not yet."

Ronilion, "Krass is a greedy bastiage and a workaholic. It doesn't seem natural for him to be gone this long."

JoAnne, "He's mixing work with pleasure."

Ronilion, curiously, "How so?"

JoAnne, "He's been real busy 'stuffing' chickens."

The Great Krass

JoAnne to Krass, "Is this going to be another one of those days when you could be declared legally stupid?"
The Great Krass

"Okay, we have the gimp mask, bondage gear, and a sack full of yogurt. Shadowrun is the best game ever."

-Kevin, in response to the team's preparation for kidnapping a mage.
Prosper

Krass to Dr. Patterson, "I have proof that Luddington is two bubbles short of a bath."

Patterson, "Oh? How so?"

Krass, "I asked him if his truck had four wheel drive. He gave me that deer-in-the-headlights stare and said he had five if you count the spare tire."

Patterson, "Everyone is picking up the 'Drassel Disease'."
The Great Krass

OOC: Krass, "I should bomb something."

OOC: Ronilion, "...and it's off the cuff remarks like that are the reason I don't log chats. Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me."

OOC: JoAnne, "I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats."

*** FBI has joined #retrosexuals
OOC: FBI, "We saw it anyway."
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

OOC: Krass, "Fatman? That was you wasn't it?"

OOC: GM, "Scary isn't it. Those guys have no sense of humor."

OOC: Krass, "You are a bastiage."

OOC: GM, "The bastiagest."
The Great Krass

JoAnne, "Krass, you and your stupid lifestyle make everyone else feel like fried dog's balls on toast."

Krass, "For you, that would be an improved look, Mary."

Ronilion, "Don't forget the Fatman. It's a compliment for him too. He's BIG on Ugly."

Patterson, "With his lard butt, he's big on almost everything."
The Great Krass

The Fatman saw this posted on the Proboards by a guy named "Wart?" I think we should all read it.

Congratulations!

The above posts show me the normal Christmas attitudes. Stressed out people one upping each other in an attempt to show everyone what a terrible Holiday Christmas is, and what a terrible time they are having.

What did I get out of this?

1.) I don't have time or money for presents to make anyone else happy. I'm so miserable myself that I am just so helpless that I'll let everyone KNOW just how hopeless I am and make them feel the same way.

2.) Everyone complains about the Holiday even though many don't have to work. They give you the Holiday but don't pay you? Big deal, there are many seasonal jobs if you just have to work that you can do some part time or even volunteer work and some volunteers do get paid if you look in the right places. You think you have it tough check out MIGRANT workers! They slave dudes and dudettes but they have some pretty good attitudes. You a Migrant worker or less? If you ain't then your at least one level up on the food chain of arrogance. Ever heard of temp help anyone?

3.) Many are not Christians. Big deal. Depends on your outlook. The big deal here is you don't have to like it but why spoil someone else's fun? Why be such a bummer to everyone and everything that you just have to make them as miserable as you are?

4.) Everything is doom or gloom. For some of you, that is probably true because you can't say one good thing about your life. So change your life unless you want to wallow in despair, in that case though don't share it with me.

NO ONE except maybe the Fat-man in the HUMOR SECTION seems to say much that is positive and he and the Retros occasionally come up with situations that are funny. Maybe he's right. You people need to be like that Fat OLD Man who brings a ray of laughter to others lives and offers us interesting lessons in how people behave. So eat some chocolate and stop being miserable all the time. He could have something there.

Now why not count some blessings and really TRY to understand what this season is REALLY about and not buy into the marketing and TV strategy so much.

It's about a guy who some think is the Son of God, who SACRIFICED his life to save the world. Whether you BELIEVE it or not, that is a pretty awesome concept that someone would be whipped, tortured and hideously killed to save such an ungrateful bunch. The fact they believe he is a part of God and just didn't take the easy way out and destroy the world is pretty laid back.

Now this 'guy' supposedly healed the sick and raised the dead, helped the poor and did a lot of pretty interesting and mostly nice things. Whether we BELIEVE that or not, or think that our GREAT GREAT etc Grandparents were conned, or it's a fantasy, or a story, still it is a pretty good story about HOW we should treat each other. Even those of you who follow OTHER religions will tend to agree that it is something those other religions mostly try to teach. Mercy, Kindness, Love, Compassion, Attitude, etc. The main theme is: BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER. Now that is a pretty nice deal. Sure Bibles can be written and changed by people as Krass and Drassel have demonstrated but we can pretty well figure out where now can't we.

So Yes, Christmas is considered a Christian Holiday, because this country was founded on Christian principles, (Well Duh! Christ Mass is a religious holiday what else should it be called? Hatred Day? Misery Day?) but still EVERY COUNTRY in the world celebrates this Holiday in one form or another! Maybe not the same days but usually with a similar attitude and you don't see them whining and moaning about it. Want to bet that Eon gets a RED Envelope from the Fat-man, or if she doesn't I'll still bet he offered! I'm guessing it happens.

So why rain on the parade? What makes anyone feel so elite that they just feel they have to make someone else miserable? Does it make them feel better? They looking for sympathy?

Life isn't fair, but it doesn't have to be all bad. I recall the Fat-man saying in one of the posts. "Don't take life too serious, you'll never get out alive!" He's right you know.

I am thankful for Good Friends. Whatever food I can get. I am Thankful for my patient and good wife who tries hard to understand me. I am thankful and blessed by my children. I am thankful and grateful for whatever I have. I am thankful for this web-page which I discovered and I am thankful for a chance to express my opinion that may help others to get there head out of the clouds of doom and gloom and actually into a little light and fresh air. Maybe they will see a little clearer then. Some people try to make the world a little better, some don't want them to but have NOTHING better to offer.

So I say to you. Merry Christmas and may you be richly BLESSED by whatever God watches over you. For those who say they BELIEVE in nothing. I offer words of thanks for what you do have and believe you have earned and hold out a thought that you might want to be a little friendlier to those who are here NOW! Why make their lives more miserable just because you chose to be? You may not believe in God but if your not a Krass then you definitely believe in some morals or you would be Old Chuck Manson sitting in jail. Are any of you miserable Jeffrey Dahlmers, child molesters, or serial killers? I think not. So you do have some belief's that equate to a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or whatever view. The belief like mine, that we should try to be good to one another.

It's all about choices and attitude. So what is your attitude teaching those around you? Your Family, your friends, your fellow workers and most importantly your kids? Your life is miserable and so theirs should be too?

I think I'll get off now and spend time with MY family and friends and make this a time they can remember in the future for however long it lasts. I want to leave people with GOOD memories. Merry Christams and I mean it.
The Great Krass

Dr. Patterson to Krass, "Persons with altered mental states as a result of chip or drug use are considered "pharmaceutically gifted in my hospital."
The Great Krass

Gm:You run into the room and see about 250 security guards pointing their guns at you for
entering the building.
Runner:...ummm...Pizza for Mr.Wagner?!?

Bozo

The run has taken us to the basement of a satanic church, after just killing a changling child we found the dog shaman that we had been sent to rescue.

Dr. Tran (a cybered dwarf doctor): I throw her over my shoulder and start walking.
GM: her body is 2 your strength is 6 so no problem
Gman (phys adept): Just don't squeeze the shaman.